I have a lot of weird ideas for Top Five lists, and about 90% of them are dumb enough that I would not be able to stretch them out into a full blog post. So today, I'm just going to list as many Top Five lists as I can, and not worry about explaining any of my choices.
Top Five Songs I Have on My iPod That Are Not Part of an Album on the Same iPod
5. "Fuckin' Problems" by A$AP Rocky
4. "Vehicle" by the Ides of March
3. "Lump" by Presidents of the United States
2. "The Taste of Ink" by the Used
1. "Rock Me Gently" by Andy Kim
Top Five Songs About Escape Sung by the Disney Movie Female Protagonist (Recently)
5. "Touch the Sky" by Merida in Brave
4. "Almost There" by Tiana in The Princess and the Frog
3. "Where You Are" by Moana in Moana
2. "When Will My Life Begin" by Rapunzel in Tangled
1. "Into the Unknown" by Elsa in Frozen II
Top Five Lidl Cookies
5. Coconut Caramel Cookies
4. Striped Fudge Cookies
3. Double-stuffed Chocolate Sandwiches
2. Soft-baked Chocolate Chip Cookies
1. Chocolate/Vanilla Sandwich Cookies
Top Five Words That Rhyme with "Five"
5. Alive
4. Nosedive
3. Gyve
2. Thrive
1. Jive
Top Five Potential Finding Nemo Sequel Ideas
5. Finding Nemo Again
4. Nemo Finds Himself
3. Finding Nemo: Tokyo Drift
2. Finding That Trilogy Money
1. Find2ng Nemo
Top Five Worst Plots from The Office
5. Andy Goes Sailboating
4. The Office Drinks a Lot of Coffee and Decides to Rip Up the Carpets
3. Todd Packer Commits a Felony by Drugging the Office
2. Robert California... like, everything
1. Dwight Shoots a Gun in the Office and Still Has a Job (and so on, and so on)
Top Five Things I Do That Make Willow Unreasonably Angry
5. Try to hug her
4. Quote a movie while we're watching it for the fortieth time
3. Sing or dance
2. Wipe her mouth with a wet paper towel after she eats
1. Smile at her
Top Five Best Right Wing Media Headlines I Found in My Spam Folder Right Now
5. Social Media Giants Suppress Viral Video Of Doctors’ Touting Hydroxychloroquine For Use Against COVID
4. WATCH: Veteran Confronts Portland Protesters: 'None of You Guys Represent Black Lives'
3. Leftist thug caught on video allegedly trying to cut brake lines on NYPD vehicle. He doesn't get far.
2. Senate Transcripts: Joe Biden Quoted N-Word 13 Times in 1985 Hearings
1. Hilarious Viral Video Calls Out Hypocrisy In ‘Woke’ Movement
Top Five Reasons That One Guy Thinks Are Valid Reasons to Push His Way to the Front So He Can Get Off the Bus First
5. "I have to get home to my girlfriend and kid."
4. "Not sure if the driver knows I'm getting off here...?"
3. "Gotta push through so I can get my only dose of human contact all day."
2. "Fuck these libtard cucks."
1. "I'm going to miss my stop!!!"
Top Five Parts of the Mister Softee Theme Song
5. "Bah bah dah bah dah, dah"
4. The straight eighth notes toward the end
3. "Bah BAH bah BAH bah BAH. BAH."
2. The brief pause before it starts all over again babay!!!
1. "Bah do dah DO DAH doo doo"
Top Five Types of Fruit Preserves
5. Chutney
4. Peach Jam
3. Grape Jelly
2. Marmalade
1. Fruit butter
Top Five Articles of Clothing I've Worn While Masturbating
5. Socks
4. Belt
3. Winter hat
2. Sunglasses
1. Shirt and tie
Top Five Philadelphia Street Names
5. Wingohocking St.
4. Friendship St.
3. Dicks Ave.
2. Little Sigel St.
1. Dorcas St.
Top Five One-Digit Numbers
5. 1
4. 7
3. 3
2. 0
1. 2
Top Five Worst Luck Occurrences in Solitaire
5. Every card is the same color to start
4. The ace is right there but you can't seem to get to it
3. You finally move that ten of clubs off the top of the pile, and the card underneath is a fucking ten of spades
2. You gotta move this five of hearts but the four of hearts, your only path to victory, is underneath the five of hearts, so you're stuck
1. Get that fucking Jack out of my face, I'm so fucking tired of seeing that goddamn thing, I don't need a goddamn Jack right now!!!
Top Five Grantland Top Five Lists on Their List of Top Five Lists
5. Top Five Embarrassing Songs I Just Found in My iTunes
4. Top Five Names for an Aging Goat
3. Top Five dogs in Best in Show
2. Top Five Convoluted Band Lineup Timelines on Wikipedia
1. Top Five Erotic Toothpastes
Top Five Thing Leslie Knope Probably Did in Park and Recreation, I Dunno It's Been a While
5. Leslie Gets Anxious Because April Didn't Give Her a Straight Answer About Whether She Remembered to Call Animal Control About the Raccoon in the Parks and Rec Office
4. Leslie Doesn't Think Tom Should Invest His Money the Way He Has Been Doing So
3. Leslie Loves Ben and Makes It Clear That She Loves Him Before Telling Him That He Is Absolutely Wrong in This Particular Instance and Leslie Will Go to Absurd Lengths to Prove It Just You Watch
2. Leslie Runs for Public Office
1. Leslie Says That She Loves Every Citizen in This Silly Town but Then She Goes Ahead and Calls Jerry Fat like the Bully That She Is
Top Five Punctuation Marks Not on a Standard Keyboard
5. ¿
4. §
3. °
2. ‽
1. —
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