Top Five Tuesday: The Wire

A man got to have a code. My code is that I finish rewatching The Wire, I got to blog about it. Here are a bunch of short Top Five lists for the Great American TV Drama.

Spoilers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Top Five Characters — Surprisingly!

These are the best characters on The Wire that didn't start out that way. Their inclusion on this list is more a mark of their growth of character, and their success at changing our perception of them throughout their run of the series.

5. Frank

Frank is an immensely complicated character who towers over the one season here participates in. At first he is presented as a shady backroom dealer who is quick to exchange principles for cash (leading to the death of thirteen women). Throughout the season, it is gradually revealed that his intentions are pure, even if his methods are not. The cash is for the union, and for the preservation of the only way of life he knows. He is tragically unsuccessful.

4. Namond

It make sense only on The Wire—when a bunch of kids are introduced in Season 4, the most annoying shithead is going to be the only one with a happy ending. It turns out that Namond acts that way only because he isn't meant for the streets, and when he is rescued, it is in more than one sense of the word. Namond's cameo in Season 5 is one of the most heartwarming successes in a series lacking them.

3. Prez

I guess it makes sense that Prez ends up being one of the first people to give even a modicum of a shit about Namond—he too was a fish out of water in the police department. At first presented as a benefactor of nepotism, he eventually ends up flourishing in Major Crimes, only to fall from grace completely by accident. I'm glad he found a home in the school system.

2. Bodie

Opposite to Namond, Bodie is a man completely meant for the streets. It's so important, then, that it is Bodie who is finally able to articulate the realization that the Game he participates in is fucking rigged. The realization costs him.

1. Carver

One of the most important scenes in the entire series finds two former knucklehead police officers sharing a beer in the district parking lot. Herc and Carver are discussing how Herc had fucked up the previous year with his shoddy police work (mistakes that cost him his job). Herc doesn't get it though, and asks why what happened to some fucking mope kid even matters. Carver gets it. He knows what's up. His response is integral to The Wire only because it is so rarely understood by any other character. "It all matters."




Top Five Characters — Unsurprisingly

These are the best characters on The Wire, no clarifications needed. They are great characters because they are meant to be fucking great.

5. Cedric

He is a man of unflinching principals up until the very end. It only took him till the middle of Season 1 to yell "This is bullshit!" and win us over.

4. Bunk

He's just a humble motherfucker with a big-ass dick.

3. Bunny

If the system is broken, then Bunny was the character who took the biggest risk in changing it. That he failed is not an indictment of Bunny, but of everyone else who didn't even try.

2. Kima

She is ultimately presented as the character who replaced McNulty in the story, but she is nothing like McNulty, at least in terms of her willingness to do the right thing as a police officer. No corner is cut.

1. Bubbles

I mean, c'mon, this shit is obvious. Snitchin' Bubs is the fast-talking heroin addict with a heart of gold, beloved by almost everyone, AND he gets a happy ending? Definitely the best character.




Top Five Worst Characters

There are no hot takes on this list. The worst characters are meant to be the worst characters, and their inclusion on this list means that they were compelling to watch, even though I hated them as if they were real people.

5. Marlo

All he cared about was his reputation. Unfortunately, the reputation he sought was that of a ruthless drug kingpin. Unfortunately, he earned the reputation he desired, and worse, got away with it.

4. Levy

Omar was right to accuse Levy of being part of the Game. He is, and he is so fucking slimy about it.

3. Templeton

Unlike the rest of the characters on this list, Templeton is not an active participant in the Game, but instead he is tasked in reporting about it. He is supposed to be a champion of the truth. That he fails so intentionally and so horrifically makes him a bigger villain that most, and that's saying something on this show.

2. Herc

Like Carver, he starts out as an innocuously boneheaded cop. Unlike Carver, he just never fucking gets it.

1. Carcetti

It's tough to watch a character who is so convincing when he tells you that he is the next great hope to fix the system, and then watch him prove that he is not, that he is a willful participant in the destruction of the system. His refusal to take money for the schools, for the sake of his political capital, even when we just spend thirteen episodes exploring how truly fucked the schools were... man, it is quite a heel turn. Fuck Carcetti.




Top Five Seasons of The Wire

There are only five seasons, but I'm going to rank them anyway.

5. Season 5

But  I love Season 5... this list is tough to make.

4. Season 3

While it adds a couple great story threads like the politics and Cutty's bleeding heart, Season 3 is marked by a return to the Barksdale organization after being put on the backburner in Season 2. While it is played out with aplomb, there is also a slight sense of "This again?"

3. Season 1

I'm sure if I was around at the end of Season 1, I would have stupidly advocated for the series to end there, because the 13-episode first season was just so perfect, and I didn't want anything to ruin it. I would've been so goddamn wrong.

2. Season 2

Season 2 of The Wire is one of the most famous examples of sheer fucking balls in television history. Remember all of the intricate storytelling we gave you in Season 1, with the interesting drug dealers and the cops that followed them? Forget all that, now we're going to follow some old Polish dudes who work the docks. Amazing.

1. Season 4

This isn't a surprise. Season 4 is one of the best seasons of television on any show ever. Ever! It's one thing when a broken system is affecting grown adults, but when the kids are out there getting fucked over too, it means something completely different.




Top Five The Wire Theme Songs

5. Season 2

The original version, ironically, is the worst one (still good, and still scores this particularly season perfectly).

4. Season 4

Including children in the plot makes it powerful; including children in the theme song makes it corny.

3. Season 3

Gotta love that sax solo.

2. Season 5

This theme makes The Wire sound like a 1980s police procedural, and I'm here for it. Plus, it's performed by Bubbles' sponsor, Walen (a.k.a. Steve Earle).

1. Season 1

Can't top the first one, complete with its bossa nova beat. So good that they used it for the Season 5 season- and series-ending montage.




Top Five Storylines (Not Already Mentioned)

This is the most carefree list, and is probably not accurate. There are just a few more things I wanted to mention that I haven't already, and this is the only way to do it. I just don't want to let go of The Wire is all.

5. D'Angelo's death

Remember how I said Season 2 took sheer fucking balls? Include the murder of Season 1's second lead in that description. But even more so than the death itself was the total lack of payoff—everyone just assumes it was a suicide, and carries on with their lives. Only McNulty even pretends to give a shit, and he does not let D'Angelo's mom off the hook for it—she was a cog in the machine that caused her son to die, and she should be ashamed for it.

4. Kima is shot

The Wire mostly concentrates on showing how boring policework is, and how meticulous and slow a detective has to be to have any success at it. This means that when shit pops off, it seems insane in comparison. Kima getting shot was one of the most intense scenes in the whole series, and the act held consequences for every major character on the show. Every character we knew in the police department snapped to attention (even Rawls, who proved that he is competent as well as being an asshole), the Barksdale organization recoiled at its mistake, and even Bubbles felt the consequences in an indirect way by losing one of the few authority figures he could still count on. It was really interesting to watch the fallout of this shooting.

3. Hamsterdam

I guess I already mentioned Hamsterdam in an indirect way when talking about Bunny, its architect, but it's worth mentioning again due to the audacity of its creation. A world in which drugs are legal and crime is moved off the street is literally unbelievable, and it was a joy to watch it unfold (if not ultimately collapse).

2. McNulty realizes he isn't the hero

It's pretty rare that a TV character has a moment of self-actualization like this. McNulty is the top-billed character in all five seasons of The Wire, and he acts like it. He presumption throughout all five seasons is that he is supposed to win because he is the hero. His fall from grace at least awakens him to the possibility that he might've been the villain this whole time. Only on The Wire, man.

1. Omar and Bunk

Clearly I am a fan of characters speaking such truths to one another, as my #1 pick is similar to McNulty's self-actualization. Omar Little is one of the largest characters in TV history, if we're speaking figuratively. He is practically a superhero in some aspects. And while this makes for exciting television, Bunk (and by extension, the storytellers) was absolutely right to point out to Omar (and by extension, we the popcorn-eating audience) that this is not necessarily a good thing, that his crazy actions have real-world consequences, and that he is probably not the hero he sees himself as. Omar never fully admits it out loud, but Michael K. Williams makes sure you can see the realization on Omar's face all the same.




Honorable mentions:

• Cheese kills a dog—I still haven't stopped laughing at this hilarious error on the part of Major Crimes
• The homeless serial killer plot—This is the plotline that gets the most grief from fans of The Wire, typically. But I am fucking here for it. Like Hamsterdam, et al, it is an insane idea. Unlike Hamsterdam, et al, everyone immediately acknowledges how batshit the idea is right from the beginning, and McNulty continues ahead anyway. Love it.
• A story in three scenes—In Season 3, an unnamed young white female is seen driving through Hamsterdam to buy heroin. In Season 4, she is again seen briefly in a convenience store, and we can infer she is tricking now to get her hit. In Season 5, she is seen in AA, now clean and trying to do better. That's it, that's her whole story. It's The Wire in miniature.