This year I...
...walked out of Bonner's, spent my first hours of the year oversleeping, visited Hell on Earth (the Mummers Parade while sober), did a power hour to live music, lost terribly at a Murder Mystery Dinner, cheered on the Eagles, eulogized the Phillies, followed La Salle Men's Basketball because of Stockholm Syndrome, got my back hair surgically removed, paid a fucking mortgage, kept calling myself an adult even though it still didn't feel like it, somehow refrained from masturbating into a block of swiss cheese while driving, played Tickets, saw some shit I probably didn't want to see during a game of Tickets, was snowed in, still trekked to work in the snow, took care of post-surgery Pammy, totally fucked up Valentine's Day, got into my gym routine of 3-days-on 3-months-off, killed about eight Taconelli's pies all by myself, drank in the cats of Dan Rodden Theater, got drunk in bumblefuck Lancaster, rented a tux, got a cavity, pretended every day I had off was Saturday even if it was really Tuesday, celebrated Mom's 50th, celebrated any respite from crime in Philadelphia whatsoever, woke up early after staying up late infinite amount of times, shoveled snow off my sidewalk and staved off the Port Richmond scumbags who tried to shovel it for money, got drunk at McGillin's, got drunk at Byrne's, got drunk at Chickie & Pete's, got drunk in the morning, got drunk outside, celebrated 12 years since my first kiss, got drunk at Red Rooster for St. Patrick's Day with family as is tradition, ate a Schmitter, ate way too many Wawa buffalo chicken cheesesteaks, was in general just fucking clueless about how to improve my fucking credit score, played text roulette and pissed an old friend off by asking her to play the boob bongos in my band, did my taxes by myself (aka TurboTax, y'all), argued with everyone and anyone about the ending of How I Met Your Mother, listened to way too much Of Montreal, tried to get everyone laid, sent cops to break up underage drinking and became the biggest hypocrite to ever live, celebrated Pam's birthday by mistaking coconut for bacon, "helped make our wedding registry," rode the Market-Frankford Night Owl and survived, partied in AC and survived, partied in West Chester for my sis's 21st and tried to drink as much as the young college folk and survived, tried to donate blood but couldn't probably because we had ebola or something, worked way too much overtime, celebrated my parents' 20th wedding anniversary by getting drunk as my family is wont to do, traveled to Denver, drank the entire weekend, made new friends, enjoyed a new city, saw the Phillies win for once jesus fucking christ, just overall had a crazy awesome vacation in Denver, went to the wrong Cavanuagh's, went to Presentation B.V.M.'s Night at the Races and saw the best Improv show of all time, drank a case of hard apple cider for some reason, listened to the stupid assholes of Philadelphia with their supposed emergencies, celebrated our neighborhood by drinking beers in the rain at an arts festival with a terrible band, marveled at the beauty that is Rick and Morty, lied to Pam for months about her bridal shower, pooped at McNally's for the first time in my life, daydrank at the Garage, smoked my FINAL CIGARETTE maybe, listened to music while tipsy on SEPTA, did the dishes, did the laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, just overall did some mad chores to make my wife happy, watched some weird Super Mario 64 videos, watched probably the most disturbing TV episode of all time, fell in love with sardines, hated soccer just like I did in 2013 and just like I will in 2015, saw the Phillies lose just way too many times, threw a beer pong tournament like a normal 25 year old would, argued about what Philadelphia TV weatherperson was hottest, called out of work sick and was like totally sick just ask my employer, celebrated Bikeracemas by doing what we usually do and waking up real early for beers and just genuinely enjoying hanging out with friends all day, annihilated all competition in ladderball, bid adieu to friends moving to Chicago and Houston and New York and Cleveland, saw the Phillies lose again but man I can't reiterate how much fun I had tailgating through this year despite the shoddy playing of our baseball team, frequented Drury Beer Garden before it was cool, followed my alter-ego on twitter, finally sold my car because fuck owning cars, spent a lot of time in Kensington at five in the morning and survived, tried to explain to my wife that I wasn't really in love with the sisters of Haim I swear to god, celebrated the Fourth of July by avoiding the Ben Franklin Parkway, spent one single day in Wildwood which was probably an all time low for ol' Joey here but made the best of it for sure, saw Neutral Milk Hotel in concert which I never thought I would ever be able to say, sprained my toe for reasons that are too silly to name here, had my bachelor party and man was it just a crazy weekend, drank all day poolside, tailgated for hours with most of my male friends and family, went to a strip club with people I never thought I'd go to a strip club with, killed kegs on a bus, closed the Rockledge Pub two nights in a row, all in all just reaffirmed that my life is good and my friends are better, had the longest hangover of my life, #HRYF, BYO'd mini golfing, bought the largest amount of liquor I ever will in my lifetime, continually ate my brown bag lunch for breakfast, was truly and sincerely disturbed when reading American Psycho, drank dollar beers at Penny Gardens for hopefully the last time, dressed like I was in the '20s, dressed like I was in the '50s, dressed except when I was naked which was often, had date nights with myself, threw up Pizza Hut for hours then like a dog ate Pizza Hut again, went nuts for Fucked Up in a thunderstorm, refused to do the Ice Bucket Challenge, was on TV every left-handed batter while at the Phillies with my best man, um, got MARRIED, had the best weekend of my life, gave drunken speeches, listened and laughed to drunken speeches, danced with everyone I love in my life, was so proud of everyone for the sickening amount of alcohol consumed, loved my wife, got a fucking WIFE, holy christ got MARRIED, danced to "Shout" on shoulders, danced with my wife all night, drank every Hamm's Special Light ever made, fit everyone on the shuttle bus somehow some way, dealt with my nervousness by playing Mario Kart 64, stumbled through my vows, kissed my wife for the first time, had too many laughs, too many smiles, too many good times and good friends and fuck was that all a great goddamn time, got drunker the day after the wedding by the pool, spent the rest of the week recovering, learned to love my job, learned to hate the patrons of Shoprite, missed Irish Weekend for the final time, partied on a bus for like five hours, watched the Eagles at a true South Philly dive bar, got drunk with an old friend, listened to an excellent Weezer album that came out in 2014 and I have no idea what direction is up, wrote thank you cards till my hand fell off, watched the La Salle v. Prep high school football game and fuck the Prep, begged and pleaded my friends that if they are in a domestic dispute please do not call 911 to "order a pizza," went face to face with my biggest fear (a slug), dressed up as the Guilty Remnant, dressed up as the Ice Bucket Challenge, listened to Pam immediately start discussing what we are dressing up as next year, carved pumpkins, gave out candy to the hundreds of Elsas of Port Richmond, went to like 957 surprise parties, got kicked out of Dirty Frank's for no discernable reason, went to three other weddings besides our own during the fall season and had a crazy good time at each one because weddings are awesome, used every goddamn appetizer dish we have, BYO'd brunch, collected money for T-shirts, went on a ghost tour and kept my mouth shut the whole time, tailgated in the rain for a Temple football game for some reason, traveled to Hoboken for Dollar Beers and Dwyer McPoopdick, defended Taylor Swift, almost got caught drinking in the Green Room yet again despite the fact that yes I am indeed 25 years old, ate Taco Bell more than any man should, got a new job, became one of the huddled masses and started working 9-5 Monday through Friday, learned to deal with a crowded subway and bus, went to McNally's on Thanksgiving Eve for the last time, had like four Thanksgiving dinners, missed Turkey Bowl due to work goddamn it, still got out early and ate some Connor 'Balls, dressed in green with 125 of my friends and got drunk up and down Huntingdon Pike, packed every bar, danced my ass off at Hop Angel and McNally's, made a mortal enemy in the McNally's DJ, reaffirmed for approximately the 750th time this year that my friends are fucking awesome and I would be a shell of a man without them, had weekends off for the first time ever, worked on my birthday, had the chillest un-themed birthday party you could imagine, started my Christmas shopping relatively early, went to five o'clock Friday happy hour for the first time in my life, went for a run like maybe seven times, said goodbye to my grandpop, missed my grandpop, processed my emotions with my family the only way we [last name redacted]s do which was basically tailgating the luncheon and drinking the same crappy Schlitz beer he used to drink, cried while sober once all year, cried while inebriated way too many times to admit, broke my addiction to Tums, hung ornaments from our E. Clearfield home's first Christmas tree, won $2 on a lottery ticket, gave Pam four gifts she liked and one gift she hated, ended the year with an unprecedented string of parties, laughed every goddamn day, listened to more new music than I ever have, watched more movies than I ever have, ate more burritos than I ever have, hung out with my friends on weekday nights, missed college but less than other years, thought about the past too much, thought about the future too much, appreciated the present too little, drunk tweeted like I always will, brushed my teeth before breakfast, danced while sober but usually only after ten beers, dropped many a "FUCK," tried not to be a fuckboy, split a pizza with my wife on a Friday night, loved my wife everyday more and more, loved life pretty consistently, looked forward to everyday, lived my life as full as I could, will try to do even better next year, walked into Bonner's...
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Saturday, December 27, 2014
2014 Music Year in Review
2014 was a good year in music. If anyone wants me to burn any music on this list and send it over, just give me the word, because music is great and you should listen to music.
This album had me at the lyric "And what an ordinary day / Take out the garbage, masturbate / I'm still holding for the laugh." Fuck what people tell you about her SNL performance, St. Vincent is a master at her craft, and her self-titled is her masterpiece.
One word comes to mind when I listen to this album: brave. Laura Jane Grace spends a half hour detail the hurt and the triumph that she experienced in her gender transition. These songs soar with the extra oomph provided by all that emotion. Just as important: it rocks. Songs like "Transgender Dysphoria Blues" and "FUCKMYLIFE666" are punk rock classics. I'm just saying, just because the subject matter is incredible personal, don't expect sappy ballads. It's everything you want in an album—it's catchy, it's powerful both musically and emotionally. I'm proud of Laura Jane Grace for this fine achievement in music. Fuck, this shit's awesome.
Top Ten Albums
Honorable Mentions: Seeds by TV on the Radio; They Want My Soul by Spoon; ...And Star Power by Foxygen
10. Tyranny by Julian Casablancas + the Voidz
This was either the best album of the year or the worst album of the year. I still have no idea. So that equates to about a #10 on this list, I'd guess. I really don't know what to make of Tyranny. It's beautiful in its ugliness. It's pretty much universally disliked by critics, and I get it. But this album has a strange allure. I can't explain it. Something just clicks for me. I know it shouldn't be on this list, probably, but sometimes you just gotta go with your gut. Wow, this album. It's a piece of work. You should check it out sometime, then maybe we can get blackout drunk and you can tell me how much you hated it.
9. Lost in the Dream by the War on Drugs
A lot was said about this excellent album this year, but I think my favorite description is that it is a "modern classic rock album." The kids would call it "epic." I'm proud to live in the same neighborhood as these should-be superstars.
8. Teeth Dreams by the Hold Steady
A return to form? That's what people will tell you. I will probably disagree with that assessment. The Hold Steady will never be what they were, because you know? We're all growing up. If the Hold Steady started writing songs about ODing and ending up in the medical tent at a concert, it would be like that college kid that still hangs out at his old high school every day. That would be weird. The Hold Steady is more mature now. They sing about the times we used to have. It's more melancholy now. The epic nights are few and far between. And as I grow up too, that's something I can appreciate.
7. Run the Jewels 2 by Run the Jewels
This album is a fucking Folgers fist to your face. It's a giant, standing on little dandy shoulders. If this album isn't the best, most fun rap album I've heard in a long time, then call me a fuckboy.
6. St. Vincent by St. Vincent
This album had me at the lyric "And what an ordinary day / Take out the garbage, masturbate / I'm still holding for the laugh." Fuck what people tell you about her SNL performance, St. Vincent is a master at her craft, and her self-titled is her masterpiece.
5. You're Gonna Miss It All by Modern Baseball
Had I heard this in senior year of high school, it probably would have been the best album of all time. It's like a time machine back to 2006, when drinking was new and so was fucking up horribly while intoxicated. I'm pretty every story that is told on You're Gonna Miss It All is the story of seventeen-year-old Joey, wistful about some girl, getting drunk and making an ass of himself trying to get her. This band is actually made up of Drexel University students, so maybe they truly understand the plight of a Philadelphia teenager. As it stands now, I'm 26 years old, married, and I don't really act like the protagonist in these songs, but sometimes it's nice to spend time with seventeen-year-old Joey and remember Way Back When.
4. Forcefield by Tokyo Police Club
How many excellent albums of tightly-written pop-rock can Tokyo Police Club put out before being recognized for their achievement? Can't be too many more, because this shit is catchy.
3. Everything Will Be Alright in the End by Weezer
If you had told me at the beginning of the year that Weezer would put out an album that I loved, I would have done a literal spit take of the Hamm's I was drinking and then laughed in your face. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Weezer is supposed to be a terrible band, two decades past their prime, even their hits becoming stale after infinite radio repetition. But here we are, in December of 2014, and Weezer's most recent album is incredible. We live in a weird world, folks.
2. Brill Bruisers by the New Pornographers
This was an album I had no doubt I was going to love when it was first announced. First, the New Pornographers can't really do wrong in my opinion; they just hit that sweet spot for me musically, and probably always will as long as this Canadian supergroup still decides to get together every once in a while. Second, it was released the week of my wedding, and I'll always argue that music is all about context. So when I hear "Champions of Red Wine," I'm going to think about that magical weekend at the Rose Bank Winery, and it's all this shit is going to put a smile on my face the rest of my life.
1. Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me!
One word comes to mind when I listen to this album: brave. Laura Jane Grace spends a half hour detail the hurt and the triumph that she experienced in her gender transition. These songs soar with the extra oomph provided by all that emotion. Just as important: it rocks. Songs like "Transgender Dysphoria Blues" and "FUCKMYLIFE666" are punk rock classics. I'm just saying, just because the subject matter is incredible personal, don't expect sappy ballads. It's everything you want in an album—it's catchy, it's powerful both musically and emotionally. I'm proud of Laura Jane Grace for this fine achievement in music. Fuck, this shit's awesome.
Top 35 Songs
Always reliable and consistently underrated, Woods is the pop-rock machine the world deserves, but stupid people all over the world will just continually shovel Megan-Trainor-like bullshit into their big fat mouths. "Moving to the Left" is classic Woods—mid-tempo, falsetto, rustic, neat little guitar riffs all over the place, music you'd put on if you were to take a weekend off and head up to your cabin in the... nevermind.
Pretentious internet quote of the year: "Punk throwaway 'Business Dog' frequently sounds like every band member is playing a different song simultaneously, which does create a few interesting moments where they bump into each other like tenants looking for a flashlight in a blacked-out apartment." Looks like someone doesn't understand 7/8 time!
Conor Oberst is like fine wine to me. The more I listen to the guy, the better he sounds in my ears. Sure, songs like "Four Winds" and "Another Travelin' Song" will always be perennial stand outs on any iPod playlist, but Oberst put together a full album of hits in 2014. Check out "Zigzagging Toward the Light" for a little preview of his gem. Whether you had a I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning poster in your high school locker, or you're a late bloomer like me, you won't regret it.
At least once a year, I randomly hear a song on 88.5 XPN (when my iPod is dead or I'm using a vehicle without an auxiliary jack, usually) that resonates with me, and "The Weather Song" was that song this year. I don't know much about the band. I know my dad likes them, so they are both literally and figuratively dad rock, I assume (Ought also made Rolling Stone's Top 50 this year, I just noticed, so, yeah, your dad would like them). But this song is fun. It's jaunty and it's relentless. It's the sound of a party just about to start.
You guys know me. When it comes to music, I love the upbeat, the energetic, even the cathartic. It's kind of weird, then, that I would fall in love with such a slow-chugging, almost dirge of a song. It's seven minutes, but something about its slow guitar riff and group vocals make it seem like seconds.
My favorite part of the song is DeMarco whispering "shit!" at the very beginning. I'm not sure what that "shit" means. Could it be that he fucked up? That he's tired of trying to get the track done right? Or could it be that he's trying to convey what an existential dread working a 9-5 can be without the right mindset, and they only way he could properly convey that feeling is by whispering a swear word?
The Gaslight Anthem did this year what they usually do: they put out a good album. Get Hurt was good, even very good. It wasn't as good as their last trilogy of Good albums (with a capital-G), but hey, I liked it! "1,000 Years" is the best song on that album, and I liked it better than every song this year except 24 of them. This all seems bland, and overall maybe that's how I feel about this band, but man, for a bland band they sure are endearing. I saw them in concert this year, and they were pretty great. Their drummer had a family emergency, so they had a last-minute fill in (Against Me!'s drummer, who learned their songs in less than a day), and then played a third of their set acoustic style. Jeez, was that a beautiful experience. Gaslight Anthem will probably never release an album that blows my mind, but if they keep putting out good album, and pepper a few great songs like "1,000 Years" in there, I'll be one happy guy.
I was asked lately what I do to manage stress, and the quick answer was music. Yes, it's true, though I try to act optimistic and easy-going, there are those rare occasions when I get pissed off and need a goddamn way to cool down. I found myself more often than not popping on "Snake Jaw" and the ensuing White Lung tracks. What a whirlwind of sound. Really helps to just let lead singer Mish Way just sing your frustrations right out of you.
There's no one in music today making weirder music (that's still listenable!) than Ariel Pink. It doesn't pass the McDonald Test (If Pam says "What are we listening to?" when it comes on, I don't play it in groups or at parties), not by a long shot, so Ariel Pink has been a very personal experience for me. Misogyny be damned, the man can write songs. How catchy is this song's hook?
Colin Meloy has denied me my Decemberists fix for a few years now (until this January!), so in 2014 I found myself looking for another band to get my indie, folk-ish, nerdy music from. Luckily, while Meloy was doing whatever, the rest of his band was putting together some tunes without him. Fortune doesn't come close to hitting those peaks that the Decemberists consistently do, but there are a few killer songs on the LP, including "Let It Out," a song that absolutely melts your face...with an accordion.
Because sometimes you still get teenage angst when you're 26.
Every time TV on the Radio releases a new album, I wonder how much farther they can push their music past the sounds on their all time great, Return to Cookie Mountain. The difference is staggering. I wouldn't call this a bad thing. Return to Cooke Mountain IV might not have been anything special. TVotR's Seeds this year, however, was satisfying, despite its shockingly polished sound. "Could You" exemplifies everything that TV on the Radio is these days—songs that start one way and stay that way, no corkscrews or sharp left turns; songs that have a catchy hook and stick by it; songs that utilize shit like a heavy horn section to turn out Top 40-esque pop rock. It's not one of their all time greats, but nothing will ever be, and I'm kinda glad they are testing out other things, like their current pop sound.
Man, was there a bigger dick in music this year than the guy from Sun Kil Moon? Seriously, Mark Kozelek was just a fucking asshole for no reason to the dude from the War on Drugs, and it really shed a negative light on him. Which is a shame, because I can't help but let it affect the way I hear his music, which truth be told is goddamn beautiful. "Dogs" is a five-and-half-minute acoustic ballad about how much love sucks and how complicated your feelings can be when dealing with women. And man, that shit resonates! I lived this song! But the guy singing it is an asshole, and it just makes me feel weird now.
You're gonna hear a lot about Run the Jewels in lists like this. You're going to hear about how they are one of the most creative rap teams on earth right now. You're going to hear about how their music can just annihilate you while still being hilarious. You're going to hear the fucking guy from Rage Against the Machine give a killer fucking verse on "Close Your Eyes (and Count to Fuck)," like seriously, this shit is nuts. Zack de la Rocha is on one of my favorite songs of the year, how weird is that? This song was the best song released this year that should have been on the Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 soundtrack.
Spoon is great at what they do. I wouldn't call it innovative, because a lot of their songs... I don't want to say "sound the same," that would be doing them a disservice. Let's say, a lot of their songs have the same tone. "They Want My Soul" and the album named after it does everything right, and it's still good ol' reliable Spoon. Never change, guys.
Maybe I'm just taking Jack White for granted, but nothing about his 2014 album struck me as great. Well, except for the title track, which is my favorite Jack White—biting, deadly, all sneer and snarl, with a generously wicked guitar solo slabbed on top.
I don't know if I'll ever be as into Fucked Up as I was listening to David Comes to Life for the first time, but an experience this year came close. I attended the Fucked Up concert at Morgan's Pier on a whim. Drunk on tequila, during a thunderstorm, Fucked Up rolled into this song with the force of a bulldozer, thunder and lightning cracking in the backdrop. It was so goddamn badass.
Slot any Weezer song from this year into the #12 position and I'm totally happy with the decision. Seriously, the more I write about it, the more incredulous it sounds. Weezer! Good music! How!? "The British Are Coming" is Rivers Cuomo as Paul Revere! His falsetto is ridiculous! This is amazing!
To all the fucking naysayers out there, beware. I like all types of music, even if it's mainstream. You couldn't get much more mainstream than Taylor Swift this year, but I don't give a fuck, and neither should you. This song kills. It's catchy as fuck and it's the perfect response to every girl-on-girl crime she's every suffered for no goddamn reason. Taylor Swift is fucking awesome, and fuck you if you don't like her.
David Foster Wallace wrote: "What passes for hip cynical transcendence of sentiment is really some kind of fear of being really human, since to be really human [...] is probably to be unavoidably sentimental and naïve and goo-prone and generally pathetic." Taylor Swift strives to be human with her music—not ironic, not cool, not hip or distant or aloof, but fucking human. Honest. And yeah, that comes off as lame, but being honest is brave too. Not many pop stars are taking a chance on being honest these days. Give her props, motherfuckers. Give her some goddamn credit for Shaking It Off.
David Foster Wallace wrote: "What passes for hip cynical transcendence of sentiment is really some kind of fear of being really human, since to be really human [...] is probably to be unavoidably sentimental and naïve and goo-prone and generally pathetic." Taylor Swift strives to be human with her music—not ironic, not cool, not hip or distant or aloof, but fucking human. Honest. And yeah, that comes off as lame, but being honest is brave too. Not many pop stars are taking a chance on being honest these days. Give her props, motherfuckers. Give her some goddamn credit for Shaking It Off.
Laura Jane Grace pulls off a nifty trick here, by wrapping an utterly devastating song in a rowdy punk rock melody. Written about her wife's struggles with Grace's gender transition, it absolutely tugs at the heartstrings, but manages to be a song you could still theoretically play during a party.
The New Pornographers are a "supergroup," though feel free to use that term loosely depending on your perception of fame. What essentially it means is that a bunch of different artists are in this band, each tugging the band's signature sound in a different direction. Best, in my opinion, is Dan Bejar, he of Destroyer and Swan Lake, a unique musician to say the least. His brand of tunes meshes the least with the power pop of the NPs, and sometimes is clash of slick and weird creates some excellent songs. Case in point, "War on the East Coast," a song that starts off menacing but explodes into the catchy chorus that soars toward the heavens. Never change, New Pornographers.
Owen Pallett is a guy I have a tough time talking about musically (a problem he would never have). So just click on the link to bring you to the song, and let it wash over you. It's weird, it's in 7/8 time, you won't hear a song like it this year.
On an album that span the spectrum from "weird" to "really fucking weird," Foxygen manages to sneak in a straight-up pop song in there. If Foxygen had Billboard 200 aspirations, they could keep knocking out songs like "How Can You Really," but they are more ambitious than that. I can appreciate that, and I even agree (...And Star Power is rarely anything like this song and it's just so goddamn good). But man, if you need a healthy dose of pop, put this shit on.
Here's an interesting idea for a Hold Steady song—sing about a protagonist that is smart, she's careful, she maybe even would prefer to hang in sometimes and watch Netflix instead of going to the bar. Not quite the Holly and Charlemagne of Hold Steady's past. But as the narrator reminds her, and us: it's a big city, there's a lot of love. You have to live life to the fullest. You have to get out there and live it up while you can. Sage advice for an old Boys and Girls in America fan like me. We're all getting older, and sometimes it's easy to just relax and hang in. But we can't, we have to get out there. there's so many salted rims and frosted mugs and good times just waiting to happen. Life is creeping toward 30 for me, so the time is now to be true to "Spinners."
I thought about writing about the lyrics of this song, about the dangers of technology. I thought about bringing up the SNL performance again, about how people hated it because people are stupid. I thought about writing about the song in the context of St. Vincent's music career in general, about how this shows her growing as a writer but still maintaining the uniqueness that originally endeared her to music fans. But I won't write about any of that. I'll just write: listen to that fat fucking riff and let it burying itself in you and let it give you your new favorite song.
I'm not a rap guy, as I'll probably write in every end of year list I'll ever make. But seriously, even I know this is some crazy shit. Killer Mike and El-P both rap in double time, and it just gets heavier and heavier as the song goes on. That beat, FUCK, it's so goddamn sick. I first heard this song in the produce section of Shoprite (on my headphones, obviously), and fuck, when that bass dropped during Mike's second to last verse, I thought I was gonna flip over the avocado stand.
The Orwells aren't complicated. They are another rock band consisting of four white males who think they are hot shit and drive around in a van and play music and don't smile because they are too cool for smiling. They have long hair and wear leather jackets. They think they are making music that will change the world. There is nothing original about the Orwells, and twenty years from now they won't be known. But, guys, forget all that. Fuck context, fuck opinions, fuck everything, because you cannot deny the power of a perfectly crafted song. Sometimes a song arrives in the world just perfect. It doesn't have to be earned. It just exists. It is a gift. The Orwells are a band that put out the best song of the year this year. There's nothing else to say.
Top Non-2014 Music That I Listened To This Year
10. Pickin' Up the Pieces by Fitz and the Tantrums (2010)
Listened to on a whim on a CD burnt by a friend, this was the most surprising album I listened to this year. Apparently this was a big hit a few years ago, and I completely missed the train, but I am totally on board with the neo-soul now. Seriously, there's nothing like this stuff on my iPod. It's the only album I have, I think, that I would be comfortable playing in full during a BBQ.
9. Songs for the Deaf by Queens of the Stone Age (2002)
8. The Boy with the Arab Strap by Bell & Sebastian (1998)
7. Bandwagonesque by Teenage Fanclub (1991)
6. Excitable Boy by Warren Zevon (1978)
"Lawyers, Guns, and Money" has always been one of my favorite songs, but everyone failed to tell me that the rest of the album is right on par with it. C'mon, guys.
5. Pedestrian Verse by Frightened Rabbit (2013)
Man, can you seriously name a better 1-2-3-4 punch to kick off an album in the last ten years? Pedestrian Verse starts with four crazy awesome songs, and then lets the reigns down slightly, but not much. How did I miss this last year? It's like the Scottish Arcade Fire—the band plays every song like it's their last.
4. Langhorne Slim by Langhorne Slim (2008)
Recommended ages ago by a cousin, finally listened to this year, this album is an unbridled joy. This is the sound of a Bob Dylan who grew up in the '90s. This is Mumford & Sons if Mumford & Sons didn't suck. This is a special album for me.
3. Cherry Peel by Of Montreal (1997)
I went a little overboard with the Of Montreal this year, working through their entire (rather large) discography, so I'm a little burnt out here in December 2014. But man, the ratio of great Of Montreal to bad Of Montreal is staggering. I talked about it a little bit in last year's music in review, but this band and their lead Kevin Barnes has such a unique ability to completely reinvent the band from album to album. Starting off was this album, Cherry Peel. It's a lo-fi rock album, filled with joy and innocence. Of Montreal released ten albums after this, but not capture the freshness that Cherry Peel does.
2. Scrambles by Bomb the Music Industry! (2009)
Scrambles, to me, sounds like a portal into an alternate universe, one where I'm the same age but I don't have my shit together at all. It's a life I was probably four or five Hurricanes away from falling into—unemployed, no health insurance, feeling exhausted from not doing anything all day. All this is to say, if I can't necessarily empathize with BtMI's songs here, I can definitely imagine a world in which I do, and I can definitely sing along—loudly, windows down of the borrowed car I'm driving, on my way to a 9-5.
1. Guitar Romantic by the Exploding Hearts (2003)
I feel like every year, a few dozen people will pick this album up, and listen to it a few times, and when it finally clicks, they'll realize it is one of the crowning achievements in music in our lifetime. Then they'll go on Wikipedia, and type in "Exploding Hearts," and stare slack-jawed at the screen at tragedy. In 2003, which the whole world ripe for the taking, the band's tour bus flipped over and killed three of the four members, effectively ending the band and the infinite potential they had. I was one of the few dozen people who fell in love with the Exploding Hearts this year, so I'm one of the dozen people who will sleep a little less soundly from now one, kept up with thoughts of what could have been. Let's all try to remember that life is precious, folks. This album will help me remember.
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