Puke on Your Birthday: Yearlong Song Challenge, Day 24: Joe

Thursday, February 22, 2024

Yearlong Song Challenge, Day 24: Joe

Prompt: "An unrelated song whose title answers the question presented in your last song's title"

Selected by Joe

"1000 Days"

Wand

1000 Days, 2015

This one's for all the folks out there who have ever thought "I'm not reading this shit, it's too long!" How's this for a long one, BITCH?! This is your punishment.

Here are 1000 days. I can't guarantee that there aren't any repeats.

The day that Wand released their album 1000 Days
The day that Wand formed as a band
The day that Cory Hanson decided that starting a song with the lyrics "Cement boy and cement girl / Walking alone in the sunlight" was a good idea
The day that Cory Hanson thought that name his 2023 solo album Western Cum was a good idea
The day that I was sitting in the living room listening to Western Cum and I got a call from my urologist about scheduling my vasectomy
The day I got my vasectomy and they asked me what music I wanted to listen to and I froze and totally forgot about Cory Hanson's Western Cum and just blurted out "rock" and the algorithm ended up playing an excessive amount of Steve Miller Band as I'm getting my balls hammered through like a game of Don't Break the Ice
The first day that I broke the ice in the board game Don't Break the Ice
The day I was born
The day I was taken home from the hospital
The day I decided that writing a list of 1000 random days was a good idea
The day I walked for the first time
The day I drove a car for the first time
The day that a human drove a car for the first time
The day that some asshole thought that cars would be a good idea
The day a car almost hit me
The day a truck almost hit me
The day that some asshole thought that making trucks bigger and bigger, to the point when you can't even see a child when they are walking in front of the truck, would be a good idea
The day the first human walked on the earth
The day the first human's great-great-grandfather monkey had sex with another monkey and they had a child that looked like a human (this is how evolution works, you see)
The day I learned about sex from my fifth-grade teacher
The day my classmates learned that you could kill ~~western cum~~ sperm with Mountain Dew, and decided that this would be the main topic of conversation when our fifth grade teacher eventually taught us about sex
The day my fifth-grade teacher died (I assume at least one of them is dead by now)
The day I graduated grade school
The day I graduated high school
The day I graduated college
The day I watched as a dumpster at my college burned to the ground outside of the student apartment complex
The day that La Salle University was founded
The day that Treetops opened
The day that the first student had diarrhea in the Treetops bathroom (not the same day as previous day, but possibly back-to-back days)
The day that, I don't know, Neil Armstrong walked on the moon (I don't want to have to make each of these days flow into each other, thematically, I just want to be able to name random days too)
The day that a pharaoh had the idea to make a pyramid
The day that pharaoh was laid to rest in that pyramid
The day that people from that same area broke into that pyramid a while later and ate the corpse of the pharaoh because they thought it had healing properties or whatever
The day that Elizabeth Holmes, fraudster of the Theranos fame, first ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
The day that Happy Days premiered (I swear on our grandmother's grave that I started writing this blog post before Brianna made her Happy Days confession)
The day that the Happy Days premiere ostensibly takes place
The day that Henry Wrinkler lost his virginity
The day that the woman to whom Henry Wrinkler eventually lost his virginity was born
The day that the construction worker laid the last brick on the building in which Henry Wrinkler would eventually lose his virginity
The day that that construction worker was born
The day that construction worker told his mother that he was going to be a construction worker
The day that construction worker's mother realized that her son had helped build the building in which that nice young man with the leather jacket on TV had lost his virginity in
The day that Cory Hanson, frontman of Wand, saw his first episode of Happy Days
The day that I saw the music video for Weezer's "Buddy Holly"
The day that Buddy Holly died in a plane crash
The day that Buddy Holly was involved in a car crash, but lived
The day that Buddy Holly released his debut solo album, Buddy Holly
The day that the 1,000,000th copy of Buddy Holly was sold
The day that that fucker released that stupid ass song about the day Buddy Holly died
The day the can opener was invented
The day my aunt's cat Frisky died
The day the first person sent the first message on AOL Instant Messenger
The day Hillary Clinton conceded the presidency
The day the first clockmaker decided that being a clockmaker was a job one could be, and so he became a clockmaker
The day I ate 20 slices of pizza from Cici's Pizza Buffet
The day they placed a tiny statue of William Penn on top of the new Comcast building to try to offset the curse of William Penn
The day Blogger bought Blogspot (we never talk about this, why?)
The day I had a traumatic experience with slugs, setting off a lifelong fear of slugs
The day that the wrapped up shooting on the 1998 film Armageddon
The day Liv Tyler found out that Steve Tyler was her dad
The day Liv Tyler found out that Lizzo acted inappropriately at strip clubs
The day Lizzo found out that Steve Tyler was Liv Tyler's dad
The day Pam got kicked out of Murph's
The most recent day that I bought a cheesesteak
The day when they uncovered the very first T-Rex fossil
The day when the last T-Rex died
The day when that terrible dinosaur Pixar movie was released
The most recent day I pissed my pants
The first day they decided that that day and every seven days henceforth would be known as "Friday"
The day they opened the first McDonald's
The day they opened the first Burger King
The day they opened the first Wendy's
That one snow day when we walked all the way to the Wendy's on Cottman Ave. and drank Smirnoff Ice out of Wendy's cup that we filled up in the bathroom of the Wendy's and then walked down to Burholme to go sledding
The day the movie Snow Day was released
The day that John Schneider signed on to play the rival weatherman to Chevy Chase's weatherman in the movie Snow Day
The day that John Schneider tweeted that he was going to murder President Joe Biden
The day that John Schneider denied that the tweet he had previously sent about murdering President Joe Biden actually meant that he intended to murder President Joe Biden
The day that Joe Biden acted in an episode of Parks and Recreation (not a great show)
The day that Pink Floyd's pig balloon escaped and flew over London
The day that I watched Pink Floyd's The Wall and was scarred for life
The day we drove down to Eggs with Peg
The day Christopher Columbus landed on the shores of America to start genociding
The day the first writer decided to use the phrase "The day the earth stood still"
The day the first person made the claim that "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" was a full and complete sentence
The day B.J. Thomas tweeted "fuck you" at Tom Breihan
The most recent day I entered my calories into the MyFitnessPal calorie tracker
The day of the "Vaxx Bash," spring 2021
The day Ben Franklin had the idea to tie a key to a kite
The day I got my first ulcer in my mouth
The day that Megan Thee Stallion performed a rap over "We Don't Talk About Bruno" on live television
The day before the night that a fifteen-year-old girl walked to Stokley Playground in Port Richmond looking for trouble and finding it in a grown man dressed like Caveman Howard Stern
The day that the Theranos scandal broke
The day that a human made the first wheel
The day that that human died, without anyone acknowledging that they had invented the wheel
The day that LimeWire fucked my family's computer for the first time
The day that Billy Ocean was told that the video for his seminal hit single "Get Out of My Dreams, Get into My Car" was going to feature a cartoon fish and a cartoon duck
The day that Pangea showed the first cracks in its journey to splitting apart
The day Jesus Christ lost his virginity
The day Jesus' mom lost her virginity
My birthday
Pam's birthday
Nate's birthday (I'm just going through all the PoYB contributors' birthdays, can't guarantee that any of them don't share a birthday)
Sunny's birthday
Sam's birthday
Maeve's birthday
Dave's birthday
Pat's birthday
Stephan's birthday
Bob's birthday
Rachel S.'s birthday
Fisher's birthday
Gary's birthday
Melissa's birthday
Walter's birthday
Galia's birthday
Nick's birthday
Sara's birthday
Kev's birthday
Mike's birthday
Bridget's birthday
Mandy's birthday
Brian's birthday
Dwyer's birthday
Sean's birthday
Frank's birthday
Allison's birthday
Lamson's birthday
Brittany's birthday
Kai's birthday
Erin's birthday
Dranders' birthday
Brianna's birthday
Laura's birthday
Rachel C.'s birthday
Jenn's birthday
Keelan's birthday
Zach's birthday
Beth's birthday
Dillon's birthday
Gilson's birthday
Jamie's birthday
Jeff's birthday
Tom's birthday
Kait's birthday
Jim's birthday
Kristin's birthday
Boober's birthday
Jeanine's birthday
Drew P.'s birthday
Nolan's birthday
Ryan's birthday (yes, Nolan Ryan)
Anne's birthday
Meagan's birthday
My mom's birthday, which is today
My mom's day of birth, which was the day the Beatles left America after their first tour
Doris Day
Daniel Day-Lewis
Charlie Day
Icey Day (an early 20th-century politician from Missouri)
Pea Ridge Day (a major league baseball pitcher)
Funday, the day of the week that Quailman creates after using the Weekend Blaster
The day that Jim Jinkins created Doug
The day I realized that the Beets were a joke on the Beatles
The day that Jim Jinkins lost his virginity
Jim Jinkins' birthday (August 8, 1953)
The day that Jim Jinkins' mom decided that he was going to be called "James"
The day that James Jinkins asked his mom to please call him "Jim"
The canonical day that Harry and Hermione use the Time Turner to go back in time and save Buckbeak (June 9, 1994)
The day that J.K. Rowling sued the creator of the website that I found that on (Harry Potter Lexicon)
The day that J.K. Rowling wrote the last word of the seven-book Harry Potter series
The day that J.K. Rowling decided that trans women should be stripped of basic human rights
The day that Buckethead first wore a bucket on his head
Daylight Savings Time Day (spring edition)
Daylight Savings Time Day (fall edition)
The day Billy Ocean lost his virginity
The day I googled "did billy ocean and jim jinkins ever meet" (zero results)
The day William Ocean decided to be called "Billy"
The day that Billy Ocean decided to become a vegetarian
The day a human discovered that beans were tasty and satisfying
The day after that, when that human couldn't stop farting
The day that either Billy Ocean or Jim Jinkins or Henry Winkler first ate beans (whoever ate them first will count for the day I'm talking about)
The day that da Vinci finished the Mona Lisa
The day that da Vinci was born (April 15, 1452)
April 16, 1452, when I'm sure something cool happened to somebody somewhere
The day that Leonardo da Vinci lost his virginity
The day that comic book artists Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird decided to name one of their ninja turtles after Leonardo da Vinci
The day that pizza was invented, like for real
The day that I ate Detroit-style pizza for the first time (I'll never forget it)
The day that Eugene Van Antwerp was sworn in as Detroit's mayor (January 6, 1948)
January 7, 1948, when someone in America lost their virginity (possibly even MULTIPLE people... on the SAME DAY)
Joel Embiid's birthday
The day that Joel Embiid first tasted a Shirley Temple
The day Shirley Temple lost her virginity (actually, I'm just reading her "Personal Life" section on Wikipedia now... she dated a 22-year-old man when she was fifteen, and married him at age seventeen... yikes)
The day that Shirley Temple's daughter Lori "Lorax" Black became the bassist for the sludge metal band the Melvins
The day that Shirley Temple's daughter Lori "Lorax" Black first drank a Shirley Temple
The day that... aw, c'mon, you know it's the next one on the list... I'm gonna beat this non-joke into the fucking earth... the day that Shirley Temple's daughter Lori "Lorax" Black lost her virginity
The day that man first rode a horse
The day that man first rode a horse for sport
The day that my daughters met Tina the Horse
Tina the Horse's birthday (April 16th)
The day that some asshole decided that "slime" was a good children's toy
The (first) day that I had to comb slime out of my daughter's hair
The day that the pilot of You Can't Do That on Television aired, thus established "green slime" as a Nickelodeon mainstay, at least during the early years
The day that R.L. Stine published Monster Blood (pretty much slime)
The day that Young Thug released his first Slime Season mixtape
The day that Young Thug was arrested on RICO charges
The day that Young Thug read his first Goosebumps book
The day that R.L Stine lost his virginity...
...AND the day that Young Thug lost his virginity (going out on a limb by saying that it was different days, but if not, I apologize for marking them as two different days on this list)
The day that humans discovered that fire keeps you warm
The day that humans decided that basements would be cold
The day the sun first shone on the earth
The day that humans decided to call a 24-hour period a "day"
The day after that, when someone said the word "yesterday," referring to the previous day
The day that Ben Franklin lost his virginity (assuming this was before the key incident)
The day that Lin-Manuel Miranda cut the best song he ever wrote from Hamilton because it was a tonal departure from the rest of the music
The day that Lin-Manuel Miranda decided that a member of the horrorcore experimental industrial hip hop group clipping. was going to play Thomas Jefferson on Broadway
I don't want to include "the day Lin-Manuel Miranda lost his virginity" on this list of 1000 days because I honestly don't know if Lin-Manuel Miranda is still a virgin or not, so to be safe, let's say: the day that I realized that there was a sincere chance that Lin-Manuel Miranda was still a virgin
The day that Lin-Manuel Miranda's son Francisco was born (this proves nothing)
The day that Lin-Manuel Miranda's son Sebastian was born (the poor kid was named after Sebastian the Crab from The Little Mermaid... are you telling me that you honestly think this dude isn't a virgin?!?!)
The day that Lin-Manuel Miranda came home and announced to his wife that he was going to be writing music for a Pixar-knockoff animated movie about a singing monkey
The day that Lin-Manuel Miranda's wife realized, to her horror, that her husband Lin-Manuel Miranda was also going to be voicing that monkey
The day that scientists discovered that those monkey-like animals that they always assumed were just monkeys were, in fact, not monkeys, but rather kinkajous, whatever the fuck is the difference, who knows
The day that someone jabroni wrote a film script about a singing ~~monkey~~ kinkajou and realized, to his horror, that not only was the script being produced, but also Lin-Manuel Miranda was going to be voicing the kinkajou without modulating his voice at all, just speaking into the microphone like he would if he was ordering takeout from his third-favorite Chinese restaurant
The day that Kirk DeMicco, co-writer of the script for the movie Vivo, lost his virginity (which was hopefully before audiences saw the movie Vivo, or else, yikes, sucks to be that person to whom Kirk DeMicco lost his virginity)
The day that someone coded the blogging capabilities of Blogger and included the ability to make automatically numbered lists
The day that that person realized, in the middle of a restless night, that the ability to create automatically numbered lists on Blogger meant that, theoretically, someone could sit down and make a list with 1000 items, most of which were descriptions of the virginities of the cast and crew of the Netflix original movie, Vivo
The day that that person lost his virginity
The day that the person to whom that other person lost their virginity realized that they just had sex with someone who was or would eventually be employed by the sinking ship otherwise known as Blogger
The day that the Eagles won the Super Bowl
The day that various employees of the City of Philadelphia had to get out mops and buckets and walk down Broad Street and wipe down dozens or maybe even hundreds of piles of vomit and even a few piles of half-eaten horse manure
The day, two or three years later, when one of those employees woke up suddenly in the middle of the night with the realization that those were teeth marks in that horse manure
The day Tom Brady first kissed his preteen son on the mouth
The day Parquet Courts first sung "FUCK TOM BRADY" in their all-timer of a song "Total Football"
The day Tom Brady voted for trump (the second time)
The day Tom Brady lost his virginity
The day after Tom Brady lost his virginity, when the person to whom Tom Brady lost his virginity had to grapple with the fact that, after losing his virginity, Tom Brady wiped hand sanitizer on every inch of his naked body and did his best Frank Reynolds impression
Also, the day that Tom Brady illegally deflated footballs for the first time
The day before the Eagles beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl, and everyone thought that the Patriots were probably going to win the Super Bowl
The day Tom Brady saw an episode of Happy Days... I mean, this had to have happened at some point, right? Even if it was, like, on at the gym during leg day in high school or some shit... I just know the man has no life, and I do have some doubts that he's ever sat down and watched a full episode of Happy Days, but I'm just saying that there had to have been a day during which he was in the presence of a TV that had an episode of Happy Days on the screen, right?
The day that Donny Most, the actor who portrayed Ralph Malph on Happy Days, lost his virginity
The day that the actors who played Ralph, Potsie, and Richie's parents sued CBS because they felt that they were owed millions in proceeds from sales of merchandise from Happy Days
The day that the judge ordered CBS to pay each actor $65,000 and made CBS pinkie-promise that they'd be fair with their payouts in the future
The day that Donny Most thought about the possibility that somewhere out there in America, there might be a man named Donny Least
The last day of taping for Season 7 of Happy Days when they called it a wrap on Ralph Malph, who would be written off the show before Season 8
The day they taped the episode in which Ralph and Potsie divided their apartment with tape
The day I saw that episode, and for some reason my brain decided that that was the episode of Happy Days that I'd always remember
The day when Don Most... wait, shit, I can't forget this day, so I'm going to interrupt the Ralph Malph line of thought with this obvious day: the day that Anson Williams, the actor who played Potsie Weber, lost his virginity... okay, back to the Don Most stuff
The day when Don Most released his Christmas album Swinging Down the Chimney Tonight on Summit Records in 2016
The day when Don Most released his first album, Donny Most, in the fall of 1976
The day when Don Most's single from that album, "All Roads (Lead Back to You)," aided by his performance of it on Happy Days, peaked at #97 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts
The day that Spotify put the 2011 reissue of Donny Most on its streaming service, thus ensuring that it was eligible for inclusion in Record Club at some point
The day that Record Club was established on Puke on Your Birthday (February 3, 2019) (the next 250-300ish days are probably going to be references to Record Club albums or artists, so buckle your fucking seat belts)
The day that Pharrell first heard Maggie Rogers play her song "Alaska" and had a eureka moment like "damn, this would be the perfect linchpin song for Record Club's first album"
The day the Shins' James Mercer was like "I wanna make a band with that dude who mashed up The White Album and The Black Album"
The day that Cat Powers covered that live Bob Dylan album in full
The day that the members of Spielbergs first heard Japandroids' Celebration Rock (took a few years to ship across the seas)
The day when Pam and I went to that tiki bar in Las Vegas and she was like "if you ever start a club where we listen to a new album each week, I'm gonna pick some surf music"
The day Innanet James hit it big with his song in a Madden game or whatever
The day that CHAI were compared to Alvin and the Chipmunks
The day that Foals answered a question on Reddit
The day that the guitarist from Funkadelic played a heartwrenching guitar solo in honor of his dead mother
The day that two people reviewed that Funkadelic album and were like "meh"
The day that Roy Blair heard Post Malone and was like "hey, I want my music to be just like that guy's" for some reason
The day that members of Fontaines D.C. only smoked Carroll's
The day PUP drove on the DON VALLEY PARKWAY
The day that Lake Street Dive played a wedding
The day that Johnny Nash died (R.I.P., friend)
The day Lizzo hired some employees
The day Lizzo told those employees that they should go ahead and stick a banana up into the stripper's private parts or else they are SO TOTALLY FIRED (Girlboss™)
The day Jens Lekman met Annika Norlin and they were both like "hey do you send letters?"
I don't want to let this bit get to crusty while we're doing the Record Club thing, so let's occasionally take a brief interlude and get back to the real reason we're here: the day that Jens Lekman lost his virginity
And sure, the day that (throws a dart at the RC board) Innanet James lost his virginity, I guess?
The day Empath recorded sounds in Fairmount Park and were like "hey this should go on an album"
I wonder if anyone has ever lost their virginity in Fairmount Park; if so—that day
The day Taylor Swift gave Aaron Dessner a little ring on his telephone to discuss some business matters
The day Aaron Dessner's wife had to console him like: "it's okay, honey, I think you are way more attractive than Travis Kelce"
The day Matt Berninger recorded his vocal part for his guest appearance on the Taylor Swift album and probably felt like the senior citizen chaperone at the school dance
The day that the National completed work on their eighth LP, I Am Easy to Find, which is very good, and has nothing to do with Taylor Swift
The day Dan Boeckner had to change the band's name from Handsome Furs to Operators after divorcing the keyboardist
The day Sam Beam was like "hey remember we had a song in that vampire movie, that was pretty cool"
The day J.K. Rowling decided to not sue someone, and so she spun the wheel of fortune to determine who would be the lucky group of Harry Potter freaks she wouldn't sue, and the spinner's arrow landed on Harry and the Potters, and she shook her head slightly and was like "today's your lucky day you bunch of fucking nerds" and she shot a quick email to her lawyer to let Harry and the Potters sing their silly songs about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and then took a long nap on a pile of money
The day Connie Converse WENT MISSING
The day that Brendan Benson was like "since my singing voice already sounds like Jack White, I think it would be kinda funny if I started a band with Jack White and we both shared vocal leads"
The day Mick Jagger was like "since my singing voice already sounds nothing like Keith Richards', I think it would be kinda funny if we started letting Keith Richards sing lead on some songs while I, the lead vocalist, sat in the corner and, I don't know, played with my dick or something"
The most recent day that Hozier went to church
The most recent day that Josh Ritter received condolences for the death of John Ritter and yet again had to be like "yo thanks but I'm not related"
The day that Scrubs worked John Ritter's death into the storylines
The day that John Ritter lost his virginity (sorry, sorry, R.I.P.)
No more Scrubs: the day TLC recorded "No Scrubs"
The day Weezer covered "No Scrubs"
The day Weezer covered "Africa"
The day Rivers Cuomo lost his virginity
The day Rivers Cuomo sang about having sex with underage Japanese women
The day Weezer fans were like "this song is my anthem" about the song about having sex with underage Japanese women, written by Rivers Cuomo
The day my English teacher taught me not to take everything so literally
The day Cordae dropped the "YBN"
The day Cordae heard his first Weezer song, even if he didn't know who it was (I'm imagining he was in the grocery store or something)
The day Theon Cross told his mother that he was taking up the tuba professionally
The first day that some poor woebegone child tried to lose his virginity to a tuba and failed
The day Mandy sent me a seven-page text about why she is choosing a Pond album for Record Club
The day Mandy decided that she will not be writing a review for that Pond album that she chose for Record Club
The day that Marika Hackman lost her virginity (and we know she lost her virginity because she sings a LOT about sex, to the point where I know for pretty certain that she's not just bluffing)
The day that Jessica Simpson heard Ashlee Simpson's Autobiography
The day that Ashlee Simpson read Jessica Simpson's autobiography
The day that Mrs. Simpson decided that the letter Y would not appear in her daughters' names, no siree
The day that Mrs. Simpson lost her virginity
The day that Pitchfork detailed excruciatingly how much of a fucking creep the dude from Arcade Fire is, meaning that I no longer listen to their music and can thus no longer drop my favorite bit of arcane Simpson family trivia while referencing an indie rock song
The day of the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster
The day the Beths became New Zealand's biggest band (by default, since no one was allowed to leave New Zealand during quarantine but bands were allowed to tour the country)
The day Stereo League... I don't know... the day the one guy in Stereo League lost his virginity? I'm already tired of referencing Record Club and I'm only up to Week 34... hold up, is "Stereo League" a reference to "the Human League," they of "Don't You Want Me Baby" fame? Possibly!!!!
The day T-Pain dialed the autotune settings way down to zero
The day the Menzingers drank at Ray's Happy Birthday Bar
The day Erika de Casier's friend wouldn't answer their phone, damn
The day Foals snuck in there as Record Club's only repeat artist before the rule was codefied
The day the one guy from Foals lost his virginity
The day the other guy from Foals lost his virginity
There are more guys from Foals? And they all lost their virginities on different days? Sheesh. Let's just say one more day, for the day that another Foals guy lost his virginity, and then let's move on
The day Jim James was like "I'm gonna take a quick break from the band that made me famous so that I can make some CLASSICAL MUSIC"
The day Danny Brown got sober (late March 2023)
The day MUNA did something or other on TikTok, you know how it goes
The day American Trappist........... lost.............. his.................. phone on the train
The day the Highwomen first ate dinner together as a chosen family
The day Gerard Way [flipping a coin, heads is "was born," tails is "lost his virginity"] WAS BORN
[but and so now we are doomed to repeat the subsequent joke] The day Gerard Way's MOTHER lost HER virginity
The day that Gerard Way was taking the ferry toward New York and realized that he should start a punk rock band (wait..... this was SEPTEMBER 11TH, damn it! now you're telling me I can write down "September 11, 2001" as a day on this list because that would be a repeat?! What should I do now?!)
September 12, 2001 (nope, not as funny)
The day the producers of that shitty HBO show were to Michael Kiwanuka like "hey man, I know you didn't write this song for it to soundtrack an overrated prestige drama about a bunch of Karens, but you like money, yes?"
The day Andrew Bird discovered, as a young child, that he could whistle
The day that Ducks Unlimited threatened to sue Ducks Unlimited and thus Ducks Unlimited changed their name to Ducks Ltd. (which gets funnier every time I think about it—there are now a finite number of ducks!!!!!!!)
The first day that someone did heroin near the intersection of K&A
The second day that someone did heroin near the intersection of K&A
That day after the second day, when no one did heroin near the intersection of K&A, which is also the most recent day when no one did heroin near the intersection of K&A
The day when Mayor Cherelle Parker came up with the bright idea to bring in the NATIONAL GUARD to point guns at people doing heroin near the intersection of K&A
The day Caracara wrote a really good song about all this, by the way
The day Vulfpeck released a silent album and told their fans to stream it on Spotify all night
The day that Spotify stopped paying artists unless they hit a minimum amount of streams
The day when Daniel Ek first listened to music on purpose (he was like 37 years old; he wasn't a fan of it)
The day when Alanis Morissette realized that people were totally gonna call her out for not using the word "ironic" in the correct way
The day when Alanis Morissette ironically cashed a one-million-dollar check
The day when Kaytranada was nominated for "Best New Artist" at the Grammys, in honor of his seventeenth album
The day that Halsey invited Alanis Morissette into the studio to record "Alanis' Interlude" (how ironic!)
The day that Chubby from Chubby and the Gang LOST HIS VIRGINITY, OI!!!
The day that Post Malone... come on now, it's Post Malone, we can have more fun than just the standard "he lost his virginity lol"... right??.... the day that he............... I got nothing: the day that Post Malone lost his virginity
The day that Tyler, the Creator realized some truths about himself
The day that 100 gecs released a song about Anthony Kiedis sucking on my penis
The day that Anthony Kiedis lost his virginity while wearing nothing but his socks
The day that Anthony Kiedis first heard the 100 gecs song about him sucking penis
BREAK FROM RECORD SHIT (it was getting a little boring): The day that a computer nerd in the '90s discovered that AI could be applied to chatbots
The day they used that AI technology to pretend that John Lennon was alive and chatting with you on the internet
The last really beautiful 67-degree day
The first really beautiful 67-degree day
A random day in the millions (billions?) of days in between
The day when the City of Philadelphia experienced its first water main break
The day Mayor Cherelle Parker lost her virginity
The day when former Mayor Jim Kenney disappeared from the public eye
The day when Jim Kenney lost his virginity (probably not to Cherelle Parker)
The first day when Jim Kenney either: saw an episode of Happy Days; read a Goosebumps book; watch the hit children's movie Vivo (whichever happened first)
The day that the first person found an old "Stay Calm and Carry On" poster and thought to themselves "I bet this would make a great meme to hang on a basic mom's wall"
The day the boy who played Augustus Gloop in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and excitedly read the script and realized that he was in like two scenes and that his character would die for being too fat, basically
The day someone decided that red light meant stop and green light meant go
The first day that child Lin-Manuel Miranda ever saw a stoplight in public
The second day that child Lin-Manuel Miranda ever saw a stoplight in public
The first time that Lin-Manuel Miranda read the scene in Harry Potter when Ron Weasley drops an anus joke
The day that the dude who played Ron in the movies lost his virginity
The day I risked getting fired from my job by googling "is there a canonical date on which Ron Weasley lost his virginity" on my work computer
The first official leap day
The first leap day someone lost their virginity (IN CASE OF THOSE TWO DAYS BEING THE SAME DAY, PLEASE BREAK GLASS: the day that the person who first lost their virginity on a leap day passed away not a virgin)
The first leap day of the 21st century
The first day that the first child born on the first leap day of the 21st century first saw a stoplight in public
The day that the creator of the stoplight lost their virginity
The day that Record Club reviews were published
The day that Frances Ha creators Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig decided that the Hot Chocolate song "Every 1's a Winner" should be included in their movie
The first time that a well-meaning fan asked a member of Spanish Love Songs if they were from Spain
The day when Robyn realized that a bunch of assholes who had previously in the season harbored a domestic abuser were now using her song as their unofficial playoff song
The day that the main dude from Mountain Brews first heard a Grateful Dead song
The day that the main dude from Mountain Brews, er, um, lost his virginity
The day that the first COVID case was found in the U.S.
The day I first got COVID
The day I first went to the supermarket during the COVID pandemic and then came home and wiped down all the bags with bleach
The day when I first realized that all COVID stories were sad or boring
The day when trump got rid of the U.S. pandemic plan that Obama had established
The day when trump lost his virginity, which I'll specify only refers to having sex with someone to whom you bestow no gifts in exchange afterward, financial or otherwise (I hate the guy more than anyone else in history, but let's be logical here, it HAD to have happened at least ONCE in his life, right? I'm talking more of a numbers game than anything else. There had to have been ONE instance in which this disgusting person fell ass-backwards into situation when a real human woman voluntarily had sex with him just because she wanted to)
The first day when someone from Wu-Tang clan realized that all those trump references from their lyrics from decades ago had aged very poorly
The first day on which one of the guys from the Districts heard their first Wu-Tang Clan song
The first day when Dua Lipa learned which district she grew up in
The first day when the woman from U.S. Girls heard a Dua Lipa song
The first day when Tinted Windows played their first gig in the U.S. (specifically Cain's Ballroom in Tulsa, Oklahoma)
The day when a member of Real Estate first purchased real estate
The day when a member of Real Estate realized that someone is totally gonna make a real estate joke on the day when one of them purchased real estate after the establishment of the band Real Estate
The day when that member of Real Estate lost their virginity
The first day that a member of Real Estate first heard of the movie Frances Ha (or maybe even watched it, if those things happened on the same day)
The day when Real Estate bassist Alex Bleeker answered an important question in an AMA
The day after that when Real Estate bassist Alex Bleeker wondered very briefly whether that anonymous internet person ever listened to William DeVaughn after he had recommended it to him
The day in 2017 when the dude from Real Estate was kicked out of the band because he abused women
The day in 2018 when Hookworms disbanded because the main guy abused women
The day in 2017 when Perfume Genius... sorted indie rock musicians into Hogwarts houses (gotchya)
The day that one of my teeth fell out for the first time
The most recent day when one of my teeth fell out, hopefully for the last time
The hottest day on record
The coldest day on record
The median day between those two extremes
The day that Florry released their stone-cold 2023 fucking classic, The Holey Bible
The most recent day it flurried in Philadelphia
The day when Philadelphia experienced its first hurricane, as an official city
The day when Philadelphia experienced its first earthquake, as an official city
The day when Philadelphia experienced its first tornado, as an official city
The day when Twister was released in theaters
Independence Day, another cool film
The day the star of Independence Day slapped Chris Rock on national television
The day after that, when I already hit my limit in terms of how many dumb takes I could hear about Chris Rock getting slapped on national television
The day they invented the television
The first day that any human ever got slapped by another human
The day that a television first broadcast to an audience of viewers a slap, as in a human slapping another human, either real or fictional, whatever
The day that Will Smith lost his virginity
The day that Will Smith, the fictional character in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, lost his virginity, according to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air canon (either as it was stated on the television screen, or as it existed in the minds of its creators... yeah, let's not kill the author for this one, this is too important for that)
The day that Chris Rock lost his virginity
The day that Chris Rock was first slapped by anyone
The day that Chris Rock saw his first episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The day that Chris Rock agreed to host the 2023 Academy Awards
The day that Chris Rock declined to host the 2024 Academy Awards
The day that Questlove decided to make a documentary about the 1969 Harlem Cultural Festival
The day that Questlove—sure, why not, the man has already been through enough—lost his virginity
The day that Chris Rock met Questlove
The day, which surely happened a few days after Questlove won the Oscar for Best Documentary in 2023, when Questlove reflected on the day that he met Chris Rock, and the day he met Will Smith, and the intricate ways in which the three men's paths had crossed on that stage
The day that (throws a dart at the board via the Wikipedia "random article" function) um uh Zalman Fishman, owner of the D.C. nightclub FIFTH COLVMN, and who later founded Fifth Colvmn Records, LOST HIS VIRGINITY
The day Fifth Colvmn Records signed heavy metal band (technically death-doom band) Thud
The day Thud's bassist Chris Rasley lost his virginity, too
"Day Dreaming" by Aretha Franklin
"Day 'n' Night" by Kid Cudi
"Decoration Day" by Drive-by Truckers (the song)
Decoration Day by Drive-by Truckers (the album)
The day Patterson Hood... I almost hate to make the joke because Patterson Hood is such a good name and he seems like a really cool dude and maybe involving him in this senseless beating of an already dead joke is gonna seem disrespectful in some way and I don't want that but I can't help it I really can't... lost his virginity
The day that Tame Impala frontman Kevin Parker made the unconscious decision to not become a parking attendant for a living, and thus avowed (again, unconsciously) to NOT follow fate as it was dictated to him cosmically through his last name... get it? "Parker"? No? Bad joke? Sorry, we're back with the Record Club shit for a little bit. I'm just going down the list of all the RC alumni. I guess I could've said that...
...the day that Kevin Parker lost his virginity, there, are you happy?!?!
The day that the members of Wells Fargo realized that they had inadvertently named their band after a bank
The day that Killer Mike and El-P met
The day that Fiona Apple was bullied
The day that Shameika stuck up for Fiona Apple
The day that I first listened to Empty Country and tried to get Martha to go to sleep while Pam and her friends had a Zoom happy hour
The day that Diana Ross found out that "I'm Coming Out" was intended to be a gay anthem and she ran out of the room crying and accusing the songwriters of trying to ruin her career
The day that Diana Ross realized that this would, in fact, help her career
The day that Hum decided to get the band back together to make a new album
The day that someone decided that Record Club should listen to that album
The day that Record Club reviewed the album (can you imagine how boring this list would be if I wrote these two days for every album Record Club has ever covered? aren't you glad that I am instead committed to discussing the virginities or lack thereof of everyone I can name off the top of my head?)
(Speaking of which—the day the frontman of Hum, Matt Talbott, lost his virginity)
The day that INXS frontman Michael Hutchence lost his virginity...
...and the day he passed away (the circle of life)
The day that my grandpop's dog Mitzy died, too, which was the same day, I am pretty sure, that it was decided that Mitzy was going to be buried in my childhood home's back-backyard
My least favorite day
My favorite day
The favorite day ever for the first person (besides me) to read this entire blog post
The day that that first person lost their virginity
The day that George Washington died
The day that Ice Spice was born
The day that Ice Spice's biological mother first heard the name "George Washington"
The day that Ice Spice's mother lost her virginity
The day I first heard the name "Ice Spice"
The day that Matty Healy of the 1975 said some pretty crude remarks about Ice Spice
The day that Matty Healy of the 1975 apologized to Ice Spice
The day that Matty Healy lost his virginity
The day that Matty Healy—trigger warning for all you crazy Swifties reading this currently, but it MUST be stated, definitively, here on the blog, for posterity—had sex with Taylor Swift
The day after the first time they had sex that Taylor Swift's PR team briefed her about the insensitive shit that Matty Healy had said about Ice Spice
The day that Taylor Swift was like "I gotta solve this PR crisis... let's have Ice Spice on a remix of 'Karma'!!!!"
The day that Taylor Swift gained her (random number generator, please select a number between 1 and 100,000) 91,171st fan
The day that................................. Taylor Swift............................ lost........................ her............ cell phone on her private plane
The day that Taylor Swift used her 91,171st gallon of jet fuel while riding her private plane
"The Day That Never Comes" by Metallica
The day that Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich defended the act of suing their own fans
The day that Lars Ulrich first heard a Taylor Swift song
The day that Lars Ulrich first heard about that musical called Hamilton (oh goddamn it are we circling back to Lin-Manuel Miranda again no no no, let's not, please)
The day that Lars Ulrich first watched an episode of Happy Days (okay, that's better)
The day that someone greenlit the decision to move ahead with the Happy Days spin-off, Joanie Loves Chachi
The day someone made up the lie about "Chachi" meaning "penis" in Korean and that this was the reason why the short-lived show was so popular in South Korea
The day that that urban legend made it to the ears of show creators Lowell Ganz, Mark Rothman and/or Garry Marshall, and one of them was like, "yo, hold up, Joanie Loves Chachi never even aired in Korea?! let alone became its highest-rated sitcom?!"
The day that Ellen Travolta, John Travolta's sister, signed a contract to play the role of Chachi's mom, Louisa Delvecchio
The day that Joanie Loves Chachi was cancelled
The day that the actor who played Chachi, Scott Baio, first heard the word "cancelled" on Fox News
The day that—and I am extremely sorry to have to say this, given all that we know about Scott Baio at this point, and how much of a sad pathetic man he has become in the decades since his halcyon days of playing a increasingly important role in the great American sitcom, Happy Days—Scott Baio lost his virginity
The day that Puke on Your Birthday claimed that they were "done" as a blog and announced it by publishing a picture of Arthur Fonzarelli jumping over a shark on water skis (in 2010, and, I would argue, a bit prematurely, as we can now say, about 5000 blog posts later)
The day that the Joanie Loves Chachi episode "Beatlemania" aired
The day... oh no! I'm just finding this out: the day that Joanie actress Erin Moran passed away (April 22, 2017—my diary indicates that Pam's cousin got married that day, so I guess I didn't have my eyes on the obituaries at that time)
The day—and I am extremely sorry to have to say this, given all that we know about Scott Baio at this point, and how much of a sad pathetic man he has become in the decades since his halcyon days of playing a increasingly important role in the great American sitcom, Happy Days—Erin Moran appeared on an episode of Scott Baio Is 45 and Single
The day that the person who greenlit the show Scott Baio Is 45 and Single realized what a huge fucking turd Scott Baio actually is
Can I say "the day that Erin Moran lost her virginity" here? Is that okay? It wouldn't be disrespectful of the dead, would it? Fine, okay, you've convinced me: the day that Erin Moran lost her virginity
We really need to keep moving through the Record Club stuff... I keep getting distracted by Happy Days... the day Brick + Mortar released their first album on.... no, I can't do it, I'm sorry, it's just way easier to bullshit about Scott Baio and Lin-Manuel Miranda and Taylor Swift than it is to methodically plod through a list of random artists covered by Record Club
And so, I say: the day that Scott Baio's mother lost her virginity
The Day of the Dead
The day that Day of the Dead (the Grateful Dead indie rock covers comp) was released
The first Day of the Dead after Day of the Dead was released
The day that Jerry Garcia died
The Day That Will Live in Infamy
The day that FDR gave the "Day of Infamy" speech
The day that FDR lost his virginity wait we're not even HALFWAY THROUGH THIS FUCKING LIST YET oh my god what have I done
The Day of Days (the 2013 Hong Kong television period-drama serial produced by TVB under producer Leung Choi-yuen)
Who is Leung Choi-yuen? Do we know if he lost his virginity yet? How about just in case we say the day that Leung Choi-yuen's mother lost her virginity? I want to make sure I'm not misleading anyone by listing days that might not exist! I'm taking this task EXTREMELY seriously!!!!
The Day of the Jackal (a 1973 political thriller film directed by Fred Zinnemann)
The day that Fred Zinnemann lost his virginity etc. etc.
The day that Fred Zinnemann signed on to direct Oklahoma!
The day that.... ah jeez, it's entry #500, we should probably say something special or meaningful or something here.... ugh but now there's pressure to say something special or meaningful... I'm starting to regret making this list at all.... can't believe I'm only halfway through.... is anyone still reading.... how about the day that I lost my virginity? We haven't done that one yet, right?
The day after I lost my virginity and I told my friends in North Dorms that I had lost my virginity the night before and they were all like "hey! nice! finally!" and then we got blackout drunk on Natty Lights
The exact halfway point, to the day, between then and now
The fifth day after I was born
The seventh day after peanut butter was invented
The 23rd day after man first rode in an automobile
The 96th day after Lin-Manuel Miranda first used hand sanitizer
The 705th day after the first Goosebumps book was released
The 1,498th day after the first episode of Doug aired
The 94,327th day after George Washington lost his virginity
The day before the first day that George Washington took his first steps as a toddler
Exactly four score and seven years ago from today
The day that George Washington was elected president (I know that Abraham Lincoln was the one that gave the Gettysburg Address, by the way, I'm not a fucking moron, it's just that I can compile this stupid list however I goddamn well please and if I want to quote the Gettysburg Address right in the middle of ten items about George Washington and George Washington's virginity then I'm going to FUCKING do it)
The day that Abraham Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address (goddamn it see now you distracted me)
The day that George Washington's great-grandmother lost her virginity (alright now we're back at it)
The day that George Washington... died? Hold up, we're at the point where I gotta Ctrl+F to find out if I've already written something... shit, no, I already said that in #454... okay, how about the day BEFORE George Washington died
The day that John Adams was born
The day that John Adams died
The day in between when John Adams lost his virginity (I promise to not do this with every founding father)
The first day that John Adams was asked "are you related to Sam Adams?"
The first day that Sam Adams was asked "are you related to John Adams?"
The day when Sam Adams Brewery was founded
The day that beer was invented
The day after beer was invented, when hangovers were invented
The day I had my first beer
The day I had my most recent beer
The day I had the beer exactly in between that first beer and last beer... I wonder what number beer in the night that was... if I had to guess, I'd say... seven...
The day when that Seinfeld episode aired for the first time, you know the one, it's like George and he's telling someone to name their newborn child "Seven" or whatever... I know Seinfeld plots generally but forget the specific details sometimes...
Anyways, the day that Jerry Seinfeld lost his virginity
The day when Jerry Seinfeld the grown adult dated a teenager for the first time
The day when Jerry Seinfeld, fictional character, lost his virginity, according to the established canon of the fiction Seinfeld universe
The day when they started airing that Seinfeld knockoff on Twitch, the one that's AI-generated, I think it's called Nothing, Forever
The day when the Jerry-esque character on Nothing, Forever was pulled from the air for making transphobic jokes
The day when the guy who played Kramer was pulled off stage for making racist jokes
The day when the guy who played Kramer lost his virginity (no way am I doing the "day that Kramer lost his virginity according to Seinfeld canon" because I cannot verify that Kramer is not a virgin in that show... I mean, do we ever see him IN THE ACT?!)
"One Sweet Day"
The day that "Old Town Road" beat "One Sweet Day"'s record
The day that Lil Nas X made the terrible decision to feature the despicable Jack Harlow in one of his songs
The day that Jack Harlow's mommy read the Malcolm Gladwell book, which convinced her that her sweet little angel should try his hand at rapping
The infamous day of December 18, 2021, on which day the mayor of Louisville disastrously declared that that day would be known as "Jack Harlow Day" in the city of Louisville
The day that the very first person in America ate a cheeseburger as part of McDonald's "Jack Harlow Meal"
The day that that person got diarrhea (which might not have been that exact day, but c'mon, you know the type of person who is going to indulge in fast food cheeseburgers named after fuckwad Jack Harlow isn't the type of person to be making consistent healthy choices in their diet)
The day that Jack Harlow's mom lost her virginity
The day that Jack Harlow's mom found out she was pregnant with Jack Harlow
The day that Jack Harlow was born (March 13, 1998)
The first full day of Jack Harlow's life (March 14, 1998), which, according to every single person on Earth besides the mayor of Louisville and Jack Harlow's mother, will henceforth be known as the worst day that the earth has ever seen (even worse than 9/11, which, if you'll recall, was already a day listed on this list of 1000 days)
And now we do the usual bullshit to spread out the days, like: the day that Jack Harlow first became aware of the existence of Happy Days the TV show...
...or the day that Jack Harlow first heard the name "Lin-Manuel Miranda"...
...or you can even flip it and say the first day Lin-Manuel Miranda heard a Jack Harlow song, because you know that goober is attempting to keep his finger on the pulse of pop culture, even if it burns like an ear hearing a Jack Harlow song definitely would...
...or whatever, I mean, I could just start combining all of the little bits and pieces of this already unwieldy list if I needed to at this point, like saying the first day that George Washington got goosebumps on his arm...
...or the day when the mayor of Louisville first heard the name "Arthur Fonzarelli"...
...or the day when Taylor Swift first saw an episode of Seinfeld...
...or the day when J.K. Rowling first ate McDonald's...
...or even "One of These Days," the song performed by Donny Most, who played Ralph Malph on Happy Days.
I mean, shit, even Happy Days has the word "day" in it!! Can't believe it took me until #554 to think of that!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Thanksgiving Day when the Band performed their final concert, called The Last Waltz and documented on film by Martin Scorsese
The day that the rest of the Band decided to tour, after the Last Waltz, but without Robbie Robertson
The day that Robbie Robertson passed away
One more for my boy Robbie Robertson: the day Robbie Robertson lost his VIRGINITY, HELL YEAH BOY GET IT!!!!!
The day that Levon Helm passed away
The day that Rick Danko passed away
The day that Richard Manuel passed away
The first full day that Garth Hudson lived as the only surviving member of the Band (the Band has always been a band for which I knew the names of every member, not sure why)
The day chapstick was invented
The day the toothpick was invented
The day the cell phone was invented
The day the soft pretzel was invented
The day I learned what the word "invented" meant
The day that Merriam-Webster officially defined "invent" in print for the first time
The day that Urban Dictionary officially defined "Ralph Malph" in digital print for the first time
The day when someone decided that all flags should be flown at half mast whenever the community is grieving something or someone
The day when they flew the flags half mast for **checks Happy Days cast list** Tom Bosley, a.k.a. Howard Cunningham
Any random day between March 13, 1998 (the day of Jack Harlow's birth) and October 19, 2010 (the day of Tom Bosley's death), when life was complicated, because both good and bad existed here on this mortal coil
The day that Tom Bosley first ate McDonald's (blessedly dead, though, by the time the Jack Harlow Meal came about)
The day that Tom Bosley was born
The best day of Tom Bosley's life, according to Tom Bosley
The worst day of Tom Bosley's life, according to Tom Bosley
And yes, the day that Tom Bosley: lost his virginity
The day that Howard Cunningham had sex with Marion Cunningham to conceive Richie Cunningham, according to canon
The day that Howard Cunningham had sex with Marion Cunningham to conceive Chuck Cunningham, according to canon
The day that producers of Happy Days broke the news to Gavan O'Herlihy that he would no longer be playing Richie Cunningham's older brother Chuck on the hit sitcom Happy Days
The day, oh that most holy of days, on which Gavan O'Herlihy lost his virginity
So this list obviously wasn't written all in one day. I started writing it maybe 40 days in advance. And I would, every few days or so, come back to this space and try to bang out 50-100 days. And it was impossible to remember where I had left off. I can't tell you how many times I came back only to dispiritedly remember that the most recent day I mentioned was something about a Happy Days actor losing their virginity. Where can I possibly go from here? I have over 400 days left, and I'm stuck at talking about Chuck Cunningham's sex life?! And then I have to name a day HERE too? How about the day that I wrote in my phone blog memo "1000 days" as if that would be a worthy bit one day? What was I thinking?!?!
The day that the producers of The Brady Bunch broke the news to Tiger the dog that he would no longer be playing Bobby Brady's pet dog Tiger on the hit sitcom The Brady Bunch
The day that Tiger the dog's mother dog lost her dog virginity
The day that I realized that blogging about the concept of "dog virginity" was going to open up a whole new universe of possibilities for this godforsaken list of days
The day that... wait, what about horse virginity? The day that the horse actor who played Pie-O-My on The Sopranos' mother lost her horse virginity, perhaps?!!
No, let's not do that. Too weird. The day that Rutherford B. Hayes became President. That's better.
The day that Rutherford B. Hayes lost his virginity oh no oh no not again
The day that Rutherford B. Hayes' son Rutherford P. Hayes was born
The day that one of Rutherford B. Hayes' descendants decided to make a family tree for his ancestor Rutherford B. Hayes
The day that that descendant, C. W. Hayes, realized that Rutherford B. Hayes had ancestors named Thankful Hayes and Silence Hayes
The day, or one of the many days I guess, on which we as a society decided, apparently, that "Rutherford" was not gonna be a common name anymore (not to mention "Thankful" or "Silence")
The day the most recent Rutherford lost their virginity (or the day of the most recent losing of a virginity by a person named Rutherford)
The day the 1944 film Buffalo Bill was released in theaters, featuring Miracle on 34th Street's own Maureen O'Hara as Louisa Frederici (wife of Buffalo Bill), and, of course, John Dilson as Rutherford B. Hayes
The day that John Dilson agreed to make an uncredited appearance as Rutherford B. Hayes in a film that maybe no one would even remember 80 years later
The day that John Dilson died, also in 1944, less than two months after Buffalo Bill was released
I gotta assume that John Dilson lost his virginity before he died at the age of 53, so let's go ahead and use that day as one of the days on this list
The day exactly in between the day that Dilson died and the day that Rutherford B. Hayes died
The day that someone born on that day lost their virginity
Shit, is there a way to figure out the day in between? So Hayes died on January 17, 1893, while Dilson died on June 1, 1944. That's 18,762 days in between. Divided by two is 9,381. 9,381 days after Hayes died would be September 25, 1918. Was anyone important born on that day? Yes! William P. Bidelman. Considered a pioneer in recognizing and classifying sub-groups of the peculiar stars. Wow. So let's say here: the day that Bidelman lost his virginity.
AND the day that Buffalo Bill lost his virginity
AND the day that Bidelman made his first star discovery
AND the day that Louisa Frederici died
AND the day that Maureen O'Hara lost her virginity
AND the day that Miracle on 34th Street costar Natalie Woods lost her virginity (surely years after she starred in that movie, since she was a young child in that one)
AND the day that, as a grown-up, Natalie Woods was drowned by her husband Robert Wagner and her friend Christopher Walken (this is true, look it up)
The day that Christopher Walken starred in that Fatboy Slim video, knowing full well that Natalie Woods' blood was on his hands
The day that Christopher Walken first saw an episode of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO Happy Days
The day when a star of Happy Days first saw a Christopher Walken film
The day when Ron Howard secured the role of Richie Cunningham (40% chance I've already used this one, so JUST IN CASE: you can also use "the day after the day when Ron Howard secured the role of Richie Cunningham)
The day when Ron Howard secured the role as director of How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the 2000 film starring Jim Carrey)
The day when Ron Howard learned what a "Dutch angle" was
The day when Taylor Momsen secured the role of Cindy Lou Who in the 2000 blockbuster How the Grinch Stole Christmas
The day when Taylor Momsen started the band the Pretty Reckless
The day when Taylor Momsen's the Pretty Reckless released their first album (Light Me Up on August 27, 2010)
The day after that, August 28, 2010, when William P. Foster, American bandleader and educator, died
The day after that, August 29, 2010, when Jim Parsons won his first of FOUR EMMYS for his role of Dr. Sheldon Cooper on the motherfucking Big Bang Theory
The day when Big Bang Theory episode "The Thespian Catalyst" made a Happy Days reference when a character stated that Henry Winkler wrote a book about acting called Ayyy, I'm an Actor
The day when *cracks knuckles* Jim Parsons lost his virginity...
...and William P. Foster lost his virginity...
...and Taylor Momsen lost her virginity...
...and, fuck it, when Pretty Reckless bassist Mark Damon lost his virginity...
...and the day that Jim Carrey lost his virginity...
...and the day that Cindy Lou Who... wait, can Whos have sex? Maybe we should skip that one, and say something like: the day, uhh, Christopher Walken lost his virginity?
The day that Taylor Momsen teamed up with Pearl Jam and Soundgarden drummer Matt Cameron to do a Soundgarden song, right before Matt Cameron made his second solo album (produced by Melvins members Buzz Osborne....... holy shit! the Melvins! from all the way back at Day #194 on this list! the world is very small!!!!)
The day that Taylor Momsen was born (July 26, 1993)
The day before Taylor Momsen was born, July 25, 1993: In a terrorist attack members of the Azanian People's Liberation Army open fire on a congregation inside St James Church in Kenilworth, Cape Town, killing eleven and injuring fifty
No, too dark—how about the day that HULK HOGAN LOST HIS VIRGINITY, BROTHER?!?!
No, too silly—how about the day that, um... I don't know what you want here. The day that Hall first saw Oates naked?
I don't even know if that happened. It must have, though, right? Those guys made music together, toured together, probably fucking lived together at some point. What I don't know is if Paul Simon or Arthur Garfunkel ever lost their respective virginities. Odds are that at least one of them had sex at some point. Let's say that day. The day that the first (or only) one of the two had sex for the first time.
Now combine 'em: the day that Hulk Hogan heard a Simon & Garfunkel song for the first time
The day that Simon or Garfunkel read Dr. Suess for the first time
The day that Taylor Momsen first heard the name "Hulk Hogan"
Maybe even the day when Taylor Momsen saw her first wrestling match, but if she never has: the day that the July 26, 1993 episode of WWF Monday Night RAW was taped (July 19, 1993), when Bam Bam Bigelow defeated Bret Hart, and Doink defeated Phil Apollo
The day that Doink lost his virginity... I guess I'm referring to the wrestler who portrayed the character of Doink (Matthew "Matt" Wade Osborne) and not literally the fictional clown character who wrestled professionally?
The day that Doink died (June 28, 2013)
The day that Bam Bam Bigelow died (January 19, 2007)
Bret Hart is still alive, but the day that his brother Owen Hart during a live WWF telecast
The day after that, when I discussed the previous night's hellish events in the Presentation B.V.M. cafeteria with my WWF friends during a somber lunch period
The day of the Southwest Philly Floater
The day that Tyrone Garland signed on to play for the La Salle Explorers
The day that Tyrone Garland signed on to play for ETHA Engomis
The day that Tyrone Garland signed on to play for the Mississauga Power of the National Basketball League of Canada
The day that Tyrone Garland signed on to play for the Breiðabliks men's basketball team in Iceland
The day that Tyrone Garland signed on to play for the KB Feronikeli of the Kosovo Basketball Superleague
The day that Tyrone Garland signed on to play for Cupes de los Pepines of the Liga Nacional de Baloncesto in the Dominican Republic
The day in between all of this, when Tyrone Garland decided he was going to take a quick break from professional basketball, and, according to Wikipedia, spend his days "lifting weights at La Salle"
The day that Tyrone Garland first had sex at La Salle University
The day that the first person to ever have sex at La Salle University had sex at La Salle University for the first time
The day that a professor employed by La Salle became the first professor to have sex on campus at La Salle
The day that Professor Jamison was hired by La Salle University
The day that Professor Jamison "died"
The day that Professor Jamison skipped class to watch some of his current and former students on Jerry Springer
The day that Professor Jamison... sigh, I don't know, man, are we assuming here that Professor Jamison had sex before he faked his own death? I guess so. Let's hedge our bets and say "the day when Professor Jamison had his first romantic experience"
The day that Professor Jamison established the Neo-African Drums and Dance Club at La Salle
The day when Professor Jamison first heard music
The day when Professor Jamison first played music
The day when Professor Jamison say his first episode of Happy Days (and love it, I'm sure)
The day when Happy Days aired the episode where Johnny Fish & the Fins came to town
The day when Johnny Fish, according to the most in-depth fan-fic Happy Days canon you can find, lost his virginity
The day when there grew a discrepancy between the name of the episode's titular band as listed in every synopsis I could find (Johnny Fish & the Fins) and the name of the band as listed in the credits (Flash Cadillac and the Continental Kids), a discrepancy that can probably only be resolved if I watched the episode, which I am currently not planning on doing
The day when Sam McFadin, who played the lead singer of Johnny Fish & the Fins and/or Flash Cadillac and the Continental Kids, was born
The day when Sam McFadin, who played the lead singer of Johnny Fish & the Fins and/or Flash Cadillac and the Continental Kids, passed away (twelve days before 9/11, which, you'll recall again, was already one of the days listed here
The day when Sam McFadin, who played the lead singer of Johnny Fish & the Fins and/or Flash Cadillac and the Continental Kids, LOST HIS VIRGINITY (I know almost nothing about the man, but he was married and had a kid, so let's assume he did not die a virgin)
The day when Sam McFadin yadda yadda yadda was informed that he was going to have a bit part on the hit show Happy Days in its second season
The day when the scriptwriter(s) inserted the line of dialogue in which Marion Cunningham mentions that "Chuck used to suck his thumb," indicating that when Chuck Cunningham was written off the show, he did not, like, cease to exist in the fictional world of Happy Days or anything
The day when actress Marion Ross was informed that she would be playing the role of family matriarch in a new TV show, and that the character was going to be named after her
The day when the episode of that show aired—I'm of course referring to the late-'60s anthology comedy, Love, American Style
The day when Marion Ross was informed that the one-off episode that she shot was being made into a full-blown TV show called Happy Days, and that they wanted her to remain in the cast as the same character
The day when Henry Winkler met Marion Ross
Let's say maybe Marion Ross and Donny Most's 67th day working together (just to avoid repeat days, ya know... like, I'm sure she met Henry Winkler and Donny Most on the same day)
The day when Marion Ross lost her virginity (probably not to Henry Winkler or Donny Most)
The day when Anson Williams, who had played Potsie on the hit TV sitcom Happy Days, directed an episode of Lizzie McGuire called "Gordo's Bar Mitzvah" (Season 1, Episode 31, originally aired on January 18, 2002)
The day when the first asshole decided to inform me in high school that I resembled Gordo from the hit TV sitcom Lizzie McGuire
The day when actor Adam Lamberg signed on to play a character nicknamed "Gordo" on a Disney TV series
The day when actor Adam Lamberg signed on to play Thomas "Tad" Lincoln II in the made-for-TV movie The Day Lincoln was Shot, which aired on April 12, 1998
The day before that, when Adam Lamberg surely told someone in his life that he was going to be co-starring in a movie that would be airing on cable television the very next night
The day Lincoln was shot
The Day Lincoln Was Shot (the made-for-TV movie)
The day that Adam Lamberg first heard the name "Abraham Lincoln"
The day when Adam Lamberg made the decision to be an actor
The day when Adam Lamberg made the decision to retire from acting (I'm assuming this was a day that happened... I mean, he doesn't have any acting credits since 2008, if this day hasn't happened then it should probably happen soon)
"Picture Day," the second episode of Lizzie McGuire
The day that I googled my first ever one-hit google search result (also the day that I'm writing this, on February 7, 2024, when I googled "lizzie mcguire ralph malph," without the quotation marks of course)
The day in 1983 that Anson Williams was nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor—Series, Miniseries or Television Film, for his work as Warren "Potsie" Weber in the hit TV sitcom Happy Days
The day in 2023 when Wikipedia editor AndyFielding fixed a typo in the "Career" section of Anson Williams' Wikipedia page
The day in 1949 when Anson William Heimlich, stage name Anson Williams, was born
The day when the dude who played Gordo lost his virginity
The day when the dude who played Gordo watched an episode of Happy Days for the first time
The day when the dude who played Gordo saw a wrestling match for the first time
The day when the dude who played Gordo became aware of the 2000 Ron Howard Grinch adaptation
The day when the dude who played Gordo first became aware of the existence of Hamilton
The day when the dude who played Gordo first saw Tom Brady in action, even for a brief second
The day when the dude who played Gordo first read Harry Potter, or saw Harry Potter, or generally became aware of the existence of Harry Potter
The day ScreenRant posted an article titled "Hogwarts Houses of Lizzie McGuire Characters"
"Night of the Day of the Dead," another Lizzie McGuire episode
The day that director Brian K. Roberts was told that he'd be directing the Lizzie McGuire episode "Night of the Day of the Dead"—sorry Anson Williams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The day when Brian K. Roberts (whose existence I've literally only just learned about two seconds ago when I looked up the director of "Night of the Day of the Dead," and, poor guy, whose virginity I'm not going to comment on) lost his virginity
The day when Anson Williams—oh, what the hell, one more for our ol' pal Potsie—directed the fourth-season Sabrina the Teenage Witch episode "Sabrina, Nipping at Your Nose"
The day when actress Mary Bogue was informed that she would be making a guest appearance on a fourth-season episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, directed by Anson Williams of the Potsie / Happy Days fame no less, and that her credited role would be that of "French Hen" (whatever the hell that means... I'm not going to watch this episode either)
The day that Mary Bogue met Melissa Joan Hart
The day that Melissa Joan Hart found out that she got the role of Sabrina the Teenage Witch in Sabrina the Teenage Witch...
...which was either before or after the day that Melissa Joan Hart lost her virginity, who's to say
What I will say is that there was definitely a day in the recent past in which Melissa Joan Hart was told about the existence of a house music DJ who calls herself DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ
The day on which DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ saw her first episode episode of Happy Days
The day when I tried to search for DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ's birthdate and instead google brought me to Wikipedia's "List of Puerto Ricans" page
The day when DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ was born, whenever that is
And before we move on: the day that DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ lost her virginity
Sorry, one more: the day that DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ saw her first episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Shit, I swear this is it: the day that the Sabrina the Teenage Witch Season 2 episode "The Band Episode" aired (though, disappointingly, none of the student bands in that episode featured a DJ, as far as I can tell)
Okay, now let's see this List of Puerto Ricans page... hmmm, Lin-Manuel Miranda is on there, we've already talked enough about him on this list... though maybe we could say the day that Lin-Manuel Miranda's name was added to Wikipedia's list of famous Puerto Ricans? That counts as a new day, right?
The day that famous Puerto Rican Jimmy Smits signed on to star in famous Puerto Rican Lin-Manuel Miranda's 2021 film In the Heights
The day that famous Puerto Rican Rita Moreno shot her first scene in Oz with famous Puerto Rican Kirk Acevedo
The day that Joaquin Phoenix was born in Puerto Rico, apparently
The day in 1953 when famous Puerto Rican Ramón Rivero organized the very first official Walk-a-Thon
The day when someone called Ramón Rivero by his nickname—"Diplo"—for the first time
The day when American DJ Thomas Wesley Pentz decided to call himself "Diplo," despite the fact that there was already a Diplo out there organizing all kinds of Walk-a-Thons and shit
The day when DJ Tomas Wesley Pentz a.k.a. Diplo first heard of DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ
The day when the first Diplo on this list lost his virginity
The day when the second Diplo on this list lost his virginity
The day when Diplo (the DJ) named his 2022 album Diplo, presumably after himself and not after the famous Puerto Rican who invented the Walk-a-Thon
The day when someone decided that a city in Pakistan was going to be called "Diplo"
The first day when someone thought about DJ Diplo while standing in Diplo, Pakistan
The first day when someone born in Diplo lost their virginity
The day when Kirk Acevedo heard the word "Diplo" (though who knows if his first thought was of shitty electronic music or walking or Pakistan)
And hey! What's up with talking about Oz re: famous Puerto Ricans Kirk Acevedo and Rita Moreno? What about us Puerto Rican David Zayaz? He was on Oz too, ya know! Recall the day when famous Puerto Rican David Zayas signed the contract to appear on Oz, please!
Recall the motherfucking day when David Zayas' first Oz episode in Season 4, motherfuckers!
The sixth-season Oz episode "A Day in the Death...", during which Cyril's execution date is set
The day that the actor who played Cyril, Scott William Winters, was cast in Good Will Hunting as the Boston dweeb who gets told "How you like them apples?"
The day sometime after the premiere of Good Will Hunting when Scott William Winters was just minding his own business in public when he overheard someone say the phrase "How you like them apples?"
The day when Good Will Hunting megastar Scott William Winters lost his virginity
The day when Scott William Winters was cast as Ryan O'Reilly's intellectually disabled brother in the hit HBO drama series Oz
The day when actor Dean Winters, who actually is Scott William Winters' real-life biological brother, was cast as.............. the dude in those terrible insurance commercials
The day when Dean Winters lost his virginity
The day when Ryan O'Reilly lost his virginity, according to whichever Oz canon you subscribe to
The day when Dean Winters stole the show as "Cleet" in the 1997 political action thriller Conspiracy Theory, starring Mel Gibson, Julia Roberts and Patrick Stewart
The day when Patrick Stewart lost his virginity
The day when Julia Roberts lost her virginity
The day when Mel Gibson.......................... first verbalized racist thoughts
The day when (oh jeez we have so many new names to choose from on this list from the previous 40 items, oh my which to pick which to pick) uh SCOTT WILLIAM WINTERS say his FIRST episode of HAPPY DAYS
The day in 2003 when Mona Lisa Smile premiered, starring Julia Roberts as a teacher at Wellesley College
The day in 1980 when the eighth-season Happy Days episode "Live and Learn" premiered, starring Henry Winkler as Arthur Fonzarelli as a teacher at Jefferson High School (he also, apparently, "experiments with growing a beard")
The day in 1979 when the seventh-season Happy Days episode "Fonzie Drops In" premiered, starring Henry Winkler as Arthur Fonzarelli as a student at Jefferson High School (he had previously dropped out, but now he's going back, you see...
...and the day that he dropped out was a while ago, and now he's dropping "in," much to the annoyance of fellow student Richie Cunningham)
The day that Richie Cunningham actor Ron Howard first saw or at least heard of the eighth-season episode "Live and Learn," the first episode of Happy Days made without him as part of the cast, and he thought, "jeez, wasn't Fonzie a drop-out student last year? and now he's teaching at the school?"
The first day that Ron Howard spoke with Gavan O'Herlihy after Gavan was booted from Happy Days
The first full day of Ron Howard's life in which he was NOT a virgin
The day that American Graffiti takes place during
The day that Wolfman Jack, co-star of American Graffiti with Ron Howard, passed away
The day that Wolfman Jack lost his virginity (with a name like THAT, you're definitely gonna be getting tapped at some point during your 57 years on earth)
The day that Wolfman Jack was born Robert Weston Smith (January 21, 1938)
The day after that (January 22, 1938) (when surely someone lost their virginity, somewhere on earth, surely)
The day when Wolfman Jack decided that his career was doing to be a radio DJ
The day when Wolfman Jack married a woman named.... Lucy Lamb?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?! And Wikipedia makes no mention of the insane coincidence of two people with these names getting married?!?!?!
The day when George Lucas hired Wolfman Jack to play the radio DJ in American Graffiti
The day when George Lucas hired a real band to play a song in American Graffiti, and their name was.... HOLY SHIT!!!! Mystery solved!!!! The band is Flash Cadillac & the Continental Kids. THAT explains the discrepancy in the cast list and plot synopsis for the Happy Days episode about Johnny Fish & the Fins!!!!!!!! Flash Cadillac is the real band name, and they played the Fins on Happy Days. And also played themselves in American Graffiti. Wow. AND the Happy Days episode, I see now, was clearly making an American Graffiti reference when the plot of that episode involved Richie Cunningham knowing Johnny Fish from high school... goddamn, the things you learn when you are composing a nonsensical 1000-item list that mainly consists of tidbits about Happy Days and losing virginities
The day that... whew, now I need a break... here, take an easy one... the day George Lucas lost his virginity
The day when George Lucas saw his first episode of Happy Days
The most recent day when George Lucas saw an episode of Happy Days (I wonder what episode it was... if I had to guess, I'd say Season 3, Episode 13, "They Call It Potsie Love")
The day when actress Heather Warren found out that she landed the role of "Girl in Plaid Skirt" for the Happy Days episode titled "They Call It Potsie Love"
The day when actress Heather Warren found out that she would not receive an on-screen credit for her role as "Girl in Plaid Skirt" in the Happy Days episode titled "They Call It Potsie Love"
The day when I realized that Heather Warren had 36 uncredited appearances throughout the life of the TV series Happy Days, all for different characters in different colored skirts
Though she is credited in the Season 4 episode, "The Book of Records," as "Elizabeth" (and it makes me wonder if Heather Warren really was in 36 different episodes, or if this is one of those IMDB things where the site just wants to put any name to the face, and so it used "Heather Warren" as a sort of catch all), which aired on the day of January 18, 1977
But she does exist, the human being Heather Warren, as far as I can tell, and so we can say: the day that Heather Warren lost her virginity
I can't find anything else about actress Heather Warren online. Likewise with actor Charles Galioto, who also guest starred in the Happy Days episode "The Book of Records," as Fonzie's cousin, Angie Fonzarelli. This was the only appearance of Fonzie's cousin. But still! He exists! And so does the man who played him! So we are OBLIGATED by LAW to MENTION that there was a DAY when CHARLES MOTHERFUCKING GALIOTO LOST HIS MOTHERFUCKING VIRGINITY
Now, see, this is how I know the fan wikis and IMDB and all that are full of shit sometimes: according to the Happy Days Wiki, the minor character "Bag" Zombroski makes an appearance in the Season 4 episode "The Book of Records." But if you click on the character's name and go to his Wiki page, you'll see that the character allegedly only appeared in seven episodes during the first two seasons. So was he in "The Book of Records"? Or was his final appearance actually Season 2's "Fonzie Joins the Band" (the day that one aired: March 4, 1975)? Who's to say. I hope it's clear by now that I watched exactly zero Happy Days episodes to prepare for this blog post
The day that actor Neil J. Schwartz, who played "Bag" Zombroski on the hit TV series Happy Days, lost his virginity
The day that actor Neil J. Schwartz found out he was going to have a one-off role in a Season 2 episode of What's Happening!!, called "One Strike and You're Out," playing a boy named "Harold"
The day that director Mark Warren found out that he was going to be directing a Season 2 episode of What's Happening!!, called "One Strike and You're Out"
The day that—okay, let's just get this out of the way before we go down the Mark Warren rabbit hole—Mark Warren lost his virginity
The day that Mark Warren directed a 1977 episode of The Wolfman Jack Show (seriously! connections are everywhere!)
The day that Mark Warren directed a 1982 episode of The Dukes of Hazzard
The day that Dukes of Hazzard star John Schneider tweeted that he was going to murder President Joe Biden... what's that? You said that I already did that one?! All the way up at #76?!?!? How the fuck am I supposed to remember that?! This fucker took me like weeks to put together. I probably typed #76 like 25 days before I typed this one, #773. I can't believe I have to think of another day before we move on. How about... shit, I don't know... how about the day that Dukes of Hazzard co-star Tom Wopat lost his virginity? Wopat isn't a real-life terrorist too, is he?
I am happy to report that Tom Wopat seems to have a nuanced take on the existence of a confederate flag on top of the Dukes' car: the day that Tom Wopat said "The situation in the country has obviously changed in the last 40 years. I feel fortunate to be living in a time when we can address some of the injustices of the past." Seem reasonable.
I am sorry to report that Tom Wopat has a history of abuse: the day that he "allegedly assaulted the woman during a rehearsal at the high school on July 23. The accuser said he came up behind her and grabbed her buttocks and continued touching her in that area. The show's producer and manager had previously spoken to Wopat regarding complaints from other female cast members about inappropriate comments and touching, the report said. The artistic director told police he had spoken with Wopat three times, and the actor was also reprimanded for being intoxicated at rehearsal, authorities said."
I am perplexed to report that Tom Wopat and John Schneider have a Christmas album together: the day that Tom Wopat and John Schneider's Christmas album of duets, Home for Christmas, was released (October 28, 2014)
The day that jazz bassist David E. Finck decided that he was going to produce Tom Wopat and John Schneider's Christmas album of duets, Home for Christmas
The day that jazz bassist David E. Finck graduated from Cheltenham High School (though Wikipedia also says that David E. Finck was born and raised in Philadelphia... so why attend a public school outside the county? did his family put his grandmom's address on the school forms or something, or is this one of those situations where Wikipedia reduces one's hometown to the closest major metropolitan city, but he was actually born and raised in Cheltenham, which is decidedly not Philadelphia?)
The day when Burholme placed in second at the annual Cheltenham High School David E. Finck Memorial Battle of the Bands (it wasn't really called that, I literally heard David E. Finck's name for the first time today, but we really did place second at a battle of the bands at that high school, because...)
...the day that non-jazz bassist Kevin C. graduated from Cheltenham High School (having been born and raised in Cheltenham, PA, not Philadelphia)
We're more than 15,000 words into this bitch, no one is going to read this whole, especially not our dear friend and blog contributor Kevin C., so I feel safe dropping this particular day here, all the way down at #781, without anyone's feathers getting ruffled: the day that Kev lost his virginity
The day Kev first heard the phrase "Happy Days"
The Halloween day when Kev dress up like another 1950s-era pop culture character, Squints Palledorous from The Sandlot
The day when straight-to-video sequel The Sandlot 3: Heading Home was released (May 1, 2007)
The day when Luke Perry signed on to star in the second sequel to children's cult classic The Sandlot, playing baseball superstar Tommy "Santa" Santorelli, an arrogant player who gets hit in the head by a pitch and wakes up as his thirteen-year-old self, having time traveled through the magic of sports concussions
The day when Luke Perry lost his virginity
The day when Luke Perry signed on to guest star in Oz (it had to be explained to me by Pam that the prisoner who was trapped in the walls by other unruly prisoners and died there was played by an actor who was actually more famous in for portraying a character in a show called Beverly Hills, 90210 that I had never and still have never seen)
The day when Luke Perry's son Jack Perry made his professional wrestling debut as "Jungle Boy" in AEW (All Elite Wrestling)
The day in the summer of 2009 when Luke and Jack Perry attended a taping of WWE's SummerSlam PPV event, and Jack decided right there and then that he was going to be a professional wrestler when he grew up
The day in the summer of 2002 when I had a SummerSlam party in my parents' basement, and the rule was that no one was allowed to actually wrestle each other until the final bell rang, and when Brock Lesnar beat the Rock for the WWE Undisputed Championship and that bell rang, we beat the shit out of each other, until Fran M.'s nose started bleeding
The day Fran M. saw his first episode of Happy Days
The day Brock Lesnar lost his virginity
The day Luke Perry died
The day the Rock saw The Sandlot
The day Fonzi Lafleur made his professional wrestling debut as "Fonzi Lafleur" in RCW (Renagade Championship Wrestling) (yes, I googled "fonzi wrestles," and this is what popped up... you had to have been able to guess that by now, right?)
The day Renagade Championship Wrestling was founded, sometimes in 2005, in Chatsworth, Georgia
The first day that someone who was born in Georgia, after Georgia was officially named the fourth U.S. state, lost his or her virginity
The day that someone who was born in Georgia realized that there was a country in Eastern Europe, and before that a general location, named "Georgia" since like 6000 B.C.
The day the first "George" was born in Georgia (the U.S. State)
The day the first "George" was born in Georgia (the country)
The day Pam and I visited a Georgian (country, not state) restaurant in Northeast Philly, and ate their khachapuri, which is like a bread bowl with cheese in the middle, plus a chunk of butter and a raw egg on top, and you mix it all together right there at the table before digging in
The day Pam and I visited Georgia (the state, not the country) for a wedding
The day R.E.M. was founded as a band in Georgia (the state, not the country)
The day the melodic metalcore band x.seeing.stars.x was founded as a band in Georgia (the country, not the state)
The first day in recorded history when someone legitimately got the two Georgias mixed up
Shout out to my old pal Georgina from high school, who went by "George," and whom I haven't seen since Senior Week eighteen years ago: the day George was born (not in Georgia or Georgia)
The day that Georgia (the state) decided to be traitorous to the United States and secede from the Union because they wanted to own human slaves (very glad that Tom Wopath is okay with us having this discussion)
The day that Georgia and the rest of the confederate states were defeated by Union forces
The day after that, when the confederate flag became a symbol of shame and weakness, and all but assured that anyone who decided that it was a good idea to display it would out themselves as weak traitorous racist assholes (yes, Tom Wopath, including your goddamn car)
This is the point where the ol' blogging machine is starting to run out of juice. Hoping that if I pick out another random Happy Days episode, that I can squeeze another like 40 days from it. Let's try. Umm... episode called "Spunkless Spunky," Season 5, Episode 19, in which "Fonzie and friends try to dig up what's depressing his faithful canine companion, Spunky, while Howard saddles Marion with a hundred pounds of potatoes to peel for his Leopard Lodge picnic's potato salad." Sounds riveting. The day it premiered: February 7, 1978.
February 10, 1978, the day on which Judas Priest's Stained Glass album and the very first Van Halen album were both released (this isn't random on my part, this piece of trivia can be found in the Happy Days Wiki page for the episode, for some fucking reason)
The day that the dog who played Spunky was born (some sources indicate that the dog's actual name was Spunky as well)
The day that famous TV psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers decided that she was going to guest star in an episode of Happy Days, ostensibly to diagnose Fonzi's dog(?)
Diagnose me, Dr. Joyce Brothers, because I'm still rocking this joke and no one can stop me: the day that Dr. Joyce Brothers lost her virginity
The day that Ron Howard asked his father, Rance Howard, to play an angry neighbor named Ben Wilson on an episode of the hit TV show that Ron Howard starred in for its first eight season, a little-known phenomenon named: Happy Days
The day that Ron Howard's paternal grandfather and/or grandmother decided to name their male child "Rance"
The day that Rance Howard lost his virginity, probably at some point before Ron Howard was born
Where was Cliff Howard, Rance's other son and Ron's brother, during all this, you might ask? Well, lucky for you, Cliff Howard did appear in an episode of Happy Days. He played a character named "Moose" in an episode called "Bringing Up Spike." This Season 3 episode premiered on the day of February 17, 1976.
Cliff Howard almost certainly has lost his virginity at some point. That's the day we're talkin' about here. Not sure if the person in question called him "Moose" in the act or not.
Different Moose, obviously, then the Moose from the day when I got my ass beat.
Also a different Moose from the Moose in Degrassi: The Next Generation—Bruce the Moose first appeared in the Season 7 premiere of that show, which aired on the day of January 14, 2008.
That episode—which is the one where Darcy the church girl goes on the ski trip and gets date raped—premiered on 1/14/08 in the U.S., but aired earlier in Canada, on the day of October 5, 2007.
Out of respect for Darcy's journey and the trauma that was inflicted, we won't talk about the canonical day of this fictional character losing her virginity. But I guess Bruce the Moose lost his virginity at some point too. Let's include that day here.
The day that Sophie saw her first episode of Degrassi, which by total coincidence was the best Degrassi episode of all time: the one where J.T. gets stabbed to death (she saw the episode maybe like three months ago, and I keep trying to work this episode of television into a song prompt somewhere, but it's just not happening... doesn't help that the episode is named after a piece of shit song, "Rock This Town")
The day when an actor from Degrassi saw their first episode of Happy Days
The day when an actor from Happy Days first saw an episode of Degrassi (or at least heard of it, I don't know)
The day when the episode aired of Happy Days on which the character Spike Fonzarelli was introduced
The day when the episode aired of Degrassi on which the character Christine "Spike" Nelson was introduced
The canonical day on which Spike's daughter Emma Nelson was born
The canonical day on which Spike's daughter Emma gave Jay head in the Ravine
The day when the episode aired of Glee on which the character Emma Pillsbury-Schuester was introduced
The day when the episode aired of Glee on which the character Emma Pillsbury-Schuester's father was introduced, played by—you FUCKING guessed it—Donny Most!!!!!!!!!!!! Fucking Ralph fucking Malph!!!!!! Playing Rusty Pillsbury!!!!! FUCK YES!!!!!!! GO DONNY GO!!!!!!!
The day when director Alfonso Gomez-Rejon was told that he would be directing the Glee episode called "Asian F," and that this would be the pivotal episode in which TV fucking LEGEND Donny Most would be joining the class as some chick's dad
The day when director Alfonso Gomez-Rejon was told that he would be directing the second episode of The Carrie Diaries...
...which premiered on the day of January 21, 2013...
...and stars AnnaSophia Robb as Young Carrie (I don't know where I'm going with this yet, just bear with me, I'll get there), and there was a day when she was told she landed a role in the Sex and the City prequel series, and...
...she lost her virginity, AnnaSophia Robb did, on a different day, I'm assuming, and...
...she must have seen an episode of Happy Days on a third day, or whatever, and...
...the day that AnnaSophia Robb married her husband Trevor Paul, who...
...has the same first name as the antagonist in the superviolet song "Big Songbirds Don't Cry," which, again, I wrote about on Day 58 of Summer Song Challenge...
...and speaking of Sex and the City, there's an actor who played "Angry Driver" in an episode, named Rick Aiello, so let's say the day that that episode premiered...
...and that actor also played the character of "Cliff Howard" on Twin Peaks, so the day he found out about that role...
...and the day that the Cliff Howard found out that there was a character named "Cliff Howard" on Twin Peaks...
...and the day that Rick Aniello lost his virginity of fucking course...
...and the day that Rick Aniello saw his first episode of Happy Days, which, if you understand the TRUTH by now, you'll know that the act of seeing your first Happy Days episode is pretty much the same experience as having coital relations for the very first time (though, I don't know, I guess if your first episode of Happy Days was Season 10 Episode 6 "Who Gives a Hootenanny?" then maybe your thoughts are different, like maaaaaaaaybe that particular episode is worse than having sex, by just a little bit; the episode is about Fonzie coming to grips with the fact that folk music was becoming more popular than rock 'n' roll, which sounds interesting as an idea but must have been terrible in execution, especially due to the fact that it required Scott Baio to play a folk song)
Oh shit, and the day that "Who Gives a Hootenanny?" premiered on television—November 16, 1982
The day after that, November 17, 1982, when Dale Murphy won the NL MVP award
2816 days later, August 3, 1990, when Dale Murphy was traded to the Phillies
The day in 1992 when Murphy hit the second of his two home runs that season for the Phillies, bringing his career HR total to 398
The day in 1993, while playing for the Dodgers, when Murphy announced that he was retiring from baseball instead of trying to get to 400 career home runs
The day that Dale Murphy joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
The day that Dale Murphy lost his virginity, I guess, despite the information expressed in the previously listed day
Okay, yeah: the day the first of his eight children were born: the man has had sex
I couldn't find any baseball-related subplots in Happy Days, but there is an episode called "Football Frolics," which premiered on the day of January 20, 1976
No time for sports anyway: the day that Anson Williams, who starred as Potsie Weber on the critically-acclaimed hit television sitcom Happy Days, announced that he was running for Mayor of Ojai, California
The day that Anson Williams lost that election by 42 votes
The day that, unfortunately, Fox News came to Anson Williams' defense, since there was a RECOUNT that resulted in the other candidate winning, despite Anson Williams being up by 100 votes before the recount, and plus the opponent, Betsy Stix, was a yoga instructor before becoming mayor, and so the assumption on Fox News' part, of course, was that the recount was a SCAM and possibly ILLEGAL and not just that the 7,637 citizens of Ojai, California didn't want Potsie fucking Weber as their mayor
The day that Anson Williams was married—during the summer of 2023—and get this—Donny Most was his best man (very cute!)
The day (today: February 13, 2024, it's taking me a very long time to write this blog post) when I was unable to find Anson Weber's political party (most likely due to the fact that both he and Betsy Stix are Democrats, hopefully?)
The day when Anson Weber's new wife, Sharon MaHarry, saw her first episode of Happy Days (which, c'mon, you have to imagine was prior to the summer of 2023, right?)
The day when Sharon MaHarry lost her virginity
The day when Sharon MaHarry lost her Potsie virginity (do I even need to explain this one)
The day either Anson Williams or Sharon MaHarry or Donny Most or Dale Murphy saw an episode of either Glee or Sex and the City or The Carrie Diaries or Twin Peaks or Degrassi: The Next Generation—some combination of those has to yield at least one result for a day for this item on this list
Actually, no, it's probably gonna yield at LEAST two days, so let's say the second day (if I had to guess, I'd say maybe..... Donny Most and Sex and the City?????????)
And fuck it, since we're going back like 50 days now: the day that actress Miriam McDonald, who portrayed Emma Nelson in the critically-acclaimed hit Canadian teen soap opera Degrassi: The Next Generation, saw her first baseball game (logically, she might have even seen Dale Murphy play, if the Phillies or Dodgers ever visited the Blue Jays in the early '90s)
The day that Miriam McDonald lost her Potsie virginity............... relax, I'm just kidding!!! The day that, aw fuck but now I don't have anything prepared for this space......... the day that the Season 4 Happy Days episode "Joanie's Weird Boyfriend" premiered—March 1, 1977
The day before that, February 28, 1977, when Kehinde Wiley, American painter, was born
The day that Kehinde Wiley was told that he was selected to paint President Barack Obama's official Presidential Portrait
SPEAKING of PRESIDENT Barack OBAMA, here is a DAY for YOU: the fucking DAY that "The Last of the Big Time Malphs" premiered on your television screen, ya know, ya know, the fucking Season 4 episode of that fucking show, the one, ya know, Happy Days, or whatever, ya know, the one with the plot description that reads that Ralph Malph is a bookie and that he loses money and a neighbor tough named "Bruiser" is gonna be punching him in the gawd-damn FACE if he doesn't ask his pops, Mr. Malph, for some HELP...
...and I say "speaking of Obama" since the actor who played "Bruiser," Paul Linke, was born on the day of May 6, 1948...
...and President Obama was born on the day of August 4, 1961...
...and if you take the day exactly in between those two days, you get December 21, 1954, which is the day that Scientologists originally were told that there was a giant flood coming, which would lead to an alien invasion...
.,.but here's where it really gets interesting, because if you take that day, December 21, 1954, and then take the day of August 8, 1953 (the new day for this item line, #873), which is the day of the birth of Don Most, who played Ralph "the Mouth" Malph in the critically-acclaimed hit TV sitcom Happy Days...
...and you find the day exactly in the middle of those two days, which you find by figuring out how many days are in between (EXACTLY 500 DAYS, COINCIDENCE?!?!? I THINK NOT!!!!!!), and then do half of that (250 days) after the first date, and you get the day of April 15, 1954...
...which is the same day at the Oriole beat the White Sox, 3-1, in the very first Orioles game in Baltimore, and we all know that President Obama is a White Sox fan, so much so that Obama called White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle after he pitched a perfect game on July 23, 2009
Gabe Kapler hit that long fly ball that DeWayne Wise made a wild catch on at the top of the ninth inning, by the way. Gabe Kapler would eventually be hired as the Phillies manager, on October 30, 2017 (not great!)
Hey remember when this blog was about music.... did you know that the #1 at the time of Gabe Kapler's Phillies managerial signing was Post Malone's "Rockstar"? And that there must have been a day when Post Malone asked 21 Savage to feature on his song "Rockstar," I guess? Is that how pop music works? I don't know.
Hey, we haven't done this in a while: the day that Post Malone lost his virginity... fuck, I'm being told that #344 had to do with the day Post Malone lost his virginity... I guess we're gonna have to say that day #878 is the day that 21 Savage lost his virginity
The day that Gabe Kaplar lost his virginity
The day that Mark Buerhle lost his virginity
The day that (okay we haven't done this one yet and im not gonna lie there was a small moment of hesistation like maybe if i continue describing this day that maybe the fbi is gonna tap my phones or somethin i dont know) PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA LOST HIS VIRGINITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The day that Gabe Kaplar saw his first episode of Happy Days... guys, I'm so tired...
The day that the episode the Season 8 episode "Fonzie Gets Shot" aired—March 3, 1981—an episode about... you guessed it... Fonzie gets shot
But it's not like a serious shooting. He's accidentally shot in the butt. The episode's premise is that all the characters at at the hospital and they are all telling different versions of the story, trying to figure out who shot Fonzie. I'm told by the Happy Days Wiki that it's based on Rashomon, which premiered in theaters on the day of August 25, 1950. The movie is on my list. I'll let you know some additional Happy Days takes when I finally watch the film and write about it here.
The day that Rashomon star Toshiro Mifune passed away, December 24, 1997, having most likely seen Happy Days at some point, or at the very least having heard about it at some point during his 77 years on this earth
The day that actress Cathy Silvers was informed that she landed the role of Jenny Piccolo starting in Season 8 of Happy Days (and, of course, appearing in "Fonzie Gets Shot")
The day Cathy Silvers lost her virginity (oh god please not her Potsie virginity though)
The day Cathy Silvers was informed that she landed the voice role of Marnie the Dodo Bird in the critically-acclaimed hit children's film Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird
The day that Chevy Chase was informed that he landed the role of Newscaster in the same movie, which is separate from the role of Weatherman that he played in Snow Day, which you would know if you've been reading this entire fucking blog post and you remember all the way back to day #75 on this list
The day that Chevy Chase recorded the Christmas song for that one Glee-parody episode of Community, which is not a song that was included on John Schneider's Christmas album, whom you'll also recall from day #75 was the RIVAL weatherman in Snow Day, and you'll recall from day #776 that he released a Christmas album with Tom Wopat, and you'll recall day #832 that Glee is a show on which Donny Most co-starred, and you'll day #249 that Donny Most ALSO released a fucking Christmas album... IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER, FOLKS
The day of the premiere of the Happy Days episode in which Potsie starts dating his steady girlfriend, Jenny Jerome
The day when actress Lorrie Mahaffey was told that she landed the role of Jenny Jerome in the critically-acclaimed hit TV sitcom Happy Days
The day when actor Anson Williams married actress Lorrie Mahaffey (which I have confirmed was before she played his steady girlfriend on the critically-acclaimed hit TV sitcom Happy Days, and not after, like they didn't meet on set or anything like that)
The day when actress Lorrie Mahaffey was informed that her Happy Days character was being written off the series (never explained why she was written off, and never explained why she eventually divorced Potsie actor Anson Williams)
The day when (and c'mon you had to know this line of thinking was going to lead here eventually) actress Lorrie Mahaffey LOST HER POTSIE VIRGINITY
Speaking of Ralph Malph's dad, the day that actor Alan Oppenheimer was told that he landed the role of Ralph Malph's dad, Dr. Mickey Malph
The day that actor Alan Oppenheimer recorded his lines for the role of "Old Timer" in the movie Toy Story 4 (you remember, he was the clock that was gently making fun of Woody for not being chosen for playtime at the beginning of the movie)
The day that actor Alan Oppenheimer landed the role of Jonathan Kent in the hit TV show Superman (I should have mentioned this around the time when I talked about John Schneider also played the role of Jonathan Kent, but on Smallville... this was all before John Schneider tweeted about how he was going to murder President Joe Biden)
The day TV producer and director David P. Levin was born (stay with me)
The day David P. Levin wrote the Superman comic "This Island Bradman," which at one point was considered the rarest Superman comic of all time (because he made it on commission in 1988 by real estate tycoon Godfrey Bradman as a Bar Mitzvah gift for his son)
The day David P. Levin produced and wrote the pilot for the never-picked-up TV show Take Two, starring Anson Williams and Donny Most...
...and Elizabeth Littleford, who was born on the day of July 17, 1968, so she was six years old when Happy Days premiered
That pilot was never picked up, but there was a day when Donny Most spoke on the record about the Take Two pilot, and how it was going to be an anthology series, featuring famous TV duos acting together again but playing completely different characters
Whoops, almost forgot: the day that David P. Levin lost his virginity
And we haven't done this in like 800 days: the day that David P. Levin's mother had sex and was impregnated with David P. Levin
Jesus fucking christ... what the hell am I even doing... I've written almost 20,000 words now about NOTHING... why am I like this... why do I spent my time doing bullshit like this... I'm down here at the bottom of a dumb blog post writing about the sex life of the mother of a TV producer I've literally never heard of until five minutes ago... I'm a fucking waste of space on this earth... I am sorry to everyone who felt like they had to read any of this...
The day that actor Al Molinaro lost his virginity
The day that actor Al Molinaro found out that he was casted in the critically-acclaimed hit TV sitcom Happy Days as Al Delvecchio, owner and proprietor of Arnold's in Milwaukee, Wisconsin
The day that Al Del Vecchio, Italian heavy metal keyboardist, was born (April 21, 1979), and was named "Al Del Vecchio" by his parents, despite the fact that that had been the name of a main-cast Happy Days character for almost three years at that point
The day that Italian heavy metal keyboardist Al Del Vecchio saw his first episode of Happy Days from Season 4 through Season 9 and had a terrible realization
The day when Italian heavy metal keyboardist Al Del Vecchio joined the American hard rock band Hardline
The day that Hadline frontman Johnny Gioeli started his other band, Crush 40
The day when Crush 40 signed a contract to perform numerous songs that would be featured in various Sonic the Hedgehog games
The day when Team Sonic Racing, featuring Crush 40 songs, was released
The day when someone at Sega had the idea to have Sonic race in a car
The day when Ric Ocasek had the idea to form the Cars
The day when Ric Ocasek agreed to produce the Weezer song "Buddy Holly"
The day when Al Molinaro received his final acting credit for his role in the "Buddy Holly" video
(shit, real quick: the day Al Del Vecchio lost his virginity and
the day Johnny Gioeli lost his virginity and
the day that Sega creative mind or suit or whoever he is lost his virginity and
the day that Ric Ocasek lost his virginity, thank you for your patience in this matter)
The most recent day that I've seen a full episode of Happy Days
The first day of Nick at Nite's "Happy Days Mondays," back in the day, when I cut my teeth on Happy Days lore, in the halcyon days of my youth
The day before Buddy Holly died on that plane (the prequel day to day #45)
The day that Don McLean assigned himself the task of memorializing Buddy Holly in song
The day that Don McLean physically abused his wife for the first time
The day that the most important "American Pie" in American history—the 1999 American coming-of-age teen sex comedy American Pie—was released in theaters
The day that Jason Biggs saw his first episode of Happy Days
And you know what? Talking about Jason Biggs' virginity seems like low-hanging fruit, so I'm not gonna do that. But we can say the day that Jason Biggs filmed the scene in which he fucked the pie, maybe.
The day that Seann William Scott signed on to play Stiffler in American Pie
The first day during which someone mixed up Seann William Scott and Scott William Winters (remember him? from day #732ish?)
The day Seann William Scott signed on to play a role in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back...
...and the day Scott William Winters signed on to play a role in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back...
...and, yes, the day Jason Biggs signed on to play a role in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
The day Kevin Smith decided to make a spin-off movie with two tertiary characters from Clerks
The day Kevin Smith's Superman film script was rejected
The day Kevin Smith saw his first episode of Happy Days
The day Kevin Smith co-starred in his first episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation (because, you see, when you make a movie as great as Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, then that affords you certain opportunities that wouldn't be available otherwise, such as worming your way into the sequel series of a Canadian teen soap opera that you used to watch as a kid, and then forcing the scriptwriters to write a script that features your character making out with the character that you used to crush on, back in the day, when you watched that old show)
The day when Jimmy Brooks was shot on television, making him the most important fictional character to be shot in a television series since Arthur Fonzarelli was shot in the Happy Days episode "Fonzie Gets Shot"
The day when Henry Winkler signed on to appear as a voice actor in the Lego Hero Factory episode "Brain Attack"
The day when American Pie star Jennifer Coolidge signed on to appear as a voice actor in the Lego Hero Factory episode "Brain Attack"
The day when that dude who tweeted that he was going to murder President Joe Biden—ya know, the Dukes of Hazzard guy with the confederate flag car, um, the Christmas song guy, with the, uh, he played the dad on Smallville, you know who I'm talking about, I've mentioned him like too many times and written about too many days in his life already—signed on to appear as a voice actor in the Lego Hero Factory episode "Brain Attack"
The day when some dude submitted a Lego Idea for a Happy Days Lego set (featuring Potise and Ralph Malph Lego pieces!!!!!)
The day that Lisa, Bright and Dark, the 1973 movie starring Anson Williams and John Forsythe, was released
The day that With This Ring, the 1978 movie starring Don Most and John Forsythe, was released (this is the only film connection that Anson Williams and Don Most share, despite starring in hundreds of Happy Days episodes together)
The day that John Forsythe saw his first episode of Happy Days
The day that John Forsythe, who, I should note here, was a prolific stage, film/television actor, producer, narrator, drama teacher, and philanthropist, whose career spanned six decades, and should by all accounts NOT be insulted in this way, in this type of blog post, this crass art known as blogging, god help us all, but, okay, if I'm committed then I'm fucking committed, let's do this, the day... that... John... Forsythe... the actor... lost... his... virginity.........................
...and the day that John Forsythe realized that he liked sex enough to have it a second time, which is a low threshold, I know, and I don't mean to damn the act of sex with faint praise, but here we are
The day John Forsythe was born in Penns Grove, NJ
The day, approximately 40-50 years later, when Bruce Willis and his family moved to Penns Grove, NJ
The first day of filming for the 1989 movie Look Who's Talking, which starred Bruce Willis and Abe Vigoda
The first day of filming for the 1980 movie Gridlock, which starred Abe Vigoda and Al Molinaro, a.k.a. Al from Happy Days
The day Abe Vigoda signed on to provide the voice of Salvatore "The Wheezer" Valestra in the '90s and '00s Batman cartoons
The day when someone decided that words that sound the same but are spelled differently (for example, "Wheezer" and "Weezer") should be called "homophones"
The day when Batman cartoon co-star Mark Hamill was asked by American Graffiti director George Lucas to star in his new sci-fi epic
(Alright, it's time again, I'm sorry: the day when Mark Hamill lost his virginity and
the day when Abe Vigoda lost his virginity and
the day when Bruce Willis lost his virginity and
the day when, oh, I don't know, Weezer bassist Scott Shriner lost his virginity (Scott Shriner is a bassist who did not attend Cheltenham High School))
The day when Cheltenham High School opened its doors to students for the very first time
The first day when a graduate of Cheltenham High School watched a full episode of Happy Days
The day when a member of the indie rock band Abe Vigoda first heard a song by Weezer
The day when Abe Vigoda (the band) released an album called Crush
The day when Pitchfork ranked Crush at #40 on their Top 50 Albums of 2010, in what I can only assume was an oblique reference to the Sonic the Hedgehog band Crush 40
The day that Abe Vigoda (the band) recorded the song "Beverly Slope"
The day that the Happy Days episode "The Kissing Bandit," written by Beverly Bloomberg, premiered on national television
The day that actress Annette McCarthy was told that she would be performing as the character "Beverly" for one episode of the critically-acclaimed hit TV sitcom Happy Days (that episode: Season 9's "Great Expectations," according to IMDB)
The day that actress Annette McCarthy was told that she would be performing in five episodes of Twin Peaks, and I assume at least one of those episodes also featured the character Cliff Howard, which, if you'll recall day #842, was played by actor Rick Aiello
The day that the showrunners of Happy Days weirdly decided that the Season 9 episode about Potsie wanting to join the Leopard Lodge would be called "Great Expectations," even though there was already a Season 1 episode of Happy Days called "Great Expectations," in which "Richie rocks the Cunningham household when he befriends Deidre, a stranded free spirit, and brings her home to stay until Fonzie repairs her car"
The day when actress Udana Power (real name; great name) was told that she was casted as the stranded free spirit Diedre in the (Season 1) episode of Happy Days
The day when actress Udana Power was casted in the 1993 episode of Murder, She Wrote called "A Killing in Cork" as the character Una O'Reilly, joining a strong lineage of fictional characters surnamed O'Reilly, a lineage that would eventually include the O'Reilly brothers in Oz
The day when Udana Power was born in New York, thus disqualifying her from any sort of Wikipedia page called "List of Puerto Ricans"
She is also definitely disqualified from the "List of Puerto Ricans in the United States Space Program" Wikipedia page for at least two reasons, but let us now honor the only U.S. astronaut ever born in Puerto Rico: Joseph M. Acaba, who was born on the day of May 17, 1967 (yes, this list has one item... I'm jealous of that list maker)
And now, let us dishonor the only Puerto Rican-born U.S. astronaut, Joseph M. Acaba, by hitting this punchline for one of the final times today: the day Joseph M. Acaba lost his virginity
The day when Joseph M. Acaba's father—named RALPH(!!!!!)—moved the family from Puerto Rico to Inglewood, CA, approximately 83 miles away from the future home of POTSIE(!!!!!) in Ojai, CA
The day pop star Becky G was born in Inglewood, CA
The day rapper Swae Lee was born in Inglewood, CA
The day rapper Swae Lee formed rap duo Rae Sremmurd
The day rap duo Rae Sremmurd got a big hit off the back of the Mannequin Challenge
The day that professional hockey team Anaheim Ducks did the Mannequin Challenge at their '80s center ice party, which was the day of November 13, 2016
The day that Joseph M. Acaba's father Ralph ~~Malph~~ Acaba uprooted their family again and moved them to Anaheim, CA
The day that motherfucking Ralph Acaba lost his goddamn virginity
The day that Ralph Acaba, father of the first Puerto Rican-born U.S. astronaut Joseph M. Acaba, first became aware of the existence of Happy Days, the hit TV sitcom from the '70s and '80s (but taking place squarely in the '50s, of course)
The most recent day I shit myself
The day I first heard a song by Weezer
The day I first heard a song not by Weezer
The day before that
and the day before that
The day that Weezer and Tool both headlined the 2017 music festival Boston Calling
The day that Tool lead singer Maynard James Keenanwas born James Herbert Keenan (April 17, 1964)
The day before that, when Soul Asylum lead singer Dave Pirner was born (April 16, 1964)
The day when Tool lead singer Maynard James Keena's son Devo was born
The day when............. oh god, we're almost at the end. I didn't even realize. This is wild. I feel like Robin Williams in Jumanji, when he emerges and was like WHAT YEAR IS IT?!?! So, uh, the day when Robin Williams signed on to star in Jumanji
The day when Robin Williams lost his virginity
The day Robin Williams starred in the 1997 film Fathers' Day with actor Henry Northup
The day actor Henry Northup starred in the 1975 film Crazy Mama with........... hell yeah, one more time for good measure...... now that it's almost over I'm realizing that I'm probably going to miss this....... fuck...... so one more time........ let's give it up for........ DONNY FUCKING MOST
Oh, and: the day when Tool lead singer Maynard James Keenan lost his virginity
The day when Tool released the album 10,000 Days, which featured the song "10,000 Days," which totally could've been used as today's song, per the prompt
The day when I decided to only list 1000 days

6 comments:

sunny said...: jesus christ.

somewhere around 380. there was a Day where Trump got COVID, which I found funny at the time. I remember being in the Poconos with good friends.; February 22, 2024 at 8:22 AM
Pat said...: TL;DR: 153 days are days where various people lost their virginity.; February 22, 2024 at 9:39 AM
Joe K said...: Thanks for counting. That is not as many as I would've assumed.; February 22, 2024 at 10:24 AM
Sara said...: As a long standing member of the "you write too much committee" this was too much but I bopped around, 906 - please stop we love you

SUNNNYYYY I remember that!!

Also Joe - why do you care so much about when people lose their virginity? tell me more about that.; February 22, 2024 at 11:34 AM
Joe K said...: I would argue that my biggest concern is not virginity in general, but more so the loss of virginity for cast members of the critically-acclaimed hit TV sitcom Happy Days.

Actually, now that you guys have spelled out the bit, and I'm thinking about how to extend the bit, I'm on Cameo, looking up Anson Williams and Donny Most. And you can bet your ass that these TV has-beens are on Cameo. But Don Most is charging $100 for a video?! And Anson Williams is charging $125?!?!? I literally cannot afford to ask these jabronis when they lost their respective virginities.; February 22, 2024 at 12:41 PM
Pat said...: I will gladly contribute to the "Get Anson Williams and Donny Most on Cameo So We Can Ask If They Lost Their Virginity To Each Other" Fund; February 22, 2024 at 1:45 PM