Prompt: "The most recent song you heard that made you stop in your tracks"
Selected by Boober
"Laramee"
Richy Mitch and the Coal Miners
single, 2022
Just another Love song. A plea for a Lover to return, and a struggle with the end of the relationship.
I'm kind of a sap. I cry a lot. I cried listening to the prompt last week listening to my sister's music. And most love songs or sad songs hit me.
It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I was a dumb kid drinking and doing drugs and taking pills. And holding a five-pound little baby in my arms on New Year's Eve, being, what, nineteen or 20 years old, made me think... I gotta grow the fuck up.
Fast-forward to a pretty damn healthy Boober. I thought being divorced would mean I'd be pretty jaded toward the whole love thing, but it hasn't been like that, and I love that for myself.
I kind of long for my person.
Don't get me wrong, I'm loving my me-time, but I miss that feeling of having someone on your team, even if that person wasn't really on my team that whole time, I enjoyed the cute couple shit and raising little babies and having a family.
I've had this feeling lately of: maybe I'd be happier just being single the rest of my life.
Which is a half-truth. I think I just know in my head that if that's how my life plays out, I'll be okay with it. I don't need someone else to feel complete. And I have a great family and some amazing friends.
There's a little insight into Boobers love life, haha.
I hope this wasn't coming off as a feel-bad-for-me story. I'm generally happy with my little life. I'm dating, putting myself out there in different situations that I wouldn't normally find myself in, and maybe this is crazy, but I feel like... not that no one is interesting enough to date, but I kind of like everyone as a friend.
That sounds corny but it's been more and more true. I meet a lot of really good people, but no one has really hit me with that wow factor, but for a lot of people I'll think, "This is a good person."
And I don't really wanna force anything. If it isn't a hell yeah, then it's a no. I'm not trying to force someone into my little world. I'm happy to wait for someone / something / some calling that fits me and my life.
I think when I hear, "I'll be a ghost, I'll always love you," I kind of hear myself singing it. Not to anyone in particular, but just out loud to the universe. And as I write this, I just spent the weekend with my sister, and my son was holding my newborn nephew. A little part of me thinks of my son when I hear those words.
In the sense that my little baby is now almost a teenager. And seeing him hold a newborn I think, wow, if he follows in my footsteps, he might have a baby in seven years.
I feel like a ghost sometimes, like I'm here for him, but I'm kind of a background character in his story. Like a ghost. I can help him and guide him, but he's at that age where he's gotta learn and try everything himself. When you have a baby or young child, you do everything for them, and now I just have to let him live his life and watch him grow.
"I'm a ghost, I will always love you, come back to me." My little baby isn't coming back to me. Soon enough, he’s gonna be a grown man, and I'll have to watch him from grow at arm's length.
I'm kind of a sap. I cry a lot. I cried listening to the prompt last week listening to my sister's music. And most love songs or sad songs hit me.
"I'll be your ghost,When I first heard these lines I got a little teary-eyed. I've been having some thoughts lately, after being single the past few years, about love and life (I was married with kids for something like nine-to-ten years). So my 20s was spent doing dad stuff and not really feeling like I knew what I wanted or who I was.
I'll always love you,
I will wait in these woods
Singing this broken tune,
I'll be your ghost,
I'll always love you."
It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I was a dumb kid drinking and doing drugs and taking pills. And holding a five-pound little baby in my arms on New Year's Eve, being, what, nineteen or 20 years old, made me think... I gotta grow the fuck up.
Fast-forward to a pretty damn healthy Boober. I thought being divorced would mean I'd be pretty jaded toward the whole love thing, but it hasn't been like that, and I love that for myself.
I kind of long for my person.
Don't get me wrong, I'm loving my me-time, but I miss that feeling of having someone on your team, even if that person wasn't really on my team that whole time, I enjoyed the cute couple shit and raising little babies and having a family.
I've had this feeling lately of: maybe I'd be happier just being single the rest of my life.
Which is a half-truth. I think I just know in my head that if that's how my life plays out, I'll be okay with it. I don't need someone else to feel complete. And I have a great family and some amazing friends.
There's a little insight into Boobers love life, haha.
I hope this wasn't coming off as a feel-bad-for-me story. I'm generally happy with my little life. I'm dating, putting myself out there in different situations that I wouldn't normally find myself in, and maybe this is crazy, but I feel like... not that no one is interesting enough to date, but I kind of like everyone as a friend.
That sounds corny but it's been more and more true. I meet a lot of really good people, but no one has really hit me with that wow factor, but for a lot of people I'll think, "This is a good person."
And I don't really wanna force anything. If it isn't a hell yeah, then it's a no. I'm not trying to force someone into my little world. I'm happy to wait for someone / something / some calling that fits me and my life.
I think when I hear, "I'll be a ghost, I'll always love you," I kind of hear myself singing it. Not to anyone in particular, but just out loud to the universe. And as I write this, I just spent the weekend with my sister, and my son was holding my newborn nephew. A little part of me thinks of my son when I hear those words.
In the sense that my little baby is now almost a teenager. And seeing him hold a newborn I think, wow, if he follows in my footsteps, he might have a baby in seven years.
I feel like a ghost sometimes, like I'm here for him, but I'm kind of a background character in his story. Like a ghost. I can help him and guide him, but he's at that age where he's gotta learn and try everything himself. When you have a baby or young child, you do everything for them, and now I just have to let him live his life and watch him grow.
"I'm a ghost, I will always love you, come back to me." My little baby isn't coming back to me. Soon enough, he’s gonna be a grown man, and I'll have to watch him from grow at arm's length.
3 comments:
Some really poignant thoughts about parenthood here, Boober. Sounds like the mark of a good parent to me: involved but not too involved, finding that balance, letting them be their own person, as hard as that is for the parents. Thanks for this.
Shot me right in the feels this morning. Who's cutting onions?
Thank you for sharing this. So well written. I'm wishing so much good for you.
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