Yearlong Song Challenge, Day 162: Zach

Prompt: "A song titled 'The Underdog' by a band called Spoon from an album called Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga released in 2007"

Selected by Zach

"The Underdog"

Spoon

Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga, 2007

Arab Friend

What's become of you, my Arab friend?

We used to talk at the water fountain

in broken Hebrew, before we switched

to English.

You told me you were from Beit Hanina.

"Have you heard of it?" you asked

with a smile, and with grace.

We taught each other new words.

I imagined your life in the village

with pesky little brothers

fighting over video games.

The smell of cardamom and mujadara wafts in from the kitchen.

Your mother stirring, and tasting, and adding to the large pot 

always cooking over the fire.

But these days, when I see you

at the water fountain,

your eyes stay low,

your smile has vanished.

We still pass in the hallway.

You walk by me

avoiding proximity to the space I 

occupy

with some innate radar.

You seem to

occupy

no space, yourself.

You walk as if you haven't seen me

at all.

Are you scared of me, now?

Have you simply hated me all along?

I don't think I ever hated you

but of course I can't be sure.

Now I only learn new words

from books and movies and lunchtime chats 

with other friends.

My new lunch partners cover their heads

with knitted discs

instead of hijabs.

I pass by your office and glance inside.

You've locked eyes with your computer screen.

You don't look up.

I open my mouth

but close it just as quickly.

I won't force you to speak that language I love.

I imagine that each word you say to me

sticks like poison in your mouth

before you expel it from your body

like vomit

like blood.

I miss you, my Arab friend

but maybe it's time

To let you go.

If I only keep you around

to convince myself

that I can play both sides,

that I'm compassionate,

and sweet,

I'll never know

what's in my heart

and you'll never

be yourself.

I feel your presence down the hall.

That smile you gave me

at the fountain

once upon a time

hangs in the air.

I watch its particles fade fast.

I turn off the light,

close the door,

and head the other way.

Alone.