Shelter from the Storm: Linger, Loiter, Labotomy

May 8, 2005, 11:09 AM

Honestly, I wish there was just some way for Xanga to tell you exactly who is reading your posts, because I'm tired of being so anxious about it all the time. I know most of what I write isn't necessarily important or newsworthy, and barely any of it is going to cause any trouble if it "fell into the wrong hands" so to speak. I probably couldn't even tell you why it would be that big of a deal if my friends' parents were reading this, beyond the fact that I'm a teenager and some aspects of the typical teenage experience feel sacred to me and not for prying adult eyes. A lot of stress over nothing.

So when I was ranting and raving yesterday about certain non-adolescent individuals reading my Xanga and hand-wringing over whether such an act would be even ethical or moral and so on and so forth, I didn't even stop to consider that some people might just be reading this bullshit because they find it amusing. That's what one of my friends told me last night: "Oh yeah, my dad reads your Xanga. He thinks it's hilarious." Which... I don't know, I guess it makes me feel kinda good. I'm taking her at her word that the parent in question is laughing with me and not at me, and in that light, it's just nice to know that not ever adult is out there trying to get me, right? I'm just coming around to the idea that maybe there are people over the age of 30 who see people under the age of 20 as actual human beings, and not just little shits who are trying to light this country ablaze.

This is unrelated, but parallel: during my walk home last night, I had a moment of clarity. I think I might have cracked the case and figured out the secret to successfully raising a child. I don't know where the thought came from. It was like Burholme Ave. was the Red Rock Canyon and I was standing at the intersection of Hartel screaming "I GET IT!!" like some fat Italian high on peyote. The weird part is that I don't have kids. I don't have any plans to have kids any time soon (let's say plus-or-minus thirteen years from today). But I get it. And I'm gonna hold onto this thought until I need to reveal it.

So yeah, I was out and about last night. Ended up at Burholme mini-golf. Like, for real; I know sometimes we use "mini-golfing" as an excuse to hang out in the shadier sections of Burholme Park, but this wasn't one of those times. We went mini-golfing. The other weird thing was that there was a miscommunication, and Mike and I somehow didn't contact each other regarding that night's plans, and yet both the friends I had hit up and the friends he had hit up all converged at the Burholme Family Fun Center completely by accident. It was pretty cool. Lots of good people milling around, hanging out and shooting the shit and drinking some slushies and occasionally grabbing the ol' putter and brightly-covered ball. Felt good to loiter somewhere. Teens need somewhere to loiter! It's good for us! Do you hear that, all you adults who are reading this right now?!?!

Look, I have to go mow the lawn in a minute (consider it a Mother's Day present—all mothers every prefer a well-manicured backyard lawn over fancy jewelry, remember that), but here's a closing thought for all you La Salle jabronis reading this. What the fuck is up with that guy Shane Kelly on WEXP lately? He seems to be pushing his "the spin stops here" catchphrase, and I can't tell if it's actually catching on or if it's ironically popular or if the dude is just a total fucking hack. This is a Bill O'Reilly quote, right? Is this teen trying to pass off some asshole Republican pundit's catchphrase as his own? Is he making fun of O'Reilly? Is he trying to emulate him? I have so many questions, and am usually in the mindset first thing in the morning (falling asleep in homeroom) that I don't really want any answers. I just want this dude to be a little quieter. Looking forward to the fifteen minutes of (high school) fame coming to a close.

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Comments

Joe_Mac89: Why do you think I cut off Mr. Shane Kelly that one day? I agree, his time is over. Thankfully, he'll be on only 14 days max.

SuperAndrew00: Eh, he's a good guy. I think he had more then just 15 minutes of fame though, more like a year of 8 minute shorties. I think he did a good job and would rather have him then the same broing thing everyday.

CoCain18: haha good shane kelly shit... and joe congrats with cutting him off... and joe u need to tell me discoveries on the secred to successfully raising ur kid that should be funny

ShootingStarr17: I'm not a parent, but I also find this a good read. and it's funny. and you have good taste in music.