Prompt: "The song that caused for you an existential crisis"
Selected by Zach
"everything i wanted"
Billie Eilish
WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? (bonus track), 2019
I don't remember when I learned about Billie Eilish. It's probably when I saw a video of Rainn Wilson surprising Billie at her home and giving her an impromptu quiz about The Office (apparently she's a megafan and has watched the show an untold number of times). I wasn't supposed to like her. She's a pop star from a different generation. I'm supposed to reject her out of hand, let the other people enjoy her music.
But I found myself not only liking this song—I found myself appreciating its depth. What if I got everything I wanted? If only I had a girl, a job I liked, supportive family and friends surrounding me whenever I needed them, the ability to work from home, a publishing deal, a reliable sleep schedule. I'd be happy then, no?
The answer is: obviously not. That's not how life works. I'd still want more. And maybe that's the point. I have it all, right now. I do have the supportive family, I will have the girl, I will have the job I liked and the book written and rest in my bones. And if I don't? I don't. I can still appreciate the blue sky and the ability to go on a bike ride with fast Boomers near my hometown in the morning (one of whom is my mom). Isn't that enough?
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