Song of the Week: "It's Everyday Bro"

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"It's Everyday Bro"

Jake Paul feat. Team 10

a single

2017

Jake Paul is a fucking tool, but you knew that already. This song is absolutely atrocious, but you knew that too. My concern today isn't the content, which, as far as I can tell, is the worst that our pre-TikTok internet had to offer. My concern is the frequency of that content.

The title of this song was also Jake Paul's catchphrase during his heyday as an "viral internet star" (the quotation marks are necessary there as my own self-protective measure). They referred to the fact that he had a self-imposed goal of vlogging every single day. (We will ignore the fact that "everyday" is an adjective, and that the title of this song should in fact read "It's Every Day, Bro," but we're not here to judge Jake Paul on his grammar, which would be about as fair as judging a bullfrog in a hulahoop contest.)

What is vlogging, you might ask. Pretty simple! The word is a portmanteau of "video" and "blogging." Much like regular blogging, which you are subjected to on Puke on Your Birthday, vlogging is content posted on one's own website (in this case, his YouTube channel), and for Jake Paul, this meant posting videos every day.

Every single day. For real. What a fucking loser.

Ha, yes, I am aware of the joke. That's actually the point of why I'm here, today, talking about Jake Paul and his erstwhile goal of vlogging every day, bro. In late February 2018, Paul uploaded one last vlog, explaining the the Every Day Bro vlogging mandate was dead. His record stood (and still stands, as he is now mainly a terrible boxer instead of a terrible internet celebrity) at 509 days in a row.

Say what you will about this asshole, but that's pretty impressive. Right? I have never watched a single Jake Paul video in full (except the video embedded above, which I am pretty sure counts toward the 509-day record?), but I assume that they varied in quality from "a little cringey" to "so bad that they should be considered a felony." It's not the quality that counts, it's the quantity, and especially the frequency. Doing anything every day is hard. Doing something for 509 days in a row is really hard!

Well, I am proud to announce that today, December 26th in the year 2022, Puke on Your Birthday has officially blogged for 510 days straight. That's right, fam, we have broken Jake Paul's record.

FUCK YOU JAKE PAUL!!!!

Wait, that shouldn't be there. That's even worse. Yes, there is a worse Paul brother! His name is Logan Paul, he got his face caved in by Floyd Mayweather, and he tried to focus on quality over quantity on his own YouTube channel, which resulted in such quality videos as... exploring a Japanese suicide forest and posing with the corpses??? Just truly heinous shit from this asshole, even beyond the fact that he was too much of a pussy to vlog every single day.

ANYWAY, we're really proud of everyone here at Puke for breaking the record, with no plans to quit any time soon. Seriously, it wouldn't have happened without your help, loyal PoYB Contributor! Keep up the good work. Try not to let it go to your head like Jake Paul. See this 2018 headline from The Verge:

PoYB has no plans to end school shootings, unfortunately, but there are plans afoot to make the next 509 days PoYB's best yet. Stay tuned, enjoy, and let's check back here at Day 1018, when we double this fucking jabroni's blogging record.