The Office Revival

hasn't been confirmed yet, but c'mon, those TV execs want their MONEY

What The Office Season 10 should look like:

• Jim and the two Halpert kids died in a car crash, so Pam, not knowing what else to do, comes back to Scranton and gets her old receptionist job back, because she feels like that was the only thing that ever truly made sense to her.
• Everyone is really concerned to see Pam back at the front desk, because they know she's better than this. They've always known. Oscar admits that the snark he and the rest of the office showed her during her last few years working there was less out of disdain and more due to the fact that they always knew she had potential, and she was pissing it away working at a goddamn paper company. Oscar confesses that he felt like Will Hunting's gay older brother on the day that the Halperts stopped showing up to work.
• Dwight is getting therapy, and starting to come to terms with his outrageous behavior. He is constantly wrestling with the fact that he has, at times, put his peers in immediate danger. He breaks out in a cold sweat when he has a nightmare about the time he brought a gun into the office. Angela wakes up to find her husband screaming, "I could've shot Stanley! I could've shot Stanley!"
• Phyllis knits a lot at her desk. It's been three years since Bob Vance died of heart attack complications, and as a widow, she just can't seem to find the satisfaction she once could in selling paper (especially because the hospital bills are piling up, and they are all on Dunder Mifflin brand paper). So she knits. Except on Tuesdays. Pam asks, what's on Tuesdays? "Oh honey, we didn't think you'd ever want to come. But every Tuesday, a few of us take a half day and go to early happy hour at Poor Richard's."
• Kevin, you'll recall, now owns Poor Richard's. Always lost among the numbers and figures in the accounting office, Kevin seems to have found his calling, serving cold beer to the sad patrons of his establishment. The gang files in.
• Andy is sitting at the end of the bar. "Guys! You made it!" Everyone waves uncomfortably and starts to shuffle toward the other side of the bar, except Pam: "Andy! Oh my god! I thought you worked at Cornell?" And she starts to walk toward Andy, before Erin grabs her by the sleeve, "Pam, wait. We need to see which Andy this is." "What do you mean Erin?" Pam asks (a bit sarcastically, since she knows Erin can be kooky and also she has a history with Andy, so maybe she's just being Erin, ya know?). "Well, you know how it always seemed like Andy became a different person every year? Like, one year he had severe anger issues, the next he was a dumb cuckold, somehow he became regional manager, and went from lovable loser to vindictive asshole?" "Oh yeah, I guess I never noticed that." "Well, as it turns out, Andy has severe mental health concerns, possibly a personality disorder. We always wait for Andy to approach us. Sometimes he comes over and buys us a round. Sometimes he punches a hole through the wall. But we always wait and see."
• Dwight walks up to Kevin. "First rounds on me, Kev. How're you holding up?" Kevin: "Dwight. I, am, phenomenal. Your firing me was the best thing that ever happened to me. Let's let bygones be bygones. I will buy the first round." Dwight: "You know, Kevin, I never appreciated your heart when you worked at Dunder Mifflin. I was always distracted by your lack of accounting know-how. But now I see that people are not binary. They have good skills and lack other skills. Your work with spreadsheets shouldn't have defined you as a person. I know that now. I am in therapy." Old Dwight would've looked straight into the camera at this point, a self-satisfied smug smile on his face. But that was the Old Dwight. New Dwight just lives his life the best he can.
• "Who's watching the kids, Angela? Mose?" asks Meredith. "Mose?" responds Angela, "No, didn't you hear? Mose died in a tragic tractor accident. It wasn't something we took lightly at Schrute Farms. He was practically running the farm since Dwight became Regional Manager. But Mose is in The Good Place now." 
• The staff, old and new, sit around their favorite Tuesday table, mostly in silence. They know this is it for them. There's no getting out of Scranton. "Hey," pipes up Pam, "Remember that time Michael thought it would be a good idea to eat a whole container of fettuccine alfredo before running a 5K?" Everyone chuckles appreciatively, and they spend a few minutes recounting Michael Scott's wackier exploits. Another silence, then: "I wonder what he's up to now?"
• Creed walks into the bar, and exclaims: "I was released and am on parole!" Everyone is perplexed. Toby asks: "Creed, are you serious?" Creed says: "Who's Creed?"
• Every episode is pretty low-key. There are a few guest appearances. For instance, Stanley is retired, and to be true to the character, it wouldn't make any sense for him to appear more than once maybe. Perhaps we see him in line during Free Pretzel Day, and Phyllis is able to convince him to come up to the office and say hi to everyone.
• The season's arc is Pam coming to terms with the fact that this is her life. She is neither happy nor sad. She misses Jim dearly, but life has become a little less hectic without him, and at the end of the day, she occasionally appreciates that. Pam has to come to terms with the fact that she was kidding herself when she went to art school. She looks around the office. Mediocrity is a comfortable fit for her. She aspires for nothing more.
• Dwight is proud of the office. He and his subordinates do their work and do it well. Profits are in the black, which is more than many other similar companies can say in this increasingly paperless world. Dwight finds a gray hair. He's getting old. He will probably die here. He reflects on his old frenemy Jim Halpert, and the discomfort Jim felt when he perceived that he was "stuck" here at Dunder Mifflin. Dwight has never felt that way. He has felt at home here since orientation day. He has no higher aspirations. But what if...

What The Office Season 10 will probably look like:

• Pam bursts through the office door: "Hey guys, guess what! Jim is working from home on his Athlead stuff, which was bought by Amazon, and he may stop by as often as his Amazon contract will allow. But I was bored, so I'm back!"
• Andy quit Cornell and came back to Dunder Mifflin as the receptionist. Erin and Pete are co-Office Coordinators. Dwight says, "I'm glad my best friend is back! Alright Beesley, let's make up a job for you. How about Special Projects Manager?" Pam: "Sounds great Dwight."
• Meredith says something crude about having sex.
• Stanley bursts through the door: "Guys, I just heard that a paper company in Florida, Schmunder Schmifflin, is trying to steal our clients!" "Battle stations, folks!" yells Dwight, "We can do this!" But Dwight is waaaay too aggressive with the clients, and loses a lot of them. Like, he's acting like no normal human being would. There are no lasting repercussions. 
• Erin says: "Oh no, I forgot the password to my computer!" The camera finds her trying to type on an upside-down keyboard. Kevin, who for some reason was rehired (with no explanation), says: "Oh no, I forgot the password to my computer too!" The camera finds him trying to type on a calculator.
• Nelly is still there.
• Creed: "flippity floppity ho ha mana!" The AVClub writes in its post-episode review: "Creed was a clear standout in tonight's episode."
• Anyone who hasn't hooked up in the office yet ends up hooking up. Phyllis thinks Andy is hitting on her. Darrell takes his old job back and hooks up with Meredith. Toby takes his old job back and marries Nelly in a Very Special Episode. Kelly takes her old job back and tries to hook up with Clark, which makes Ryan—who took his old job back—very jealous.
• Gabe takes his old job back, and sexually harasses every woman in the office with no repercussions.
  
• You never see anyone selling any paper. David Wallace shows up and says, "Dwight, you're doing a great job! I think Dunder Mifflin will be expanding soon!" Dwight smiles a shit-eating grin into the camera.
• Special Guest Star Whoopi Goldberg is the new CFO! Hijinks ensue!
• Erin: "Hey everybody, I just want to let you know that my Biological Father is having a foreign film festival tonight on his yacht, and you are all invited!" Andy: "None of us have lives outside of the office. We will literally ALL be there."
• Andy sings a semi-recent pop song a cappella style, and everyone cheers for him, because they all have forgotten his awful behavior when he was dating Erin.
• Everyone acts like they are mentally challenged, and they all fail upward.
• Everything works out great in the end.