The Christmas Album, Melissa

The Christmas Album, by Neil Diamond, is a classic from my childhood. Why it was chosen for this holiday album review I will never know. Eleven votes? For Neil? I love this so much. I screamed when Gary informed me that it had won. I then shouted at Alexa "PLAY NEIL DIAMOND THE CHRISTMAS ALBUM" and that bitch of a device did me dirty and kept playing "Sweet Caroline"! Not what I asked for, Alexa. I get it, but not what I asked for.

Things I learned:

Did we all know the line was "Bearing gifts we traverse afar" and not "travel so far" in "We Three Kings"? I did not.

Here is what I forgot about this album:

Neil's voice is so dreamy and so corny. Some people may feel Christmas nostalgia listening to Julie Andrews' bell-like soprano sing "A Few of My Favorite Things," or Judy crooning softly to "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Well, I have Neil's warbly, dulcet tones singing "Morning Is Broken" to deliver me back to the Christmas days of yore. For a lot of this album, I crafted impromptu dance routines for Mom-Mom. She would enable me and my "very rehearsed" dance numbers. She smiled, clapped, and praised me for my moves. I think of these moments a lot when I become a Zombie on my phone around my children. Mom-Mom didn't have the luxury of ignoring my dancing fancies, and I shouldn't either. Neil reminded me to be present like Mom-Mom.

I forgot how "Keep Christ in Christmas" this album leans. For a Jewish-American artist, this has a lot of non-secular music on it, but in Neil's way. Again, I love it. I love his exploration of these songs because he plays around, but also stands firm in his brand of charm and the charm of these songs. It reminds me of Johnny Mathis' tackling Christmas songs—that specific voice, but now it's Christmas!

I forgot about the doo-wop version of "White Christmas." Did I remember every "oo-wah-oo" of the background vocalists? Absolutely. Those "oo-wah-oos," and most of this album, exist in that same space of my brain that can recall a poem I had to recite in fifth grade about Harriet Tubman, and all the lyrics to the Mentos commercials.

Did I need this take on "White Christmas"? Eh, probably not, but I will defend this album forever and doo-wop "White Christmas" is part of the nostalgic charm for me.

Speaking of defensive, at this point Gary asked "Is this album still on?" And I divorced him for his blasphemy.

I forgot Neil tried to strike romantic gold with "You Make It Feel like Christmas" (not to be confused with Gwen Stefani's take on this topic). We have the romantic melancholy of "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," but, again, Christmas!

"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" and that intro hit me right in my wistful heart. Ten out of ten... why hasn't anyone else paced this song out, in this way, before Neil? Love it. The "Ya better be good, ya better be good, better be gooooooood," repetition and crescendo are so iconic.

Finally, I forgot how much I knew about Neil Diamond, that my parents saw him in concert maybe five times, that Papa-Jim still wears his hair in a similar Neil Diamond fashion, and just how important adult contemporary music is in my life. Between Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow, Phil Collins, Rod Stewart, and Hall & Oates, I was doomed musically to love a little cheesy melody, some dramatic pop-ish guitar playing, and all the glitter and glitz that pairs with adult contemporary music.

So, hell yeah! I'm so glad we voted for Neil and that it jogged my ass down memory lane. Merry Christmas and ya better be good, ya better be good, better be goooooooood...