We're back with some more albums I wasn't really looking forward to listening to. 2024 was rough for RC alumni, wasn't it? Did anyone release any music that I was excited about? Let's see, I'm looking over the list, and I see that I was excited for: Ducks Ltd., Mannequin Pussy, Fontaines D.C., Tierra Whack, Adeem the Artist... that's probably it. Oh well. I'm still here. Let's see if any of these jabronis can surprise me.
Released: October 25, 2024
Follow-up to: Manic, Week 52
The fact that Halsey's most memorable performance in the past five years has been as a furry porno cartoon thing is bizarre to me. The apparatus that we as a society have built is: pop stars, they are always on our mind. And yet I barely think about Halsey at all. I wouldn't purposefully follow anyone, but what I'm saying is that most pop stars are forced upon me, and not too many people are forcing Halsey upon me, which is weird and unsettling. They are a pop star. Why am I not annoyed by this person via overexposure yet?
Manic was a good beginner-level pop album for Record Club to explore, but there are very few songs on that album that I cared about. Their next one was the Nine Inch Nails-produced and -indebted If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power, which I reviewed and then completely forgot about. I would have had no idea that The Great Impersonator existed, were it not for RC. I am impressed with how much The Great Impersonator simply does not give a fuck about standing out.
There are a wild number of slow, lifeless acoustic tracks on this thing. I have no idea what they are even doing with this. Is this an attempt at Billie Eilish? Because Billie backs up her downtempo shit with sinister Gen Z vibes, which weirdly works. Halsey's attempt is more boring than anything. Maybe there would be more if I gave it repeat listens; nothing here inspires me to give it repeat listens.
Standout tracks—for mostly not-good reasons—are: 1) "Ego," which I've heard, and hated, at the gym so many times, and I had no idea this was a new Halsey song, I just assumed it was a terrible old one; 2) "Lucky," which I guess I was familiar with prior to this, but man, even being warned beforehand does nothing to smooth out how rough a full-song interpolation of a mid-tier Britney Spears lands. Woof.
Like most pop albums, this one is firmly "not for me." Unlike most pop albums, it doesn't even inspire too much of a negative reaction. I just don't care. Shoutout to Alex G for collecting that paycheck, though.
GRADE: 2 pukes out of 5 (-1.5 from original review)
Released: November 15, 2024
Follow-up to: The Lost Boy, Week 27
I am lightyears away from my "what even is hip hop" days, so now that we can shed that context surrounding my experiences with Cordae, I can examine the artist in earnest. And what I hear kinda rubs me the wrong way. Sure, the production is a little basic still, and nothing about the production on The Crossroads excites me in any tangible way. But I'm starting to see how generic the lyrics are too. This is the type of album that features a lot of words and I feel like I've heard every single one of those words before. Struggle, success, self-worth, been there and done that. Maybe Cordae is just catching me on a bad day, but c'mon man... try something new. I saw a YouTube comment that was like "these oldhead rappers aren't moving aside for the new blood like Cordae," and my question would be, why would they move aside if they are going to be replaced by someone who sounds exactly the same?
If we're somehow finding it in ourselves to forgive two Lil Wayne appearances (despite the fact that he's a rabid MAGA supporter, so, like, in order to excuse that, maybe we tell ourselves that Lil Wayne is simply the dumbest person alive), then how can we possibly excuse the Kanye West appearance, on an album that dropped one week after Election Day? We cannot. We cannot forgive. Politics aside, this is really just bad music-making. Cordae is playing by the old playbook. I do not like it.
One thing I've long appreciated about Cordae is that he's pretty gracious with the nostalgia aspects of his story. A lot of the music is about his childhood, an innocence lost. Cordae really leans into it on the first (non-intro) song on the album, "06 Dreamin," which apparently samples his musician mom, and tells her (and their) story. I like the concept. I like the idea of Cordae attempting to bring some of his family lore full circle. But you see what I'm saying about the clichés on this hip hop album, right? Does any of this push boundaries? Is Cordae interested in doing so? Or is he content to coast for the next 60 years?
In "What Really Matters," Cordae claims that nothing is more important than rapping. After listening to The Crossroads, I want to tell him: dude, take a day off. (Or at least double down and finally make a full-album collab with Anderson .Paak, since it seems to be the only thing that really works for y'all.)
In "What Really Matters," Cordae claims that nothing is more important than rapping. After listening to The Crossroads, I want to tell him: dude, take a day off. (Or at least double down and finally make a full-album collab with Anderson .Paak, since it seems to be the only thing that really works for y'all.)
GRADE: 2.5 pukes out of 5 (-1.0 from original review)
Perverts by Ethel Cain
Released: January 8, 2025
Released: January 8, 2025
Follow-up to: Preacher's Daughter, Week 232
I did something that I so rarely do, mostly because I disagree that it should be done at all, but then again, I'm listening to 90 minutes of punishing noise from Ethel Cain, so what the fuck, who cares, might as well lean into it—I read a book while listening to music. It only worked because this is barely music to begin with.
I get the joke, and I appreciate it. Ethel Cain is young and life has been hard and she is a provocateur at heart and so, in the wake of a certain level of fame achieved despite all odds, she digs her heels in and releases music that is borderline unlistenable. Those critics wanna heap praises on me? How fucking dare they? Let's see 'em grapple with this.
As someone who believed that her mainstream music was already borderline unlistenable, I will say that Perverts is probably going to be the album that makes me permanently love Ethel Cain. I hate the music, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't play this shit for my worst enemy. But I love her as an artist. She knew she was never gonna be able to write something that appealed to someone like me, and so she swerved hard in the other direction. She swerved so hard she cut across three lanes and through the barrier and off a cliff into the ocean. This is fucking ballsy shit, and I appreciate its existence.
Perfect to read Ulysses to. Because it's noise but it's adjacent to white noise. Its existence makes me pay attention, but its sounds make it easy to ignore. I heard all 90 minutes but I didn't really need to hear it. I heard it the same way I hear the Rockledge Fire Hall's siren—I can hear it blare out, I understand that it's important that other people hear it, but it's not for me to do anything about it.
I will relisten to Perverts only to celebrate any CEO who is killed. I'll listen twice if Ethel Cain does the killing.
GRADE: 2 pukes out of 5 (+0.5 from original review)
Released: February 25, 2025
Follow-up to: Emphatically No., Week 104
These fuckers are determined to make me suffer by releasing an album every year for the rest of my life. Just out here surprise-releasing some lame-ass snarky meme bullshit and making sure that at least 45 minutes to an hour of my life every year is going to involve intense physical harm (since rolling my eyes this much hurts, man, it hurts).
I feel the way about Cheekface that I do about most of the alt-comedy-music that passes through our crosshairs in Record Club, in that I am distracted by how difficult it is to be actually funny in the context of music. Cheekface is not funny, but neither is, like, They Might Be Giants, or Tim Heidecker. Weird Al, I suppose, gets a pass.
But Cheekface particularly irks me because they, out of anyone in their class of Not Funny bands, are actually really competent in the music. I am fascinated with how catchy and propulsive these songs are. If only the vocalist would SHUT THE FUCK UP for a second, then I'd actually like a Cheekface album. That's not how it works, though. These are catchy post-punk songs with the most annoying person you know attempting to reference a meme he saw on the internet on top of it. Every song is basically the Velvet Underground's "The Gift" except John Cale is telling punchlines about r/me_irl reddit posts.
On literally any other post-punk album, I would be enthralled about a McKinley Dixon feature. I mean, this shit comes out of NOWHERE, and the dude does a really good job with his verse. But this is Cheekface. Their reputation precedes them. And now I can't get it out of my head that they hired Dixon just for the LOLs online. Fuck these losers.
GRADE: 1 pukes out of 5 (-2.0 from original review)
NEXT TIME: Unless I'm forgetting anything, we're gonna finish up the 2024 backlog next week by reviewing albums from SOPHIE, Chubby and the Gang, and Tim Heidecker.
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