Manic, Sunny

I went in expecting to dislike this album more. My first Halsey was on “Closer” from the Chainsmokers, and then her own song, “Bad at Love,” both of which had decent radio presence. Both of which suffered a condition I suffer in a lot of pop music: fun until the nth time, and then absolutely unbearable to listen to again.

But in actuality I found the album not-bad to pretty-good. Halsey has this mix and range of pop-r&b-EDM with a rock-country undertone (i.e. the difference between “Without Me” and “You should be sad”) that sometimes either makes something interesting or something generically forgettable. Her voice is always pleasant to listen to. All the singles are good. The interludes are very fun. (I guess Halsey and BTS are cross-cultural ambassadors). "929" is the kind of song I’m a sucker for on a pop album, not worrying too much if it’s genuine or manufactured. But then the other half dozen songs or so I find myself skipping on a re-listen.

3/5

Manic, Brian

When Pitchfork didn't absolutely love her latest album, Halsey threatened to do another 9/11. While this may not be 100% true, that will be Maniac's legacy. Pitchfork is far from perfect and certainly has its faults in addition to a strange impact on the music industry where everything functions first through the internet (some might even say in a post 9/11 world...). But what was once a tiny little music blog has once again shown the power of the press when they cause a major artist to respond to a review wishing the basement of One World Trade Center would collapse. Hopefully PoYB will one day have that kind of clout where a weekly Record Club post will cause Lizzo to threaten domestic terrorism. I will never forget where I was when Pitchfork dropped their rating for Maniac (staring at my phone and mindlessly scrolling through Twitter, the only way to receive any kind of breaking news nowadays). Are some of the jokes I've made in this paragraph tacky and tasteless? Probably, but but I'm still a patriot who loves this country more than all of you, and I just read that Halsey supported Bernie Sanders in 2016 so this record is perfect I've decided, 10 Red White & Blue Pukes out of 10. Halsey please endorse Bernie in 2020.

Manic, Pam

Manic felt like an edgy pop journey through the psyche of Halsey. Her vulnerability was showcased in songs like "Graveyard" (which is also catchy AS HELL!) and "I HATE EVERYBODY." She battled demons in songs like "You Should be Sad," which was sort of revenge-y and bad ass and it honestly made me think of all the women in my life who could so closely relate to this song in particular... and the shitty dudes who really should be sad. I find myself with "clementine" stuck in my head all damn day. Although I couldn’t find any evidence of this, I was trying to figure out if "clementine" was an Eternal Sunshine reference, since there was a clip from the movie at the end of Ashley. Anyone have any insight? Ultimately, Manic was honesty, self-discovery, and empowerment, wrapped in a cute bow, and I LOVED it!

Manic, Nate

(Here's a long preamble that isn't about Manic at all. I trust Joe will put it in italics, so you can skip right to the review if you'd rather not read another edition of Nate's Feelings.)

There is neither honor nor pride to be taken in sticking one's head in the sand, so when I say that I have successfully avoided Halsey until now, I understand how that comes off. My point is not to say that I was, until now, "above" or "better" than Halsey and her art. I was just so tired.

The way it has always worked in successful pop music—successful in the financial sense, not the creative sense—is that the music is, at best, a partner to the pageantry and presentation, if not the second- or third-most important thing. "Teenage Dream" is an incredible song, but it certainly helped Katy Perry's heyday that her feuds with other women and relationship foibles were front-and-center in the conversation, that her music was a soundtrack to drama and tabloids. This kind of thing, the keeping up with the high and low drama of the semi or would-be famous, is what ultimately turns people from Whos to Thems. A great song will take you to the front page of a gossip magazine, but then the real show takes off. It has always worked this way, but it feels much worse now. Band of Horses really had it right fifteen years ago.

And so it went with Halsey, and her consideration of sex work, and her defense of Miley Cyrus, and her relationships with MGK and G-Eazy, and this tweet, and feuding with Iggy Azalea (!!), and and and. All of this without hearing a song. This kind of headline generation is exhausting, both because I am too old for it and because it is a broken-mirror reflection of the news internet at its worst; a machine that takes in would-be celebrities for celebrity's sake and grinds their bones and blood into a slurry that comes out the other end as "content." And what is most upsetting to me, personally, is that I am so addicted to this garbage water that I consume it mindlessly, so much so that I knew who Halsey was before I really even knew who Halsey was. It isn't Halsey's fault, I was broken before she got here.

And so, now, Halsey.

Manic sounds like a teenager's breakup diary set to a high school production of Spring Awakening. Put it another way: It sounds more like Panic at the Disco! than you may be prepared for. There's catharsis to be found in that. It wants to be taken seriously, so much so that it rounds the corner into parody.

Manic, Laura

Halsey's recent album is less "Manic" and more "depressed," as it was generally a little sad. Most of the songs were about hating people, being sad, and losing love—but I guess that's Halsey's thing. With that being said, I didn't dislike the album, and since Halsey balanced the sad lyrics with some nice beats, it made everything a little bit more enjoyable. The song's I liked the most were "Ashley," "Clementine," and "Dominic's Interlude." I wasn't a fan of a few of the songs incorporating Halsey or someone else talking over the background of the music or before the song starts. This generally annoys me in songs, so Halsey shouldn't take this personally, but I think one song of this "style" per album is more than enough. Overall, I'm sure I'll listen to some of these songs again (on the radio or elsewhere). One thumb up!

Manic, Joe

There's a lot to like on Manic; brace for the "but" if you feel like you need to, but I promise it's a soft one this week.

First, let's talk about pop music. It's an ever-shifting genre, beholden to its name—"pop" is short for "popular," and what's "popular" changes over time. The Beatles are not pop music, but they were pop music in their time. These days, pop music is mostly hip hop, but occasionally it is not, and it's in that exceptions circle where we find Halsey.

Here in 2020, when pop music is not hip hop, then it is a chilly, minimalistic affair. Gone are the days of exploding confetti over a towering and pink frosted Katy Perry hook. I blame Billie Eilish, but really, she too is symptom, and I'm not intimate enough with the history of pop music to be able to explain the root cause.

I'm describing all this like it's a problem, but it's mostly not. Would I prefer to hear a happy album full of Ariana Grande-in-party-mode music? Fuck yeah. I'll choose maximalism over minimalism any fucking day. But that's just not where pop music lives these days.

I accept it, as long as you accept the fact that there's no question that "3 AM" is the best fucking song on Manic, because it's the only song on here that reaches a moment of true catharsis. We start at Halsey lamenting her loneliness over some sparse guitar, and then the drums kick in, and everything builds to the point where she yelling "Pick up your fucking phone!" and it just hits so goddamn hard.

There are plenty of other songs on Manic that I adore, but by the end of song, I'm left with a feeling of wanting. They feel incomplete because they never get to that moment of revelation. "I HATE EVERYBODY" is just so fucking good, but it's all rising action. I keep waiting for the song to explode, and it never does. It stays right below the boiling point. I'm not saying that every song needs to be the most exciting goddamn thing ever, but if a song seems like it's leading up to that point and never does reach it, then I get blue balls.

There are slower/sparser songs here that are catchy in their own low-key way, like "Finally // beautiful stranger," or "You should be sad" (the latter with an almost cowboy-ish stomp that, again, never really reaches a climax, but the way she snarls the lyrics sure makes it seem like a climax anyway). Other songs are sparse but don't have much to talk about otherwise ("Forever... (is a long time)" for one), though these are exceptions, not rules.

There are also some interesting "interludes" with artists who have impacted Halsey creatively and personally. "Dominic's Interlude" sounds like something fun. would do, and I really like it, despite the fact that, yet again, there's no fucking payoff. "Alanis' Interlude" is only interesting because we all just spent a whole week earlier this month foaming at the mouth with Alanis Morissette praise, But yo, how are you going to feature Morissette and then make her seem like an afterthought? It's crazy.

So yeah, I really like this album, but I think that Halsey has an even better record in her somewhere. I said that about Maggie Rogers a year ago, but this feels different. Halsey feels even closer to creating an all-time great. The only thing that's holding her back is that she obviously feels obligated to work within the confines of current pop music. When I say she has potential, I'm saying that all she needs to do is to stop playing by these pop rules that I'm already bored with personally, and break the mold. She's so fucking close.

GRADE: 3.5 pukes out of 5

This Is My Blood: Boddingtons Pub Ale

I chose Boddintons because I guess I assumed it was going to be a dark beer like Guinness, and I was in the mood for such a beer. It was not that. I mean, it said "ale" right on the can, so of course it's not going to be a stout. I fucking know nothing.

I especially no nothing about old English beers, so I took this opportunity to learn about Boddingtons, which has been around for almost 250 years. It's a story as old as time—a small-time family business is swallowed by a series of progressively larger sharks, until a company like fucking Anheuser-Busch InBev is making a xerox of a xerox of the original beer that had such a cult following in the first place. (Boddingtons Pub Ale apparently isn't even the original Boddingtons beer, but instead a beer made specifically for international shipping to simulate the archetypal Boddingtons Bitter beer.)

Seriously, the Boddingtons Brewery Wikipedia page reads at times like the plot to an episode of Succession, complete with hostile takeovers, public values, and a Tom Wambsgans-esque sideplot involving an "animated television advertisement starring a transgender playboy cow."

At this point, Boddingtons is a brewing operation pedaling nostalgia. That's why I picked it up off the shelf randomly—it had that "classic" look that shouted "there's a history here!" In this regard, I do always appreciate when a beer can itself tells a story, and Boddingtons prints theirs right there on the bright yellow aluminum:

"Since 1778 when it was first brewed at the Strangeways Brewery in Manchester, Boddingtons has been renowned as a unique, pale-gold ale. In English pubs, Boddingtons is served using the traditional hand pulled method which mixes air with the ale as it pours, producing a distinctive creamy head and smooth body, with little gassiness. Ordinary packaged ale cannot match this quality, but the new DRAUGHTFLOW® SYSTEM does. By releasing millions of tiny bubbles when opened, DRAUGHTFLOW® cans give the creamy head and authentic fresh taste of Boddingtons Pub Ale. The DRAUGHTFLOW® SYSTEM employs a small recyclable device which floats in the ale."

Here's an article (from 1996!!!) that talks more about how the DRAUGHTFLOW® SYSTEM works in general. Basically, there's a little ball of nitrogen gas in the can, and the nitrogen flows through the ball and the beer to escape when you crack the can. This creates a lot of fizz and foam. It replicates the experience of getting a beer through the taps at a bar.

True to the claim, the head on this beer was insane. I poured the beer into a fancy pint glass, and at first, the glass was 95% foam and 5% beer. We watched as it slowly converted to beer, but still maintained a nice one-inch foam top. As advertised, this motherfucker was creamy, with almost no carbonation after the nitrogen escaped. As not advertised, this beer had almost zero taste.

Boddingtons Pub Ale is what I will now refer to as a "context beer," meaning that I did not enjoy it necessarily in the current context (K*** family pizza party on a calm Friday night), but I could absolutely see myself enjoying it in another context. Specifically, I could imagine a wild night in an English Pub, or any pub really, slamming these ales one after another, bullshitting with friends and enjoying a night out.

So maybe I won't be enjoying Boddingtons anytime soon, if that's the context required for such an enjoyment.

NOTES

BEER: Boddingtons Pub Ale (what is up with that lack of apostrophe?!)

GENRE: English Pale Ale

ABV: 4.7%

BREWED BY: Originally Strangeways Brewery, but now AB-InBev

LOCATION: Originally Manchester, now who knows

PURCHASED AT: IGA

PRICE (AT THAT LOCATION): Like $3 tops

PAIRED WITH: Lidl pizza!

GRADE: 1.5 puke out of 5

BEER COUNT: 44

The Albums That Matter: Be the Void

Joe runs through every album on his iPod, mostly in alphabetical order, and offers some brief thoughts. Check out previous columns HERE.

Be the Void

Dr. Dog

2012

PoYB contributor Nate wrote a review for a mediocre album last autumn, and rightly dismissed it as forgettably uninspired. however, he then went on to equate the album with those of Dr. Dog. I knew PoYB contributor Maeve would have something to say about this, since multiple times I've been in the room with her as she watched live Dr. Dog videos. Sure enough, not 24 hours after the review was published, as we drank beers around a campfire, Maeve mentioned to me how off the mark Nate was in his Dr. Dog assessment.

Not to drag everyone's personal shit into this, but my point is that Dr. Dog is somehow a divisive band within my friend group, and I can't think of a band less likely to become "divisive" in any sense of the word. This is a ramshackle group of Philly dude who make some ramshackle music. Dr. Dog's sound oozes with chill; they ain't here to upset nobody.

I've been hit or miss on Dr. Dog over the years (e.g. Shame Shame is amazing, Psychedelic Swamp is fucking trash, etc.), but I think, after listening to Be the Void about a dozen times, waiting for the secret to reveal itself to me, I've discovered what the trick is—patience. It takes a while for the hooks to make themselves known, but once they do, they stick with you for a while. It's been a long Dr. Dog week in my head, y'all.

I can't really seem to pinpoint what exactly it is that makes most of these songs so damn catchy, but it's there. I think it might just that ineffable art of creating a hook, and then beating the audience over the head with it. Take "Heavy Light." There ain't much to that chorus, just the title phrase sung over and over. But something about the way they keep changing up how they say that phrase just makes it sticky. And they hit that pleasure button continuously. That's the whole song. And it's not even the catchiest song here!

But okay then, what takes one so damn long to get to that pleasurable reaction to the hooks? Seriously, I started this week thinking that Be the Void was a middling record at best, and now I can't stop listening. It's been on my iPod for seven years. Why does this shit require so much patience? The best I can come up with is that there's a sense of not-giving-a-shit present here and on all Dr. Dog records. It lacks polish. The mixing is frequently bad (the drums are usually low on the mix, and they are scratchy and busy and occasionally sloppy). To those who don't like Dr. Dog, I can see where you're coming from if I try to look at it from a pessimistic point of view. Pessimism isn't hard.

But if you think that way, then you're gonna miss out on some fucking dirty unpolished gems scattered throughout this record. "Do the Trick" is a shuffling calypso thing, a runty little would-be-B-side of a thing that just sings when you wipe away the bullshit and concentrate on the meat of it. Easy to dismiss if you're not looking.

So yeah, I think I'm definitely closer to Maeve than I am to Nate in my opinion of Dr. Dog. I think I'm just too impatient when it comes to my music-listening. Not every album is going to get the Albums That Matter treatment, and if that's what it takes to get me to like a Dr. Dog album, then there's gonna be a lot of albums in the discography that never get a fair shake. Still, I'm glad Be the Void is here, now, to enjoy.

If this album sounds interesting, try this song: "Over Here, Over There"

Stray Observations

• Not much more to say about this album, honestly. Dr. Dog finds a way to fly under the radar, even after ten albums in almost 20 years.
• That's interesting though. Why is that? Why aren't they big? Is it because of the whole "patience" thing, something that most of the music blogging industry lacks (myself including)?
• Or maybe they have been and always will be a Philly local band, and I'm just conflating their importance because I am from Philly.
• ALBUM COVER: I couldn't find anything specific about this artwork. I note that for their album Fate, they pretty much just used a painting that the band found and bought off some guy at a bar. It's possible that the same attitude was present with choosing this cover art. It's a collage of some rooftops surrounded by receipts from what looks like international postal shipping. My biggest qualm is that they don't use a period in the abbreviation part of their band name. UGH.
• ALBUM TITLE: Though I couldn't find anything solid, I have to imagine "be the void" holds the same message as the song "Lonesome" does—it's okay to be by yourself, it's okay to be nothing. You can find happiness without anything or anybody but yourself. That type of thing.
• CHART PERFORMANCE: The album peaked at #45 on the Billboard 200, which is a lot better than I would've guessed! Maybe I was wrong about the "local" thing. I am only mad because my nemesis, Adele, held down the #1 spot at the time with 21.
• Did my great experience with Be the Void inspire me to revisit recent 2018 album Critical Equation with more patience this time? Hmm. Maybe. I just really didn't find anything to like on there. But who knows—as we saw here, that might just be on me. I'll write about that album eventually, I guess!

NEXT TIME: Be Your Own Pet by Be Your Own Pet

This Is My Blood: Barrel Aged Flowers: Honeysuckle

I will get through this chapter of Tasting Beer if it kills me. Seriously. Here's the next part of the brewing process—"mashing." So you take the malt that you made in the previous step, and you add hot water. That's the long and the short of it. The hot water (or "liquor" as it is confusingly known as in this process) allows the enzymes to turn the grains (or starches) in the malt into simple sugars. The yeast is gonna need something to chomp on, and it's gotta be simple.

That simple sugar is now in the hot water, and it's all mixed together. This is called "wort." The wort is what you'll be adding the yeast into. But that's getting ahead of ourselves.

The quality of the malt is important, apparently. If it's too coarse, then there won't be enough sugar made. If it's too fine, then it stays in the malt, creating what Mosher calls "vegetable concrete" (the man has a way with words that tickles me in such a way).

The temperature is important too, obviously. The enzymes need certain temps to break that shit down. But there's a nuance to it. E.g. at 155 degrees, most of the complex starches are broken down into simple sugars, which will eventually be eaten by the yeast, so that beer is going to end up being dry. But at 145 degrees—only ten degrees cooler!—some of those complex starches stick around, and are not eaten by the yeast, and so eventually that beer is going to be sweet. Science!

Whenever the brewer has broken down all the starches that they need to, the temperature is raised a lot, which stops the process all together (this is called "mashing out"). And that's it!

Well, yeah, okay, obviously it is more complex than that. Some old German breweries use a multi-step process, removing some malt and adding more heat and etc. and whatever, which apparently adds some caramel flavor to it. I'm not trying to get too deep into this. Let's ignore the complexities for now, and just scratch our heads like cavemen and scratch this on the wall:

MALT GOOD. MALT AND HOT WATER GOOD. ENZYMES GOOD. STARCHES BAD SOMETIMES. CHANGE STARCH TO SUGAR. YEAST NEED FOOD.

How does this relate to the beer I drank today? I dunno, man. I wanted Pam to pick the beer, and she picked a big sour beast that I couldn't make out anything but how sour it was. I officially give up on sours for the next few months. Let's concentrate on the malt and the wort and the hops (next week) and the yeast (next week) and etc. (next week, the week after, I'm gonna finish this chapter if it kills me).

NOTES

BEER: Barrel Aged Flowers: Honeysuckle

GENRE: Belgian Saison

ABV: 5.7%

BREWED BY: Free Will Brewing Co.

LOCATION: Perkasie, PA

PURCHASED AT: Iron Abbey (still working through those Christmas treats)

PRICE (AT THAT LOCATION): No idea, but it looks fancy

PAIRED WITH: leftovers, we are being cheap

GRADE: 2 puke out of 5

BEER COUNT: 43

An Archived Facebook Messenger Conversation, Completely Sans Context (One for My Theater Nerds)

Val
March 25 at 5:43pm

Hello MoMs!

We're getting close to Sunday's activities, and I just wanted to finalize dinner plans with everyone:

For your convenience, the heads of the four Masque families all live in the same townhouse this year (A15). We are super excited to have one big Masque Family Pasta dinner with everyone! We are providing yummy pasta for all, as well as setting up the townhouse picnic tables outside for your dining pleasure. Since the heads of the trees are providing for everyone this year, we would like to ask that everyone please donate cups, plates, forks, napkins, and soda on Sunday. This would be a huge help and would also save my townhouse mates and I from going broke 😉

Dinner will be in A15 at 6:00PM on Sunday. For those of you who are going to mass, please feel free to stop by after mass. We will have plenty of food for late comers! Also, I only sent this message to the MoMs, so please inform your children!

As far as getting into costumes after dinner, we have spread everyone out amongst the townhouses since it would be nearly impossible for everyone to get changed in one house. Therefore:

The Mob will be getting dressed in A15 (Val, Meg, Liz, Annaliese and Allison's house)
Old Money will be getting dressed in B13 (Colin's house)
Tech will be getting dressed in C3 (Kelly's house)
Clusterfuck will be getting dressed in B12 (Dave P's house)

If we need extra room other than that, we also have B18 (Dave K's house).

PLEASE message me back and let me know if you are:
A. Coming or not coming
B. If your kid is coming or not coming
C. What you will be donating to the dinner (utensils or soda)

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me:

Thanks so much and we'll see you on Sunday!
♥
Val and the Lovely Ladies of A15

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colin 
March 25 at 5:57pm

my house is out. there's a gangbang there that night at about the same time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hannah
March 26 at 1:52am

We would love to come but it seems the Buttfuck babies have been overlooked and have no place to get dressed 😞

Let us know if you find some room for us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kelly 
March 26 at 9:42am

the butt fuck babies cant get dressed in their other trees place? just saying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patrick B. 
March 26 at 9:45am

Unless, Hannah, your intent is to break your kids and other r@pe victims from the tree as is...why not have them get dressed with their families?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colin 
March 26 at 10:02am 

okay, because that wasn't slightly over the line, attacking Hannah?

i'm trying to play a neutral position here, but pat... you just solidified why there is a problem. because people are taking this all way to serious. i know this goes against the grain in many ways, and defies tradition, but the way you just went about it is grossly incorrect.

This is a prime example of why this became an issue to begin with.. because people take shit way to serious sometimes, hence the creation of buttfuck.

and for the record, i'm asking for you to apologize to her. because that statement had immature written all over it.

just stating the facts here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joel
March 26 at 10:11am

Wow wow wow!
Are you serious?
This is why I hate the Masque.

Fuck you man. How dare you?

Dear Facebook User (cause we aren't friends and I obviously blocked you) go suck a bag of dicks. And fuck that, the greeks will dress at Dave's house. And I will r@pe them. And they will love it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dwyer
March 26 at 10:14am

we're all 20-21 years old and arguing about families in the masque. quite clearly, who gives a flying fuck. is it really that big of a deal? lets just try to have as much fun as we can and end all this dramatic bullshit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joel
March 26 at 10:16am

Oh yeah, may I add you did jack shit at inductions? You have no fucking right to open your mouth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Emily
March 26 at 10:21am

I mean this in a non-bitchy way, can this please take place somewhere other than facebook?

There are like 15 other people on this message, including myself, that I'm sure don't want to be involved directly. But I do hope there's a discussion if only to talk it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joel
March 26 at 10:24am

Sorry Emily! I said my imput, I am done...unless I am attacked too.

This Is My Blood: Amstel Light

The following is fiction.

I found myself at Jack's Famous Bar, contemplating what it all meant.

You may be familiar with at least the facade of Jack's Bar. Its neon bar signs beckon you to wallow through the thickets of urban decay at Kensington and Allegheny, to come have a drink. An oasis in the middle of the heroin jungle. I'd never been to Jack's, though I've overlooked its spot on the block from the high subway platform many, many times. It was a good day for a $2 beer. I went inside.

Today was my supervisor's final day at my employment. It was a strange day, to say the least. If you had asked me two months ago, I would've said that there's not a fucking chance that I'll be attending any sort of retirement celebration for this chick. (I already wrote about this.) Me and her, we have irreconcilable differences in how we operate day-to-day. I'm no-bullshit, she's all-bullshit, and I'm too bullheaded to keep quiet about it. At the end of the day, I am glad to see her leave.

But I still went to the brunch. Like we discussed a few weeks ago, sometimes there's a difference between being right and being kind. It would've been right to not go to her retirement brunch. She didn't treat me well as supervisor. I didn't enjoy my two and a half years under her leadership. What was there to celebrate? But being right in this case would've also been dickish. What would've been the point of pointedly skipping the brunch? I would've missed out on a good opportunity for closure, and I would've looked like a completely shitty person to everyone else here who will still be here when the retirement party is over. It would've been excusable to say fuck it, but it would've meant I was a shitty person. There's a fucking difference. Changing is not easy.

And I'll say this—it's a fucking humbling experience to sit there and listen to people praise someone whom you don't necessarily like. I heard things like "you were great at your job" and "you had a welcoming smile" and "you had a great passion for this job," and I didn't agree with any of it. My supervisor was a miserable person who performed her job in a way that directly opposed the way I think one should perform it. Passion? What fucking passion? How do you think she would've reacted if she was the one walking through people passed out on the sidewalk at 3 PM to get to Jack's Bar? Her nose would've been upturned, and my cubiclemates would've heard all about it the next morning, loudly, while I'm trying to blog.

But they all heaped praise on her, and everyone seemed pretty genuine about it. I say that's humbling because then it turns around and becomes a question of: What is wrong with me? I pride myself in being able to see the good in people, and yet here was this person whom I had almost three years to find the good in, and I completely failed. I just couldn't fucking do it.

After the speeches and the plaque presentation and after the eggs and turkey bacon were cleared, people started to mill around. Perhaps on purpose or maybe by accident, I made eye contact with her, so I approached and gave her a hug. Fuck it. "Congrats on your retirement." "Thanks, Joe." "It was... an interesting three years." "Yes, it was." And that was how we left it. So much went unsaid from both of us. I think it's better that way. It's better to leave the negative things unsaid. It's better to just acknowledge and appreciate the fact that we will never have to deal with each other again.

My old supervisor—FUCK it felt good to type the word "old" right there—my old supervisor will probably leave an imprint on me more than either of us will ever admit. It was a valuable experience for me, having someone like that in my life. I think she is an asshole, but so am I, and she challenged me to be better. Or at least made me want to challenge myself to be better.

Something like that. Who knows. Fuck. Anyways, this is what I was thinking about, as I finished my Amstel Light. It was a shitty beer. What better way to celebrate a shitty boss?

NOTES

BEER: Amstel Light

GENRE: American Light Lager

ABV: 3.5%

BREWED BY: Amstel Brouwerij B. V.

LOCATION: Amsterdam, Netherlands

PURCHASED AT: Jack's Famous Bar

PRICE (AT THAT LOCATION): $2 plus tip (it was the special)

PAIRED WITH: being haunted

GRADE: 1 puke out of 5

BEER COUNT: 42.5

Should I Watch This? I Think You Should Leave

Should I Watch This? Sam S******* wades through the glut of television content to offer his view on whether a TV show is worth your time. The only connecting tissue for this column is that Sam watched it.

Show: I Think You Should Leave

Season: One (released 2019)

Episodes: Six; each clocks in between 16 and 19 minutes

How to Watch: Netflix

Genre: Sketch comedy

You'd Enjoy This Show If You Like: Sketches on the back-half of SNL, like between 12:30 and 1.am. when they're done politics and only being silly.

You'd Hate This Show If You Dislike: Shows without story. It's all sketch; no arc or a connected plot.

People Involved: Mostly the product of creator/star Tim Robinson (SNL, Detroiters), every episode is directed by Akiva Schafer (The Lonely Island) and Alice Mathias (producer/writer on Portlandia, Documentary Now!, Los Espookys). Great guest appearances by Will Forte, Sam Richardson, Steven Yuen, and others.

The Pitch: This show was uniformly recommended to me by anyone involved in comedy, and it actually hits the mark. Great running jokes; easy to follow ideas; and funny, silly stuff all around.  Robinson describes the premises as every single sketch has one character that keeps pushing the weird thing over and over again, until someone asks him or her to leave. The show really sticks to that formula, and it never tires (somehow). Sometimes, they flip the script and the straight person is made to feel crazy (Yuen from The Walking Dead stands out here), but for the most part, you know who the asshole is. I could go through the bits, but it's better just to watch it. I will say I enjoy the Hot Dog Costume car accident very much.

Should I Watch This? Yes. It's easy in almost every single way possible. Short episodes, not too many of them, no plot to follow, and on Netflix. Season Two is set for this year.

Top Five Tuesday: Best and Worst of Frozen

I thought Pam was bullshitting me when she said that Willow will only watch Frozen. I figured that was just because Pam was putting Frozen on the TV, and Willow was passively watching along. Nope—the first time I tried putting on something else, Aladdin or some shit, Willow started yelling "No! No!" and only when I clicked on Frozen did she shush.

I'm not that parent. We monitor screen time. If she watches Frozen, that's it. Still, on most days, that really is her choice. And so I've watched this movie at least a dozen times this year so far (I can't imagine how many times Pam has watched it).

Anyways, here are my opinions about a children's movie.


Top Five Parts of the Movie Frozen

5. You can see Olaf being created by Elsa during the big song, but it's not commented upon. He's one of the snowy creations during "Let It Go," but you only see him for a brief moment, and it took me until maybe the sixth viewing to notice. I don't know if this is because there was a deleted scene or something, but I think it's admirable that they didn't feel the need to explain Olaf. They just let him exist. It adds to the humor.

4. The "true love" spoken about in many Disney films ends up referring to a sisterly bond here. Not that I'm a Disney connoisseur or anything, but I have to imagine that this is pretty unique in the canon. You don't need a man, especially (two!) men that you just met. Family bonds are just as important.

3. The way Jonathan Groff reads the line "Aw... but I just paid it off..." among other line-readings that are just perfect. Groff can make any line of any script convincing, and his reaction to his sled crashing and exploding makes me chuckle every time. Groff is also the actor that made the line "eight ripe cunts" on Mindhunter sound just as memorable, so he can probably do anything.

2. The tracking shot at the start of Coronation Day is masterful. It achieves so many purposes through the long take through the courtyard outside the gate. We get exposition about how the gate is opening, and why. We get introduced to dastardly characters (or re-introduced to a now-grown man and his reindeer) and learn their motivations. And we get a sense of scope and beauty of the kingdom during the summer, which will soon come to an end. I know tracking shots aren't really the same when its a cartoon, but I appreciate it all the same.

1. "Let It Go"—it truly lives up to the hype created by millions of six-year-olds around the country. No matter how many times I watch Frozen, "Let It Go" gives me ASMR-like chills. I'm not sure if that has to do with Menzel's skills as a singer, the beautiful animation, of the key changes. Probably all three.

Top Five Worst Parts of the Movie Frozen

5. "Let It Go" has a message that's a little off. I know I just slobbered all over about how good this song is, but that's honestly only true on the surface level. When you dig a little deeper, Elsa's realization of "I'm free!" is a little premature. She's not free. She's still fucking up everything, whether she knows it or not. It's strange to me that the big singing centerpiece comes in the first half of the film.

4. The "Hans is actually the villain!" reveal comes out of nowhere. I get that it may be truer to real life, that some people are just great liars. But from a storytelling perspective, it would make a little more sense to give at least a minute subtle hint that maybe Hans' intentions were impure.

3. There was some real shitty parenting. Maybe this is a "hindsight is 50/50" thing, but doesn't it seem kind of fucked up to sequester Elsa away from EVERYONE just because she has wintery powers? Especially because gloves apparently solve the problem? Making Anna think that Elsa hated her, and doing nothing to correct that notion, is emotional abuse. To their parents, Elsa's powers were not a gift, they were a curse. Maybe they realized their error as their ship sank.

2. Sven thinks he hears something, so he... stops?! It may seem futile to question the logic of a reindeer's actions, but he's practically anthropomorphic, so I'm safe. Sven is pulling Kristoff and Anna through the woods, and he thinks he hears something suspicious. I assume that he suspected that that something, whatever it was, was dangerous. So why slow down? Why stop? If he knew enough to know that wolves were around, wouldn't he know enough to know that he should speed up?! C'mon dude!!! Fuck!!!

1. Kristoff is forced to work a job that is obsolete. Think about how fucked up this is: Kristoff's official job is Ice Master, meaning that he has to travel certain distances to gather ice from lakes, and bring it back to distribute to the townspeople. But it's established in the movie that his sister-in-law, Elsa, has the power to create ice at will. Capitalism forces Kristoff to keep working this archaic job. Kristoff is basically the coal miners of today—going kicking and screaming into modern times, performing a shitty job that isn't even necessary. Hopefully in Frozen II, Queen Elsa either established a universal basic income, or gives Kristoff a scholarship to learn a new, more useful trade.

This Is My Blood: Kalamazoo Stout

Pam wanted me to include
Willow's pacifier for
posterity.

I'm struggling to get through this chapter of Tasting Beer, I'm not going to lie. I understand why the brewing of beer is important in learning how to taste beer, but man, it feels like I'm reading a science textbook sometimes. Ugh. We continue.

I learned about "balance" today. In considering what raw materials and what created malts and what temperatures and what processes are going to be used in the creation of beer, a brewer must try to find a balance. Even the hoppiest beer has some smooth malt; even the creamiest stout has some hop bitterness. This is an innate idea, but it's the specifics that overwhelm me.

For instance, Mosher just assumed that I'd know what "gravity" meant when it came to beer, so I had to do some extra research to find out that it referred to how much "stuff" (i.e. sugar) is in the malt. The higher the gravity, the denser the beer. Apparently, gravity is a simple equation when you know the potential yield of the malt, and the proficiency of the procedure you're using. (Color and hops are a bit more complicated, and apparently are figured out with the help of computers these days.)

This can all be boiled down to a simple ratio, for the most part. The ratio is bitterness units to gravity units. The higher the gravity, the sweeter and smoother it's going to be, whereas the higher the bitterness, the more bitter hops are present. They are opposite and competing units, see, and so to achieve "balance," you want it to be 1:1.

The beer that I split with Pam tonight, Bell's Kalamazoo Stout, had that "balance" for sure. It was a dark stout—it poured dark black, like, really dark. And there was no carbonation practically, creating a smooth experience that you would expect from a beer of such color. But there was a strong bitterness to it as well, creating a bite that is similar to one you'd experience drinking coffee (no coincidence that the beer tasted strongly of coffee and cocoa).

But as Mosher indicates, "balance" is kind of a misnomer. Getting that 1:1 ratio isn't really necessary to make a certifiably great beer. Sometimes you need a beer that's way more hoppy than it is smooth, and vice versa. Achieving true balance is completely besides the point. Knowing how to make a good beer is way more complicated than that. Obviously.

NOTES

BEER: Kalamazoo Stout

GENRE: American Stout

ABV: 6.0%

BREWED BY: Bell's Brewery

LOCATION: Kalamazoo, MI

PURCHASED AT: IGA, probably

PRICE (AT THAT LOCATION): I need to do a better job at keeping track of these things

PAIRED WITH: hardboiled eggs, sliced and placed on toast with mayo (eating fancy tonight!!!)

GRADE: 2.5 pukes out of 5

BEER COUNT: 41.5

Your Favorite Movie: Rudy, with Jim C.

Welcome back to Your Favorite Movie, where we put all on the line for years just to get a chance to run onto the field and sack one single movie.

This week, our good friend Jim C**** was the one carried out of the blog on our shoulders. I've been hanging around with Jim for a couple decades now. Our friendship has survived a constant ball-busting during throughout all that time (at one point, our scoutmaster used to call Jim "Trigger"). Jim has been one of my favorite friends for a long time; I'm even wondering at points if our being so comfortable together is going to translate well in this interview, or if this whole thing is just going to sound like a litany of inside jokes.

Jim's favorite movie of all time is Rudy, an inspirational football flick. I always knew that it was his favorite (I didn't even have to ask him what movie when I asked him to participate in this), but I had never seen Rudy until I had to watch it for the interview. I knew nothing about it, and yet, it was everything I expected. Lame? Hell yeah. But it was the perfect movie to talk about in this context.

We convened in Jim's basement last week, us two and our other pal Kev C*****, who you may remember from his Back to the Future interview. For someone who bitches often about not seeing his friends all that much these days, he sure spent a lot of time on his fucking cell phone during this interview!!!!!

Here's what we talked about, transcribed with Jim's permission, edited slightly because fuck Notre Dame. This was one of my favorite interviews, so enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joe: When I told Kev that we were going to be talking about Rudy, Kev said, "Of course." Why do you think he said that?

Jim: I think he said it because of how unhealthily obsessed I am with Notre Dame.

Kev: Show him your leg. [Editor's note: Jim has a Notre Dame tattoo on his leg, but I neglected to get a picture.]

Joe: Obsessed with Notre Dame?

Jim: Leg. Walls. [laughter]

Joe: Let's see. I'm looking around the room now. You have a banner that says "Play like Champion today!" Is that from Rudy?

Jim: It's in the Notre Dame locker room.

Joe: Okay.

Jim: I would say—I mean, I don't want to go on a tangent—

Joe: Go ahead.

Jim: Rudy was one of the first memorable movies I've ever watched.

Joe: When was the first time you watched it?

Jim: Probably second or third grade. It was right when I started watching Notre Dame football, coincidentally. I know the go-to insult is [mocking voice], "Oh, he's Irish Catholic from Northeast Philly, of course he loves Notre Dame." But, usually on Saturdays, my dad would go over to my grandpop's, for whatever reason, to help around the house or what. But it would be the thing that was on. That's how I got into it.

Joe: So it was like a family thing.

Jim: It honestly ended up being good timing, that the movie came out when it did. It was like, "This is awesome!"

Joe: Yeah, I was wondering what came first. But you're saying that you became a fan and watched the movie at the same time.

Jim: Yeah, so the movie came out in '93. I don't think—I obviously didn't go to the theaters to see it. But I want to say it was around that time. It's interesting, because the woman that babysat me, her family, ironically enough, was a big Michigan State family.

Kev: Uncle Pat didn't babysit you? [Editor's note: This was a joke that went over my head, but I asked Kev later to clarify. Apparently Kev's Uncle Pat lived next to Jim, growing up. Kev indicates that his mom wouldn't leave him in the same room as Uncle Pat whenever they would visit. Fill in the blanks from there.]

Jim: It was a lot of funny banter back and forth... the banter being me telling my dad to call her on her landline. [laughter] We used to go to their family parties back in the day, so it was a lot of busting balls.

Joe: So how did the Notre Dame thing start? I know you said from your family, so how did your dad start watching them?

Jim: I think it grew from my grandpop. When it came to football for him, growing up, that was the only football on TV.

Joe: Where did he grow up?

Jim: Here, but Notre Dame was on an NBC contract. [Editor's note: Per Wikipedia, Notre Dame is broadcast nationally on NBC, and has been since 1991. This would explain Jim watching it at his grandpop's during his youth. However, when his grandpop was growing up, it wasn't the only team on TV, or at least I couldn't find any evidence of that. They were instead part of CFA, a group of football teams that pooled their television rights, from 1976-1990. They broke away from that to sign the NBC contact.]

Joe: Ah, okay.

Jim: It's not like it was a cable thing. They were—I hate saying this—they were "America's Team," basically. With Knute Rockne, and his success winning national championships. They were the go-to team, they were always 11-1, 12-0, that kind of stuff. So I think by default, they ended up being the "national team," at least being on the national broadcast in the '50s and '60s. So I'm assuming that's how he got into it.

Joe: So you don't consider it a "bandwagon" thing?

Jim: No.

Joe: Wouldn't it be the same if your dad started watching the Cowboys?

Jim: [sighs] I don't know. Because it's like... I think you're right, because they were the best team in college football for him, growing up. It was a convenience factor, because they were the only [college] football team on TV. I guess the only other team would be Penn State. So I don't know, maybe it was that he was just so invested by that point, it was like... okay. Then it was me being young and naive, at the time, at five or six years old. It had been five or six years since they had won a national championship. and then to this day, I've yet to see one. [laughter]

Joe: They won in 1988?

Jim: Yeah, '88, so technically January 1989. And then I was born in September '89.

Joe: So you're the bad luck.

Jim: Dude, I must be! It's funny, I've never been to Notre Dame, for all the talking I've done, all the nonsense I've talked up. I've been to Notre Dame games, but not their home stadium. It's just a very inconvenient place to get to.

Joe: Yeah, where is it at?

Jim: South Bend, Indiana. So it's either you fly to Chicago and drive two hours, or you can drive twelve hours. So obviously the Philly game I went to, and if they're in driving distance, I'll try to go.

Joe: Did you want to go to Notre Dame for college?

Jim: Yeah, I did, because of the allure.

Joe: Because of Rudy?

Jim: I'd say that's part of it. I mean, he tries so many times to get in, and he finally gets in. But, I knew once I got to high school that it would be a stretch. Then I knew, when Mike S****** and Cathleen K*** went on a—

Kev: "Ew, if they're going, then I'm not going." [laughter]

Jim: No!

Kev: "I can't go to school with Mike S******."

Jim: No, it was... okay, yeah, "Three schools in a row?!" [laughter] Nah, just kidding. Obviously, they were Neumann Scholars, very smart, and I just wasn't in that echelon. That's the type of people that they accept. That's kind of what's been Notre Dame football's undoing, that they stick to those high academic standards, and the other big football schools don't.

Joe: So your mindset was very unlike Rudy's.

Jim: Yeah, I got very discouraged. And then I did hear that the babes were... [noise of disgust]

Joe: Alright, now you're starting to sound like D-Bob. [laughter] Would you want your daughter Nora to go to Notre Dame?

Jim: Yeah. Hell yeah.

Joe: Are you going to show her Rudy and have her make that decision?

Jim: Yeah, I would let her make any college decision she wants.

Joe: Well, your birth announcement was a Notre Dame jersey with "Notre Dame Rookie."

Jim: [laughter] Yeah, it was!

Jim: I didn't know what else to do!

Joe: Kev, what do you think about that? Let's get your opinion on this.

Kev: Well, considering everybody that's Irish from Northeast Philly already has an honorary degree from Notre Dame, I don't really see the reason for anyone to actually go. [laughter] Also, you pretty much just called all the girls in South Bend ugly, and you want to send your daughter there? That's kind of messed up.

Jim: Aw, burn. I knew you would twist what I said.

Joe: I'm very interested in this response.

Jim: I agree with the "honorary degree" thing.

Kev: Everybody in Northeast Philly has a Notre Dame tattoo. Nobody in Northeast Philly went to Notre Dame.

Joe: There is this sense in Northeast, and other places like Boston, that have what I call "Fake Irish." Like, sure, our ancestors were from Ireland, but we're not fucking Irish.

Kev: Now they all live in Mayfair. [laughter]

Jim: Joe brings up a good point. Boston, New York, Philly were all huge hubs for Irish immigrants, but that's almost 100 years ago at this point. So there aren't many people who are actually Irish. You'll see more people on the Wildwood Boardwalk that are from Ireland. [Editor's note: Wildwood makes an effort to hire immigrant students in the summer months.] If you went to Notre Dame, you're probably pretty well-off and established. And it's not like you're going to work for Premiere Insurance or something... [laughter]

Joe: Again... the exception being Rudy.

Jim: The true story about Rudy is very different.

Joe: You're saying the "based on a true story" is "loosely based"?

Jim: Very loosely based. How deep do you want me to go?

Joe: Deep.

Kev: That's what she said. [no laughter]

Jim: Rudy did not get on to that field—for two downs—until he was 28 years old.

Joe: You're saying this is different from the movie? Because that's what happened.

Jim: No, I'm not saying it's different. I'm saying the age—it's a huge difference between 28 and playing with 20-year-olds. And he still couldn't really—

Kev: I thought he played two downs and a kickoff?

Jim: Well, a down, and a kickoff. So two plays, Mr. Technical...

Kev: I thought this was your favorite movie...

Jim: But what I'm saying is... look how hard it was for him to get into Notre Dame academically, and then look how hard it was for him to get on the field. But he was 28! And apparently he was a pretty good athlete, despite what the movie said. He did not work in a mill, or have a friend named Pete—

Joe: Oh, he was in the Navy, right?

Jim: Yeah, and then he was like, "I want to go to Notre Dame." So he tried that out for years and years and years. The funny thing that most people don't know is, the character of his older brother Frank? There is no Frank. It's a combo of all the people who doubted him.

Joe: Of which I'm sure there were many.

Jim: Fortune also does not exist either. It's definitely... if you look at movies based on true stories, it's definitely very exaggerated. And with the whole Notre Dame thing, you either love it or you hate it, there's no in between. I think that movie fuels people's hate.

Joe: Of Notre Dame?

Jim: Yeah! Because it's like, [mocking voice] "He was offsides!" [laughter] People get very fired up about it, it's like, "Alright, relax!"

Joe: Was he offsides?

Jim: I don't know, he might have been. He also wasn't the last guy to be carried off the field at Notre Dame. At the time of the movie, he was.

Joe: Yeah, that's right, I wrote this down. Marc Edwards.

Jim: Yeah, '95. The movie is correct, because it came out in 1993.

Joe: So what were those 1995 players thinking? Did they want to ruin the movie by carrying that guy off the field?

Jim: Maybe they got the idea from the movie. A lot of the movie was filmed at games. The entire game Rudy plays was filmed at halftime of a Boston College vs. Notre Dame game. When he's sitting in the stands, one of the years he's not playing, it was filmed during a Penn State game. Notre Dame doesn't typically allow anything to be filmed on campus, they're very weird about it. The only other movie filmed there was Knute Rockne, All American, starring... [looks at Kev] Ronald Reagan. The Gipper. "Win one for the Gipper."

Kev: I don't need to hear about Ronald Reagan. I didn't know that was his name.

Jim: The President of the United States?!

Kev: I didn't know his name was the Gipper.

Jim: Yeah, he played... [sighs] Oh god.

Kev: He played for Notre Dame?

Jim: No, he played the character...! Oh my god... That's a different movie for a different day.

Joe: That's not your favorite movie of all time, Kev?

Kev: Can't say that it is.

Jim: You're such a dick. But it's interesting because it shows that it is very possible to overcome odds. It's dramatized to a point, but it's saying that he did make it.

Joe: That was something he wanted to do.

Jim: Yeah, he ran out of the tunnel. He led them onto the field. You see a lot of stuff about walk-ons, there have been good players that were walk-ons. But also, an interesting part of the movie is that not once do they acknowledge the greatest quarterback of all time.

Joe: Joe Montana?

Jim: Joe Montana.

Joe: He was the quarterback that year.

Kev: Maybe they weren't allowed to. Maybe they didn't have the rights to his name.

Jim: I think Joe Montana is pretty butthurt about it. He was on Dan Patrick ten years ago and was like, "A lot of that was made up."

Joe: Right. "They didn't actually cheer 'Rudy!'"

Jim: It's like, dude, you won four Super Bowls. You and Tom Brady are the greatest quarterbacks of all time.

Joe: Him and Coach Dan Devine are both pretty butthurt about this movie.

Jim: Yeah, Dan Devine was the one that put him in! And they made him the villain!

Joe: It's pretty funny.

Jim: They make him a total asshole.

Joe: It's interesting. Is there another sports movie where the hero's own coach is the villain?

Kev: Varsity Blues.

Jim: Towards the end, yeah. No, actually, the whole movie.

Joe: Is the one where Joe Kane is the quarterback? Or is that another one?

Jim: You might be thinking of Friday Night Lights.

Joe: No! That quarterback gets paralyzed.

Jim: I don't know what football movie you're talking about.

Joe: Alright, I'll put an editor's note here. [Editor's note: The Program] Rudy definitely the only sports movie that ends in a sack.

Jim: Yeah.

Joe: Where does this stand... I mean, I know this is your favorite movie of all time, but in terms of the sports movie pantheon, is there anything that comes close to Rudy?

Kev: I don't think Rudy is the best sports movie of all time.

Joe: Well, I was asking Jim, but I would like your opinion, Kev.

Jim: Why don't you shut your face, Kev! No, I think Remember the Titans is up there. Again, very dramatized. But it is a movie. If you wanted to see the real thing, you'd watch a documentary. Coincidentally, they're both football movies, sure. Invincible... I like Mark Wahlberg, and I like the Eagles, but that movie was just didn't...

Kev: That movie was more dramatized than any other sports movie.

Joe: I've never seen that one. Do the Eagles win the "Big Game" at the end?

Jim: No, they were terrible. [laughter]

Kev: They lost every game that season.

Jim: They ended it on him blocking a punt. He was on special teams.

Kev: In the movie, they showed him running 40 yards, when really it was a five-yard punt block. [Editor's note: Yeah, more or less.]

Jim: And they filmed it at Franklin Field, and this was after the Vet got knocked down, so they CGI'd the Vet. Being from Philadelphia, you could tell. I think they filmed training camp at Central High. But I think the authenticity of Rudy, how they filmed it at Notre Dame, was good. With a lot of sports movies, they don't film on location. This is a horrible example, but that stupid Tony Danza movie? Where he was a kicker for the Eagles? "The Trash Can Guy" or whatever he was called? [Editor's note: the hilariously named The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon.] That was filmed in Toronto! You'd like to see authenticity. The Irishman should have been filmed in Philadelphia! But if it's familiar with me, it's a place that I've been, it's like, "Cool, I've been there." Even though... I've never been to Notre Dame. [laughter]

Joe: I thought that the most interesting part of Rudy was how little it concerned itself with the wins and losses of the team.

Jim: Rudy is technically a national champion. He was on the scout team when they won the championship.

Joe: Oh, he was working for them?

Jim: Back then, ironically enough... Joe Montana was on the team, but when you were a freshman, you weren't allowed to play varsity. So I want to say he might've been a freshman? But going back to this—by today's standards, how weird is it that a 28-year-old is playing—?

Joe: You don't think you could do it? You don't think you could play for Notre Dame?

Jim: I'd probably be a frigging... I don't know what I could be. A defensive lineman?

Joe: Kev thought he could play for the Union when he was 28!

Kev: ...

[laughter]

Kev: When I was 20, maybe!

Joe: I thought I remember you trying out when you were 28?

Kev: When I was 20! I went to the tryout where you could pay $25 and play on the field and get a free T-shirt.

Jim: I thought I could be the Sixers' PA announcer, but here I am.

Joe: That's right, I forgot about that.

Kev: At least you tried.

Jim: But in today's standards, with a 28-year-old playing, it would be like, "Is there something wrong with him?" and "When are you going to give up?" There was a good guy who played for Texas a few years ago. He was a Green Beret, I can't remember his name. He served in Iraq, several tours. Unfortunately, there's not much to stand on when you return as a vet, so you go back to school. Why not play football? Rudy technically did the same thing. But Rudy didn't fight in the war. Not to get all political or anything, but I think with those instances, you see guys who are—you look to them for more for their leadership abilities. There was a guy who played for Oklahoma State in 2011. Brandon Weeden. He played minor league baseball for years, and it didn't pan out, so he re-enrolled in college at 26. He was 28 playing college ball, and ended up getting drafted in the first round for the NFL because he had a great senior year. Well, yeah! It's easy when you're that age! If I was playing against the kids on the B-team at Presentation [our grade school], it would obviously be different. And Rudy still couldn't...

Joe: You're working really hard to discredit Rudy here.

Jim: But it's just... as much as I like this movie, when you turn 30 and you've seen a little bit of the world—as hard as it was for him, it's still like, can that really happen though? When he goes for the walk-on tryouts: "There are 35 guys here on scholarship who aren't going to be dressing each week." Those were long odds! With how it is with concussions in football, is it worth getting your head kicked in so you can run out on the field, and say you did it? For him, it comes from a lot of people doubting him.

Joe: I was going to say—it's funny how closely you sound to his dad right now.

Jim: I agree! He doubted Rudy.

Joe: With the dad, it wasn't even a matter of doubt. It was like, "This is the life we have. We're a working-class family."

Jim: "Is this not good enough?" Yeah. It was almost a slap in the face to the dad, because it was like... Yeah, I would've loved to go to Notre Dame myself, but there are certain realities to acknowledge. The thing about him was that he really didn't see that reality. Which can be good or bad. But he didn't let that deter him. Personally, it would've deterred me. Especially in today's day and age, needing to be financially stable, there's more important factors. I think it's almost like he had a fall back plan of being a mill worker. And now... he's a motivational speaker? Because he played two downs during a football game?!

Joe: We'll definitely get to "Rudy now" eventually, but I want to stick with this subject for now. Because I was kind of weighing it with myself, with how much I agreed with the dad, and the speech that he gave. I was wondering, is that a bad thing? Does that mean I'm not "a dreamer"? I dunno. The fact that you're mirroring some of what the dad says too, I dunno if that was on purpose...

Jim: Ten years ago I would've thought differently. That's the mentality you have when you're eighteen, nineteen. It's like, "I have all the time in the world," and you really don't. It's easy to hate the dad, hate the douchebag brother Frank—

Joe: Because that's how the movie sets it up.

Jim: Right. You hate the brother that ends up banging his girlfriend!

Joe: It's just interesting to me that the movie was clearly setting it up that way, and yet I disagreed the movie anyway. The dad was being realistic! Is that just because we're 30-somethings?

Jim: I would've had a different answer ten years ago, but being where I'm at today, at a certain point... there's certain windows of opportunity. I'm not saying he didn't take it when he had a chance, but it's like, "Dude... you can't physically do what you did at 20." Fortune brought up a good point too, when Rudy doesn't want to go to practice, Rudy was like, "I wanted to prove to everyone," and Fortune tells him, "Prove what?! You're so full of crap!" It almost gets to a point when you wonder if he's just being selfish. Is it for personal gain? I mean... he's obviously not a "legend." He would not have that status without the movie. It almost goes to show you how—yes, what he did was difficult—but it's more common than that. It's not as "impossible" as the movie portrays it, for someone to be a walk-on on a football team.

Kev: A 55-year-old guy made it onto Carolina State's team a few years ago.

Joe: Did you just look that up on your phone?

Kev: Yeah.

Joe: I thought you were trying to find Rudy gifs.

Ah Yeah GIF from Rudy GIFs

Joe: Isn't that what you guys do down here in this basement? Show each other memes?

Jim: [laughter] Memes.

Joe: Is there anything about the character of Rudy that you identify with now? I know you said you did when you were younger, but how about now?

Jim: I think if I were to know someone who was going through that, trying to make it big, and did, then I would feel a huge sense of pride. Almost like D-Bob did. None of us are "famous" or anything like that. But they saw on this big stage, in front of 75,000 people, a nobody who gets on the field during the last chance he has. When you see people's hard work pays off, it's easy to proud of them.

Joe: So you're okay with surrounding yourself with Rudy-type people, but you yourself are not a Rudy-type person.

Jim: Yeah, I'm not sure what I could relate to in Rudy now.

Joe: Didn't you win the Bulldog Spirit Award in grade school?

Jim: [laughter] I did. I had to split it with some douchebag, but yeah. [laughter] [Editor's note: I am the douchebag.]

Joe: Why do you think you won that award?

Jim: It's funny, because that's stuck with me. I wouldn't say I'm the best athlete. I love sports, but I'm not the best athlete. It was more enjoying being at the games, cheering on friends. That stuck with me throughout college. I was friends with the people who were on sports teams, and everyone would bust my chops and say that I'm a "jersey-chaser," or that I'm the "best non-athlete that Gwynedd's ever had."

[laughter]

Jim: But I ended up getting a plaque at Gwynedd too! It was mainly for the stuff that I did for the Sport Information office and everything, but it's like, "Alright, if I can't be an athlete, then why don't I surround myself with it?" That's how I got into announcing, and stuff like that. I can relate to Rudy in that way, because he got into painting the helmets. Like, are you kidding me? If I lived out there, I'd be all over that. I think what separates me from him is that I don't have the athletic ability, so I just gave up. He didn't. But he also did what I would've done, and surrounded himself in those opportunities. I would say I got that from this movie. That's how I ended up getting certain internships. It does work to your benefit sometimes. Surrounding myself with athletics in college has given me great friendships too. That aspect, what he did in the movie, surrounding himself with Booster Clubs—

Joe: Even when he wasn't a student.

Jim: Yeah.

Joe: Does that remind you of anyone?

Kev: ...What?

Joe: You not being a student at La Salle, but being on the poster for the Student Fan Club?

Kev: I wasn't even trying. [Editor's note: I can't find a copy of it, but this is a true story.]

Jim: Didn't you even do a stand-up comedy thing at La Salle?

Kev: I killed it.

Jim: "Sir, you don't even go here!"

Joe: It's funny that you busted Jim's balls so much about not going to Notre Dame.

Kev: Are you trying to say that La Salle was my Notre Dame?

[laughter]

Kev: I was still technically there!

Joe: That's true, you did live there.

Jim: You're the only guy I know that would move from living right next to your job to living much farther away. Maybe you wanted to get away from your parents? I'm just saying.

Joe: Okay, we'll take a quick break and do this thing that I've been doing, where the previous interviewee has to ask the next interviewee a question. Sean E****, whose favorite movie was Romeo + Juliet...

Kev: Which one?

Joe: The 1996, Baz Luhrmann, MTV-fueled one.

Jim: The one with Leonardo DiCaprio?

Joe: Yeah. It took him a while to write this question.

Jim: Oh god.

Joe: "Would you make your children watch this film? And what would you do if they thought Rudy getting hurt was his fault, and a result of reckless decision making by Rudy, his coach, and his team? What if your kids thought the movie was dumb?"

Jim: "Why did he get hurt"?!

Joe: Well, first let's assume that Sean has never seen Rudy. [laughter] Next, let's assume that he means when Rudy got the bangs and bruises from getting walloped by 400-pound men?

Jim: So you're saying the long-term health effects from pursuing all this?

Joe: I don't know what Sean is saying. [laughter] Basically, what would you think if Nora thought Rudy was being irresponsible?

Jim: I would say, "How old are you?"

Joe: Now, remember, Nora is saying this as a Notre Dame Rookie, since conception!

Jim: I would be... not disappointed, but I would probably be bummed out.

Joe: That she's taking after Uncle Kev, saying, "Fuck Notre Dame!"?

Jim: Yeah, him and everyone else in the freaking world.

Kev: I never said that!

Jim: No, but if she liked another team...

Kev: What if Nora liked soccer as well?

Joe: Then she's disowned!

Jim: I would think she would never play football... and that's not saying one thing or another. I've always been curious—it's one of the few sports that's not gender equal. I've always been curious how women view the sport of football. Yeah, it's fun to watch, but, I'm wondering what they can relate to in football? The stuff that football players have to go through—lifting weights, two-a-days—it's interesting to think, if she said, "I want to play football," knowing what I know now, I wouldn't want her to play football. If she wanted to be a kicker? I'd be all for that. When people say, "Leave things the way they are," stuff like that...

Joe: What, you mean when people say "No girls can play football"?

Jim: Yeah. You have to evolve with the times.

Kev: There are a lot of women coaches now. Some women commentators.

Jim: There are women referees.

Joe: I think if we're going to make a stand for women having equality in sports, it shouldn't be a sport like football, because it's a sport that you're going to get fucked up, long-term-wise, getting paralyzed, lives ruined—

Jim: I'm not even saying football in general. I have seen Julia W**** take down Mike A****** during a game of football, so you definitely see it—

Joe: What, during Turkey Bowl?

Jim: Yeah. [laughter]

Joe: You know what, I didn't write this question down, but, how unlike Rudy is Dave N*****? [Editor's note: The following jokes are based on the inside joke that Dave took the Turkey Bowl football game really, really seriously.]

Jim: Dave is the complete opposite of Rudy. Dave would go out for the tryouts...

Joe: I was going to ask, could Dave play for Notre Dame?

[laughter]

Kev: Dave is Vince Vaughn in Rudy.

[laughter]

Jim: Dave would have all this hype, but end up seeing a guy like Rudy, and get pissed off about it.

Joe: Dave would be like, "Rudy was picked over me?! Are you serious?!"

Jim: Sorry, Dave! But it's true. You see a guy like who Vince Vaughn plays, being like, "Well, I'm going to Notre Dame," and then it's like, you're not guaranteed anything. I don't know how people do it. There's so many roster spots to fill, and so many bodies you need. But you're absolutely right, so many people go to that type of school with a sense of entitlement, and then it's like, "What do you mean I'm not starting?"

Joe: You hear that, Dave N*****? You're entitled! You'll never play for Notre Dame!

Jim: You'll always be picked last! If we ever play our Turkey Bowl game again. He might even be an undrafted free agent.

Joe: Yeah man, when Willow and Nora are old enough to tackle the shit out of Mike Jr.

Kev: I think I'd rather draft Dave's cat before Dave.

Joe: Have you read any of these interviews?

Jim: I've read some of them. I read fucking Ant's interview.

Joe: I was going to ask if you've read Ant's.

Jim: Specifically? [laughter]

Joe: Well, yeah.

Jim: "I love his drive." [laughter]

Joe: I busted his balls a lot. I raked him over the coals—

Kev: You? Never!

Jim: Wait, didn't he keep calling him "Jordan Belfast"?

Joe: No, that was me. I was doing that to try to piss him off.

Jim: "I just love his drive!"

Joe: Exactly, he was pissing me off because the dude that he was admiring, in his favorite movie of all time, is a criminal.

Jim: A terrible, terrible person.

Joe: So, Jordan Belfort was arrested for the pump-and-dump schemes. You're familiar with that?

Jim: Yeah.

Joe: Did you know that Rudy committed the same crimes? In 2011?

Jim: ...Yes. It's funny, when I think of "Rudy," I more think of Sean Astin. I think of the character. I think the story, for me, ends there, when he's being carried off the field.

Joe: I actually reached out to Ant about this, to see what he thought, and he wanted me to ask: "How does it feel that your childhood hero was arrested for fraud?"

[laughter]

Jim: I wouldn't say he's my childhood hero!

Kev: What about Ant's hero?

Joe: Arrested for fraud.

Kev: Among other things!

Joe: So how does it feel to be so similar to Ant S*******?

Jim: Rudy wasn't banging Margot Robbie.

Joe: Ant also wanted to ask: "Did Rudy get greedy for more money?"

Jim: Yes, I definitely think so.

Joe: To the tune of eleven million dollars!

Jim: The real life Rudy... the criminal aspect aside, his using the platform to gain money. Which, I'm sure nine out of ten people would.

Joe: You're talking about the motivational speaking?

Jim: That, and the autographs... a jacket from that movie would probably be worth 200 dollars.

Joe: So you're not defending his criminal activity?

Jim: No, not at all.

Joe: You're trying to say that you... admire his drive? [laughter]

Jim: No. It's not like he did all this knowing that he did all this because he knew a film was going to be made about his life. But I think he's taken things the wrong way since it was released.

Joe: It's interesting that he writes about all this in his book, but he never apologizes.

Jim: You know Rudy is actually in the movie?

Joe: That's right, he's in the stands or something?

Jim: Yeah, behind the dad. And the real D-Bob was the bartender. No, but I think the real Rudy is kind of slimy. From what I've read, the University distances themselves from him.

Joe: Like, this dude definitely voted for trump.

[laughter]

Kev: Alright. That's enough.

Jim:  It's like, why would a school of athletic legends who actually won them stuff, why would they focus on someone like Rudy?

Joe: It is kind of funny.

Jim: This isn't a no-name school who doesn't have football anymore. A school that would be holding on to someone like that to keep their name in the limelight. It's Notre Dame. Could they have done without this movie? Sure. I think the fact that it was Notre Dame, and the success they had already had, propelled the popularity of this movie too. Would you really see this movie at a school that didn't already play well?

Joe: Like, if Rudy played at La Salle.

Jim: La Salle Football. Exactly.

Joe: With Rudy, they would've gone 1-9 in '07 instead of 0-10.

Jim: That's what kind of pisses me off about how Rudy handled it. Because it's a great inspirational movie! If you put blinders on, it's hard to watch that movie and not be like, "Damn, I can do anything!"

Kev: It certainly inspires me to commit financial fraud.

[laughter]

Kev: If this movie came out now, and you knew what you know about Rudy and what he did, would you have the same appreciation for it?

Jim: No, I wouldn't.

Joe: I don't know if the movie even would've been made.

Kev: I don't know.

Jim: I see what you're saying though. Everything aside, if he was just a story or a legend, and they finally decided to make a movie about him... given his criminal past, I wouldn't see it in the same light. I'm sure there's something out there that you can compare it to...

Joe: The Wolf of Wall Street!

Jim: Exactly! You're exactly right. All that stuff was known, years before the movie.

Joe: He was similarly unrepentant of his crimes. Jordan Belfast is just doing his fucking thing now. He's a motivational speaker like Rudy!

Jim: In the days we live in, with apologies left and right, which I feel are... are you really sorry? Are you only sorry because you got caught, and are facing heat? I dunno. What would you rather see, that type of apology, or what Rudy did, say, "I did what I did, and I got caught. No remorse."?

Joe: I mean... there's a third option. You could be sincerely apologetic. He had that option when he wrote a book about his life, after getting arrested.

Jim: That's true. And the book profited him more money. So I've become skeptical about anything anymore when it comes to money. It's: what is your personal gain from it? If it was to have the money you made from your book go toward scholarships for Notre Dame students? That I would understand. But it's, "I'm not really sorry... and I wrote a book about it too." That's what pisses me off.

Joe: I agree with you wholeheartedly, but I will also now play devil's advocate. I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to have the peak of my life occur at 28, when I completed a fucking sack of a quarterback as a walk-on for one fucking game. That was the peak of your life, it's all downhill from there. So how do you feel thirty years later? Are you pumping and dumping because you want to feel alive again?

Jim: I think you see a lot of those cases. If that's the highlight of your life... it's interesting, because if you tie it into how things are today, with social media. Like if someone were to "go viral" for a hot minute. Is that worth a lifetime of misery, for just that one moment? You're in the spotlight for just that moment. I'm mad at myself for not doing this research, but I'm curious to know what he was up to from '75 to '93. Honestly.

Joe: Right?

Jim: It's like, what was he doing?

Joe: Working at the mill?

Jim: Exactly. So are you solely profiting off of a movie? If you're profiting off of your story, that's one thing. But if you're profiting off of a movie putting your name out there, it's just... it's interesting to me. I think about it all the time, like, what's this guy's real motive now? It ties in with Invincible, to be honest. I had no idea friggin' clue Vince Papale was. I'm trying to think of other movies like this. It's hard to be optimistic with people's motives.

Joe: You're mistrustful of Rudy.

Jim: Yeah. You're not surprised by it. When I heard, ya know, oh, he's on the news, it was like... [sighs] He got too greedy, and he got caught. The fact that he's not apologetic is annoying too. What the fuck? What is his motive here? That's where a lot of the resentment comes from, toward Rudy, and toward Notre Dame. Yeah, you love a guy who has heart, but who just isn't talented, you desperately want a guy like that to make it. But, if I was a teammate on that team, I would be like, "I busted my ass just as much as he did! And I'm not making millions of dollars off a Disney movie!" Or whatever. As a fan of the movie, and a fan of Notre Dame, it's sad to see, because it's more for personal gain when he uses his name and this movie. I think he forgets why he was doing it in the first place.

Joe: And he puts you in a position where you still have to defend this movie. I guess that's what you're doing now? Though at points it's sounded like the opposite.

Jim: I think with Notre Dame, I've always had to defend it, because of the whole "Well, why?" The assumption that comes with it—like Kev said, everyone in the Northeast being Irish and Catholic.

Joe: I mean, fuck Notre Dame.

Jim: Exactly my point. That's what I'm saying.

Joe: Kev loves Notre Dame so much, he's on his phone looking for gifs right now.

Ah Yeah GIF from Rudy GIFs

Jim: You either love them or hate them. They were the first to get the national contract, so... if I take myself out of this scenario, and I liked Penn State, it's the same thing. The Dallas Cowboys, same thing. It's easy to hate successful teams. But now, when people have grown up and hate a team like that that isn't really successful anymore... people love to see them fail.

Joe: Well, okay, so Rudy was the underdog, right?

Jim: Yeah.

Joe: But Notre Dame was not the underdog. You want to root for the underdog. Notre Dame is not the underdog.

Jim: You're saying how can an underdog be on a team that eventually wins the National Championship.

Joe: When people say "Fuck Notre Dame," that means that they are good enough to be taking up at least some head space.

Jim: Here's a good real-life example. If you see a guy—I'll use a guy who graduated from [Jim's high school] Roman, Brad Wanamaker. Plays for the Celtics now. Came into the league at 29, after playing in Europe for years. Did what he had to do to get his name out there, and eventually get signed by the Celtics. He doesn't see a lot of time, but that's a guy who you want to see on a dynasty team. Like a Warriors. If the Warriors signed him, and they went to the championship, whether he really did anything to contribute or not, you'd feel happy for him. Not a guy like Kevin Durant, who's like, "I couldn't beat them, so I'm going to join them."

Joe: So you're making a case in favor of Rudy, that a team should want Rudy. Just to bring it back to the movie.

Jim: I would say that you'd want the movie character of Rudy to be on a team like that. To reap rewards for the hard work that the character has done—everything that the real-life person has done aside. It's hard not to root for him! His friend Pete dies, his girlfriend leaves him for the brother, he can't get into the school, tries and tries to get in, he's so dumb that he needs a tutor—

Joe: [laughter] As it turns out, he has dyslexia! Which is funny how off-handed the mention of that is.

Kev: What if one of your girlfriends left you for Brendan [Jim's brother]?

Jim: ...It would just be weird. But with Rudy, he had fourteen siblings. I guess it was still weird.

Kev: Was it just the law of large numbers?

Jim: It was a small town in Indiana.

Joe: Well, Connor [Jim's other brother] has the romance capabilities of twelve brothers, so...

Kev: His instagram and snapchat game is fire!

Joe: Okay, so that's a good segue into this. Let's talk about some things with Jim C***** on the internet, and how it relates to Rudy.

Kev: ...What?

Joe: You mentioned social media. We talked about how you post on Facebook a lot about Notre Dame. You used to a lot, anyway. When I searched "jimmy c**** notre dame," at least 20 statuses about Notre Dame from 2012 showed up.

Jim: Yeah, that was the National Championship season.

Joe: You accused people of being bandwagon fans. You wrote on Brendan's wall, "GET HYPE."

Jim: It was an exciting time, because that particular year was right after college. I was at my first job, and there wasn't much to look forward to besides going out on the weekends with friends. That year seemed very... different to me. They started the year in Ireland—"This is the coolest thing ever!"—and they slowly but surely started winning games. As it is to this day, you wait for the one loss, and then they're done. And that's what happened.

Joe: I'm glad they lost.

Jim: It was the National Championship game, but they got their doors blown off. Anyway, it was a time in my life when it was something to look forward to. Something to get excited about! A lot of it relates to being so used to the disappointment.

Joe: In football, or in life?

Jim: I would say... besides the Phillies in 2008, it was a lot of disappointment.

Joe: So, sports. You didn't feel like your life was disappointing.

Jim: No, no.

Joe: This wasn't filling some type of void.

Jim: No. I was just so used to the let-down, being a Philadelphia sports fan.

Joe: Who was that horse from Philly?

Jim: Oh, Smarty Jones?

Joe: Yeah. So Notre Dame is your Smarty Jones? You're just rooting for a team because the Philly teams don't have a shot?

Jim: Well...

Joe: They're the Taney Dragons of your life?

Jim: Yeah, I mean...

Joe: They're the Philadelphia Soul of your life?

Jim: Okay.

Joe: Let's move on. You were made famous on Crossing Broad for meeting Dario Šarić. What would Dario Šarić think of Rudy?

Kev: Dario Šarić would say, "I bet Rudy didn't have those brightly colored shoes." [laughter]

Jim: ...That was my first mistake, tweeting at fucking Kyle Scott.

Joe: My favorite comment underneath that article was, "It looks like he's trying too hard. He looks like the type of guy who would bring a glove to the Phillies game." [laughter]

Jim: I think it's a very similar scenario.

Joe: I'm sure people said that about Rudy, "It looks like he's trying too hard." Or, "He looks like the type of guy who would bring a baseball glove to a Notre Dame game."

Jim: I was going to say, from the perspective of Dario, and with all European players, the U.S.A. is where you want to end up. It's the Notre Dame of—

Joe: [laughter] America is Dario Šarić's Notre Dame?

Jim: No, but at the time, it's the goal, where you eventually want to end up. Maybe not so much these days. It's interesting, because if that guy came over in the '70s, would it be as big a deal as it was today?

Joe: On Puke on Your Birthday, you wrote a glowing review of Entourage, the TV show.

Jim: [laughter] Oh my god.

Joe: Would Rudy like Entourage?

Jim: ...Nah.

[laughter]

Jim: I think Rudy would be a fan of—

Kev: The Wolf of Wall Street. Because of the financial fraud.

Jim: No. Although, Rudy and Entourage relate, story-wise. It goes back to seeing someone you grew up with make it.

Joe: That's good, I didn't even think about that. Thanks for taking a joke question and making it serious.

Jim: Granted, most of them benefit off of that. But I would be curious to see if Rudy had a crew around him. Entourage is loosely based on Mark Wahlberg's life.

Joe: So Rudy is to Rudy's Sports Energy Drink as Mark Wahlberg is to Wahlburgers?

Jim: [laughter] I don't know. More along the lines of... yes, Rudy put the hard work in, and sacrificed his body. But you also need a support system around you. As I've learned, there's people in his inner circle. So are you taking care of people once you've "made it," or are you taking care of people who helped you along the way? You can see that with Wahlberg and Vinny Chase. But Rudy doesn't strike me as that type of person. "Now that I'm famous, I'm not taking care of anyone." He seems like the kind of guy who'd be like, "fuck you."

Kev: MC Hammer did that.

Joe: Did what?

Kev: He took care of all his friends. They were on his payroll. He gave all his money to them, and then he went broke.

Joe: This is why we brought you here, man! That MC Hammer trivia!

Jim: Why is MC Hammer coming up in my Rudy interview?!

Joe: You were quoted on Puke on Your Birthday saying, "I'm Irish, and I'll prove it!" by chugging a beer, and immediately throwing it up? [laughter]

Kev: Was it a beer? I thought it was a wine cooler? [laughter]

Joe: Do you feel like Rudy had to prove he was Irish... by chugging beers...?

Jim: Yeah.

Kev: Was he even Irish?

Joe: There was that one scene where he definitely... he probably earned the Jim C**** Load of the Night Award by blowing up the fact that he wasn't a student, with that chick he was trying to hit on. Because he was drunk, for sure.

Jim: "Mary, Mary, quite contrary."

Joe: Do you feel like you like Rudy because you're still trying to prove that you're Irish? [laughter]

Jim: ...You know, it's funny. I don't think I have to prove that. But I also am very skeptical of—

Kev: Ask to see his tattoo!

Jim: —of these—

Kev: He's Irish!

Jim: —of these 23 & Mes and DNA tests and stuff.

Joe: What, did you get yours back and it just said "Rudy"? [laughter]

Kev: It was just a picture of Sean Astin. [laughter]

Jim: I was raised to believe that our ancestors are one ethnicity, but you start to find out that everyone is from everywhere. I dunno, there's definitely some of, "Let's hope to god I'm Irish, because I've been talking all this shit for 30 years." But yeah... that's one I'd like to have back, for sure.

Joe: On Puke on Your Birthday, you were quoted—this was when I brought a voice recorder around when we did a Power Hour, remember that?

Jim: Oh yeah.

Joe: We had to give a different toast every minute. One of your toasts was "Here's to Back to the Future I, II, and III."

Jim: Mine was?

Joe: Yeah, you toasted Kev's favorite movie.

Kev: Are you serious?

Joe: Yeah. So I would like Kev to now toast to Jim's favorite movie. Pay him back.

Kev: [raises Miller Lite] Here's to Braveheart.

[laughter]

Joe: Jim also toasted to "my cock," and—

Jim: Wait, yours or mine?

Joe: I assume you meant yours. [laughter] And you also toasted to "The man in red, Mr. Moses!" [laughter] [Editor's note: I cannot explain this inside joke on a public blog.]

Jim: This is at least ten years old, I would think? Maybe twelve? We definitely weren't 21 yet.

Joe: Spring break of Junior Year.

Kev: Really?

Jim: [to Kev] You were working by then.

Joe: You were working at the mill!

Jim: You've had the same job this whole time.

Kev: Until tomorrow!

Joe: You're quitting tomorrow?!

Kev: I'm putting my two weeks in.

Jim: That was also on the recording. Kev toasted to quitting the same job, ten years ago. [laughter]

Joe: This is going to be published in ten days. Am I going to have to put an editor's note in there saying that you didn't quit your job?

Kev: Nope, it's going to read "Kev did, in fact, quit his job." [Editor's note: Confirmed—Kev did, in fact, quit his job.]

Joe: Why are you quitting? Are you trying out for the Union?

Jim: Did this discussion about Rudy inspire you?

Kev: Rudy inspired me to steal eleven million dollars, actually. [laughter]

Joe: Alright, let's get real. We talked about Rudy "overcoming the odds." And working hard to do something that you wouldn't believe he could do. What is something in your life currently, in which you feel that you are doing that? Challenges that you're overcoming.

Jim: Two things. First, many people... this kind of sounds corny, but many people doubted that I would be with Colleen.

Joe: Oh yeah?

Jim: Many people.

Joe: Who, Kev?

Jim: Oh boy.

Kev: Wait, what about me?

Joe: Get off your phone!

Jim: Harry D**** will attest to this—people put her on a pedestal, as almost unachievable. She was known as "Hot Col." I think the B***** twins called her that. I was like, "I would love to date her, but it probably would never happen." I took a "persistent unapproach." With girls in the past, I was very aggressive in the pursuit. For her, I sat back and let her come to me. And it worked.

[laughter]

Joe: Okay...

Jim: But I'm saying that it was hard for me to do that, because of how I am. I wanted to be like, "Oh, I love you!"

Joe: You felt like you had dyslexia when it came to romance.

Jim: Exactly.

Kev: You know who has dyslexia when it comes to eating?

Jim: You're interrupting my story now?

Kev: Gabe Kapler, because he peels the skin off his chicken nuggets.

Jim: What the hell does that have to do with it?

Joe: I'm absolutely cutting this. Dude, get off your phone! Jesus.

Jim: Enjoy your time with your friends!

Kev: But he peels the skin... off his...

Jim: Is Gabe Kapler still the manager of the Phillies?

Kev: No, but—

Jim: Then I don't want to hear about it.

Kev: He peels his chicken nuggets and eats them that way.

Jim: What, have you been on Crossing Broad since Joe mentioned it?

Kev: No, I was on Barstool.

Jim: Even worse.

Joe: That is even worse.

Jim: But no, another thing I would say I'm overcoming now is that I'm being sober.

Joe: Absolutely, man. That's what I was thinking when I asked the question.

Jim: As lame as it sounds, I have an app that counts how many days I've been sober, and I'll be hitting 250 on Friday. It's something that, for the longest time, the notion out there was "You don't face these types of problems in your 20s." You get to college, and it's like, "It's party time!" Part of that really never left me. I've said it before—at eighteen, nineteen, it's funny when you're called "The Load of the Night," but on a Thursday night when you're 30? It's not that great. So it was balancing that, and overcoming that. I listen to Preston and Steve, and I didn't realize that Caseyboy has been sober for seven years now. He brought up something recently—when it comes to being an alcoholic, so many people try to say something like "I'll plan for this," or, "I'll stop on this day," or, "I'll do a Dry January," something like that. But sobriety is when you just stop, and your life begins. It's definitely made me a better person. It's resolved a lot of issues in my personal life, my marriage.

Joe: So do you feel like there have been, like Rudy's Frank, have there been people who have doubted you in the past 250 days?

Jim: Oh yeah. I still think there are people who doubt it still, and won't say anything. Who are still skeptical. It kind of motivates me. Knowing that people are like, "Oh, he'll come back in a year," or something like that. Or the people who think that there isn't a problem, that motivates me as well. In my own family, there are still skeptics. At the Mummer's Parade—it's always been a notorious shitshow. On one hand, it's like, why put myself in that scenario? But on the other hand, I want to prove to people that I can do it. It's not like I was at Paddywack's while everyone else was drinking, thinking, "Oh, I wish I was drinking." It's the opposite. It's like, I'm hanging out, and when people start getting annoying, I just leave. That kind of stuff motivates me. I want people to get to the point where they realize that I can still hang out. I still have to convince people. I'm not saying 250 days is a long time—it'll take a few years before people are comfortable around me in a bar setting. That definitely motivates me.

Joe: Right, just like the Franks in Rudy's life, that motivated him to achieve his goals.

Jim: Yeah. Obviously, there are more people who are supportive of me than not. But I think when it comes to alcohol, addiction, anything like that, I feel like there's always—coming from a family that has struggled with addiction—you're always waiting for the ball to drop.

Joe: You mean people are waiting for you to drop the ball?

Jim: Yeah, and I think society in general is like, "Well, he's doing good now, but when is this going to rear its ugly head again?" I think it's more prevalent with addiction, because when it comes to overcoming... I've been drinking since I was sixteen, so it's hard to get out of that mindset. That's what I've been doing for the past fourteen years of my life! I think as I slowly get further and further away from it, I'm starting to use that as motivation too—what did I use to do when I wasn't drinking? It's not like I was drinking all the time. You start to think of things like, "I can come and go as I please," and "I can drive," stuff like that. The benefits motivate you.

Joe: Absolutely.

Jim: To your point, though, I think that people are skeptical in general with anyone who is dealing with an addiction problem. You see so many stories about relapses, or someone falling off the wagon. It's different with alcohol, because it can be a big problem for people, but if I relapsed and had one beer, I wouldn't die. But then you see people who relapse on heroin, or something like that. Deadlier consequences. The other thing is that alcohol is legal. There are places built for people to have alcohol. There isn't anywhere to legally use drugs.

Joe: So you're saying that it's easier for people to be dismissive of your sobriety from alcohol.

Jim: Right. If I went and got shitfaced tonight, I would be hungover tomorrow, and be like, "Alright, I'll start a new sobriety count." So people are like, "Even if he is sober... what if just goes out and drinks one night? And then doesn't drink again?" The other thing is, "Woah, what are you doing at this bar? I thought you just wrote something on Facebook about being sober?" I believe in the whole idea of "you don't have to drink at a bar." There's a social aspect too.

Joe: For sure. And you definitely seem like you are still social.

Jim: People who may not have known me for years, or my personality. At Joe B*****'s wedding, I was on the dance floor all night. I could see how people may have been like, "Oh man, was he drunk?" If you don't know the person, it's easy to assume. A lot of people's assumptions also motivate me. Another motivation is: "Who gives a fuck what other people think?" Obviously, with family and close friends, I value their opinions, and that's helped me get to where I'm at today. But if some jerkoff who I knew from college sees about my sobriety...

Joe: But it's easy to discount those people... maybe not "easy," but to the people who don't believe in you, it's easy to say "Fuck you." When I learned of your sobriety, I was worried that I had been unsupportive, ya know, during all those times when you were drunk. There were plenty of nights that we got loaded together, and I didn't see that as a problem. So, the question was, should I have noticed? I felt less like a Frank, and more like a Pete. That they're friends, and Pete supported Rudy, but he didn't take the issue seriously.

Jim: I don't think it was a matter of having to realize there was anything wrong. We were out, having a good time. At the end of the day, we're not millionaires, we need to blow off steam. But when you see real life problems—I'll use my cousin dying as an example—that was a big motivator too, because you see the pain. His immediate family will never be the same. It's tough to watch that, and see them go through that. I know the drinking always worried my mom, but it was like, I have a career, a wife, a baby now. It's not a matter of "not seeing anything," it's just that we're so reliant on each other, being friends for over 20 years now... it's hard to see imperfections, or want to believe imperfections. But you're right, you see Pete... who knows, maybe he thought Rudy was crazy? Then Pete dies. When you lose something like that, it motivates you even more. Obviously, you're not dead...

Joe: Yet.

Jim: It's becoming a realer thing, as we get older, when you see people you know... it's a "life is short" thing. You gotta make it count. You're one of the few people I know who truly lives life to the fullest.

Joe: I dunno, man.

Jim: What I mean is that you believe the good in everyone. You're one of those people who get enjoyment from other people having fun, and having a good time. That's rare to find these days. So many people are selfish—maybe rightly so, they want their own happiness—but to want to see that in other people, that's missing in today's society. It's a great trait.

Joe: It can be good and bad. If my idea of fun was shoving an extra shot of Fireball down your throat, then that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

Jim: It's stuff we all learn, though. At the end of the day, I'm not dead. I'm still here.

Joe: You know what the tough thing is? Rudy had a goal, and he achieved it—there was a point when his quest to achieve what he wanted to achieve ended. Your quest in sobriety is not going to end.

Jim: I think everyone really needs to... if you achieve something, you gotta want something more. It's true in all parts of life—money, career, you want a bigger house—there's something more to achieve. If you ever feel like you peaked out, that's when it's like, "fuck."

Joe: Okay, so you're saying the fact that you have to keep working for your goal of sobriety is a good thing.

Jim: Yeah, it's a motivating thing.

Joe: So you're like Sisyphus, finding something positive to say about having to roll that boulder up a hill, every day.

Jim: Because it gives you a purpose! It gives you something to work toward. I know I can never take a break. I know it's going to be something I'll be working at for the rest of my life. As daunting as that sounds, it's motivating too. I think that's what's wrong with the real Rudy—he peaked. And what the fuck has he done since then?

Joe: There ya go Kev. Go try out for the Union. Did we convince you it was a good movie, Kev?

Kev: I never said it wasn't a good movie.

Joe: Fuck Notre Dame.

Ah Yeah GIF from Rudy GIFs