We have a book that we read during bedtime that's basically a plain-text retelling of five Disney cartoon films. So for reading time, the girls get to hear the story of Princess and the Frog or Tangled as it is rewritten by suits at Disney in order to sell books. Whatever! I'd rather read the condensed version of The Little Mermaid then have to read another fucking Eric Carle book, honestly!
But so this has given me time to reflect on Disney Princess stories. The tales of Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Tiana, and Rapunzel are all told in the pages of this tome. I've gotten really good at reading the words on the page while my mind is elsewhere.
But so this has given me time to reflect on Disney Princess stories. The tales of Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Tiana, and Rapunzel are all told in the pages of this tome. I've gotten really good at reading the words on the page while my mind is elsewhere.
Here's where my mind was the other night: all these stories include a situation in which a character is presented with the opportunity to tell the truth and then chose not to do so. Think about it!
Belle would have been way more open to the idea of hanging out with the Beast if he had just explained the whole deal with the old lady and the rose (e.g. "Oh, she wants you to find love? Well, I guess while I'm here, we can try, especially since you've been so nice to me so far"...?).
Ariel could have been way more explicit with the fact that she is indeed the woman that Prince Eric has been searching for (e.g. maybe make a cutting motion across your throat to indicate that, yes, you ARE the woman whom Prince Eric is in love with, you just lost your voice, and he should recognize that, that it's not your voice that he loves, but instead your smile and your perky shell-covered breasts, both of which are still intact, regardless of Ursula's curse)!
Tiana and Naveen could have saved themselves so much pain and misunderstanding had they just expressed to each other how they each felt toward one another. No sense guessing, and then getting confused when your former butler takes on your likeness and tries to marry John Goodman's daughter! Get fucking real, you toads!
Belle would have been way more open to the idea of hanging out with the Beast if he had just explained the whole deal with the old lady and the rose (e.g. "Oh, she wants you to find love? Well, I guess while I'm here, we can try, especially since you've been so nice to me so far"...?).
Ariel could have been way more explicit with the fact that she is indeed the woman that Prince Eric has been searching for (e.g. maybe make a cutting motion across your throat to indicate that, yes, you ARE the woman whom Prince Eric is in love with, you just lost your voice, and he should recognize that, that it's not your voice that he loves, but instead your smile and your perky shell-covered breasts, both of which are still intact, regardless of Ursula's curse)!
Tiana and Naveen could have saved themselves so much pain and misunderstanding had they just expressed to each other how they each felt toward one another. No sense guessing, and then getting confused when your former butler takes on your likeness and tries to marry John Goodman's daughter! Get fucking real, you toads!
When Rapunzel and Eugene kiss under the lantern display, there's a moment when Eugene sees the Stabbington Brothers, and realizes that he's kinda fucked when he gets to the shore. Why not tell Rapunzel what's going on, you fucking moron? E.g. "Hey, I kinda screwed over a couple guys a few days ago, but I'm gonna go try to work it out; if I don't come back, can you alert the authorities that something went wrong? In other words, don't think that I ditched you or anything, I waited until the day you turned eighteen to kiss you and so clearly I am committed to this relationship?"?
The worst, in my opinion, is Aladdin and Jasmine. They have a meet cute, they realize they are meant for each other, and then Aladdin is thrown in jail. Okay, fine. Then Aladdin gets ahold of a genie lamp, and, in what he believes is the best plan to recapture Jasmine's heart, he requests for Genie to "make [him] a prince." Stupid, stupid, stupid. Jasmine likes you for who you are, brah! C'mon! Okay, so now "Prince Ali" is outside Jasmine's bedroom, and they go on a magic carpet ride, and Jasmine realizes that this is the same hunk that she fell in love with in the back alleys of Agrabah only days previous. What happens is that the two lament that they cannot be together. What SHOULD have happened was Jasmine should have been like, "Hey, my dad is the sultan, it's up to him who I marry, and clearly he thinks you are a prince right now; I don't give a fuck whether you are ACTUALLY a prince, I'm in love with you, and so let's get my dad to marry us, what do you think?" Jasmine is smart. The possibility of her sitting in that palace for years, single and lonely, and NOT thinking about ways to get around her father's completely arbitrary rules, is completely unfathomable. You stupid morons. Second wish is locking Jafar in a cage in Antarctica for 10,000 years. Third wish is to set genie free. So painfully simple. C'mon.
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