Over time, I end up accumulating a small list of "blog post ideas" that sit on said list for like nine months, gathering dust. I like the ideas, but I know they are never going to amount to much. They're too weak. I wouldn't be able to squeeze a full blog post out of them. But I figure that if I just put them all together in one big frankenstein of a blog post, then maybe I can do them justice, and still not feel like I'm phoning it in, as far as the daily content goes (even though, in its own way, this is still phoning it in). So here ya go. Here are five shitty blog posts ideas, in a row, and incomplete.
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Writing Fake IMDB Trivia
If you've been reading the Never Seen It series here on PoYB, you know that I'm kind of obsessed with the good and the bad of IMDB's trivia pages. I thought a good idea would be to make up some bullshit trivia, submit it, and see how it tracks. Looking at the fine details of the submission page, it looks like trivia is vetted on at least some level before it is published to any particular page, so I doubt I could sneak any false trivia pass the mods. But if I were to make up some trivia, it go a little something like this...
It's a Wonderful Life
"For the scene that required the high school students to jump into the pool as it opened up below the dancefloor, director Frank Capra realized too late that he had hired 200 extras, and not one of them knew how to swim. Instead of calling the casting director, he instead had a swim instructor hired, and needed to halt production for a full day while the extras practiced doggy-paddling."
997 of 1,003 found this interesting
Big Fish
"Ewan McGregor found out he was pregnant during filming."
250 of 251 found this interesting
The Wizard of Oz
"Many of Auntie Em's scenes were either trimmed or deleted entirely, as Clara Blandick's performance was thought to be too erotic for audiences."
1,422 of 1,440 found this interesting
Back to the Future
"[1:48:10] Doc noticeably poops his pants."
0 of 27 found this interesting
Mahogany
"According to a Washington Post article during the movie's run in theaters, audiences were so enthralled that their favorite Colt 45 spokesman was in the film, that they started to sneak malt liquor into theaters and drink every time Billy Dee Williams appeared on screen."
69 of 420 found this interesting
The Big Lebowski
"Billy Baldwin was originally slated to claim the role of The Dude, but was already committed to playing 'Male Burro Rider #4' in Burro School 2: Mule's Out for the Summer."
2,822 of 2,940 found this interesting
And so on. You get the idea.
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Do My Old Facebook Arguments Still Hold Up?
I guess I would be killing two birds with one stone here—deleting some of these old statuses from my Facebook, and moving them to the blog for both archival purposes and for the purposes of revisiting them to see if I was a correct asshole when I made the argument originally, or if I was just an asshole. Reposting ALL of those statuses would be a little self-indulgent, but let's do at least one here.
February 20, 2018
"Hey, anyone else still fucking pissed about the amount of mass shootings in our country?
Here's my two cents. I'm not going to argue today about whether we should have more gun control legislation, because there's significant data showing that more more guns = more gun violence. But that's not my point.
I AM going to argue with the people that say, “oh, well both parties are the same! It’s a politics problem.” To those people, I implore you to check out these two links.
First, a list of all NRA contributions to federal candidates during the most recent election cycle. [Editor's note: broken link—check out this one instead.]
Second, charts detailing how our current representatives in the House and Senate have voted regarding gun control in the past.
If you looked at each representative’s political party while scrolling through the data, and you’re just as pissed off as I am about gun control, then this should be plenty to get you to vote this Fall.
By and large (and there ARE exceptions, on both sides), if you are voting Republican this fall, you are okay with more mass shootings in the future."
DOES IT HOLD UP?
It sure does. Nothing has changed, except maybe if you want to clarify that mass shootings have gone down now that everyone is being killed by a virus now instead of by gun violence. But the same political sides are taking the same money from the same people and voting the same way. In fact, it may have gotten even worse since I wrote this in early 2018—since the Dems took the House in late 2018, the Republican-led Senate barely votes on any House-passed bills at all, let alone votes against them. Great way to run a country, folks. If you are voting Republican, this is your fault.
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The Fallacies of My Life
I'm really interested in the different types of fallacies, especially these days, when people have become worse at arguing their points while simultaneously becoming more passionate about the same points (I'll include myself in this). I wanted to create a blog post that would list a bunch of different types of fallacies (as stolen from Wikipedia), and give an example from my life that could be considered this type of fallacy. Here's a few, picked randomly.
Cum hoc ergo propter hoc—a faulty assumption that, because there is a correlation between two variables, one caused the other. EXAMPLE: My hair gets grayer as my children get older, but there isn't a correlation between the two, contrary to popular myth. I'm just getting older.
Argument from repetition—repeating an argument until nobody cares to discuss it anymore. EXAMPLE: I feel like my female friends are reluctant to discuss anything negative about any other women around me, because they know I'll be dropping the "Girl-on-girl crime!" argument on them, whether deserved or not.
False attribution—an advocate appeals to an irrelevant, unqualified, unidentified, biased or fabricated source in support of an argument. EXAMPLE: Pretty much any time a conservative shares something on Facebook that has no source, it's just a large multicolored block of text that says something about Obama being the devil. (My grandmother does this, and my mom is about to take away her Facebook like you'd take keys away from a senior citizen so they can't drive their car into a tree.)
And so on. But I know most of these would have to do with politics, and I'm already tired of writing about it after just one political example.
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Sandwiches
I guess the plan was eventually to concoct at least three recipes for new types of sandwiches, and write about them here. The task of creating a new sandwich is, after all, on my bucket list. But let's be real—how often do I have time these days to tinker away in the kitchen? Most days I'm eating a PB&J at like 10 in the morning because I'm already worn the fuck out. But I did end up making a sandwich that I'm pretty sure has never been made before. I do not consider this a bucket list item completed, but I consider it a good start toward that goal.
"The Willow"
Made on toasted wheat, stacked in order with spicy mustard, mac and cheese, pickles, and a fried egg. Named for the girl whose four favorite foods are those same ingredients.
[no picture available]
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XANGA
That's all I had written down—"xanga"—and so we can take this in any direction we choose. Most likely, though, I was thinking something along the lines of reposting a few of my old xanga posts here in full, and then taking some time to explain them. Let's see if I can find any that would work as an example. [Sic]s abound.
July 13, 2006
"Oh god, what a day. What a night. This just blows. Let me tell you a story….
Okay, so I hadn’t snuck out in a while. Perhaps it was January that I last snuck out? I think so. So the time was ripe to give it another go. I had been subconsciously planning this little outing for a good time now, planning little things here and there. The first major problem in escaping my house in the wee hours of the morning is: where exactly should I get out? Last time I sleepwalked (that’s “sneaking out”), I went out my sister’s window. But that was winter, now the screen is in the window, and putting a screen back in the window from on top of the roof would be a pain I don’t want to have to deal with at 3 A.M. So I decided that the family room window would be the best bet, as it’s so low it’s touching the ground.
Earlier in the summer, I checked out the screen for this window. Unluckily, it was duck taped shut. Then, two weeks later, for some reason unknown to man, the duct tape was off, and the screen was lying on the ground. I thought it was a sign from god.
So me and Harry wait around until 1:30 and sloooooooowly open the window. All the squeaking and squealing apparently doesn’t wake my parents up when the air is on. We hopped a fence, walked down the street, and thus our adventure began.
We chilled with two other kids, names I will not mention because I don’t want to take any chances in my parents finding out. Our main objective was going to Wawa in these early hours. Hot dogs never tasted as good as the one I had while sitting on the train tracks with a few of my best friends.
Without a doubt, the greatest appeal of sleepwalking is the fact that the streets are empty and deserted. You are the only one around. You own the world—at least that’s what it feels like. And what an amazing feeling that is. It’s just so serene, I can’t even describe.
But it was getting late, and my parents would be waking up soon, so Harry and I walked the long walk back to my abode. The one thing I wanted to avoid was sneaking back in through the window and scaring the shit out of my aunt, who was usually awake by 4 o’clock. So when I got back to the backyard and saw the kitchen light on, we retreated. I figured that the best plan of action would be to wait out front until my aunt left the house, and then simply enter through the front door. I figured wrongly.
A cop drove by. He was halfway down the block, and I thought he didn’t see us. But then he slams on the brakes. I get up to explain, and he turns on the light and yells, “Stay right there! Put your hands where I can see them!” I almost pissed my pants. Two minutes later he was on his cell: “Mrs. K***, there’s two kids outside your house, one claiming to be your son, Joseph...”
I think you know what happened next, there’s no need to explain.
Was it worth it? This is the question I have been turning over in my head for the past few hours. At first glance, yes. Who else can say they chilled on the train tracks at 3 A.m. last night? Or ever, for that matter? God, it was an amazing experience, and I don’t regret a single thing...
...except, now I’m grounded until the cruise, July 22nd. Fuck. Not only that, but when I get back from Scout Camp two weeks later (August 5th) I apparently have to serving up even more days of being grounded.
While I can’t say I don’t deserve being grounded—I’d be pissed too if a cop called my house at 4 in the morning—I don’t think I’ll be able to take THAT much grounding. Last time I served time I wanted to kill myself. And after I get back from Scout camp summer will be almost over, and I’m not about to spend it sitting in my house doing nothing. So since my bags will be packed anyway from traveling, I’ll probably just leave the house. Yea, I’ll run away. Childish? Or course, but desperate times call for desperate measures. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, hopefully it doesn’t come to that.
And then we stayed up until the streetlights went off.
P.S. The Godspell party is postponed.
P.P.S. Any movie suggestions for this week? I’ll have a lot of spare time to kill."
Notes in 2020: What am I supposed to be doing here? Responding to some the actions of some dumb fucking 16-year-old? I don't really have much to say, except that I find the idea of a 16-year-old threatening to run away from home / threatening suicide (immediately after going on a CRUISE SHIP VACATION) to be fucking hilarious and painfully immature. Good job, little Joey.
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These are all bad ideas, but at least I can take them off the list now.
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