Wednesday, January 31, 2018

The Night That We... (rioted)

PART XV
Mob Mentality
October 29, 2008

Almost a decade ago, the Phillies won the World Series, and me and a few friends joined in on what is bafflingly a tradition in large cities after a sports championship win: we rioted.

It almost seems like a dream, when I think back on it. Not like a "this was too good to be true!" type of dream, though I did feel that way too in some respects (the Phillies ended a 25-year championship drought in our fair city). No, by "a dream," I mean that the things I witnessed were of such a heightened reality that they belong usually to dreams alone.

My brain thinks back on my memories from that night, and I remember a lot of it, but all the memories are in pieces. I can't make a coherent narrative.

Unlike pretty much every other night of my youth, I can't blame my spotty memory on the incessant drinking. You see, I was a contributor for the school newspaper, and had somehow been tasked in writing the front-page story, if the Phillies indeed won. Somehow, I remained sober throughout the (abbreviated) game, and pounded out a story, and got that shit to the editor's office, and still thought it would be a good idea to take the subway to Center City. So anyway, the point is that I was sober.

Or rather, more sober than I would have been, had I been drinking all day like I did for the dozen or so playoff games that year. Then again, somehow a bottle of cough syrup was being passed around on the Broad Street Line as the train blasted south, and cough syrup goes pretty well with Natty Light, so who knows, maybe I was intoxicated. I don't know. It was a weird fucking night.

So we get down there, and because of the aforementioned editorial duties holding us up prior, we got there right at the thick of things. Windows were already smashed. The mayhem was well on its way.

Some of the shit I saw near City Hall that night, I can't even believe I saw it, then or now.

I remember looking up in the midst of the crowd, and seeing beer bottles midair as populous as stars in the sky. I somehow made it through the whole night without getting hit with a beer bottle to the skull.

I remember spotting a friend from school jumping up and down in celebration on top of the bus shelter at Broad and Walnut, and waving to him. One minute, he was waving back, and the next minute, he wasn't, because he and the others on top of the bus shelter were suddenly falling through the bus shelter, shattering glass and bending cheap steel and somehow doing all this unharmed.

I remember a group of people, shirtless, walking around in a tight circle around a large bonfire, right in the goddamn middle of Broad Street, chanting: "Phillies! Obama! Phillies! Obama!" around and around in a circle, fire blazing, savages from a foreign land. In my mind, I remember them with paint on their bare chests as if performing a Native American rain dance, but there's no way that can be true.

I remember standing at Broad and Chestnut, looking up to make sure that no glass bottles struck me, and then suddenly looking down and seeing a man, around 30 years old, dick out, literally pissing on my pant leg. I maintained my Observer role through even this, though, and simply asked: "Dude... are you peeing on me?" The man was clearly too drunk to respond, and stumbled off into the night.

I remember walking down a side street, who knows which one, and suddenly seeing a car flipped over and on fire. For some reason, this was the moment I chose to call my dad. "Dad!" I yelled over the cacophony, "I'm down on Broad Street! I'm standing in front of a car on fire." My dad simply offered his constant refrain. You know the one. Typing doesn't do it justice, because the way he says it, the inflection, it's the same every time, and I've heard it a million goddamn times in my life (maybe I needed to, too). He says it as not a command, but a warning, and in his voice you can usually hear the crushing weight of experience, as if he has learned to say this mantra from a great many experiences. But and so all he said was: "Be. Careful." And then the phone call ended. Classic Dad.

I remember seeing broken glass everywhere. There was a luggage store where the Broad/Walnut Wawa currently is. The luggage store no longer had any streetside windows. They were all shattered on the ground. My brain remembers luggage everywhere, but that can't be right either. A line of cops had to be standing there, preventing looters, right?

I remember, somehow in the midst of all this, randomly finding my cousin Harry, who had walked all the way down Broad Street from Temple. He had the same look in his eyes that I did: This is fucking insane. When we shook hands, it felt like the kind of handshake people were giving each other on the decks of the Titanic.

I remember the scene's tension escalating, and the bizarre and frankly dangerous behavior not abating, like, at all, and so here comes a school bus through the crowd, and the bus is packed with police officers in legitimate riot gear. Shields, clubs, helmets, the whole nine yards. And they come through the crowd and park in the southbound lanes of Broad Street near Locust. And here they come, filing off the bus, one by one. And the second the final officer gets off that bus (I swear to god it was this instantaneous), Philadelphians surround the bus and start trying to push the bus over. I remember it clear as day, and it was fucking mayhem.

I remember the riot police, potentially flipped school bus or no, goosestepping north on Broad Street, trying (and mostly succeeding) to disperse the crowd. They moved in a straight line, shields out, literally knocking down anyone who refused to move with them. We got pushed back to the south side of City Hall, and at that point, the police split into two different lines, one moving clockwise around the square, one moving counterclockwise. I remember getting separated from my friend Kait, who attempted to sneak past the police to get back to us, and was viciously knocked down for her troubles. I remember meeting back up at the other end of City Hall, and deciding that maaaybe we had enough rioting for one night.

All this because a sports team won a game. I have no idea how this has become a tradition in America. I don't particularly feel bad about it. I mean, I guess I feel bad for that luggage store, which never recovered after the vandalism. I guess I also I feel bad for the cleaning crew who had to mop up the debris and broken glass and urine wrung from pant legs.

But for some reason, we celebrate by acting like a bunch of wild animals. And I was there.

The Eagles are in Super Bowl LII this Sunday. Philadelphia has not won a championship since that fateful night in October 2008. The Eagles themselves have never won the Super Bowl in franchise history. Eagles fans by and large tend to be the drunkest and most destructive of the four major sports' Philadelphia fans. My point is that I may just get to witness an identical night to the one I witnessed a decade ago, maybe even on a larger scale this time. And I don't really know how to feel about that.
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The Albums That Matter: "Abysmal Thoughts"

Joe runs through every album on his iPod, mostly in alphabetical order, and offers some brief thoughts. Check out previous columns HERE.


"Abysmal Thoughts"
The Drums
2017

Writing about Abbey Road, I had the WHAT and the WHY. Then with Absolute Loser, I only had the WHAT, lacking the context of WHY. With "Abysmal Thoughts" I'm not even sure I have the WHAT. Vince Staples was right. Sometimes I skim music. I don't let it sink in and infect me, not all music anyway. I'm afraid that this PoYB ongoing series is going to expose me for the fraud that I am, a person who has the Drums' most recent album on his iPod, and theoretically likes it well enough to keep it around, but doesn't know it well enough to talk about it extensively, not even on the basic musical level.

So, today, I gave this album the deep listen it warranted. I thought about a few things during my listen. The first, most surface-level thought was that of casual enjoyment. I wouldn't say that the Drums are creating any new type of sound, but what they do, they do well. Their sound is basically dreampop in the same vein as, say, Wild Nothing. It's all fun floaty melodies with a hard backbeat and falsetto singing. It didn't make an impact on me last year when I listened to it, and I don't know if it made a big enough impact on me today to consciously return to it too often, but I still enjoyed it a lot.

Honestly, the thing I was thinking about the most during my deep listen was trying to figure out why the album title is in quotes. In case you assumed I had made a mistake with my quotations marks (if you did, fuck you, I take my punctuation seriously), the official title of this album is "Abysmal Thoughts" and not Abysmal Thoughts. Why the quotes?

Most of the lyrics are about the ostensibly personal experiences of frontman Jonny Pierce. "Head of the Horse" is about coming out to his parents, and his dad's mildly negative reaction. "Blood Under My Belt" is about trying to get back a partner he cheated on. "Shoot Down the Sun" is about recovering from a brutal hangover. Every song was basically a short story about a shitty moment or time in his life. Hence the "abysmal thoughts."

But the quotations around the phrase seem to indicate that these thoughts and experiences are not literally abysmal (i.e. "deeply bad and appalling"), but rather, they are normal adolescent experiences. They seem bad at the time, but you grow up, and they start to seem less abysmal, and more insignificant, or even beneficial to your overall maturity.

So the quotation marks, to me, indicate that Jonny Pierce is himself acknowledging that he knows that it's all gonna look stupid later in life. That hangover was just one of many. The partner he cheated on probably forgave him. "Head of the Horse" even has character in it that accuses the singer of having a Coming Out story that's "boring."

But maybe that's me just painting the album with my own experiences. I'm realizing more and more every day that the depressing thoughts that I had when I was teen, when I was in college, when I was in my mid-20s, when, I dunno, I had those thoughts last month, all those depressing thoughts seem small and stupid now that I am here, today. If this isn't what the Drums were trying to say with "Abysmal Thoughts", well then, it's the message I'm getting from them anyway.

Good listen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

If this album sounds interesting, try this song: "Head of the Horse"



~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stray Observations
  • Pitchfork, for their part, refer to the quotation marks as an "academic citation," and the review makes numerous references to Nietzsche. Never stop being you, Pitchfork.
  • What are some other albums in quotes? The one I can think of right away is "Heroes" by David Bowie. I have never listened to that album, but maybe I will have by the time we get to the H albums, and we can discuss it then. FUCK man I love punctuation peculiarities.
  • I usually go to genius.com for all my lyric-deciphering needs. It has some good info sometimes. Other times, the notations are painfully unnecessary. Check out the lyric notations for "Shoot Down the Sun" for an example of the latter. Like, what is the point of that shit?
  • FRONT COVER: A young man (probably band leader Jonny Pierce, though I'm just comparing it to his picture on the wiki page, and making a guess) is sniffing his own shoe? The romantic in me wants to believe this is some kind of metaphor for the album itself, in that you don't have to feel these depressing thoughts if you don't want to, just like you don't have to sniff your smelly shoes if you keep the damn shoe away from your face? Metaphor or not, something about dirty white socks really, really skeeves me out.
  • Apparently this is the first Drums album that is not a collaborative effort between Pierce and former bandmate Jacob Graham. I wish I could tell you if the sound is different here than it is in the rest of the Drums' discography, but this is my first experience with the band.
  • According to wiki, Graham left the band to "focus on his puppetry." I refuse to do any more research into the matter.

NEXT TIME: Acid Rap by Chance the Rapper
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Tuesday, January 30, 2018

The Albums That Matter: Absolute Loser

Joe runs through every album on his iPod, mostly in alphabetical order, and offers some brief thoughts. Check out previous columns HERE.


Absolute Loser
Fruit Bats
2016


Yesterday's Abbey Road was a weird album to start with. Like I mentioned at the time, I knew the story of Abbey Road well, so I could basically vamp for a couple paragraphs and call it a day. Most of the albums I'll be writing about on here won't hold the same advantages for me. For most, I'll have to dig a little bit.

Take Absolute Loser, for example. According to Wikipedia, this is Fruit Bats' seventh LP. Personally, it's my first of their albums that I've heard. It's a pleasant album on its own, but I'm missing that context and history of the band. Where does this album fall in the Fruit Bats canon? What kind of statement is singer/songwriter Eric D. Johnson making with this album, relative to his previous work? Per the band's wiki page, this was Fruit Bats' first album after their "break-up" in 2013. What happened there? What does this album have to say about the band itself?

I'd typically do some surface-level research at this point, but honestly, there's not much out there. Absolute Loser is the only Fruit Bats album without its own wiki page. This album was slept on pretty hard in 2016, I guess.

Even without context, though, I can still enjoy the album. I'm not saying that context is necessary to like an album. Sometimes music is good on its own merit. Absolute Loser didn't end up on many year end lists that year (even mine), but not every album is Best Of material. It's an album filled with straight-ahead rock 'n' roll, with an easy-listening folk rock vibe. There aren't many twists or turns to take into account. Fruit Bats keeps it simple.

And even then, Absolute Loser feels so lived-in. There are parts of each song, certain lyrics or guitar chords, that speak to me on a human level. It feels autobiographical, honestly, like I know Eric D. Johnson was writing from the heart here. But I can only guess.

~~~~~~~~~~~

If this album sounds interesting, try this song: "My Sweet Midwest"
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~

Stray Observations
  • Consequence of Sound gave this album a B- when it came out. Without reading the review itself, I'd agree that B- sounds about right. Enjoyable and pleasant, without being breathtaking. 
  • Pitchfork didn't even review it, which is so fucking Pitchfork.
  • I have a rotating playlist of songs that fit well in the setting of: Friends Gathering to Drink Beer with Music in the Background. "Soon-to-be Ghost Town," the rollicking opening track, has been a consummate part of that playlist for a couple years now.
  • FRONT COVER: It looks to be someone brushing their teeth, across the parking lot from their mobile home. Implying, I guess, that this person is a loser.
  • From what I recall, years ago I had heard about Fruit Bats in reference to their 2002 album Mouthfuls. At the time, I tried so hard to find that album and give it a listen, but none of the torrenting websites had it available, so I gave up. I should give it another try. I enjoy Absolute Loser enough that I think it would be a worthwhile endeavor to get into some more Fruit Bats.
  • I have a working theory that there are fundamental differences between albums named after tracks on the album (like this one) vs. albums with names separate from the tracklist. I don't know what those differences are just yet; it's a working theory, okay?

NEXT TIME: "Abysmal Thoughts" by the Drums
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Monday, January 29, 2018

Off the Wagon

After 112 days of complete sobriety, I drank a Pabst Blue Ribbon with dinner. It tasted exactly like a beer tasted when I was sixteen—bitter, rough, a little metallic. And fuck, did it taste good.

I purposely chose the title "Off the Wagon" for this public diary entry instead of "Falling Off the Wagon" because when I exited the wagon, I did so slowly, purposely, carefully, one big toe off the wagon first, delicately. I didn't go from sober to blackout. At that point it would've been, like, well what the fuck was it all for?

No, I had a single beer on the night of January 14th, and savored that fucker through the whole dinner at Cheu. The next day was MLK Day, and a few friends were meeting up for the Sixers game. Over about a seven-hour period, I drank seven or eight beers. It was enough to get tipsy, for sure, especially with my tolerance being back to zero (after a decade of hard work!!), but it wasn't enough to get drunk. Good. I was behaved and in control and felt simply warm and fuzzy and free, not sloppy or rude or dumb.

I don't want my 112 days of sobriety to be a waste. I want to have learned something. What did I learn?

I learned that I will be okay if I don't drink most of the time. There were exactly four nights out of the 112 when I thought I would absolutely be having a good/better time if I was drunk. The other 108 nights, I was fine being sober, and alcohol would not have improved the night by any significant measure.

I hate to roll out this cliché that I've fucking HATED my entire life, but here it is anyway: I learned that I didn't need alcohol to have a good time.

The biggest challenge was my poisonous habit of overly nostalgic thinking. I felt sad at certain times because I felt that my sobriety was a sign that "the good times are over" or whatever. I needed a triple-digit count of days sober to really beat it into my brain that maybe alcohol didn't make or break whatever the "good ol' days" were. I could've gotten drunk every day since last autumn and it wouldn't have changed the fact that I'm getting older and my responsibilities are growing, etc., etc. I needed to sincerely realize that alcohol has nothing to do with it, that I don't need alcohol in some lame attempt to stall the grind of growing up.

Honestly, it wasn't even a gradual process, learning that lesson. One day a few weeks ago I just woke up one day and realized it. It kind of felt that the chains had been broken, in a way.

The point was never to just give up alcohol completely forever. I like drinking too much for that, and I think there are some positive attributes in beer/wine/liquor that I want to keep in my life. My problem has always been that I get to the good parts and then just zip right on by, straight through to the bad parts. With alcohol, I was like the rat pushing the button, zapping the pleasure part of the brain, pushing the button over and over and over until you're pissing yourself in your little rat cage and forgetting to even eat. I like beer, and I like how it makes me feel, but so I kept drinking beer, until it no longer made me feel that way, it made me feel worse, but by then it's too late.

For the rest of my life, I want to push that button a few times, but I can't push it too many times. Honestly, after months of sobriety, I'm confident in my ability to drink but also contain my drinking. I can do this shit!

Are there going to be times when I slip up? Absolutely. And that's okay. There's no one in my life who judges people for getting drunk occasionally. But that's not what I was doing before. I was getting drunk consistently. For that, I was judged, and rightly so. To get drunk occasionally is fine. Me personally, I feel like I've used up a lot of my Get Out of Jail Free cards already. I have less room for fucking up. But after a while, the pressure will lessen. I formed a habit of sobriety, and next I'll form a habit of drinking occasionally and sparingly, and see how long that sticks. I am confident in myself that it will stick.

"The Old Joe" isn't back. He's gone. "The New Joe," the one who didn't drink at all, he's gone too. I am now the Newest Joe. He's the one who likes occasionally getting together with friends and have a few beers, and once in a blue moon has a few more than a few, but all the while keeping it together, not getting sick or annoying or slurred or blackout. And he's here to stay.
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The Albums That Matter: Abbey Road

Joe runs through every album on his iPod, in alphabetical order, and offers some brief thoughts. Check out the full list of entries HERE.


Abbey Road
The Beatles
1969

We begin at the end, so it seems. Abbey Road was the final collaborative effort by the Beatles (though Let It Be was technically released after Abbey Road). It's so goddamn satisfying when an artist is afforded the opportunity to punctuate a project with a final statement. Think the great TV shows in modern history. Compare The Wire, which was able to wrap up the final season with a proper conclusion and thesis restatement, to, say, Deadwood, which ended short of the showrunner's envisioned four seasons, and so the plot ends abruptly, and offers no conclusion, and less satisfaction.

The Beatles, thankfully, were able to make a concluding statement. Not that the four band members were out of ideas; in actuality, they just reached a point where they couldn't meld their ideas together anymore without the risk of choking each other to death. And so, Abbey Road was the decided to be their last.

Yeah, there's the typical Beatles corny bullshit—"Maxwell's Silver Hammer" is atrocious, "Octopus's Garden" is adorable—but the final half of the album brings it all home. The run from "You Never Give Me Your Money" to "The End" is correctly heralded as one of the all-time great album-ending medleys. Ringo even gets his first drum solo!!

Some albums are easier to write about than others. I could write about Abbey Road like I could the back of my own hand. The Beatles are slightly overrated but nevertheless important as fuck. I know the Beatles. I know Abbey Road. I like Abbey Road. In ending the Beatles, they secured their legacy. Abbey Road was a great way to end it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If this album sounds interesting, try this song: "I Want You (She's So Heavy)"



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stray Observations
  • "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." People use this quote when they want to sound deep. Like, I can close my eyes and picture this written in cursive on a millennial's dining room wall, right above the vintage vinyl record player they bought at Urban Outfitters, with their collection of vinyl records (the collection consisting solely of Abbey Road). 
  • I have no idea where or when I first listened to this album. For some reason, I recall my first copy being a burned CD-R. I don't remember who I burned it from.
  • Abbey Road has never been in contention for "Favorite Beatles Album" for me. The White Album is more often than not my pick, though Sgt. Pepper's, Mystery Tour, and Revolver have all been in that spot at one time or another.
  • "Her Majesty" is the dumbest postscript in music history.

NEXT TIME: Absolute Loser by Fruit Bats
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Monday, January 1, 2018

The First Time I: Made the Landing Page for All First Time Column Entries


This is The First Time, a column where Zach (or occasionally someone else, designated on this list in brackets) either writes about the first time he did something specific in his life and talks about any pop culture connections surrounding it, or tries something for the first time ever in the present moment and writes about it. The dates below are dates of publication, not the date of the First Time.

The First Time I:
  1. Bought a Car — 01/14/2025
  2. Went on a Date — 01/21/2025
  3. Ate Testicles — 02/11/2025
  4. Became Obsessed with the Super Bowl Halftime Show — 02/18/2025
  5. Rode a Horse — 02/20/2025
  6. Made Lemon Cake — 02/25/2025
  7. Posted a Personals Ad — 03/04/2025
  8. Made Lemon Cake [Joe] — 03/11/2025
  9. Found a Date for a Party on Facebook — 03/20/2025
  10. Kissed a Girl — 03/26/2025
  11. Went to the ER — 04/02/2025
  12. Watched the Greatest Goal Scorer Ever Play Live — 04/08/2025
  13. Interviewed for a Supervisory Position [Joe] — 04/22/2025
  14. Wrote a Random Email to a Stranger — 05/13/2025
  15. Watched Eurovision Live — 05/21/2025
  16. Quit My Job — 05/28/2025
  17. Wrote a Post for Puke on Your Birthday — 06/10/2025
  18. Pulled an All-Nighter on an Overnight Bus — 06/17/2025
  19. Fell in Love in the Bomb Shelter — 06/24/2025
  20. Did Ayahuasca — 07/02/2025
  21. Took an Annual Break from Music — 07/17/2025
  22. Appeared on the Coldplay Kiss Cam — 07/29/2025
  23. Hooked Up with Someone I Met on Vacation — 08/13/2025
  24. Went to India — 09/23/2025
  25. Explored — 10/07/2025
  26. Participated in the 49 Day Challenge — 10/29/2025
  27. Had a Blog — 12/02/2025
  28. Worked With People on the Spectrum — 01/27/2026
  29. Read the Sports Section — 02/07/2026
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Top Five Tuesday: Every Top Five List, Sometimes Not on Tuesdays

Puke on Your Birthday has a rich tradition of Top Five lists. Below, you'll find every Top Five that the blog has ever put together. Most recent lists are at the top.

Top Five People I've Met on Public Transit
by Zach
5. Ido
4. The girl from the Chinese train
3. Ted
2. The girl from the PATH Train
1. Tine

by Joe
5. Encino Man
4. Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
3. Star Wars: A New Hope
2. Love Actually
1. Hocus Pocus 2

by Stef
5. Forrest Gump
4. I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
3. Cats
2. Howard the Duck
1. Jack

by Gloria
5. For Melancholy Brunettes (& sad women)
4. Faces in the Rocks
3. The Doors
2. Black Sabbath
1. New Dawn
by Nate
5. Super Ghostbusters
4. Dreams of Being Dust
3. L'Africain
2. The Silver Tongued Devil and I
1. A Boy Named Goo
by Zach
5. The Young and the Hopeless
4. I quit
3. The Vandalist
2. If You Asked for a Picture
1. L'Africain
by Sunny
5. Alligator Bites Never Heal
4. I quit
3. Getting Killed
2. The Will to Live
1. For Melancholy Brunettes (& sad women)

by Nate
5. "Caboose" / "Guilty by Ignorance"
4. "Depth of Field"
3. "Coagulate"
2. "Ambition Now"
1. "Harrison Bergeron"

5. "It's a Curse" by Wolf Parade
4. "Communist Daughter" by Neutral Milk Hotel
3. "I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance
2. "Jackie, Dressed in Cobras" by the New Pornographers
1. "My Little Japanese Cigarette Case" by Spoon

by Maeve
5. Milky Way
4. The tiny Butterfingers that still get stuck to your teeth
3. The single Kit Kat that's only sold in Halloween candy bags
2. Snickers
1. Reese's

by Brianna
5. Paydays 
4. Raisinets
3. Haribo's Twin Snake Gummies
2. Reese's Sticks
1. Take 5s

by Nate
5. Persona 5
4. Jet Set Radio
3. Crazy Taxi
2. Amped
1. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater

by Joe
5. "There Is No Urgency"
4. "Show Me the Coast"
3. "Buenos Aires Beach"
2. "Taking the Farm"
1. "Needle in Your Eye"
by Joe
5. "I'll Still Destroy You"
4. "Lit Up"
3. "Bloodbuzz Ohio"
2. "All the Wine"
1. "Fake Empire"

by Nate
5. "Hast Thou Considered the Tetrapod"
4. "Oceanographer's Choice"
3. "Sax Rohmer #1"
2. "Cotton"
1. "Outer Scorpion Squadron"

by Maeve
5. April 11th vs. Pirates (WIN)
4. June 29th vs. Marlins (LOSS)
3. July 29th vs. Yankees (LOSS)
2. March 29th vs. Braves (LOSS)
1. May 15th vs. Mets (WIN)

by Joe
5. Paul Bunyan's Slingshot by Liquid Mike
4. World Wide Whack by Tierra Whack
3. Critterland by Willi Carlisle
2. The Past Is Still Alive by Hurray for the Riff Raff
1. Tigers Blood by Waxahatchee

by Nate
5. "All the Surveyors"
4. "Pull the Cup"
3. "Prayer to God"
2. "The End of Radio"
1. "Riding Bikes"

by Maeve
5. "One touch and I brand newed it for ya"
4. "I can't relate to desperation / My 'give a fucks' are on vacation"
3. "I know I Mountain Dew it for ya"
2. "Walked in and dream-came-trued it for ya"
1. "Say you can't sleep, baby, I know / That's that me, espresso"

Top Fives — Sixer Sisters, 3/6/24
by Bridget and Maeve
  • Top Five Teams That Are Looking Hot (basketball-wise)
  • Top Five Teams That Are Looking Hot (physically)
  • Top Five dumbass things that make us annoyed about the NBA
  • Top Five Changes We Want to See in the NBA (realistic to unrealistic)
  • Top Five City Edition Jerseys
  • Top Five Worst City Edition Jerseys

by Joe
5. "It Never Went Away"
4. "The Fire Inside"
3. "Wahzhazhe (A Song for My People)"
2. "I'm Just Ken"
1. "What Was I Made For?"

by Fisher
5. War is Over!
4. Pachyderm
3. Letter to a Pig
2. Our Uniform
1. Ninety-Five Senses
by Fisher
5. The After
4. Red, White and Blue
3. Invincible
2. Knight of Fortune
1. The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

Top Five Marvin Gaye Songs
by Maeve
5. "Can I Get a Witness"
4. "Let's Get It On"
3. "Sexual Healing"
2. "I Heard It Through the Grapevine"
1. "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"

Top Five White Wines
by Maeve
5. Vinho Verde
4. Pinot Grigio
3. Grüner Veltliner
2. Sauvignon Blanc
1. Champagne

Top Five Alternate Versions I Think Should Exist
by Maeve
5. "Bell Biv DeVoe and Merlot"
4. "Ginuwine and Wine"
3. "D'Angelo and Pinot Grigio"
2. "TLC and Sauvy B"
1. "T-Pain and Champagne"

by Pat
5. Emmy Rossum is in The Day After Tomorrow
4. The Day After Tomorrow was based on the 1999 book The Coming Global Superstorm
3. The collapse of the Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation (AMOC) will probably happen in our lifetime.
2. Tom Waits co-wrote this song with his wife, Kathleen Brennan.
1. Tom Waits was in Bram Stoker's Dracula

by Pat
5. Baragon
4. Mothra
3. Gigan
2. Destoroyah
1. King Ghidorah

5. Weathervanes by Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit
4. SCARING THE HOES by JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown
3. Rat Saw God by Wednesday
2. Higher Lonely Power by Fireworks
1. Dead Meat by the Tubs

by Joe
5. Reading a book
4. Mowing the Lawn
3. Running
2. Biking
1. Cumming

by Joe
5. "The Creek"
4. "Café"
3. "Handstand"
2. "Bin Night"
1. "Pass the Parcel"

by Nate
5. "Waveless"
4. "What Would You Like Me to Do"
3. "Run You Out"
2. "Yell at the Moon"
1. "The Incessant"

5. Top Five Core Beliefs Around the Home
4. Top Five Achievements That Can't Be Explained Away as Chance or Inertia or by Imposter Syndrome
3. Top Five Bite-Sized Thoughts in my Blog Memo
2. Top Five Words That Make Me Hear Someone Say Those Words in My Head Every Time I Read Them
1. Top Five Words That I Constantly Mispronounce
by Joe
5. "Applause"
4. "Lift Me Up"
3. "This Is a Life"
2. "Hold My Hand"
1. "Naatu Naatu"
by Katie Baker
5. It is your duty as an American
4. Elections have consequences, and every vote matters
3. There are financial consequences as well
2. Voting is an opportunity for change
1. Our community depends on you!

by Joe and Willow
5. "Daddy, is this Reba?"
4. "Why is that sign there? [pointing to the WB watermark]"
3. "I'm thirsty."
2. "That was funny. [after Florence, Ida, and Ladies reveal their makeovers]"
1. "His name is Dickie!!!"
  • Top Five Reasons That Reba and Van Think That Cheyenne Is "Impulsive"
  • Top Five Barbara Jean Sexual Fantasies Other Than Brock Beating Some Guy with a Chair
  • Top Five Parts of "I'm a Survivor" by Reba McEntire
  • Top Five Ways That Jake Has Tried to Skip School Prior to His Fake 120° Fever Gambit
  • Top Five Reactions to Van's Death

by Pam
5. ...Is this a Reba thing? Can we just spend one fucking moment this summer not talking about Reba?
4. What, am I "on the record"? Like always?
3. [nerdy mocking tone] "I gotta do it for the bloggggggg"
2. No, boobs don't pop out of bras.
1. What, now you're not going to say anything for the rest of the car ride?

5. sore thumb by Oso Oso
4. It's Almost Dry by Pusha T
3. Wet Leg by Wet Leg
2. angel in realtime. by Gang of Youths
1. Ants from Up There by Black Country, New Road
by Sunny
5. The Kelly Clarkson Show
4. Major Lazer
3. The Chris Isaak Show
2. Dave
1. Reba

5. "Junior income generator"
4. "Charter investor [something something] passion"
3. "He's a young person who's hungry"
2. "The numbers fluctuate"
1. "Do you recruit via Insta?"

5. Ripe 4 Luv EP by Young Guv
4. Downtiming EP by Camp Trash
3. A Lesson in Crime EP by Tokyo Police Club
2. The Tain EP by the Decemberists
1. Wizard of Ahhhs EP by Black Kids
by Joe
5. Eating Wawa for breakfast
4. Going to Sunday family dinner
3. Grabbing Taco Bell when I'm out running errands
2. Eating cookies at night
1. Drinking

by Joe
5. He does that thing where he's winking toward his adult audience by dropping in movie quotes from adult movies into his skits
4. He also makes more subtle allusions to pornography
3. The dude has a machine fetish that I feel is a little over the top for a children's program that my kids enjoy
2. B****i runs rampant with the copaganda
1. B****i has mispronounced the names of dinosaurs on multiple occasions

by Joe
5. I don't pronounce the word "creek" as "crick" anymore
4. I have never pronounced "Acme" as "ack-uh-me"
3. I mispronounce "water" about half the time
2. I have never unironically said the word "youse" in my entire fucking life
1. I don't use the word "jawn," and neither should you
by Joe
5. "Honey Pie"
4. "The Inner Light"
3. "Maxwell's Silver Hammer"
2. "The Word"
1. "Her Majesty"
5. October 23, 2016
4. December 20, 2015
3. December 6, 2015
2. October 12, 2014
1. December 29, 2013
5. Succession, "Too Much Birthday"
4. Rick and Morty, "Rickmurai Jack"
3. Ted Lasso, "Carol of the Bells"
2. Superstore, "All Sales Final"
1. RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, "Rudemption Lip-Sync Smackdown"
by Joe
5. Atom Heart Mother by Pink Floyd
4. Rebel, Sweetheart by the Wallflowers
3. Burn.Flicker.Die. by American Aquarium
2. David's Town by Various Artists
1. Bombs over Bristol by Don McCloskey
by Joe
5. Anna Fox Rochinski
4. Parannoul
3. SPELLLING
2. Turnstile
1. Greta Van Fleet
by Joe
5. "Il Gatto e la Volpe" by Edoardo Bannato
4. "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons
3. "I've Got a Dream" from Tangled
2. "Louie Louie" by the Kingsmen
1. "On My Way" by Alex Lahey
by Joe
5. "Danny Boy" (traditional?)
4. "So Long, Farewell" from The Sound of Music
3. "I Can't Let You Throw Yourself Away" by Randy Newman
2. "Peanut Butter" by RuPaul featuring Big Freedia
1. "Baby Shark" by Pinkfong
by Joe
5. Getting to Popped! Music Festival to find out that they don't sell alcohol, and won't allow reentry, and that I'm going to spend the next eight hours moving gradually from inebriation to hangover
4. Whitney playing the Golden Girls theme song
3. I get to hear Waxahatchee play "Swan Dive" but she's the opener and she's playing an acoustic set
2. Some dude standing behind me starts grabbing my shoulders at the Hold Steady concert because he's so excited, until I finally have to tell him that if he touches me again I'm going to punch him in the fucking face
1. The bartender at Johnny Brenda's takes Pam's $20 and gives her change as if she had given her a ten
by Joe
5. Fred Armisen
4. Freddy Krueger
3. Fred Durst
2. Fred Flintstone
1. Freddie Mercury
5. "You Deserve Love" by White Reaper
4. "No More Tearstained Make Up" by Martha and the Vandellas
3. "Keep Being Yourself" by Hurry
2. "Life in Drag" by the Hotelier
1. "Ageless Beauty" by Stars

by Joe
5. Bleu cheese
4. Sugar-free Heinz ketchup
3. Dijon mustard
2. Ranch
1. JL Kraft chipotle aioli

by Joe
5. I hate switching to a new grocery store
4. Never trust a place that requires you to pay upfront
3. The prices aren't that much cheaper than Aldi, if at all
2. But I hate the fact that we have to buy in bulk
1. The absolute worst part was seeing the price tag at the end of our trip

by Joe
5. Video Games
4. TV Shows
3. Movies
2. Books
1. Music
5. For the First Time by Black Country, New Road
4. Year of the Horse by Fucked Up
3. Strawberry Mansion by Langhorne Slim
2. Open Door Policy by the Hold Steady
1. GAMI GANG by Origami Angel

5. Bonnie and Clyde
4. The Bridge on the River Kwai
3. Children of Men
2. Do the Right Thing
1. Brief Encounter

5. Coneheads
4. Cabaret
3. Big
2. Bee Movie
1. Avatar

by Joe
5. Drank from the Keg
4. Fart on Command
3. Occupied Space
2. Philly Slang
1. Capture Rules

by Joe
5. Forgot What I Was Talking About on a Pretty Important Phone Call
4. Selected Premium Plus Gas Instead of Regular
3. Misheard at an Inopportune Moment
2. Pissed on a Textbook
1. Wrote "10"

by Joe
5. Miller Lite
4. Smirnoff Berry Lemonade
3. Vodka and cherry-lime seltzer from Aldi
2. Michelob Spicy Pineapple
1. Vanilla vodka and Diet Dr. Pepper

by Joe
5. The Doobie Brothers
4. Chicago
3. Rod Stewart
2. Billy Joel
1. Queen

by Joe
5. Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever! The Movie (2014)
4. Hostile Advances (1996)
3. Sex & Mrs. X (2000)
2. Poison Ivy: The Secret Society (2008)
1. The Pregnancy Pact (2010)

by Joe
5. "The Crane Wife 3"
4. "The Mariner's Revenge Song"
3. "The Tain"
2. "O Valencia!"
1. "July! July!"

by Joe
5. On a Porta Potty
4. In the stands at Citizens Bank Park
3. In the top bunk
2. My own bureau
1. In between train cars on the Broad Street Line

by Sunny
  • Top Five TV shows of 2020 
  • Top Five TV Shows, Late to the Party and Revisits 
  • Top Five Moves seen in 2020, weight to current year releases 
  • Top Five reads, released whenever 
  • Top Five JMKs 
  • Top Five Record Club songs 
  • Top Five PoYB introduced songs, other 
  • Top Five 2020 songs, other, other 
  • Top Five albums, Record Club 
  • Top Five nostalgia inducing moments of PoYB 
  • Top Five albums, just listened in 2020, other 
  • Top Five Animes, released whenever 
  • Top Five Games, released whenever 

by Joe
5. Cuttin Grass — Vol. 2 (The Cowboy Arms Sessions) by Sturgill Simpson
4. I Don't Hate You by Ogbert the Nerd
3. Hypoluxo by Hypoluxo
2. Triceratops / Stegosaurus by ME REX
1. Can't Complain by Kill Lincoln

by Joe
5. Tradewinds
4. Oude Gueuze Tilquin à L'Ancienne
3. Stoop Fireflies
2. Bilsner
1. Plain Chicken Nuggets
 
by Joe
5. Rye Eagles Rye
4. Arrogant Bastard Ale
3. The Shape of Hops to Come
2. St. John Street
1. Aventinus

by Joe
5. Dave's Prison Rap — Dave
4. Spring Break Bro — How to... with John Wilson
3. Finally, a show under one roof — Better Call Saul
2. Workers are "heroes" — Superstore
1. BoJack goes to jail — BoJack Horseman

by Joe
5. "Me & My Dog" by boygenius
4. "Cadaver Sniffing Dog" by the Mountain Goats
3. "Take the Doggie" by Shy Boys
2. "Every Song Sung to a Dog" by Fred Thomas
1. "Dog Problems" by the Format

by Nate
5. Lodge 49
4. Knights of Prosperity
3. Terriers
2. Deadwood
1. Patriot

by Joe
5. "Wear Your Seatbelt"
4. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie
3. "Baby Shark" Sequels
2. Halloween Non-Stop
1. Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

Top Five Movies of 1999
by Joe
5. Being John Malkovich
4. American Pie
3. Toy Story 2
2. The Blair Witch Project
1. The Sixth Sense

by Joe
5. American Football by American Football
4. 69 Love Songs by the Magnetic Fields
3. Midnite Vultures by Beck
2. Keep It like a Secret by Built to Spill
1. The Soft Bulletin by the Flaming Lips

by Joe
  • Top Five Songs on Wild like Children
  • Top Five (Best? Worst?) Tap Dance Parts on Wild like Children
  • Top Five Lyrics Shouted on Wild like Children
  • Top Five Activities During Which I Definitely Would've Listened to Wild like Children If I Did Listen to This Album At That Time in My Life

by Joe
5. The little green man that follows me everywhere might finally leave for good
4. I'll be able to wake up
3. help
2. I can stop blogging too
1. My penis will work again (or at the very least I'll be able to see it again)

by Joe
5. Exposure to the elements
4. Close to transportation options
3. Walking distance to a lot of things
2. City living / small neighborhood balance
1. Sense of ownership

by Joe
5. Seven Hurricanes between two people
4. Whisky gingers / karaoke
3. Naked entering the dorms
2. Puking McDonald's in bed
1. Swedish History Museum

by Joe
5. Bowser's Castle
4. Kalimari Desert
3. Royal Raceway
2. Rainbow Road
1. Koopa Troopa Beach

by Joe
5. Mace's Crossing
4. Locust Rendezvous
3. Good Dog
2. McGillin's
1. Foodery Rittenhouse

by Joe
5. Brad
4. Penny
3. Max
2. Alex
1. Dave

by Joe
5. Malbec
4. Sauvignon Blanc
3. Pinot Grigio
2. Merlot
1. Pinot Noir

by Joe
5. Cauliflower
4. Carrot
3. Tomato
2. Broccoli
1. Spinach

by Pam and Joe
5. The Shining
4. Rosemary's Baby
3. The Exorcist
2. Carrie
1. Scream

by Joe
5. "Visions of Johanna"
4. "The Man in Me"
3. "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright"
2. "Simple Twist of Fate" 
1. "Like a Rolling Stone"

5. Orange Vod-juice-ka
4. Bottomless champagne
3. St. Pauli beer
2. Vodka and soda in a soda cup
1. Scotch and Splenda

by Joe
5. "Horn Intro" by Modest Mouse (0:09)
4. "Miracle Cure" by the Who (0:10)
3. "Outro" by Rilo Kiley (0:04)
2. "[seven seconds]" by Titus Andronicus (0:07)
1. "!!!!!!!" by Billie Eilish (0:14)
by Joe
5. "Dogs" by Pink Floyd (17:04)
4. "The Tain" by the Decemberists (18:30)
3. "Impossible Soul" by Sufjan Stevens (25:35)
2. "The Battle of Hampton Roads" Titus Andronicus (14:02)
1. "Sister Ray" by the Velvet Underground (17:28)

by Joe
5. Something to Tell You by Haim
4. Dose Your Dreams by Fucked Up
3. The Most Lamentable Tragedy by Titus Andronicus
2. In League with Dragons by the Mountain Goats
1. Funeral by Arcade Fire

by Joe
5. "He Poos Clouds"
4. "Lewis Takes Off His Shirt"
3. "Lewis Takes Action"
2. "This Lamb Sells Condos"
1. "Soldiers Rock"

by Sam
5. The Glass Hotel by Emily St. John Mandel
4. Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie
3. Transit by Rachel Cusk
2. Less by Andrew Sean Greer
1. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
by Joe
  • Top Five Songs I Have on My iPod That Are Not Part of an Album on the Same iPod
  • Top Five Songs About Escape Sung by the Disney Movie Female Protagonist (Recently)
  • Top Five Lidl Cookies
  • Top Five Words That Rhyme with "Five"
  • Top Five Potential Finding Nemo Sequel Ideas
  • Top Five Worst Plots from The Office
  • Top Five Things I Do That Make Willow Unreasonably Angry
  • Top Five Best Right Wing Media Headlines I Found in My Spam Folder Right Now
  • Top Five Reasons That One Guy Thinks Are Valid Reasons to Push His Way to the Front So He Can Get Off the Bus First
  • Top Five Parts of the Mister Softee Theme Song
  • Top Five Types of Fruit Preserves
  • Top Five Articles of Clothing I've Worn While Masturbating
  • Top Five Philadelphia Street Names
  • Top Five One-Digit Numbers
  • Top Five Worst Luck Occurrences in Solitaire
  • Top Five Grantland Top Five Lists on Their List of Top Five Lists
  • Top Five Thing Leslie Knope Probably Did in Park and Recreation, I Dunno It's Been a While
  • Top Five Punctuation Marks Not on a Standard Keyboard
by Joe
5. "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" by Vampire Weekend
4. "The Good Times Are Killing Me" by Modest Mouse
3. "Don't Tell Me to Do the Math(s)" by Los Campesinos!
2. "Borne on the FM Waves of the Heart" by Against Me!
1. "Sing Me Spanish Techno" by the New Pornographers

5. Snapple, lemon
4. Cranberry juice
3. Ginger ale
2. Chocolate milk, fresh from a farm
1. Water

5. Dear Life by Brendan Benson
4. Hit to Hit by 2nd Grade
3. Silver Landings by Mandy Moore
2. Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers
1. Saint Cloud by Waxahatchee

by Joe
5. Raggedy red/white striped button down shirt and Temple hat
4. The guy yelling into his cell phone
3. Slow walker
2. Johnny Weeks
1. Old Polish man

by Joe
5. NO DREAM by Jeff Rosenstock
4. Have We Met by Destroyer
3. Miss Anthropocene by Grimes
2. The New Abnormal by the Strokes
1. Making a Door Less Open by Car Seat Headrest

5. Tir Na nÓg
4. Iron Hill Brewery (Center City)
3. Firkin Tavern
2. Santucci's (Warminster)
1. Capriccio Café

by Joe
  • Top Five Characters — Surprisingly!
  • Top Five Characters — Unsurprisingly
  • Top Five Worst Characters
  • Top Five Seasons of The Wire
  • Top Five The Wire Theme Songs
  • Top Five Storylines (Not Already Mentioned)

by Joe
5. MAKEZ OFFICE PARTEES 96.4% BETTER
4. BEEF PUTS U 2 SLEEP
3. U WANNA PEECE OF ME?
2. FREE SWIM LESSUNZ 4 BURGER EATURZ
1. BURGERZ R 4 LOSERZ I'M JUST SAYIN

by Joe
5. Congratulations to Beneficial Bank, which just went seven full hours without being robbed!
4. Thanks to all the Lasallians that came out to the Campus Store at 4 a.m. this morning for Black Friday. It wasn't open, but thanks!
3. Thank you to Steve Weingarten. You were a fan favorite. Probably because La Salle fans are fucking racists.
2. Come in today to La Salle's Subway, where you can get a Five-Hour Footlong. That wasn't a typo. It will take them five hours to make it.
1. 9 is not only the number of block Aaric Murray had in the basketball game Saturday afternoon, but also his GPA. / LA SALLE NEWS: Aaric Murray is transferring because he doesn't feel academically challenged enough here at La Salle. / Our 300th follower will receive free tickets to every NBA game Aaric Murray ever plays in. So, in other words, you win nothing.

by Joe
5. "The Past Is a Grotesque Animal"
4. "gratuitous abysses"
3. "Nickee Coco and the Invisible Tree"
2. "Don't Ask Me to Explain"
1. "Heimdalsgate like a Promethean Curse"

by Joe
5. What are the exact rules about what becomes "alive" and what doesn't?
4. Why can't Bullseye speak?
3. Do minimalists take issue with this movie?
2. What dictates when a toy can communicate with a human?
1. Is this all happening in Andy's head?

by Joe
5. Shamrock's Ankle Lock
4. The People's Elbow
3. The Mandible Claw
2. The Spinaroonie
1. Date raping your boss's daughter and marrying her in Las Vegas while she's still passed out
by Joe
5. Birthday wishes
4. Minion Torture
3. The Photo
2. The Banana
1. The Pope

by Joe
5. "Lonely at the Top" by Conor Oberst
4. "Top Coat" by Polica
3. "Top Yourself" by the Raconteurs
2. "Hilltop Procession (Momentum Gaining)" by the Olivia Tremor Control
1. "On Top" by the Killers
by Joe
5. "Five Foot Ten (I)" by Passion Pit
4. "I'm Five Years Ahead of My Time" by the Third Bardo
3. "Five" Angel Du$t
2. "Take Five" by the Dave Brubeck Quartet
1. "Five Years" by David Bowie

by Joe
5. "Cold Shower Tuesdays" by Bowling for Soup
4. "Ruby Tuesday" by the Rolling Stones
3. "Tuesday Heartbreak" by Stevie Wonder
2. "Tuesday" by Malibu Ken
1. "Tuesday's Gone" by Lynyrd Skynyrd
by Joe
5. We've been pretty motivated to eat good
4. I am making more money at work, while actually working less
3. I feel more connected with my community
2. I have more time to connect with the kids than I would normally
1. This all makes the idea of finding "what you can do for your country" insanely simple

by Joe
5. The Haseley Catch
4. Sean Rodriguez Hits a Walk-off, Becomes a Villain
3. The Bamboo Series
2. "Oh My God"
1. Bryce's First HR as a Phillie
by Joe
5. Adriana
4. Silvio
3. Melfi
2. Bobby
1. Paulie

by Joe
  • Top Five Billboards
  • Top Five Annoyances
  • Top Five Worst Businesses I Pass
  • Top Five Best Businesses I Pass That I've Never Been To

by Joe
5. "Wonderwall" by Oasis, 0:45
4. "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac, 2:31
3. "Where Is My Mind?" by Pixies, 2:06
2. "D'yer Mak'er" by Led Zeppelin, 2:53
1. "Son Et Lumiere" by the Mars Volta, 1:14

by Joe
5. Fishsticks
4. Chicken Nuggets
3. Breakfast
2. Grilled Cheese and Soup
1. Beef Pot Pie

by Joe
5. Bridesburg / "Bahridedesberk"
4. Kensington / "Shensing-tonni"
3. Olney / "olënëkw"
2. Strawberry Mansion / "shraw-beremon-segink"
1. Burholme / "Tumbarahomen"

by Joe
  • Top Five It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Running Jokes
  • Top Five It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Main Characters
  • Top Five It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Episodes

by Joe
5. Hill Climber by Vulfpeck
4. Radiant Dawn by Operators
3. CORRESPONDENCE by Jens Lekman and Anna Norlin
2. Tentanda Via by American Trappist
1. I Am Easy to Find by the National
by Joe
5. "Over and Over" by Jim James
4. "Waiting Around for Grace" by Pond
3. "I Feel Emotion" by Operators
2. "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette
1. "Light On" by Maggie Rogers

by Joe
5. You can see Olaf being created by Elsa during the big song, but it's not commented upon.
4. The "true love" spoken about in many Disney films ends up referring to a sisterly bond here.
3. The way Jonathan Groff reads the line "Aw... but I just paid it off..." among other line-readings that are just perfect.
2. The tracking shot at the start of Coronation Day is masterful.
1. "Let It Go"—it truly lives up to the hype created by millions of six-year-olds around the country.

by Joe
5. "Let It Go" has a message that's a little off.
4. The "Hans is actually the villain!" reveal comes out of nowhere. 
3. There was some real shitty parenting.
2. Sven thinks he hears something, so he... stops?!
1. Kristoff is forced to work a job that is obsolete.

by Joe
5. "Moby Dick"
4. "Fool in the Rain"
3. "The Song Remains the Same"
2. "Going to California"
1. "How Many More Times"

by Joe
5. Bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel
4. Turkey sausage, egg, and cheese on a croissant
3. Sausage, egg, and cheese on a waffle
2. Bacon, egg, and cheese on a croissant
1. Sausage, egg, and cheese on a biscuit
by Joe
5. Gonger
4. Murray
3. Nina
2. Elmo
1. Cookie Monster

by Joe
5. Snuffleupagus
4. Telly
3. Mr. Noodle
2. Rudy
1. Grover

by Joe
5. Wendy's
4. Chic-fil-A
3. Checkers
2. Taco Bell
1. Raising Cane's

by Joe
5. Church's Chicken
4. Subway
3. Auntie Anne's
2. Burger King
1. Popeyes

by Joe
5. The Venture Bros.
4. The Sopranos
3. The Wire
2. Deadwood
1. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 

by Joe
5. Rising Sun Pizza's plain
4. Liberty Pizza's Chicken Bacon Ranch
3. Pizza Gutt @ WinWin, plain
2. Vince's plain
1. Tacconelli's white with spinach and crushed tomatoes

by Joe
5. Saint Lazarus (during the day)
4. Loco Pez
3. El Bar
2. Interstate Drafthouse
1. Fishtown Tavern

by Joe
5. Saint Lazarus (at night)
4. Johnny Brenda's
3. Evil Genius
2. Barcade
1. Garage North

by Joe
5. The opening guitar riffs of "Queen of Hearts" by Fucked Up
4. The group chorus from "The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts" by Sufjan Stevens
3. The drum fills in "Vincent" by Car Seat Headrest
2. The refrain from "Four Score and Seven" by Titus Andronicus
1. The outro of "Powerful Man" by Hop Along

by Joe
5. The chorus of "Lit Up" by the National
4. The intro for "Time" by Pink Floyd
3. The bumrush second half of "Incoherent Love Songs" by P.S. Eliot
2. The second half of "Your Graduation" by Modern Baseball
1. Most of "You! Me! Dancing!" by Los Campesinos!

by Joe
5. "Demons" by the National
4. "Positive Tension" by Bloc Party
3. "Fear and Loathing in Mahwah, NJ" by Titus Andronicus
2. "I Want to Be Well" by Sufjan Stevens
1. "Point/Counterpoint" by Streetlight Manifesto

by Joe
5. "Rain On" by Woods
4. "Lust for Life" by Girls
3. "Lizstomania" by Phoenix
2. "You Go On Ahead (Trumpet Trumpet II)" by Sunset Rubdown
1. "Party in the U.S.A." by Miley Cyrus

by Joe
5. "Dance Music" by the Mountain Goats
4. "Creator" by Santogold
3. "Make Your Own Kind of Music" by Mama Cass
2. "Letter from an Occupant" by the New Pornographers
1. "She Bangs the Drums" by the Stone Roses

by Joe
5. "Yesterday" recorded by En Vogue
4. "Yesterday" recorded by Daffy Duck
3. "Yesterday" recorded by Bob Dylan
2. "Yesterday" recorded by Michael Bolton
1. "Yesterday" recorded by Linkin Park & Jay-Z feat. Paul McCartney

by Joe
5. The fridge is always fully stocked with good food.
4. I have a job that I actually enjoy. 
3. I don't have to do my own laundry.
2. The hand soaps my mother buys are fucking incredible.
1. Access to a car.

by Joe
5. I sleep in every goddamn day, and I waste away most of my afternoon.
4. If I want to throw a party, then I need ask permission.
3. I don't fit in my own fucking bed here in my Rockledge bedroom. 
2. I'm always alone here. 
1. I hate being bitched at.

  • Top Five Super Mario Enemies
  • Top Five Places I've Purchased Beer
  • Top Five Animal Characters on TV (cartoon or live action)
  • Top Five Bob Dylan Songs
  • Top Five Jim C**** Moments
by Joe
5. Kevin Barnes of Of Montreal
4. The Fonz
3. The Who
2. Judas Iscariot
1. The Cookie Monster

by Joe
5. Oreo O's
4. Waffle Crisp
3. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
2. Cocoa Krispies
1. Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch

by Mandy
5. Christina Ricci
4. Olivia Newton-John
3. Maggie Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst
2. Jenny Lewis
1. Amy Winehouse

by Joe
5. Fourteen Autumns, Fifteen Winters by the Twilight Sad
4. The Wall by Pink Floyd
3. John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band by John Lennon
2. Get Lonely by the Mountain Goats
1. Pink Moon by Nick Drake

by Mandy
5. "Rock Me" by Liz Phair
4. "Born the Run" by Bruce Springsteen
3. "Shampoo Suicide" by Broken Social Scene
2. "Animal in Your Care" by Wolf Parade
1. "Femme Fatale" by the Velvet Underground

by Mandy
5. Dave Matthews Band mania
4. We're all big prudes
3. Fat people
2. Apathy
1. Our hairy Bush
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