So here we go. Today's task is: ask me a question. Anything at all, I don't care. I promise to be as upfront and honest with you as I can on this public Xanga. All you have to do is leave a comment with your question. Then, in a few days, I'll compile all the question I get, and answer them one by one. You have my word that the answers will be all my own and will be explicitly designed to give you an authentic Joe K*** experience. You only get one question, though, so you better make it good.
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Comments
nomas1989: Are you now, or have you ever been a blueberry muffin?-dan b.
Jfingers88: Why do you drink alcoholic beverages? It seems so pointless.
BeatleBomb: Aw, that happens to me to. People tell me that I mutter or mumble and they think I’m stoned... imagine that, me stoned. Geesh.
What's your favorite Dylan album?
harry3236: Is this summer gonna be a kick ass summer?
Mike S.: one question: what planet do you come from man, no really WHERE?
monty: wish you were here or dark side of the moon?
JoeMac_89: How much alcohol do you consume weekly?
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April 1, 2005, 11:59 PM
1. Are you now, or have you ever been a blueberry muffin? (submitted by dan b.)
No, I am human. At least that's what they tell me. Sometimes, though, especially at my lowest, I wish I was a blueberry muffin. I have to imagine that existence would be a lot less excruciating in that form. To feel is to feel pain, and to feel pain is to be human. As a blueberry muffin, I would feel nothing, and would continue to feel nothing, even while being digested.
2. Why do you drink alcoholic beverages? It seems so pointless. (submitted by JFingers88)
I appreciate the sentiment, Jimbo. There might have been a time in my life when I took offense to such a question, but that time is already passed. I understand now that you are looking out for me. And also, I empathize—we're both teenagers, we're both figuring shit out. You're probably the smartest person I know, but that doesn't preclude you from going through the normal teenage process of self-discovery. My path runs through underage drinking, and yours doesn't. That's how it goes.
So I don't know if I can answer your question truthfully, because I don't yet know what the truth is. Why do I drink alcoholic beverages? Because that's what I do. Most people who drink don't really understand why they do it, and I'm not an exception. Why do I drink? Why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west? Because it just fucking does. Asking a sixteen-year-old why he (very occasionally) drinks alcohol is like asking a third-grader to do calculus. There is a truth there, but it'll take many years to figure out the equation.
I appreciate the sentiment, Jimbo. There might have been a time in my life when I took offense to such a question, but that time is already passed. I understand now that you are looking out for me. And also, I empathize—we're both teenagers, we're both figuring shit out. You're probably the smartest person I know, but that doesn't preclude you from going through the normal teenage process of self-discovery. My path runs through underage drinking, and yours doesn't. That's how it goes.
So I don't know if I can answer your question truthfully, because I don't yet know what the truth is. Why do I drink alcoholic beverages? Because that's what I do. Most people who drink don't really understand why they do it, and I'm not an exception. Why do I drink? Why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west? Because it just fucking does. Asking a sixteen-year-old why he (very occasionally) drinks alcohol is like asking a third-grader to do calculus. There is a truth there, but it'll take many years to figure out the equation.
3. What's your favorite Dylan album? (submitted by BeatleBomb)
That's a tough one, for a few reasons. One, there are so many to choose from. Both in terms of quantity and quality. And so, two, there are so many that I just straight-up haven't listened to yet. I consume music at a glacial pace, and it's possible that it might take me twenty or thirty years to truly understand the depth and breadth of this man's discography. So maybe I'm not even the right person to ask about any of this.
But if I have to answer, then I guess I'm going to have to go with Blonde on Blonde. Something about it speaks to me on a level that other Dylan albums only get extremely close to. It's tough to describe, for me and for others I'm sure, which is why the inevitably quoted description of Dylan's "mercury-sounding voice" will again make an appearance here. Plus, it's, like, kinda upbeat, maybe even joyous? Which isn't something you can say about every Bob Dylan album. See, for instance, the honorable mention, Times They Are a-Changin', which is mostly a depressing dirge, but is all the better for it.
But if I have to answer, then I guess I'm going to have to go with Blonde on Blonde. Something about it speaks to me on a level that other Dylan albums only get extremely close to. It's tough to describe, for me and for others I'm sure, which is why the inevitably quoted description of Dylan's "mercury-sounding voice" will again make an appearance here. Plus, it's, like, kinda upbeat, maybe even joyous? Which isn't something you can say about every Bob Dylan album. See, for instance, the honorable mention, Times They Are a-Changin', which is mostly a depressing dirge, but is all the better for it.
4. Is this summer gonna be a kick ass summer? (submitted by Harry)
Now this feels like one of those questions that I don't really need to answer. I am not a soothsayer by any means, but it's seems to reason that this summer—and maybe even all summers for the next five or six years—is going to be amazing. There's the annual sojourn in North Wildwood, NJ, there's "business camp" in Lycoming, PA (where me and Harry are gonna run that shit), Boy Scout summer camp, not to mention all the inevitable parties, some of which I'm in the midst of planning as we fucking speak. Let us kick summer's ass and then some.
5. one question: what planet do you come from man, no really WHERE? (submitted by Mike S.)
If you want me to answer literally, then I'll say: Earth. I think. If you want me to answer figuratively, then I'll assume you're being facetious, and want to know, like, where I get off in assuming that I'm important enough to sit here on my Xanga throne and answer questions like I matter at all in the grand scheme of things. I don't. I get it. I'm aware. I'm a minute boil on the asshole of the universe. Don't mistake me, friend-o, I'm just whiling away the hours in a private carved-out space on this fucking stupid thing we call the internet before the inevitable befalls upon me.
But I said each person should ask one question, and clearly you asked two, so I'm going to have to ding you for that. NEXT!
But I said each person should ask one question, and clearly you asked two, so I'm going to have to ding you for that. NEXT!
6. wish you were here or dark side of the moon? (submitted by monty)
I'll answer your question now, but know that music is subjective, both interpersonally and intrapersonally. The answer I give you now will not be the answer I give you in, say, eighteen years and three months when I randomly run into you at the Philadelphia Zoo. Things change between us, between us and the music, and within each of us. That's life, baby.
To answer your question now, though: Dark Side of the Moon, probably. Both albums are near unimpeachable, but I struggle to name a single weak track on Dark Side. With Wish You Were Here, maybe you could make an argument that parts six through nine of "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" stretch a little too long, and maybe "Welcome to the Machine," with its robotic clanking and lagging tempo, isn't everyone's cup of tea. That's picking nits, sure, but I'm only doing it because you asked. Can't really make too many arguments of the same nature with DSotM. It's a classic for a reason. Now, if you want to talk Animals versus The Wall, you know where to find me.
To answer your question now, though: Dark Side of the Moon, probably. Both albums are near unimpeachable, but I struggle to name a single weak track on Dark Side. With Wish You Were Here, maybe you could make an argument that parts six through nine of "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" stretch a little too long, and maybe "Welcome to the Machine," with its robotic clanking and lagging tempo, isn't everyone's cup of tea. That's picking nits, sure, but I'm only doing it because you asked. Can't really make too many arguments of the same nature with DSotM. It's a classic for a reason. Now, if you want to talk Animals versus The Wall, you know where to find me.
7. How much alcohol do you consume weekly? (submitted by JoeMac_89)
I'll take your question at face value, man. Assuming here that any implications about there being a "right number" in this regard (and perhaps that right number being "zero") are gonna just hang over the question and not impact the answer in any way. Like what I said with my answer to Jim above—we're all going through it at this age. While our journeys may look different, I choose to see them as parallel, and I like to think that they run close enough together that I'll be able to look over and wave to you whenever I want to see a friendly face.
The thing is, I don't even know if I can quantify for you. There's no set standard at this point. It depends on too many factors. Every weekend seems to look different. If you're asking me to average it out, I guess I would say... four servings? But that's being a bad statistician. Averages are poor indicators when the range is this wide. And then maybe there are some people who see the sober weekends as outliers, and some people who see the drunk weekends as outliers. Who's to say they aren't all outliers?
Sorry if I can't give you a better answer than this. It's tough to answer when I seriously don't know.
I'll take your question at face value, man. Assuming here that any implications about there being a "right number" in this regard (and perhaps that right number being "zero") are gonna just hang over the question and not impact the answer in any way. Like what I said with my answer to Jim above—we're all going through it at this age. While our journeys may look different, I choose to see them as parallel, and I like to think that they run close enough together that I'll be able to look over and wave to you whenever I want to see a friendly face.
The thing is, I don't even know if I can quantify for you. There's no set standard at this point. It depends on too many factors. Every weekend seems to look different. If you're asking me to average it out, I guess I would say... four servings? But that's being a bad statistician. Averages are poor indicators when the range is this wide. And then maybe there are some people who see the sober weekends as outliers, and some people who see the drunk weekends as outliers. Who's to say they aren't all outliers?
Sorry if I can't give you a better answer than this. It's tough to answer when I seriously don't know.
I can answer any last minute questions in the comments if you have 'em!
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Comments
Anonymous: i find it funny that you mis-spelled "opposite" at the top of your site, but thats just me
Anonymous: hmmm... if u could add polkadots or strips to our "secret suits" what color would urs be (assuming the suits are black... i would add purple polkadots, so be creative a chose another!) lol
Shelter_fromthe_Storm: i think it would be pretty cool to have black and white stripes, although that may hurt the eyes... and I'd have to have a top hat as well, because those are just shnazzy... Man, I sure do hope I still remember what this inside joke means when I'm in my mid-30s...
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