In the Til of the Death #13: "Fight Friend"

All I want is a friend. Well, and to get laid too. To get laid and to make friends, in that order. Or some days, the opposite order. My husband is okay with it. He's actually pretty into the whole thing, the sexual component, you get it. But he's supportive of me too, like he knows that I need a life outside of this house, this home that we've built, which is so fulfilling and so full of love and I, ya know, I live a great fucking life here, it's almost bringin' a tear to me eye just thinking about it. But I also need more. Something a little extra. And so I'm out there trying to find it.

I see my cousin, the character actress Kat Foster, living it up on stage and screen. She has a different life than me, but different doesn't mean bad or good, it's just different. I love what I have but I think on some days I just want a little of what she has too. I watch her in her yoga pants in the 'Til Death episode "Fight Friend," the TV show that she starred in so long ago, at least for a couple seasons, and I wonder what kind of excitement she felt, in that studio, living her life and someone else's life, both at the same time. So full of life, man. Irony, so much life on an American sitcome called 'Til Death? I haven't decided on the irony part yet.

She set me up with a guy, by the way. A while ago. I was just getting started. Some dude she met in, I don't know, she said something about a tall building or whatever, I don't remember, it really doesn't matter. God, it feels like forever ago already. The memories are fading fast. I try to keep them alive by posting on a subreddit called r/dirtyslutsecrets. Here's something I wrote recently about it.

Until now my only familiarity with the show Til Death was growing up being told it was a show that took place near my town, which I only just confirmed to be true. But now that I've seen it, I wonder why any town would want to claim that show as a point of pride, and more so why someone would bother to write a blog about it.

Maybe my misstep was watching an episode like "Fight Friend" as a start. Painfully dated jokes, hierarchical relationships, a touch of weaponized incompetence, the unwoke base of '07 is salivating. And you know the jokes are landing when you're analyzing the set design mid-scene.

What's interesting is that this is the episode a man who writes a TIL Death blog recommends to me, a woman he wants to sleep with. And I'll hesitantly admit, it's weirdly working. Emphasis on weirdly. And I'm not saying I'm gonna fall for a guy who deep-dives sitcom marriage dynamics in his free time... but I'm not not saying it, either.

Is he going to quote the terrible jokes that the tall guy from that '90s movie Spy Hard makes? Maybe. Has he memorized hot wife's closing monologue about emotional manipulation? Likely. Am I turned on by it? Confusingly so. The heart wants what it wants, even if that's a guy who writes a blog about a show that sets itself inside of Lee's Hoagie House.

And by the end of it all, I was only left with one question: THAT is the new fucking fridge?!

And I get a few responses on it, a few dick pics, you know the deal with all that. Pasty pie-fucker types with weirdly shaped cocks, misshapen from all that pie-fucking. But it's not the same. I wonder what the blogger dude is doing now. Probably writing some weird-ass blog post in the voice of character actress Kat Foster's hot cousin, and making his sexual partners write about the thirteenth episode of Kat's terrible American sitcome.

Oh, and "Fight Friend" is a 5 pukes out of 5, duh.