Prompt: "You have some fucking BALLS for picking this song for this particular reason"
Selected by Nate
"Problem"
Cash Cobain ft. Laila!, Fabolous, Big Sean, Kenzo B, Lay Bankz, Luh Tyler, Anycia, Chow Lee, Kaliii, 6lack, Flo Milli, YN Jay, FLEE, Don Q, and Rob49
single, 2024
Two recent instances of poor reading comprehension:
1) While walking from car to a decidedly mediocre German beer garden (while this restaurant which will not be named here would probably rather be referred to as a "biergarten," the relative inauthenticity of its offering prevents the use of the preferred nomenclature), a New York Times news alert said that George Soros had plead guilty to crimes. "Holy fucking shit," I thought to myself, "George Soros, the hyper-wealthy, liberally-leaning political financier has plead guilty to crimes! Were all those kooks and freaks from QAnon times right about paid protests? Why is this alert so opaque? What are the crimes? Goddamn, this is nuts, I didn't even know he was on trial for anything."
George Santos. George SANTOS, the disgraced, fraudulent, and excommunicated member of the U.S. House of Representatives. He is the one who is pleading guilty of crimes. Not George Soros, who is apparently just doing run-of-the-mill rich guy stuff.
2) While reading Pitchfork.com at approximately 4:15 AM because one of my kids woke up screaming and after calming them down I was unable to get back to sleep, I was made aware of a song with fifteen guest features, all lead by a rapper named Cash Goblin.
"Cash Goblin!" I thought to myself through a thin layer of oil and heat that rested just on the roots but not the lashes of my eyes. "That's the best rap name I've heard in at least a year or two! God, that's better than UglyGod, certainly on par with Guapdad 4000! He's a goblin! But for the cash! Tremendous!"
Cash Cobain. Cash COBAIN. Named after Kurt, one assumes. Free rap name out there though, if someone wants it.
1) While walking from car to a decidedly mediocre German beer garden (while this restaurant which will not be named here would probably rather be referred to as a "biergarten," the relative inauthenticity of its offering prevents the use of the preferred nomenclature), a New York Times news alert said that George Soros had plead guilty to crimes. "Holy fucking shit," I thought to myself, "George Soros, the hyper-wealthy, liberally-leaning political financier has plead guilty to crimes! Were all those kooks and freaks from QAnon times right about paid protests? Why is this alert so opaque? What are the crimes? Goddamn, this is nuts, I didn't even know he was on trial for anything."
George Santos. George SANTOS, the disgraced, fraudulent, and excommunicated member of the U.S. House of Representatives. He is the one who is pleading guilty of crimes. Not George Soros, who is apparently just doing run-of-the-mill rich guy stuff.
2) While reading Pitchfork.com at approximately 4:15 AM because one of my kids woke up screaming and after calming them down I was unable to get back to sleep, I was made aware of a song with fifteen guest features, all lead by a rapper named Cash Goblin.
"Cash Goblin!" I thought to myself through a thin layer of oil and heat that rested just on the roots but not the lashes of my eyes. "That's the best rap name I've heard in at least a year or two! God, that's better than UglyGod, certainly on par with Guapdad 4000! He's a goblin! But for the cash! Tremendous!"
Cash Cobain. Cash COBAIN. Named after Kurt, one assumes. Free rap name out there though, if someone wants it.
1 comment:
The Original Joe Dogg's Ranking of Every Rapper in This Song, Based on Name Alone:
16. Rob49 (too close to sounding like an AIM screenname)
15. Big Sean (would only be funny if Big Sean was actually really, really tiny)
14. YN Jay (will eventually have to drop the YN when he is no longer young)
13. Don Q (worried that the Q has something to do with QAnon)
12. Anycia
11. Fabolous
10. Lay Bankz
9. Chow Lee
8. Flo Milli (I've heard of this person)
7. Luh Tyler
6. Kaliii
5. 6lack (a 6 really does look like a b!)
4. Cash Cobain (Nirvana as an aesthetic choice in the present day)
3. Kenzo B (in honor of the Kenzos from Kensington, Philadelphia)
2. FLEE (simple, beautiful)
1 Laila! (love the punctuation choice)
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