March 24, 2005, 10:34 AM
As you may be aware—since you too are a teenager, I assume, because why would you be visiting a dumb site like Xanga.com if you weren't—there's a lot of "figuring shit out in real time" going on during these years. My last post was a pretty great example of that. Maybe that's ultimately going to be the downfall of our generation, that we're oversharing online. But I don't look at it like that. I see it as documenting feelings and emotions as they are occurring, and working them out in the public sphere, which can be helpful in its own weird way in that arduous and occasionally painful process.
So, okay, let me attempt set the record straight, now that I've had an additional (checks clock) eighteen hours to think about it. Regarding the drinking, I want to make this clear. I'm not rallying against anyone who chooses to drink. Never have, and never will, even if I end up backtracking and drinking a swimming pool's worth of alcohol and burn out and crash and become sober. Nothing will ever change this. It's your choice, and I will never hold your choice against you, especially when it comes to the consumption of substances, either legal or illegal.
What I fear more than drinking is the possibility of losing friends. Trying to impose your will upon others is a great way to lose friends, and I've seen it happen already. Friendship requires a mutual respect, and I've grown distant with a few friends over the years because I didn't feel like they respected me in the way I did them, and that fucking hurts, man! I don't want to be on the other end of that. The example I'm thinking of in my head is someone you all know, but it would be pretty rude to type his full name out on the Xanga, no? So I won't do that. But I think about him sometimes, and I think about how maybe we've grown apart a little bit because of some misunderstandings regarding what each of us value. The irony is that we're on pretty similar tracks in life, I'm sure, and so maybe this is just a temporary blip, I don't know.
In any case, I wanted to impress upon you today that my belief that it's not the people who are drinking that gives me pause, or the fact that people are drinking in the first place, but rather it's the fact that every hangout these days feels like it has to be centered around the act of drinking. Like it's some fucking necessary ritual, and its absence then feels like a ragged hole in the already delicate center of our social lives. It never used to be like that. I don't understand why it has to be the bread and butter of any given Friday night. It just feels like we're handicapping ourselves.
I'm also getting a little sick of having to lie to my parents. I was never really "that kid," and I can feel myself becoming him, as the weekends pass by at a frightening clip and I continue to behave in ways that they might not approve and probably shouldn't know about. What's scary is how easy it is, the lying. I'm a great liar. And I fear those abilities. It feels bad, and I don't want to feel bad.
So, bottom line: I'm not going to stop hanging out with you just because you drink. That would be insane. I love you guys. I just want to set appropriate expectations. Maybe don't expect me to be the one doing the drinking from now on.
On a completely different and somewhat lighter note... I recently walked in on some illicit activities of a completely different nature, and I immediately got the feeling that maybe I shouldn't have seen that private moment. Wow. Teenage hormones are pretty crazy, but maybe I should've seen this one coming, I don't know.
Listen, I'm a gossipy little bitch, and I want to tell you what I saw, but I dunno... it doesn't seem right, doing that shit on a public Xanga. But so then why even hint at it without saying what it is? What's the point of being all coy in the first place? Why not say anything at all? That's gotta be really fucking annoying, right? Of course, of course. I acknowledge all that. But like I alluded to above, I'm mostly just using this as a way to process my feelings and emotions as they come to me. Xanga as therapy. Annoying? Absolutely. But then again, you chose to be here of your own volition, so what does that say about you?!?!
So, okay, let me attempt set the record straight, now that I've had an additional (checks clock) eighteen hours to think about it. Regarding the drinking, I want to make this clear. I'm not rallying against anyone who chooses to drink. Never have, and never will, even if I end up backtracking and drinking a swimming pool's worth of alcohol and burn out and crash and become sober. Nothing will ever change this. It's your choice, and I will never hold your choice against you, especially when it comes to the consumption of substances, either legal or illegal.
What I fear more than drinking is the possibility of losing friends. Trying to impose your will upon others is a great way to lose friends, and I've seen it happen already. Friendship requires a mutual respect, and I've grown distant with a few friends over the years because I didn't feel like they respected me in the way I did them, and that fucking hurts, man! I don't want to be on the other end of that. The example I'm thinking of in my head is someone you all know, but it would be pretty rude to type his full name out on the Xanga, no? So I won't do that. But I think about him sometimes, and I think about how maybe we've grown apart a little bit because of some misunderstandings regarding what each of us value. The irony is that we're on pretty similar tracks in life, I'm sure, and so maybe this is just a temporary blip, I don't know.
In any case, I wanted to impress upon you today that my belief that it's not the people who are drinking that gives me pause, or the fact that people are drinking in the first place, but rather it's the fact that every hangout these days feels like it has to be centered around the act of drinking. Like it's some fucking necessary ritual, and its absence then feels like a ragged hole in the already delicate center of our social lives. It never used to be like that. I don't understand why it has to be the bread and butter of any given Friday night. It just feels like we're handicapping ourselves.
I'm also getting a little sick of having to lie to my parents. I was never really "that kid," and I can feel myself becoming him, as the weekends pass by at a frightening clip and I continue to behave in ways that they might not approve and probably shouldn't know about. What's scary is how easy it is, the lying. I'm a great liar. And I fear those abilities. It feels bad, and I don't want to feel bad.
So, bottom line: I'm not going to stop hanging out with you just because you drink. That would be insane. I love you guys. I just want to set appropriate expectations. Maybe don't expect me to be the one doing the drinking from now on.
On a completely different and somewhat lighter note... I recently walked in on some illicit activities of a completely different nature, and I immediately got the feeling that maybe I shouldn't have seen that private moment. Wow. Teenage hormones are pretty crazy, but maybe I should've seen this one coming, I don't know.
Listen, I'm a gossipy little bitch, and I want to tell you what I saw, but I dunno... it doesn't seem right, doing that shit on a public Xanga. But so then why even hint at it without saying what it is? What's the point of being all coy in the first place? Why not say anything at all? That's gotta be really fucking annoying, right? Of course, of course. I acknowledge all that. But like I alluded to above, I'm mostly just using this as a way to process my feelings and emotions as they come to me. Xanga as therapy. Annoying? Absolutely. But then again, you chose to be here of your own volition, so what does that say about you?!?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comments
Girlpuck: huh??... does that hav sumfin to do wit harry sayin joe swear u wont tell... u swear !??!...
Ur lovin' sista... jjenn
Ur lovin' sista... jjenn
Anonymous: OMFG JOE K*** IS BACK IN ACTION OIEJHOEIJTJIOETJOIETJOITEHJETHJETHJOITHJOIGJO
IGJOIGFIOFGOIJFGJOIFGIJOFOIJFOIJFGOIJFOIFGOINFG98JH
IGJOIGFIOFGOIJFGJOIFGIJOFOIJFOIJFGOIJFOIFGOINFG98JH
Anonymous [Kristin?]: hahaha Joe... um thanks... i guess??...it makes me happy that u have a xanga again
The duck tie is becoming toooo comfortable in my room... I'll get it to u soon...
The duck tie is becoming toooo comfortable in my room... I'll get it to u soon...
No comments:
Post a Comment