If We Make It Through December: Our Calendar of Songs

In the general scope of reasons what makes a song great, the title ranks relatively low in importance. However, I still find it interesting to see how songs that are otherwise radically different can be grouped together due to their titles. In today's post, I will shortly explore twelve songs, all that have the name of a month in their title. Think of each as the best from their respective month.

"January" by Pilot

I've never heard of Pilot before googling "january in song title," and it's not hard to hear why. It's incredibly corny. At least it's upbeat, which I can appreciate.

"One Heavy February" by Architecture in Helsinki

I don't know why I have this shit on my iPod. I could never get into the whole "twee" thing. It's too... cute. Still, it's the only bearable song with February in it.

"Ides of March" by Iron Maiden

Oh good, a heavy metal instrumental. As is the case with "One Heavy February," this was about the only song with the month's name in it that I didn't hate with a passion. I guess no one with musical ability likes name dropping the calender?

"April 8th" by Neutral Milk Hotel

It came down to either this or "Avery Island / April 1st" by the same band, but that song is yet ANOTHER instrumental, and I'd rather have Jeff Magnum all mopey than no Jeff Magnum at all.

"May This Be Love" by Jimi Hendrix

I know he wasn't actually referring to the month of May, this is one of my favorite Hendrix songs (fuck "Hey Joe") so it goes on this list.

"June on the West Coast" by Bright Eyes

I'm not sure how well known this song is, but it goes to show how damn good Bright Eyes (Conor Oberst) can be just solo acoustic.

"July, July" by the Decemberists

This is the song that gave me the idea to find other songs with months in the title. It's vintage Decemberists, before their prog-rock phase, and one of the best songs of all time, probably.

"August" by Love

I love and enjoy Forever Changes by Love, but this song is noticeably different from the music on that album. You can tell it's written by hippies. I kinda like it.

"Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day

I will defend Green Day's American Idiot until my dying day, but still... this song was murdered by the radio. I don't want to listen to it anymore.

"October, First Account" by Be Your Own Pet

From the people that had us screaming "Just kidding, fuck shit up!" when we got a little too drunk in the woods, here's probably their only song that doesn't want to make you actually fuck shit up.

"Mr. November" by the National

Not sure if they are trying to be political here or not, but it doesn't matter. Listen to an otherwise subdued band go batshit crazy.

"Nightingale / December Song" by Sunset Rubdown

"And in this way, you will come find me in December."

There you have it, folks. Twelve songs for twelve months. I was thinking about doing seven songs for seven days of the week, but seriously, the only good song was "Sunday Morning" by the Velvet Underground, so it's not worth it. Anyways, hope you enjoyed some of these songs, and I hope you don't hate me too much for yet again putting together a bullshit blog post.

Puke on Your Donut

This morning I found myself not in the least bit hungover. Whenever this happens, I celebrate by going to the local La Salle Dunkin Donuts. It was a normal trip. I got my standard sausage, egg, and cheese on a toasted biscuit with a chocolate milk. It was tasty, as is fairly typical of Dunkin Donuts. However, as I was on my way out, something caught my eye, something out of the ordinary.

It was a poster describing a contest Dunkin Donuts was having. "Create the Next Donut!" it proclaimed. Whoever created the winning donut design would win $12,000 and free donuts for a year. Instantly, I knew this was a job for Puke on Your Birthday.

Contributors and humble readers of PoYB: let's create our own donut. Let's win this fucking competition and show the world we can do more than talk about Miley Cyrus and cheesesteaks. Let's make the "Puke on Your Donut."

The site doesn't let you make just any old donut, unfortunately. It gives you a list of options that you must choose from. Here they are. Check out all the options here. [broken link]

My goal is to create a donut that encapsulates something that we hold near and dear to this blog. I'm not really sure what that is yet, but in about a week I'm hoping to have a good idea of it. Then maybe we can have other people contribute their own ideas, and if one of us wins, we split the prize.

What do you say, Puke nation? Let's make some fucking donuts.

Look for another post or three later this week with our submissions.

Why I Like "Party in the U.S.A."

Back when I posted my Top 5 Songs of 2009, I wasn't being an asshole when I picked "Party in the U.S.A." as my #1. As someone who has a bit of an "indie" taste in music, people couldn't understand why I enjoyed this song so much. For a while, I couldn't even tell you. It was a song that just made me feel good.

I was at a party a few weeks ago when a somewhat pretentious music snob tried to engage me in this very conversation. I was having none of it. She kept badgering me: Why do you like this song so much? I tried to walk away. She pleaded: just try to dissect the song and give me some concrete reasons why! I left to grab another Miller High Life.

But it's a lovely Sunday afternoon, I already had my Valentine's Day date this morning, all 26 minutes of homework have already been completed, and I'm bored as fuck, so I think it's about time I take up the challenge of backing up my opinions.

Reasons Why I Like "Party in the U.S.A." by Miley Cyrus:

1. The opening guitar rift is catchy, you have to admit this no matter how hipster you are.
2. Then the snare drum cracks, kind of like the drums at the beginning of "Like a Rolling Stone" that Bruce Springsteen declared "sounded like somebody'd kicked open the door to your mind."
3. The synths sound strange at first, but eventually they really do work in the context of the song.
4. Miley's voice is sexy. Don't kid yourself that it isn't.
5. The lyrics are simple, which is a nice change from the SAT vocabulary of Colin Meloy, the moody poetry of Thom Yorke, and mile-a-minute lyrics of any rap or ska.
6. The lyrics, while simple, also present a comforting message: No matter how shitty life can be (e.g. you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, or you are the only one without stilettos), it can all be handled with a little optimism.
7. It also speaks of the healing properties of music, to which we can all relate. How many time have you found yourself in a shitty mood, only to be lifted by your favorite song?
8. Liking this song might be somewhat embarrassing, but some of my favorite humor is self-deprecation. Thus, the fact that liking this song made me look like an asshole makes me like it even more.
9. The song is fun for everyone who allows him or herself to enjoy it. Anecdote: my school's Jazz band was playing an hour-long set at a dance marathon, and there is only so much jazz you can play when people want to dance, so we had to scramble to find a closing song. Our guitar player just started playing the "Party in the U.S.A." guitar rift, I kicked in on drums, and everyone that was there sang every fucking word of the song. Some of the most fun I've had as part of the band. It was a big highlight of the night, and it brought everyone together.
10. It promoted—at least in my own mind—healthy discussion as to what music is supposed to be. Can a simple catchy song such as this be equivalent to the dense lyrics of Neutral Milk Hotel? Does music have to be "smart" to be good? Or is it all about the emotions music evokes? Does it even matter? Having Miley as my favorite song of the year perhaps helped other people question their own tastes in music, and those who thought they were "too cool" maybe brought themselves down a notch and appreciated something different for a change.

So what do you think? Is it such a bad thing to enjoy a simple pop song? I personally don't think it is. Don't worry, I'm not about to throw out my collection of Velvet Underground albums any time soon. I can still appreciate "smarter" music. It's just... it's just nice to turn on Q102 every once in a while and hear something like "Party in the U.S.A." or "TiK ToK" or "Bad Romance" and just enjoy it for what it is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some more pressing matters to attend to—Hannah Montana is on.

Food Review: Wit or Witout

I recently ate at Wit or Witout, a cheesesteak place on Red Lion Rd. just before you reach the Boulevard. I ate there for a few reasons: I was off from work; I was hungry; cheesesteaks never fail; it was $4. In January the cheese steaks cost $3 and each month the price will go up $1 until it reaches $7.

Now, I'm not THAT guy. Ya know, the guy who feeds people some cheesy line such as, "The best cheesesteaks aren't from commercial places like Pat's or Geno's. The best cheese steaks are the ones you find in the small places in your neighborhood." I despise those people. I somewhat agree with them, but I don't go around preaching it like I'm some kind of martyr. That being said, I compared this cheesesteak to the one's I've had from places such as Steve's or Geno's, and will do so in this post to take advantage of the universal experience the readers have had at those big name cheesesteak places.

I ordered wiz wit.

Much like Steve's Steaks, Wit or Witout uses long slabs of meat. I'm personally a chopped meat kind of guy, like at Jim's Steaks, but I enjoy slabs as well. The cheese wiz kicked my tastes buds with a spiked boot. It was strong and good. Some steaks overpower the cheese, but not at Wit or Witout. The chopped onions were all chopped onions could be, as were the hot peppers. The hot sauce, on the other hand, was just right. Geno's has hot sauce that can potentially ruin a cheesesteak. It's just too damn hot. The hot sauce at Wit or Witout was hot, but delicious.

The service was slow, but it was hard to tell why. The place was packed, yes, but most cheesesteak place lines move swiftly. I'm going to conclude that the service was slow because each worker was inexperienced in the world of deli. I think the owner should've hired only experienced workers. As far as politeness goes, if you knew how to order and didn't pitter-patter around the pick-up window, then you were good to go. If you were slow, didn't know how to order, and strayed away from the pick-up window when you were up, then you got scolded and embarrassed in front of the entire eatery. There's nothing wrong with that. Have you ever been to a cheesesteak place where the people behind the register were cuddly?

Overall the place gets a 7 out of 10, as do the cheesesteaks. Go there and check it out.

Save Your Spot

Well, it's been a rough winter thus far, with more snow than I can remember having in a long time. And we're supposed to get even more snow tomorrow, which is absurd. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving it. It gives us kids a well-deserved break from the hustle and bustle of school life and allows us to just relax, be snowed in, and enjoy each others company over some day drinking.

I have to say, though, that this year, something is different. One aspect of my life is now affected more than it was in past years. You see, this is the first winter I own my own car, and it is a pain in the ass in the snow. My '91 Camry is terrible on the roads, and constantly just shuts off, sometimes right in the middle of Broad and Olney.

The worst part, however, is saving your parking spot. Because I refuse to shovel my car out for an hour only for some damn thief to enjoy my hard work and steal that dry rectangle in the street.

Which got me thinking. How was I going to save my spot this year? I think it's pretty lame when someone just puts a chair or cone to save a spot. There are many more creative solutions to this problem...

A construction worker


Because they just stand around all day anyway.


A patronus


Expecto Patronum!!


A case of Pabst Blue Ribbon


Gross! No one is going to go near that shit.


The girl from The Incredibles


She could, ya know, do that force field thing she's good at.


Otto Rocket, Reggie Rocket, Twister, and the Squid


They just wanna do some gnarly backflips on that sweet powder! Woogity woogity woogity.


The Super Bowl Shuffle


This may provide them with a reason to stay relevant.


The Smoke Monster


Or the Man in Black. Or Fake Locke. Or Esau. Or whatever we're calling him these days.


A dizzy crosswalk from Rockledge


Not that people affected by these crosswalks should be driving, anyway.


Jay Leno


He seems to be good at keep his spots, even when some people say he may not deserve them.


Lady Gaga's penis


Ah, who am I kidding? You could totally park a car on it.


A strict RA


"No playing water pong in this parking space!"


The bum from "Billie Jean"


What, do you think Michael Jackson dressed him up for no good reason?


Oh boy, I'm so glad I skipped doing my homework to put together this shit blog post.