2019 in Stats and Lists and See You Next Years

This is one of those posts that's probably more for me than for anyone else, but if you really want to read some data and a list of what I did every day this year, then hey, go ahead. Otherwise, see ya in 2020!!!

Alcohol

As has been the case for the past twelve years or so, this was not a good year for my liver. But unlike in years past, I kept meticulous track this time of how many drinks I had throughout the year. Here are the totals. Yes, according to all metrics, I have a problem, duh. (More blogging on how to address the problem coming up tomorrow, I promise!)

January: 62 beers, 11 wines, 17 mixed
February: 129 beers, 17 wines, 27 mixed, 8 shots
March: 106 beers, 16 wines, 22 mixed, 1 shot
April: 46 beers, 2 wines, 2 mixed
May: 49 beers, 7 wines
June: 40 beers, 3 wines, 24 mixed
July: 165 beers, 7 wines, 3 shots
August: 129 beers, 18 wines, 5 mixed, 5 ciders
September: 167 beers, 3 wines, 1 shot, 7 mixed, 1 cider
October: 115 beers, 3 wines, 1 shot
November: 70 beers, 20 wines, 1 shot, 4 ciders
December: 114 beers, 17 wines, 2 mixed

Total: 1192 beers, 124 wines, 106 mixed, 15 shots, 10 ciders
1447 servings, for an average of 3.96/day. Not good!!!!!

Exercise

As if anything could possibly even out the massive amount of drinking. Yikes! And this isn't even that much! Hopefully the numbers look a little different 366 days from now.

Biked to work 93 times
Ran a total of 48 miles

Entertainment

I shared my favorite entertainments consumed in 2019 last week, but here are the full lists for each category.

Movies (62)
(see Your Favorite Movie and 2019 Oscars for the outcome of some of these viewing experiences)

Scott Walker: 30 Century Man, FYRE: The Greatest Party That Never Happened, Bohemian Rhapsody, Minding the Gap, BlackkKlansman, The Favourite, Green Book, Vice, Roma, Eighth Grade, Sorry to Bother You, Leaving Neverland, The Birdcage, Mama Mia 2: Here We Go Again, Blockers, Three Identical Strangers, Homecoming, Deadwood: The Movie, Rolling Thunder Revue, Mahogany, Big Fish, The Wizard of Oz, Back to the Future, Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, Spiderman: Into the Spider-verse, Clue, The Big Lebowski, The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Dark Knight, There Will Be Blood, The Big Chill, Titanic, The Last Boy Scout, The Godfather: Part II, When Harry Met Sally, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Princess Bride, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, The Aquatic Life with Steve Zissou, The Wolf of Wall Street, Gladiator, Beetlejuice, Interstellar, The Prestige, Oldboy, The Silence of the Lambs, Dazed and Confused, Between Two Ferns: The Movie, Rocky, Booksmart, Late Night, Raging Bull, Frances Ha, Lemon, Charlie Brown Christmas, The Irishman, Christmas Vacation, Home Alone 2, A Marriage Story, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

TV (34) 
(only those I watched at least an entire season or more of)

BoJack Horseman, A Very English Scandal, The Office, Killing Eve, The Good Place, True Detective, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, This Is Us, Russian Doll, A.P. Bio, Superstore, Shrill, Mindhunter, Jane the Virgin, Abby's, Veep, Barry, Superstore, Game of Thrones, Deadwood, High Maintenance, Chernobyl, Black Mirror, Fleabag, Catastrophe, Stranger Things, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Orange Is the New Black, Divorce, GLOW, Succession, The Righteous Gemstones, Lodge 49, Parks and Recreation, Rick and Morty

Books (14.5)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, The Righteous Mind, Astral Weeks, Keep Her Safe, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, The Throwback Special, Oblivion, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, White Noise, Infinite Jest (first half), Shades of Grey, Watchmen, The Overstory

Every Day

At the end of every day, I wrote down what I thought was the most noteworthy thing that happened that day was. As you can see based on some of these entries, it's not like my entire year was EXCITING or anything like that. Some days, the most noteworthy thing that happened was that a daughter was born, and some days, the most noteworthy thing that happened was that I ate a sandwich. Life is a journey, not a constant thrill ride. I'm cool with that I suppose. Here is every day.

1/1—Caught up with family and enjoyed the traditional Port Richmond Mummers show
1/2—Maintained my optimism while sick
1/3—Lost my wallet, found my wallet
1/4—K*** Sibling Christmas Dinner and Drunkenness
1/5—Discovered the joys of Aldi supermarket
1/6—Eagles beat the Bears with a missed field goal
1/7—Sat around the dining room table for dinner as a family (baby included)
1/8—Donated to some charities
1/9—Opened Willow's bank account
1/10—Called out sick even though I wasn't sick
1/11—Celebrated Butch's birthday
1/12—Inaugural Book Club meeting
1/13—Sunday Funday with "Run" Club; the Eagles lose
1/14—Called out sick while legitimately sick
1/15—Went to work while feeling like death all day (constant nausea)
1/16—Started to make a conscious effort to limit (or have no) screen time around Willow
1/17—Watched an interesting rock documentary
1/18—Finally watched A Star Is Born and loved it
1/19—Got a PPA ticket expunged; attended a birthday party despite having a baby
1/20—Avoided a mugging; investigated two different bruised ears; accused of infidelities
1/21—Lunch with Mom and Dad on MLK Jr. Day
1/22—Made an effort to read actual baby books to Willow
1/23—Wrote blog posts I was actually proud of
1/24—Woke up early to download a surprise-release album (NOT Weezer)
1/25—Fucked and got fucked up
1/26—Took a distillery tour; hired an impromptu babysitter and actually went out to a bar
1/27—Willow ate meat for the first time
1/28—Willow starts being insane at night for some reason
1/29—Took a nice morning walk; watched a great doc at night
1/30—Chatted with friends in different states whom I haven't spoken to in a while
1/31—Burned the midnight oil with an inconsolable baby
2/1—Snow day with the family, got lunch at our favorite bar
2/2—The Annual K*** Kousins Party
2/3—Watched an absolutely awful Super Bowl
2/4—Started a book I was really excited to read
2/5—Called Aunt Dee Dee for her birthday
2/6—Willow's first diner trip
2/7—Cracked my bike's frame, had to ride home on a rental
2/8—Met baby Nora
2/9—A full day in the Poconos with the Mountain Gang
2/10—Hate-watched the Grammys
2/11—Survived new operating system software at work
2/12—Lowered the crib in anticipation of Willow standing
2/13—Beat my lifetime Minesweeper record; met baby Frankie; finished a great book
2/14—Got drunk with my beautiful wife
2/15—A nice walk with my child through the neighborhood
2/16—McD***** Sibling Christmas Dinner, finally
2/17—Got drunk at Maeve's for the All-Star Game
2/18—Heroically watched the baby while hungover (with help from Grandpop)
2/19—Relaxed during work hours with a few beers at Milkboy
2/20—Early dismissal for snow; gut-punched by Roma
2/21—Used DoorDash, will never again use DoorDash
2/22—Listened to the first Phillies baseball of the year
2/23—A fun 1st birthday party and a fun 55th birthday party
2/24—Snuck out of work early to meet up with good friends for good beers
2/25—Watched the end of True Detective Season 3 (also maybe something else)
2/26—[censored]
2/27—Made a plan to address known domestic violence
2/28—Found myself at the 19th Hole for the first time
3/1—Learned how to play Clink and played for hours
3/2—Survived a first birthday party very hungover
3/3—Explored West Philly and ate a donut from Dottie's
3/4—Won a round of solitaire
3/5—Met my nephew Jude
3/6—Completed our tax returns and paid our dues
3/7—Ate a catered Mardi Gras lunch at work
3/8—Took a video of a cab driver confirming my purchase
3/9—Started collecting signatures for the block party permit
3/10—Another St. Patrick's Day Parade with the K***s
3/11—Assisted in tediously removing some kids from an unsafe home
3/12—Contemplated the silliest blog post drama of all time
3/13—Finished Leaving Neverland
3/14—First actual Spring day: took a long walk at lunch; hung on the front stoop with Willow
3/15—Read Fox in Socks with Willow
3/16—Pam's birthday brunch at Fette Sau; Jimmy's 30th birthday party
3/17—For once, refrained from drinking on the job, despite the holiday
3/18—Had a great, extended, solo, boozy lunch at Monk's
3/19—Positive pregnancy test!
3/20—Almost saw a homeless dude's dick, and other El adventures
3/21—Willow crawls for the first time
3/22—Stood up for myself when GrubHub fucked up and delivered our food two hours early
3/23—Threw axes with the family
3/24—Baby's first trip to Byrne's (after a weird work day)
3/25—Given a list of conspiracy theories by a drunk homeless woman at McGillin's
3/26—Chose sobriety
3/27—Went into work early to assist with a Secret Service raid that never ended up happening
3/28—Watched Phillies Opening Day with the family
3/29—Continued my Friday habit of cleaning up the trash out front
3/30—Stayed sober through a Mexican brunch, a brewery visit, and an exciting Phillies game
3/31—Troop 321 Reunion
4/1—Officially started keto again
4/2—Finally got an ass cheek skin tag removed
4/3—Set up a new mattress
4/4—Took a nice walk to the Schuylkill at lunch, explored the new Comcast building on the way
4/5—Baked some bangin' jalapeño poppers for a keto snack
4/6—Ran two miles for the first time in forever
4/7—Tried Chipotle's keto bowl and bought a cool spice from Trader Joe's
4/8—Made dill sauce
4/9—Started a promising new book; made taco shells out of cheese
4/10—Walked the whole way to work
4/11—Caught up on the blog, caught up on our TV shows
4/12—A wonderful (and sober) date night
4/13—Another great book club meeting; an old lady tries to fight Drew
4/14—Maggie's first birthday party
4/15—Diagnosed with a rare and incurable disorder
4/16—Watched as the Phillies score 10 runs in the first inning
4/17—Figured out that a post-dinner walk calms Willow down
4/18—Allowed Willow to stay up late when she refused to sleep, watched TV with her
4/19—Saw baby #2's heartbeat
4/20—The return of MBR; early Easter in Rockledge
4/21—Survived an Easter without any Reese's peanut butter eggs
4/22—Watched Beyoncé's Homecoming
4/23—Saw a 1 in the tens column of the scale, and my favorite shirt fit well
4/24—Finished reading Kavalier & Clay
4/25—Random and epic Phillies game with Jim
4/26—Ciara and Bernie get married; we party
4/27—Spent two hours at Home Depot
4/28—(Mostly) built a garden wall
4/29—Finished The Throwback Special
4/30—Local Natives answered my question on their Reddit AMA
5/1—Started to rewatch Deadwood
5/2—Signed up for a Walgreen's card
5/3—Listened to the new Vampire Weekend all day
5/4—Attended a triple First Communion party
5/5—Willow rides a dog like Daenerys rides a dragon
5/6—Did some important party preparation
5/7—Fashioned a homemade paintbrush that would allow Pam to paint behind the toilet
5/8—Celebrated Willow's birthday and the imminent arrival of her sister
5/9—Somehow remembered to buy Pam's Mother's Day gift
5/10—First experience at the American hellscape known as Costco
5/11—Had a block party
5/12—Cleaned the house as best as I could in my current condition
5/13—Discovered a great TV show and watched a lot of it (High Maintenance)
5/14—Wrote a terrible Record Club album review
5/15—Survived the TCNJ nurses pinning ceremony
5/16—First water ice of the season
5/17—Discovered a new park—only 15 minutes away—with the family
5/18—Me and Willow walk to Czerw's to buy kielbasa and pierogi
5/19—Watched the Game of Thrones finale
5/20—Willow takes a long crawl off a short bed
5/21—Voted as a Democrat in a Philly primary for the first time
5/22—Pam and I made a conscious effort to read instead of watch TV
5/23—Rode my bike through the rain
5/24—Got a bushel of crabs on a whim
5/25—"Birthday lunch" for the McD***** girls' "birthdays"
5/26—Dove back into the world of Harry Potter
5/27—Willow goes all the way into the pool
5/28—Started to watch Chernobyl
5/29—Read my book in LOVE Park before work; Willow survives the thunderstorm
5/30—Willow's first in-person Phillies loss
5/31—First dentist appointment / first trip to the zoo
6/1—La Salle hang! At a bar! Without the baby!
6/2—Went food shopping during my lunch break
6/3—The inaugural Lunch Club meeting
6/4—Had to reevaluate my five-year plan, which is always disappointing
6/5—Cried at work reading the chapter where Dobby dies
6/6—Made a keto english muffin
6/7—Explored Cira Green
6/8—Saw Local Natives in concert
6/9—Took a long lunch to have a Beer Runners
6/10—Breakfast for dinner
6/11—Picked up a nursery dresser found on Craigslist
6/12—Grilled some great sugar-free BBQ chicken
6/13—Refrained from ordering a pizza and drinking beer like I normally would when Pam's working night shift
6/14—Finally picked up my new bike after like four months of it being in the shop
6/15—Visited the Bucks Club for a swim
6/16—Pam cooks great steaks on the grill
6/17—Bought buffalo sauce at Reading Terminal / biked through the rain / new Bob Dylan doc
6/18—Officially kicked off "Your Favorite Movie"
6/19—Fought with my boss about bullshit training hours
6/20—Happy hour after work with Pam and Willow at Tir Na Nog, allegedly the final time we go out to eat with this baby for a while
6/21—Hung with Casey and talked Big Fish
6/22—Sue's 60th birthday party
6/23—Addressed an immediate issue as reflected in the Amazon original series Catastrophe
6/24—Used a cooking thermometer successfully
6/25—Got a flat tire on Arch St., left work early to get it fixed
6/26—Stayed up a little late and was rewarded with the Phillies finally achieving a walk-off win
6/27—Pam wears the lucky Phillies apron to complete the sweep of the Mets (the bamboo series)
6/28—Drew's "going away" party
6/29—Finally exorcised the couch from the back bedroom
6/30—Gave Willow a bath by myself for the first time
7/1—Didn't cry
7/2—Butted heads with my liar supervisor, again
7/3—Good conversations throughout the night to cancel out the bad one with my supervisor in the morning
7/4—Beer and crabs and pool for a Rockledge Fourth of July
7/5—Saw a clear ultrasound, with no current concerns
7/6—A birthday brunch, a Usual Crowd gang hang
7/7—Took a long lunch at Founding Fathers to watch a soccer game
7/8—Finally nabbed an umbrella seat at LOVE Park during lunch
7/9—Swam in the Bridesburg public pool
7/10—Fucked up big time by leaving work after lunch for "me time"
7/11—Bought flowers
7/12—Went to the zoo / saw Operators
7/13—Book Club / Phillies tailgating
7/14—Willow gets bulimia
7/15—Transcribing the entire Mohagony interview in one day
7/16—Accidentally watched the goddamn extended Fellowship of the Rings
7/17—Impromptu lunch with Sam at Foodery
7/18—Phillies day game with Dwyguy
7/19—Met Vincent
7/20—Keelan's "Christmas in July" party
7/21—Was accused of being "too into reading," out of fucking nowhere
7/22—Read a thousand books with Willow
7/23—Saw the Rolling Stones in concert
7/24—Watched The Big Chill
7/25—Didn't eat pizza
7/26—Baby's first beer distributor
7/27—Checked out Piazza Pod Park
7/28—Impromptu pool trip to the Bucks Club
7/29—Had Pam shave my back for the first time in over a year
7/30—Finally fucking made it to Wildwood for the start of vacation
7/31—Willow's first amusement rides
8/1—Bought craft donuts from the Fractured Prune
8/2—Walked to the end of the boardwalk
8/3—Willow throws up on the way to West Chester, we have to turn around
8/4—Got breakfast with good friends from Georgia
8/5—Joe's cheesesteaks for dinner before we start dieting (hahaha)
8/6—Day one of keto (again!)
8/7—Finished the great Orange Is the New Black
8/8—Ate a very small cookie containing only two carbs
8/9—Ate my favorite wings in the city
8/10—Two street festivals with a baby, not particularly fun with a baby at either one...
8/11—Brit's BBQ
8/12—Watched so, so many explosions in The Last Boy Scout
8/13—Hung with an old friend and caught up over many Hamm's
8/14—Was able to finally watch another Phillies game, and it was a good one (Charlie, Hamels, HRs, etc.)
8/15—Parks on Tap at Burholme
8/16—Visited Sesame Place, which was... something
8/17—Another long daddy-daughter day
8/18—Escaped work early to go for a swim in Rockledge
8/19—Red wine for Godfather II conversation
8/20—Hung with a fevered Willow in the early morning hours
8/21—Figured out how to deal with my supervisor
8/22—Talked Indiana Jones with an old friend
8/23—Willow walks, finally!!
8/24—Spruce Street Harbor Park with the fam
8/25—A nice "Sundays with Brit" afternoon in Asbury Park (we were not there for the JoBros)
8/26—Started Season 2 of Succession
8/27—Continued writing in the margins of Infinite Jest
8/28—Lunch with Big Bren
8/29—Continued to have people over to hang when Ed stopped by (i.e. the only way to see friends these days)
8/30—Pizza party with the parents
8/31—Five-year anniversary dinner at Abe Fisher
9/1—Really proud of a sober mom for being committed to AA (work rarely makes me feel hopeful)
9/2—Hung out in Warrington in lieu of a rained-out Polish Festival
9/3—Maeve Night
9/4—A teeth-cleaning, a day off
9/5—TACO NIGHT
9/6—Met Mikey Jr.
9/7—Visual Power Hour at Maeve's birthday party
9/8—FUCK the Rockledge Car Show
9/9—Just had the cutest goddamn time with Willow pre-dinner
9/10—Needed a beer at lunch
9/11—Listening to new music all day
9/12—A wild afternoon at K/A
9/13—Circles and Squares Pizza!!! (Just squares, though, obviously)
9/14—A quick tailgating while she's away
9/15—Survived a Sunday in the office
9/16—First Gobbler of the season
9/17—A shitty, expensive dentist visit
9/18—Extended lunch with a couple beers and starting the Book Club book
9/19—Irish Weekend begins
9/20—The best song I heard all of Irish Weekend was "Welcome to the Black Parade"
9/21—A wonderful afternoon drinking and not doing anything wrong but actually just getting drunk is bad in general now supposedly...?
9/22—Best YFM yet
9/23—Trained someone for three hours and found a fellow classic iPod fan
9/24—Had a nice time at Triple Bottom Brewery despite me and Willow and Pam being there
9/25—Awkward unit lunch
9/26—Lunch with Casey
9/27—La Salle Friends play Clink
9/28—An outrageously obnoxious child ruins a good weekend
9/29—FOUR HOURS TO MYSELF WITH NOTHING TO DO
9/30—Received four Record Club reviews on a Monday
10/1—Talked science and Interstellar
10/2—A day of reading and relaxing and then drinking
10/3—Left work really early because supervisor left even earlier
10/4—Realized that I can have fun with the kid while just hanging out doing nothing
10/5—Accelerated the process of getting the new baby room together
10/6—"Helpless" at Hamilton
10/7—Big fights about my alcohol intake
10/8—Sober Lunch Club
10/9—Got caught leaving early from work, punishment unknown
10/10—Listened to a radio show on purpose for the first time in like a decade
10/11—Impromptu night out with Sean and townie karaoke
10/12—A successful Phoenixville book club
10/13—Filled out a goddamn safety plan for once in my sorry Sunday existence.
10/14—Installed a gate onto the top of the steps with little-to-no issues
10/15—Put a cork in being awkward and bought a late birthday gift anyway
10/16—SEPTA dropped me off even farther away in the pouring rain
10/17—Tried to build another crib, lots of missing pieces, maintained optimism
10/18—More baby stuff: got the new car seat together, and put a child lock on a drawer
10/19—Played at Campbell Square with a walking baby
10/20—Made succinct and clear plans to be healthy... after eating these three pieces of cake
10/21—Got up and went for a run in the morning for the first time in months
10/22—Walked to the Art Museum at lunch while listening to The Crack-Up
10/23—Turkey chili instead of pizza for Your Favorite Movie
10/24—Finished Watchmen (the book) so that I can watch Watchmen (the TV show)
10/25—Ran three miles, ruined it with pizza
10/26—Layla's birthday on the farm
10/27—Phone broke
10/28—Received the missing pieces of the crib in the mail, gratis
10/29—Got a chance to talk extensively about my favorite movie of all time
10/30—Willow melts some faces at DHS with Daddy
10/31—Halloween stays dry for the hundreds of trick-or-treaters
11/1—Never using Grubhub again after it took two hours for cold Burger King to arrive
11/2—Put the crib together and moved furniture around and got called a dick because ???
11/3—Slept in till 6:30 which felt like 7:30 which absolutely felt like sleeping in
11/4—New 2019 running record, getting sweaty before work
11/5—Performed my duty and voted
11/6—Got my flu shot, made sure the rest of my family were getting flu shots
11/7—Half day at work so Pam could sleep at home
11/8—Shooting the shit with pizza and beer and some friends I hadn't hung with in a while
11/9—Getting out of the house without the baby, hanging out with friends worry-free
11/10—Explored the back roads of Langhorne in a city vehicle
11/11—Me and Willow accompany Pam on her seasonal Bath & Body Works soap splurge
11/12—The bike ride home was significantly colder than the bike ride in
11/13—Tried to finish about three different transcriptions before this baby gets here
11/14—Was going to get the chicken sandwich, but there was a long line at Popeyes at 10 AM, and I am not that fucking guy
11/15—Pam's water breaks
11/16—MARTHA BORN
11/17—Martha spends her first full day on Earth, still at the hospital
11/18—Martha comes home
11/19—First full day home with the kids, doctors appointments and all that bullshit
11/20—Martha reads Infinite Jest
11/21—Me and Willow take a walk to the library and pay a fine
11/22—Martha projectile poops
11/23—Had a great, albeit brief, time at a wedding
11/24—A nice little trip to the Fishtown Record Exchange
11/25—Aunt Laura visits
11/26—Made homemade Gobblers
11/27—Winter-proofed the back room windows
11/28—Our first Thanksgiving as a nuclear family
11/29—No Pike Hike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11/30—Changed Martha's diaper
12/1—A very relaxing birthday
12/2—Finished The Irishman, finally
12/3—Did the most menial of chores, got out of the house for five minutes
12/4—Hung heavy curtains in Willow's new room, she officially switches bedrooms
12/5—Dwyer visits with dispatches from the outside world
12/6—Brit and Kelly visit, shaking us from a infant-induced coma
12/7—Fixed a tire and made a Polish meal
12/8—Fixed a family crisis... also ate a Popeyes chicken sandwich
12/9—Back to work, Pam's first day at home alone with the kids
12/10—Got Martha's insurance set up
12/11—Martha gets a bank account
12/12—GFNF work Christmas lunch (GFNF = "Good Food No Fun," credit to my father-in-law for creating the term)
12/13—Spent some time reading to Martha, just me and her
12/14—Stumbled into a wedding afterparty
12/15—Started using a book of street maps in lieu of my phone to get around the city
12/16—Broke personal records for most calls taken in the morning, then tried to shake it off with some beers at the Foodery
12/17—Out to lunch again to beat the work blues
12/18—Finished my Christmas shopping early, celebrated with a lunch beer
12/19—Beerito Christmas with the gang
12/20—Checked out the newest, closest cheap supermarket, Lidl
12/21—Mounted bookshelves, bonded with Martha, and got drunk with Lamson to talk Gladiator—a full day
12/22—Willow destroys the kitchen and drives Pam batshit while the Eagles beat the Cowboys
12/23—Still not actually done Christmas shopping it seems; Martha gained the appropriate amount of weight
12/24—Two Christmas Eve parties, equally crazy
12/25—Christmas is usually memorable for the typical reasons
12/26—Tony's Pizza thinks that a calzone is a stromboli
12/27—Organized the refrigerator to start the new year right!!!!!
12/28—Willow is a huge bitch at Aunt Jackie’s party
12/29—A drunk man harasses me by calling the hotline over and over, Beer Runners to numb the frustration
12/30—Got drunk for the last time in a while probably
12/31—Published this blog post

Album of the Week: Better

Record Club continues into a new year. Thanks to everyone who made Record Club so damn fun in 2019. I'm looking forward to some more of it in 2020. Check out the new EP below, if you feel like it. You can also check out the archives (to your right) or the Spotify playlist (HERE). Otherwise, I hope you and your family have a fucking great New Year's celebration, and I'll see y'all back here next year.

WEEK 48 — December 29, 2019-January 4, 2020

What we're listening to this week (Joe's pick):

ALBUM: Better EP
ARTIST: Caracara

RELEASED: March 29, 2019

WHAT GENRE IS THIS: I guess a healthy mix of emo and indie and post-rock

WHY JOE PICKED IT: 1) "Better" seems like a great title to consider as we move into a new year with fresh beginnings; 2) Caracara's 2017 album Summer Megalith is fucking great; 3) apparently the title track here gives a shout out to K&A.

TRACKLIST:

1. Better
2. New Chemical Hades
3. Learn Your Love

LENGTH: 12:33

READING SOME SHIT: Stereogum had a real nice feature when this came out, which I had missed at the time (which is a good thing, probably, because then we wouldn't be trying it out for the first time in Record Club).

Happy listening, fam! Have a great week!

Song of the Week: "Dream About Judy"

All songs must die, and are buried right HERE.

"Dream About Judy"

The Whiffs

from Another Whiff

2019

(something new)

During that period of time in between December's Listmas and a new year's music release schedule starting up again, I spend a good month or so listening to those bands who don't give a fuck about when their albums drop. If you're dropping an LP on December 6th, then you're not going to end up on any Best of 2019 lists, right? It's almost admirable, the not caring.

I enjoy it because it provides a nice cool down from the rigors of compiling lists and considering bests. I like just kicking back and letting an album be enjoyable, without any stakes. I'm glad that this December, I had the Whiffs.

There's not a ton out there about the Whiffs, but some shit I've pulled together: They are from Kansas City. They appear relatively young. Another Whiff is their sophomore album after a self-titled debut in 2017. Most outlets call them "power pop," which I suppose is accurate, though I'd probably go with the "garage rock" classification if I wanted to be nit-picky. They just seem closer to Nuggets and Little Steven's Underground Garage than they do Big Star or Teenage Fanclub.

But that's neither here nor there, because the bottom line is that this is some catchy motherfucking shit. It's breezy guitar rock, unstuck in time. "Dream About Judy" is the pick here—mainly because "Judy" seems to be a name that comes up a lot in these types of rock songs, and that intrigues me—but you could really go for any of these songs on here. They are all midtempo jams, and they all have the potential to thaw that cold winter heart of yours.

Are they one of the best of 2019? Are they one of the best of the 2010s?! The world will never know. But who cares! Just let the music be low stakes fun. It's better that way.

Get Bleak, Nate

Short review: It's fine.

Longer review: If you thought anglophilia was solely an American export, let Ducks Unlimited prove that the marketplace is broad enough for a Canadian brand.

Shorter review: It sounds like Belle and Sebastian, which, if you like Belle and Sebastian, is great news for you.

An aside: This happened with CHAI earlier this year, "this" being the music press, seemingly at random, picking one band from a flourishing sub-genre and elevating it to whatever level they're able to and asking why they don't make them like this anymore, when in fact they do make them, exactly like this, in basements and home studios across Bandcamp accounts from Glasgow and Athens and Portland and Madrid. What makes this worthy of the claw? Fuck if I know.

Final review: It's really fine.

Get Bleak, Joe

Almost an entire year ago, I donated a negligible amount of money to the Natural Resources Defense Council. Every week for the past twelve months, the NRDC has sent me mail, big bulky packages, menial gifts, requests for more support. I'd hate to say that I don't care—I wouldn't have donated at all if I didn't—but my level of support does not match the amount of pestering I receive. I support the mission. I'll read the packets and think "Yeah, this makes sense, I should do something," but then five minutes later, my mind is thinking about something else. Come early 2020, I'll donate a little more to the NRDC, feel good about it for a bit, and then drown in junk mail.

Why am I burying the lede in this particular way for Get Bleak? I dunno. Maybe the fact that the band shares their name with another environmental nonprofit has forced my mind to connect the two. More likely, I feel the same way about the NRDC that I do about jangle pop.

I support the mission. Rooted in the tradition of the Beatles and the Byrds, jangle pop is buoyant and fun, splashed all over with high-treble guitars and pleasant medium-quick tempos. When I'm listening to jangle, I'm in love. I fucking get it.

But rarely does this type of music make a measurable long-term impact on my musical habits. Maybe it's the fact that most of it sounds the same (Ducks Unlimited are certainly no exception). Maybe I'm just not feeling too much because the album is over in twelve minutes. Most likely it's just that it is very possible to be enjoyable and insubstantial at the same time, and Get Bleak proves it.

This is average. There is "good average" and "bad average," and this is definitely the former. But still.

GRADE: 2.5 pukes out of 5

Best (and Worst) of 2019, Non-Music

Solitaire: my favorite video game of 2019

Here are the three best and the one worst of 2019 for a few different categories.

Top Three Movies I Saw in 2019

3. The Big Chill

Made for boomers, approved by millennials.

2. Mind the Gap

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

1. Roma

[slowly pans the camera from left to right, surveying 2019's destruction]

(HONORABLE MENTION, UGH: Booksmart—if comedies trend in this direction, then there will be no one-dimensional characters left)

The Worst Movie I Saw in 2019

Lemon

The movie that convinced us that Pam really needs to check Rotten Tomatoes on nights when it's her turn to pick the movie.




Top Three TV Shows I Watched in 2019

3. This Is Us

This is the corniest show that will ever air on any television screen for all of time, and I cannot get enough. A.k.a. the only show that my mother and I both watch, at least since I quit watching Survivor nineteen years ago.

2. High Maintenance

The absolute best show at capturing the infinite tapestry of the human condition, all through a delightful haze of smoke.

1. Lodge 49

I have never known a pain as deep as I do now, knowing that we will never know the truth about the Order of the Lynx's precious mysteries. I have never known joy as deep as I do now, having gotten the opportunity to even brush up against Dud's bottomless well of optimism.

(HONORABLE MENTIONS, UGH: BoJack Horseman for continuing to be BoJack Horseman, and Russian Doll for, against all odds, successfully turning Groundhog Day into a prestige drama.)

The Worst TV Show I Watched in 2019

Easy

This is an anthology series, so supposedly it tells a different story every episode, but for some reason it keeps coming back to this shitty couple who have an ongoing experiment with an open marriage. They completely give the concept of opening up a bad name, over and over, and that really pisses me off for reasons I'm not going to explain on a blog.


Top Three Books I Read in 2019

3. Astral Weeks: A Secret History of 1968 by Ryan H. Walsh

If you think it's weird that someone wrote a whole book about a Van Morrison album, just wait till you read about the Boston cults tangentially related to it.

2. The Throwback Special by Chris Bachelder

I am starting to prepare for middle age by reading about those refusing to accept middle age.

1. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon

Like Jane the Virgin did with Spanish telenovelas, Kavalier & Clay deftly dissects the superhero genre while actually becoming one too.

(HONORABLE MENTION, UGH: White Noise by Don DeLillo interested me immensely while reading it, even if I felt a little hollow afterward)

The Worst Book I Read in 2019

Keep Her Safe by K.A. Tucker

And it's not even close. But guess what? It turns out that shitty books make for EXCELLENT book club discussions.

Top Ten TV Episodes of the 2010s

I watched a lot of TV in the 2010s, and I'm probably forgetting a lot in this list. With music, I have a list on iTunes, with each song tagged with the year it came out, and I can just scroll. There's nothing similar for TV, I just have to kind of go off of memory. To my best recollection, these are the TV episodes I enjoyed the most.

You should note that this isn't a ranking of the shows themselves. If this were a straight list of Best TV Shows of the Decade, then it would look completely different. Shows like Breaking Bad, The Leftovers, Girls, Nathan for You, New Girl, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Jane the Virgin, and on and on and on, all these shows were fucking great, but they were great overall. These shows, while possibly not as good, had stand-out episodes that I've listed.

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PLEASE GET READY FOR SPOILERS, JUST SKIP THE SHOWS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN IF YOU CARE THAT MUCH (I WOULD)!!

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10. "Rick Potion #9"
Rick and Morty
January 27, 2014

There were plenty of moments in the very first season of Rick and Morty that told the audience that this wasn't just going to be some fucking Back to the Future parody. To me, the most successful moment that did that was in "Rick Potion #9," the series' sixth episode that destroyed the entire world and started anew, and then made a meta joke about it. There's a lot of shit that's toxic about Rick and Morty, but the quality is there.




9. "The Mountain and the Viper"
Game of Thrones
June 1, 2014

Game of Thrones failed as an overall TV show, but was immeasurably great when it came to certain individual moments. My favorite visceral moment throughout the show's entire run was the death trial pitting Gregor Clegane versus Oberyn Martell. I don't know why this was the moment that shocked me the most—more than the Red Wedding, the intense episode-long battles, etc. Maybe it was the extreme gore of a skull cracking. Regardless, when a TV show makes me yell "Oh god!" at the screen, it's good art, because I very rarely yell at the TV at all. A bunch of shiny moments does not a great TV show make, but at least those moments were fucking great at the time.




8. "Pancakes; Divorce; Pancakes"
Review
March 20, 2014

A funny show about a guy who "reviews life" would've been a good enough show. A funny show about a man desperate enough to review life that he ruins said life in the process? That's one of the best shows of all time.




7. "The Animals"
Orange Is the New Black

June 17, 2016

This was the only TV episode this decade that made both Pam and me cry. The tension is ratcheted up higher and higher throughout this episode, until everything breaks, and a riot ensues... but not before we lose a hero. Orange is probably on the shortlist of best dramas of all time, but it never topped this moment.

6. "Cooperative Calligraphy"

Community

November 11, 2010

Community tried a lot of wild shit over its six seasons (and no movie), and most of the non-Season-4 shit worked, but it never worked better than when they would just get the study group in a room and let them bounce off one another. Consequentially, an episode that takes place entirely in this type of setting is by far its best episode.

5. "Hero or Hate Crime?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

February 8, 2017

One of Always Sunny's best ongoing jokes in the back half of its run has been Mac's sexuality... but it's not what it sounds like. The joke isn't that he's gay, the joke is that everyone knows he's gay, and no one cares, and everyone is very clear when they say that they hate Mac simply because he is annoying. Mac, having been raised on a steady diet of Catholic guilt and Old Testament fire and brimstone, went to extreme lengths to hide (very poorly) his sexuality. That's the joke, that Mac is insanely messed up, behaviorally. His sexuality has nothing to do with it, when you think about it.

My point is that Sunny is able to somehow walk that extremely thin tightrope to land these jokes, jokes that in lesser hands would've ended production years ago. What other show could have one of its white characters say the N-word, and have it be funny? Because that happens here too. Again, the joke isn't that "oh it's edgy because he is racist," it's that the character is so naive and idiotic that he doesn't even know when he can and can't say it, and everyone else lets him know he fucked up anyway.

And then on top of all that, this episode features one of the few genuinely heartwarming moments of the entire series, in which Mac finally admits he's gay, and stays out of the closet this time. This is immediately after Mac shows off his stationary bike that he's duct-taped a dildo too, by the way, so heartwarming only goes so far.

4. "Goodbye, Michael"

The Office
April 28, 2011

If the question for the first seven years of The Office was "Who is Michael Scott?" then Michael's final episode answered the question once and for all. Michael Scott is an imbecile who cares so deeply that it hurts. It may have taken some of these characters a decade of their own lives to realize that he cared, but they knew it at the end. And we cared too, the audience who watched him stumble into the father figure role that he had always wanted, and only at the end finally earned.




3. "Andy and April's Fancy Party"
Parks and Recreation

April 14, 2011

"Leslie Knope learns a lesson." For better or worse, this is the crux of most Parks and Rec episodes. Many times, Leslie's lessons are hard-earned, because she is frustratingly rigid in her beliefs. See: when she didn't think April and Andy should get married. This was a stupid thing to believe, because there haven't been too many pairs of characters more accidentally fit for each other than those two. Thankfully, Leslie realizes this by the end of this delightful episode—just let the damn kids do what they want. Love will find a way, and all that.

2. "Le Reve Impossible"

Lodge 49

October 7, 2019

Just last week, it was announced that Lodge 49 would definitely not be coming back to TV for a third season. I don't think there's been a TV cancellation that has ever hit me as hard as this one. Jesus fucking christ, what a show! Part anti-capitalistic, part pro-optimism, part hangout comedy, part mysterious prestige drama, Lodge 49 was everything and anything it wanted to be. Pam and I discovered it late in the game this decade (hence, the cancellation due to low ratings), but it probably stands as a Top 3 show all time for me, maybe? In any case, if you want a reason to love this show, check out it's penultimate episode, "Le Reve Impossible," where the oft-discussed quest to Mexico finally comes to fruition, and every main and supporting character finds themselves together at an auction, and normally reserved Ernie, dressed in his foretold mariachi suit, grabs the artifacts and jumps through a ring of fire. "All quests come to an end," I'm told, but that doesn't mean it doesn't motherfucking hurt when they do.

1. "Signal 30"
Mad Men
April 15, 2012

My theory is that Pete Campbell is actually the main protagonist of Mad Men, but I know that that's probably a stupid theory. It's a theory I hold close, though, because maybe I may or may not, secretly, relate to Pete Campbell more than any other character on television. It's funny, because he starts the series as a villain of sorts, a shitheel who sells out Dick Whitman the first chance he gets, and is incredibly flippant about monogamy with Alison Brie.

But as the series progresses, he becomes a sympathetic character of sorts—or, as sympathetic as a ass-kissing toadie can be. You start to see flashes of self-awareness in Pete. It takes years, but eventually he begins to acknowledge his flaws, and becomes desperate in addressing them. In Season 5, we arrive at the best Pete episode, the best Mad Men episode, and the best TV episode of the decade, "Signal 30."

Here we have Pete, who seems to have everything he's ever wanted—family, career, money—and still, he's unhappy. And he doesn't understand why! Because knowing yourself is hard work! He lashes out by hitting on a teenager. He is embarrassed spectacularly by getting his ass beat by a British dandy. He is emasculated in his own home by a much-swooned-over Draper who fixes the pipes that Pete fucked up. And he is haunted forever by his failures, this most recent plumbing fiasco being rubbed in his face by the continual dripping through the house.

Pete Campbell, as seen here and for most of the series, is a shitty person who, for the most part, acknowledges his shittiness, and is infinitely sad because he has no idea how to change. It's here that the sympathy flows from—it's not that his actions are forgivable, because often they're not, but it's because he is never dastardly about them, and he shows measurable amounts of remorse. He is sympathetic. If you disagree, please come fight me in the conference room.

Album of the Week: Get Bleak

Here are a few songs to listen to if you are interested, though I can totally understand that this is not exactly the best week for intense music listening of any kind (besides Mariah Carey, let's keep this girl at #1).

Archives to the right, a playlist HERE, and the new EP below. Merry Christmas, everyone!!

WEEK 47 — December 22-28, 2019

What we're listening to this week (Joe's pick):

ALBUM: Get Bleak EP
ARTIST: Ducks Unlimited

RELEASED: November 29, 2019

WHAT GENRE IS THIS: Jangle pop

WHY JOE PICKED IT: I was originally gonna go with Neutral Milk Hotel's Everything Is EP, but that doesn't seem to be on streaming services in full, so I went to Stereogum's Best EPs of 2019 list, and the first comment below was someone decrying that Ducks Unlimited had been forgotten. Here we are. Enjoy.

TRACKLIST:

1. Get Bleak
2. Gleaming Spires
3. Annie Forever
4. Anhedonia

LENGTH: 12:13

READING SOME SHIT: Not much out there—either that, or the non-profit that is also called Ducks Unlimited is fucking up my google searches—so either read a couple paragraphs here, or maybe spend this time going through the Record Club archives.

Happy listening, fam! Have a great week!

Song of the Week: "History Lesson—Part II"

Songs every week forever and ever HERE.

"History Lesson—Part II"

Minutemen

from Double Nickels on the Dime

1984

(something old)

During that period of time in between December's Listmas and a new year's music release schedule starting up again, I spend a good month or so going back and listening to some older shit that I don't normally have time for. I'm talking the older albums that I've been trying to get around to forever, but they seem a little too hefty to fit into a week full of newer albums coming out.

Double Nickels on the Dime, at 43 songs and 80+ minutes, seemed like it fit the bill. I've been listening to this album for a week straight now, and I'm still just beginning to wrap my head around it. Minutemen were an '80s LA punk band, and according to all accounts, they were a flagship band in the scene. (Obviously, I'm not even scraping the surface in this post here, since Song of the Week isn't usually built for deep dives.)

I'm really digging their style here. Most of the beastly album is laid back, cool-as-fuck post punk. It captures the skater dude cool guy musical aesthetic that so alluded me in grade school. It's the rare album that even the fucking bass sounds cool.

But the album, being 43 songs long, captures a whole lot of other sounds and feelings. There is guitar noodling. There are experimental freak-outs. There is a live CCR cover. There is the Jackass theme song. And then there's "History Lesson—Part II," even chiller than most of the other songs. It's a laid back origin story of the band, and y'all know how I love origin story songs.

Minutemen are teaching me that the punk can be warm even at its coldest. "Our band could be your life" indeed.

HARK!, Rachel S.

My lamp is ON, honeyyyyy. This is Nightmare Before Christmas sexy spooky seasonal VIBES!!! Oh now we're transitioning into some jazzy instrumentals that I can play on my last half day in the office before a 16, yes 16-day break? WHY THANK YOU!!!! Now please inject this folksy "O Holy Night" whistling right into my veins! IS THAT A BANJO BEING PLUCKETH!?

A short, sweet listen that's easy to enjoy. This will definitely be folded into future holiday party playlists :)

HARK!, Pam

It’s gotta be challenging to bring something new to Christmas songs that have been around forever. That being said, it’s nice to listen to laid back, relatively stripped-down versions of these songs. So many Christmas songs stir up visions of plastic Christmas trees and wishlists (“my own dog, gone commercial”), but with HARK!, Andrew Bird conjures visions of cold wintry nights spent with loved ones (the true meaning of Christmas?!). Maybe that’s due to the Charlie Brown nods found on HARK!, or perhaps it’s the featured strings typical of Andrew Bird. Anyone else associate orchestral music with Christmas from participating in a decade worth of school orchestra concerts this time every year? Either way, HARK! may not make it onto any Christmas party playlists, but I certainly enjoyed this non-pop Christmas EP.

HARK!, Brian

The best part of this album is the whistling. I'm not kidding when I say Andrew Bird is the best whistler in indie rock, I'd even go as far to say in music today. If Andrew Bird is the Pied Piper of whistling, consider me a filthy little rat-child because I will follow him right out of town. I was worried at first when the first track didn't have any whistling, but Andy Birdy luckily redeemed himself just a few songs later. I'd like to think Too Short was talking about Andrew Bird when he said "I go on and on, can't understand how I last so long. I must have superpowers, rap WHISTLE two hundred twenty five thousand hours." HARK! is the type of record I'd try to play for my parents by saying "hey this guy I like put out a christmas album, I think you might enjoy it" as they nod and immediately forget what they're listening to ten minutes later. But I will always listen if you keep on whistling Andrew!

4 out of 5 eggnog-induced christmas pukes.

HARK!, Nate

For a certain kind of person, there will never be any new Christmas songs, and sometimes, in the right light and on the right Monday morning and listening to the right Andrew Bird EP, I agree with them. This might be fundamentally flawed thinking, but there is only so much that can be said on the issue of good cheer and warm feelings for all. So, if you're that kind of person, the best case is you walk away from a record like this with a new version of "White Christmas" or "Oh Holy Night" to add to your never-ending playlists of such holiday songs. New versions of the same thing, or maybe repetitions of the much-older thing. The only cost is a few nothing-burger holiday crumbs that'll pay fractions of a penny on the dollar for years to come.

Bird is exactly the right person to take a swing at this holiday stuff, by the way. He's a polymath who can croon and morph enough to give the ol' standbys an element of their golden-era sheen while throwing in the odd arrangement or off instrument to give red meat to the Beck fans. You want someone with schmaltz taking their cuts on this stuff. Can you imagine, say, Metz doing "White Christmas?" You can, but only as an act of irony, and this is not the time for irony. This is the time for tinsel and warm regards in an increasingly cold, dark world.

I'd like to use the rest of my review to talk about "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," a song which, if I think about it too much, spirals me into depression. Turn back now if you'd rather not get into that.

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Okay.

We're talking the Garland or Sinatra variations specifically. If your version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" doesn't include the lines "Someday soon we all will be together / If the fates allow / Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow" then it is not that raw, uncut shit and you should not bother with it.

I don't understand how "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" fits into the oeuvre. If the classic Bing Crosby, "It's Christmas Time, Motherfucker" playlist is the Boomer, Greatest Generation house party fantasy of close friends at a small party in the warm glow of a loved-ones Colonial, "Have Yourself" is the sound of an ex-friend looking in from the shadows, hoping for forgiveness, shivering unseen. Or, better, it's the sound of one of those people from the first scene, visiting an empty house, remembering dead friends 25 years after they've all moved and atrophied. They should play this shit at funerals, not on December 22.

It is breathtakingly, crushingly sad, is the thing. It remembers beauty experienced, and the absence of that beauty in the modern day, the pain of memory. It's nostalgia, weaponized, eternally effective, calibrated for maximum destruction. It's the anthem for the reminder that all good things come at the expense of the bad, and all bad things are healed by the good. It is the sound of the small, quiet tragedy of living that we all must carry and cannot really share, no matter how many glasses of nog or yuletide conversations we might have. All the love in the world will never completely erase pain. All the pain in the world will never extinguish the memory of love. It hurts, but it’s worth it. It's worth it because it hurts.

I’ve been an asshole to people that I have loved. I have been falsely kind and not thought twice. I’ve lied, both big and small, for no reason other than the pursuit of story, or because the truth was too embarrassing to bring to the light. I’ve thought only of myself when I should have through of others. I’ve ignored people because it was inconvenient. For these things, and to the people who have been on the other end of them, I am endlessly sorry. You deserved better, and I deserved worse for what I did, whatever I did, to whomever I did it to. I hope you can forgive me.

This is ultimately what “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” does. It is confession, Opus Dei, self-flagellation for the fact that you’ve been shitty, but it doesn’t matter now, even if it’s too late, because its Christmas, and everyone deserves a little forgiveness, a little compassion, here, now, in the darkest time during the coldest months. You can never go back, and you can be crushed by the past, but maybe still, there’s hope for you. Maybe someday, if the fates allow. Until then, muddle through. Happy Holidays, Record Club.

HARK!, Sam

I seldom if ever want to listen to Christmas music. This album isn’t moving the needle. It wouldn’t be some grand comprise if Hannah wanted to play Christmas music and I was like “ok, but only if we play this Andrew Bird record.” No. That would be joyless for us both.

HARK! consists of typical boring Andrew Bird fare. I guess if someone were to cover some (but not a lot) of Charlie Brown songs, sure he seems suitable to do so.

Bird’s best talent (as his warbling namesake indicates) is his ability to whistle. He shows it off nicely in “Oh Holy Night.” He’s skill at being boring is spotlit in the other songs.

My biggest takeaway from this record was the gif of Andrew Bird reading while drinking coffee (cocoa?) in snow swept room. This accompanies the album on Spotify and creeped me out. Bird thinks he’s being cute or “naughty,” All I really want to know is what’s in that pocket. It has to be bigger than a phone. The bulge is too big.

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.

HARK!, Joe

Usually the number of pukes I award an album at the bottom of each review is arbitrary. It's a gut feeling. But this feels like a good time to go through an album with a fine-toothed comb and determine exactly how many pukes it is worth, and why. Because what better time than Christmastime for cold and methodical calculations?!

There are five things I'm looking for in a Christmas album, and each criterion successfully achieved will earn one puke.

1) It complements well any typical Christmas activity or tradition. HARK! definitely does that. It's excellent background music for wrapping gifts and making cookies. There's nothing abrasive and nothing that will cause the figurative record scratch moment of "what the fuck are we listening to?"

+1 puke

2) The music sounds Christmassy. Eh, this one is a bit of yes and a bit of no. Of course, the Christmas classics sound Christmassy, because they are classics, and they've been beat into our brains as "Christmassy" for our entire lives. "White Christmas" and "Oh Holy Night" are old chestnuts that a three-year-old could probably recognize when either plays over the loudspeakers at Target. "Skating" and "Christmas Is Coming" are from A Charlie Brown Christmas, and thus, anyone who has ever owned a TV will recognize 'em. It's all good shit.

The two originals, "Alabaster" and "Night's Falling," aren't bad at all, and would fit well at the sleepy tail end of an Andrew Bird secular LP, but I'm not sure there's enough here to evoke images of blinking lights and brightly wrapped gifts.

+0.5 pukes

3) The artist is able to maintain his or her identity and style while making Christmas music. Andrew Bird successfully puts his own stamp on the music here. He's known for two idiosyncratic things in the indie rock community—his violin work, and his whistling. Both are employed here to fun effect. Both add some flavor to "Christmas Is Coming," and you can just imagine the Peanuts gang dancing their strange Christmas play dances to the jaunty whistling. "Oh Holy Night" is typically a good spotlight for someone with a good set of pipes on them, but Bird proves that whistling will do just fine too.

+1 puke

4) One or more of the songs have a fighting chance of entering the great Christmas song canon. It's a big ask, because very rarely do any modern songs get anywhere near entering the canon (i.e. becoming a song that is played regularly during Christmastime and is known to the general, B101-listening public). I can't think of a more recent original song that has achieved this goal than "All I Want for Christmas Is You," which was released in motherfucking 1994, twenty-five years ago. (Great song, by the way—Christmas music is the only music genre that the public gets right more often than not.) The two original songs here are quietly pleasant, but they ain't gonna be lighting up the airwaves anytime soon.

Covers of already established Christmas songs have, surprisingly, just as difficult a road to entering the canon as original songs do. When was the last time an artist's take on a classic song has usurped the original? Springsteen's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town," maybe?! My point being that I love hearing Andrew Bird's "Skating," but I think we're gonna still be hit with the Vince Guaraldi Trio's recording until forever.

No pukes

5) It has that extra something, the secret sauce that some artists have that makes them worth following. Hell yeah, Andrew Bird is the fucking man. Equal parts charming and capable, I would listen to Bird whistle over funeral dirges if that's where he wanted to go with it. I'm happy that we got some extra Andrew Bird for Christmas this year.

+1 puke

FINAL GRADE: 3.5 pukes out of 5. Merry Christmas, everybody!

Best Albums of the 2010s: #25-#1

Here we are, the grand finale of our Music in the 2010s coverage. Honestly, the whole thing is starting to feel like homework; I'm writing this like hours in advance, sweaty and just passing off mediocre work to get it over with.

Not that I don't love these albums. In fact, because they are some of my very favorite of all time, it means that I've already written about a lot of them. Twelve of the 25 received the The Albums That Matter treatment, and I'll link to those. The others have certainly gotten mention on this blog over the years.

I love music, I love thinking about music, I love (and constantly struggle with) writing about music. But forget the quality of the blurbs, and just listen to these albums—that's where the quality is.

If you missed any previous entries in the Decade's Best coverage, you can find it all HERE (along with past years' lists). I'd love to hear from some other people. What did I miss? What did I get wrong? Shoot me a text. Let's talk music and life in the 2010s. It was a wild ass ride!

26. (TIE) Benji by Sun Kil Moon (2014)

Alright, yeah, I fucked up, and totally forgot about ranking this album, even though I already wrote about it in anticipation of ranking it eventually. I only realized this after the 50-26 list was published, and you gotta be fucking crazy if you think I'm going back and changing every fucking number on there (plus #26 sounds about right for Benji anyway). I'm already struggling enough with this shit. So let Benji stay tied with White Reaper Does It Again, I don't really care. I do care, however, about the stories on this album. As much of an asshole as the artist may or may not be, let us not forget that he had it in him to pierce our hearts at least once in his sad life.

A song to try: "Dogs"

25. The King Is Dead by the Decemberists (2011)

I already wrote about this album, but I'll say this too—it's almost more impressive that the Decemberists were able to do a "back to our roots" album, just because of their fanciful history. When the Black Keys, for instance, pull that move, it seems cheap and more like a marketing ploy. For the Decemberists, going back to "roots" was a sincere departure for them. When not including a ten-minute whaling epic on your album is considered a departure, then you know you are a unique band.

A song to try: "All Arise!"

24. American Slang by the Gaslight Anthem (2010)

I already wrote about this album, but I'll say this too—there's this idea that a sophomore album that does the same exact thing as the debut but better, can't actually be better because it doesn't introduce anything new. And then there are people who prefer Room on Fire. This album is for the latter group.

(EDIT: I have been told by fatter, older sources that American Slang is the Gaslight Anthem's third album. I was not aware that they released an album before The '59 Sound. I don't know if "And then there are people who prefer First Impressions of Earth" works as well here. FUCK IT. AMERICAN SLANG 4EVER.)

A song to try: "The Diamond Church Street Choir"

23. Dogrel by Fontaines D.C. (2019)

I wrote about this album already, but not part of The Albums That Matter, just a regular Record Club review, but still, I'll say this too—the "Irishness" of Dogrel is probably a little overplayed (by me). There's a noticeable accent, sure, but you can be from fucking Japan and still feel like the coolest motherfucker on the planet listening to this album.

A song to try: "Hurricane Laughter"

22. Everything Will Be Alright in the End by Weezer (2014)

I already wrote about this album, but I'll say this too—I really, really, really, really hate Weezer, so the fact that one of their albums is at #22 should tell you all you need to know.

A song to try: "The British Are Coming"

21. You're Gonna Miss It All by Modern Baseball (2014)

I already wrote about this album, but I'll say this too—I suppose it's a little lame that this album is so high up on my '10s list, since it really is an accurate portrayal of everything I felt throughout the '00s. Time is fluid, decades don't matter, emotions are universal, MoBo is the tits.

A song to try: "Broken Cash Machine"

20. Attack on Memory by Cloud Nothings (2012)

I already wrote about this album, but I'll say this too—"Stay Useless" is of course the centerpiece, but this is not a situation where it's rising the tide for all boats. Attack on Memory maintains the quality throughout. It's cathartic, really, with the screaming over the hooks. Cloud Nothings haven't really found that balance since.

A song to try: "Our Plans"

19. Torches by Foster the People (2011)

I already wrote about this album, but I'll say this too—if you are worried about how "cool" your musical tastes make you feel, then Torches is probably not the album for you, because I guess Foster the People are not that well-received in the indie rock world. BUT, if you are the type of person who just wants some tasty fucking hooks in your music, then come with me to the early '10s, when we were all wearing pumped up kicks.

A song to try: "Houdini"

18. The Wild Hunt by the Tallest Man on Earth (2010)

I already wrote about this album, but I will say this—I feel like for too many of these blurbs I'm writing something like "this band got it write this first time, and the rest of their decade output was of lesser quality." While that's technically true here as well—there is no better tTMoE album than The Wild Hunt—I don't want to overstate it. This is probably the best album, in my opinion, because of when I listened to it, and nothing more. The dude makes some great music. Maybe another album will have a bigger impact on you because of when you listened to it. I.e. don't take my word for it. Still... this is fucking great.

A song to try: "You're Going Back"

17. Optimal Lifestyles by Pkew Pkew Pkew (2019)

This is the final 2019 album on the list, and it was my favorite of this year. But I'm having trouble writing something new about it, since the lapse between the 2019 list and today is only a few weeks. What I'm really interested in is, not how my response to this album changes over time, but how Pkew Pkew Pkew's response to this album changes over time. If they are still making Optimal Lifestyles in their 30s and 40s, then that'll be sad. But I cannot wait to see what they can do if they allow themselves to be dragged into adulthood, as we all must. (Sidenote, and this is the only time I'll say it: "Pkew Pkew Pkew" is the worst band name of all time, bar fucking none.)

A song to try: "Adult Party"

16. & I'm Fine Today by SUSTO (2017)

Here's something fucked up—I listen to this album in the wrong order, even after SUSTO themselves personally corrected me. I can't help it. The order I have just makes sense to me. The opening spacey jam of "Jah Werx." The closing screaming screed of "Wasted Mind." The psychedelia of a life in the southern states all over the tunes in between. I don't know if I could like this album as much, because these songs in any other order would make as much sense as they do to me now. They just work.

A song to try: "Cosmic Cowboy"

15. The Silver Gymnasium by Okkervil River (2013)

When I did a The Albums That Matter for the vastly inferior follow-up, Away, I discovered that Will Sheff purposefully made that album without the nostalgia that so heightened The Silver Gymnasium. As it turns out—in my lowly opinion, at least—it was the sense of nostalgia that made The Silver Gymnasium so special in the first place. I guess it doesn't have to be "toxic" after all.

A song to try: "All the Time Every Day"

14. Stuck on Nothing by Free Energy (2010)

There was no other band this decade that better encapsulated the feeling that they were just making the music to have some fucking fun. Free Energy is just so joyous. The dream of hanging out with your buds, driving to different cities in a van, drinking and laughing, bashing some guitars on stage and having singalongs, that theoretical musician's life sounded so real and possible in Stuck on Nothing. That makes the fact that the band pretty much disappeared all the stranger.

A song to try: "Bang Pop"

13. King Tuff by King Tuff (2012)

I already wrote about this album, but I'll say this too—I hate that I wasted six years of my life not having this album in my life. King Tuff has confirmed for me that garage rock is my favorite music subgenre. If you like garage rock too, don't waste any more years like I did. Check this out.

A song to try: "Keep on Movin'"

12. Bon Iver, Bon Iver by Bon Iver (2011)

This is one of those albums that I would probably just do a disservice to in trying to explain it in my own words. Bon Iver is kind of famous at this point. Famous enough to get nominated for a Best Album Grammy this year, anyway, which is as good a weather stick as any. Famous enough to get parodied on SNL, too. So you don't need me doing this here, because you know him. All his albums have heart, but his self-titled is my favorite because it finds the correct balance between the folksy whisper stuff and the pounding-drums bombast. But really, it might just be that it hit me at the right time in my life, during those opening months of a new relationship. That's how all music works, I guess. It's all about context.

A song to try: "Holocene"

11. Tomorrow's Hits by the Men (2014)

Speaking of context, there is no context for Tomorrow's Hits. It's just a straight up great fucking album with eighth amazing songs. It's the best album of the decade, when you only consider albums that mean absolutely nothing to me besides the fact that it features good music. Since I'm the type of guy who appreciates the context of it all, imagine how good this album has to be if it doesn't have any meaning at all.

A song to try: "Pearly Gates"

10. Teens of Denial by Car Seat Headrest (2016)

Car Seat plays indie rock that goes big, which is crazy because it started as small bedroom rock (Will Toldeo released almost a double-digit amount of albums exclusively through Bandcamp). But here they are, playing to the rafters, eleven-minute epics and walls of guitar and drum solos and cut Cars homages and kept Dido homages and new and intricate ways to describe how much of a fuck up you (I) feel like. That's when I first heard it, feeling like a fuck up, on the back deck, drunk as fuck, feeling that maybe Will Toledo knew me, knew I was a fuck up; I knew this album was gonna be special.

A song to try: "Destroyed by Hippie Powers"

9. Painted Shut by Hop Along (2015)

If I talk any more lasciviously about Frances Quinlan that I already have, they're going to have to take a restraining order out on me. How about we just call me a fan of it all. The voice, the on-point rhythm section, the poetic lyrics straight from a marble notebook somewhere, the songs that strain and crack under the pressure of the heavy emotion but never break. The title is wrong—everything is open, and it bursts forth.

A song to try: "Sister Cities"

8. Bury Me in Philly by Dave Hause (2017)

Dave Hause builds the ultimate argument that it is not absurd to be attached to something that you can relate to in specific ways. It's not just that he sings about the Divine Lorraine, it's that he captures that same feeling that I have as I drive past the old monolith on a dreary Sunday morning, ya know? It's not just "hey, Philly, I know that place!" It's that he feels so fucking strongly about where he came from that he wants to make it a forever home. That he finds purpose here, a reason for being. I feel that too. Dave Hause reminds me.

A song to try: "Dirty Fucker"

7. Go Farther in Lightness by Gang of Youths (2017)

"While I have questions of mortality, the clear and present vast / They just yell the words 'pretentious.'" The non-believers of the church of Gang of Youths dismiss the heady enlightenment of a bar band with their head in the clouds; I would know, I once presented myself as one of them. But forget all that. Gang of Youths forever.

A song to try: "What Can I Do If the Fire Goes Out?"

6. Pedestrian Verse by Frightened Rabbit (2013)

I wrote about this album already, but I'll say this too—I suppose there could be an argument that this album only ranks so high because it now carries the weight of the death of its frontman. My counter argument would probably read something like: So? It scares me that someone who inspires such hope through his music was at the same time feeling so sad inside. Pedestrian Verse makes me feel a lot of things, and that's art, and that's an all-time great album, as far as I know.

A song to try: "The Woodpile"

5. Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me! (2014)

I wrote about this album already, but I'll say this too—it takes a hell of a lot of fucking guts to be exactly who you want to be, sometimes. People, in general, are shit, and they will tell you that you cannot be that person who you want to be. This is insane, especially when you consider that the person who Laura Jane Grace wants to be is a badass punk rock woman, and seriously, who the FUCK could ever have a problem with this? Insane.

A song to try: "Paralytic States"

4. Sleep Well Beast by the National (2017)

I wrote about this album already, but I'll say this too—when I wrote about this being my favorite album of 2017, I postulated that it might not age well. The theory went that, if I ceased to be as sad as I was during various points of 2017, that maybe this very sad album from 2017 would not land as hard anymore. Two years later, I can confidently say that this is an incorrect theory. I don't want to claim that I am still as sad, because I'm not. But there are moments when life is a challenge, and I can still find a friend in the National when those moments come around. Maybe the cuts were deep enough then that I can still feel 'em, I dunno. FUCK I love this album.

A song to try: "I'll Still Destroy You"

3. Celebration Rock by Japandroids (2012)

I've thought a lot about the theory that Sam presented a few weeks ago, that most music is gendered. Looking around these lists, that theory is probably true. Celebration Rock is the ultimate young dude album; it perfectly captures that wild abandon that we so cherished growing up. It pains me to know that maybe half the population will not "get" this album. I want everyone to know this celebration. Still, if someone can't appreciate such rallying cries as "We dreamed it, now we know!" and "There's no high like this!" and "If they try to slow you down / Tell 'em all to go to hell!" then I will just clutch the album tighter.

A song to try: "Evil's Sway"

2. Cardinal by Pinegrove (2016)

I already wrote about this album, but I'll say this too—it fucking kills me that this album is forever associated with "cancel culture," because being worthy of cancellation is the total antithesis to everything this album is trying to say. Cardinal makes a case for being open and honest and kind, and wraps it in a catchy, rustic indie package. I honestly listen to this album about once a week, and in three and half years, I'm still not tired of it. Unless more information comes to life, it'll never be cancelled.

A song to try: "New Friends"

1. The Monitor by Titus Andronicus (2010)

We've reached the end of our countdowns. You've read thousands of words about the music of my decade, and how these albums tell the story of the last ten years. And yet here we are, at the end, and you're reading about how an album released in March 2010 was and still is the best album of the decade. Seems like a weird choice, right? March 2010 was a completely different life. I was single, homeless (figuratively), angsty, lost. The Monitor connected to me then because it offered a mirror to those feelings. "This is exactly who I am."

But now, it's December 2019, and I still consider The Monitor to be unbeatable next to any other album this entire decade. Why? It can't be that it's the same mirror it was back then. I'm married with kids and a mortgage and a career. I know where I stand in the world. The battles have been fought. Won or lost, they are at least over. What else does The Monitor have to say at this point?

To me, it now is a message of community. Which seems like the opposite of what it was originally, right? Back then, it was a message that it's okay to feel like you're alone, that shit happens. But another layer has presented itself: It's okay to feel alone sometimes, because we can all be alone TOGETHER. You might feel alone, but you're not. We got you.

Can't really forget to mention the album's conceit, I guess—The Monitor uses the Civil War as a metaphor for these conflicting emotions. E.g. you feel broken, just like the country was broken; you don't know your place in the world, just as the US was split into two; heart vs. mind, brother vs. brother; etc. It seems silly, but then, full throttle and towering punk rock can always make shit seem much less silly than it is.

And you can feel free to extrapolate if you so choose. The country is still broken, divided along ideological fault lines. You might still feel broken too. It's okay, says Titus Andronicus. Say it again, all decade long: we are all in this together.