above: a brief summation of the summer of Amanda Lynn B**
I am more than pleased to be rejoining the fine gentlemen of PoYB with all the irreverent, sarcastic negativity that you’ve come to know and love from the beloved blog’s sole vagina'd member. Before I bounce back into the swing of normal updating, I’d like to share some links that have been tickling my fancy as of late.
So far, my summer has included the following things: hours spent among geriatrics and co-workers discussing anal licking; copious amounts of alcoholic beverages; sleeping in a fire engine red Volvo; and perusing the Internet.
I do lotsa stuff on the Internet. I chat. I play Scrabble for an unhealthy amount of hours. I pirate movies and look at weird porn. But mostly, I just look up random shit and laugh for hours. The following is a sample of my collection.
I’m also obliging one Mr. Joseph as he sends me cyber glares of shame and guilt from the bowels of his goading, merciless soul.
1) First of all, Perez! America’s fave flamer got his ass kicked the other night by the Black Eyed Peas’ Will.I.Am. Words were exchanged, and punches were thrown. Le shock! Of course, Perez did what any good ranting queen would do and cried on video for his hordes of 'Net cronies. He also calls Fergie a "fugly bitch." Watch, it’s HIGHlarious. LOLz perez!
2) Second, a clip of some kid freaking the eff out after his mom cancels his World of Warcraft account. This might be the funniest thing I’ve actually ever seen. Note the self-inflicted anal raping with a remote controller: "IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTTTT?!"
4) Ah, the addiction that is Twitter. The following is a cartoon highlighting the twouble that tweeting can cause (I’m looking at you, JosephMichael). I, of course, found this cartoon via Twitter itself: Totally twuoting all over the place.
That's it for now, loyal readers. Look for some more awesomeness from me asap. HA! I rhyme.
According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the most covered song of all time is "Yesterday" by the Beatles. It's an okay song, I guess. I mean, there are a lot of better Beatles songs out there. It's sappy and mediocre.
However, when there are over 1600 versions of the damn song recorded, there's bound to be a few stinkers that make the song even worse than it originally was. Segue into:
PoYB'S Top Five Worst "Yesterday" Covers
5. "Yesterday" recorded by En Vogue
Sure, these women have strong voices, but it was pretty lame that they changed the lyrics around so as to maintain their heterosexuality. "I'm not half the girl I used to be" is just silly. Wouldn't it have been ballsy to hear "I'm not half the man" sung by four women?
4. "Yesterday" recorded by Daffy Duck
Animated characters should never be allowed to bastardize a Beatles song. Case in point.
3. "Yesterday" recorded by Bob Dylan
Dylan gets serious points deducted for recording this song because, well, sometimes Dylan can be full of shit. "If you go into the Library of Congress, you can find a lot better than that," claimed Dylan, making his dislike for "Yesterday" plain. Naturally, he went ahead and recorded his own version anyway, and it pretty much sounds the same.
2. "Yesterday" recorded by Michael Bolton
Huh? Wha... oh shit, my bad. I fell asleep listening to this version. Here it is. Make sure you drink some coffee while watching, and for christ's sake, don't get behind the wheel of a car with this in your dashboard tape deck.
1. "Yesterday" recorded by Linkin Park & Jay-Z feat. Paul McCartney
Yes, Paul McCartney wins the worst cover of "Yesterday" for his own song. I wonder what possessed him to get on stage with a bunch of hooligans like Jay-Z and Chester Bennington. And really, is there a worse Beatles song to mash up with "Numb/Encore"? The least they could've done was treated us to a rap version of "Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite." Oh well.
(The horror starts at the 2:30 mark)
And now, as a special treat, I present to you, the BEST cover of this "Yesterday":
The "R.I.P. Michael Jackson" Facebook group already has 900,000 members, only two days after the fact. What's sad is that you can't get 900,000 kids to unite for any real, useful purpose nearly as fast. We're turning a child molesting, fortune squandering, waste of life into a golden god.
With all due respect to the dead, I feel no sadness today. We lost the "King of Pop," and all I feel is... neutral. It's terrible to say, I know, but I don't really care.
A Big Deal?
The big hoopla that typically accompanies the death of a celebrity never sits well with me, especially when I never really knew (or cared to know) much about that celebrity when they walked the earth. When a well-known actor dies, I just kinda say "That sucks," and continue about my daily routine. Just recently, Gary Pappas passed away. I was too young (or else appreciated sports too late) to appreciate his work, and when he died, I can't say I was terribly upset. Even when the Pope died, I just kind of acted sad because I didn't want to go to hell.
Maybe it's not fair for me to compare Michael Jackson, Gary Pappas, and the Pope. But what we can learn from all three of these examples is that people have every right to grieve after the passing of a celebrity, especially if you are someone who had legitimate affection for that person and an appreciation for their work during their lifetime.
People like Justin Timberlake or ?uestlove should and will be saddened by the loss of someone who so obviously inspired them. It's just like an aspiring Catholic priest would be saddened because the Holy Father has passed. These important people inspired thousands or millions, so if you truly are a better person because of Michael, then weep all you want. That's one of my problems I guess...
"I Want You Back" is about the only damn Michael Jackson I like.
Feigning Interest
This being said, it irks me when someone who didn't give a single shit about Jackson before today are now suddenly acting like their idol is gone.
Why does this irk me? Probably because I'm a petty fuck. But I was in work today when the news broke that the Moonwalker was gone, and even the damn old people were upset. Why? When did you ever care about Jackson when he was alive? When was the last time you popped in Off the Wall? You belittled him when he hung his child over a fourth-story balcony, but now you lost your idol?
I'm all about sympathizing with people who are truly saddened by this loss, but don't pretend to be sad just because it's trendy.
Then again, if I died, I hope some people would at least pretend to be sad.
Trivialization
One thing I pondered for a long time today was about the recent trend to update your Facebook or Twitter about a celebrity death. That's actually how I hear about most deaths first—someone has it as their FB status. And I'm wondering, is this a fitting tribute for someone, or does it trivialize his or her death?
On one side, I'm sure Michael is smiling in his grave over the fact that he is a trending topic on Twitter (which basically means a shit ton of people are tweeting about him—I know, great, right). But at the same time, what does that say about society that the first thing we do when we hear about a death is run off to a social networking system?
I feel like it's the equivalent of people going to concerts just so they can say they went. "Oh, is this Coldplay? I was TOTALLY at their concert May of 2007. They were pretty good." So too will people say, "Yeah, I was TOTALLY one of the first people to tweet about the death of that Charlie's Angel." Shouldn't we be, like, saying a prayer or something, instead of texting and tweeting?
Then again, whatever you need to do to mourn.
Revisionist Media Treatment
Hey, remember that time Michael Jackson's nose fell off after too many surgeries? Remember that time MJ almost dropped his son out of a window? Remember when he opened up his own theme park so he could sleep with little boys, like that kid from Home Alone? Remember when he made out with Lisa Marie Presley? Remember the 2001 song "You Rock My World"?
Neither do I. See, after a celebrity dies, we focus on all the good things, like his incredible success across all forms of media, his beloved musical craft, and the way his work inspired all musicians. Child molestation? Never happened.
I guess I can reluctantly get behind some treatment. Focusing on the positives, forgetting about past mistakes, that's a legitimate way of dealing with a death. No one sits around at their uncle's funeral and talks about how he committed insurance fraud while battling alcoholism. They sit around and tell funny stories that put the uncle in a positive light. They talk about the good he did for his family and the community.
It would be insulting to continue to obsess over how much of a buffoon, an ass, and a laughingstock Michael Jackson became in later years. He did a great deal of good for people.
Still, I maintain that "I Want You Back" was the pinnacle of his career.
Rest in peace, Michael Jackson. I guess.
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UPDATE—03/14/2019—For anyone who gives a shit, my thoughts on Michael Jackson are a lot different now than they were in 2009. Please read this if the above blog post has horrified you as it now horrifies me.
My apologies, dear reader, for the recent hiatus of your and our beloved Puke on Your Birthday.
Why we needed to go offline for a bit can be left up to speculation. I will vaguely hint that I just needed to regroup and come up with a plan on how to deal with the past and future of our lovely little corner of the web. And what I have decided to do is... leave it as is.
There are some inflammatory posts here, mostly by yours truly, that I was pretty close to taking down—for good reasons. But I decided to leave them up.
My "emo" posts (the ones where I try to be honest instead of funny) stay up because, well, they provide a pretty good snapshot of a particular moment in my life. I'm not going to bury them and pretend they didn't happen, because they did.
Just know that I'm trying to change. I'm doing my damnedest to grow up. Whether we like it or not, we all are.
Thank you for sticking by us, humble reader. Let's get this blog rolling again!
