I've been thinking about the concepts of guilt vs. shame for the last day or so. By the definitions I've researched, guilt can be adaptive and helpful, whereas shame goes dark in its ability to make us feel unlovable.
Blame My Ex does a really interesting deep dive into both of those concepts while holding a belated mirror up to my own face. Who was I after breakups or heartache? Have I adapted from that human into someone I can be proud of—or do I still suffer from some of the deep, icky, shame stuff?
On a side-note, that I promise cycles into this album experience, our son learned a song in Sunday School that goes "Jesus is my rock / and he rolls my blues away / Bop-shoo-bop / Bop-bop-shoo-bop." He's been singing it nonstop and why didn't Jesus come up with another boppin' verse for Bops-sake!? Anyway, this cycle song speaks to the blues of this album. The question of rolling forward shows up in each song. How can we "roll" on when we're hurt? How do we cope?
Blame My Ex started really strong for me with "Blame Brett," and also had me feeling guilty for some past behaviors. But, according to the Beaches, and "rock & roll Jesus," I should just blame my ex and roll those feelings away. Bop-shoo-bop... bop-bop-shoo-bop...
"I'm not ready for therapy / To take accountability / Right now it's about me," slapped me in my previously selfish and heartbroken face. There it was in the deep pit of my stomach: guilt or shame? The song felt so much about the "me" from back then and, yeesh, I am sorry for anyone who got rolled over in the process.
Bop-shoo-bop... bop-bop-shoo-bop...
"What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Paranoid," and its title alone, again reached the deep, dark, days of "B.G." (aka Before Gary) and where I lived mentally. This album is a tryst with the guilt of sadness, regret, and broken trust. Also, it must be mentioned that I love Kelly Clarkson and her pop anthem that goes "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." While I am grateful for Clarkson’s version, the Beaches may be more realistic. The shit that takes you down, that hurts you most, can add to the list of things you think about before you fall asleep at night.
Bop-shoo-bop... bop-bop-shoo-bop...
Musically, this is fun! Rock-ish, pop-ish, '80s/'90s sounds. It is controlled and consistent chaos. I know in the past, I've trashed breakup albums, but I liked this one. I like the gross honesty of "Shower Beer." I love "Edge of the Earth" referencing "she's a fire sign" and pairing it with "I'm a cold night." Bop-shoo-bop to that lyrical moment!
My snobbery about breakup albums goes twofold. I want something fresh done on the subject matter. The Beaches take the cliché, flip it on its head, and show us a reality of breakups beyond weeping in bed, driving past his house a dozen times, and then getting some revenge. Also, I think my breakup album snobbery goes back to this guilt and shame for the person I was. I'd like to hope that I can turn my guilt into something transformative.
See, Joe was right! This kind of writing can be cathartic.
Bop-shoo-bop... bop-bop-shoo-bop...
Book Pairings:
- Dumplin' by Julie Murphy
- Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell
- It Happened One Summer by Tessa Bailey
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