"Hi, my little Cornbread. I'm sitting here in the Florida room, thinking about you. Worrying about you, more like it. Me and your grandpa are worried because we just listened to your new album. Is everything alright? You don't seem like yourself recently. So we're checking in because we're real worried, that's all. Our worries are twofold.
"First, it definitely sounds like you're hurting, Cornbread. You're talking about 'always bringing the rain.' Is that supposed to be a metaphor? That's supposed to be a metaphor for no one appreciating you? Because to me and your gramps, it always seems like you bring the sunshine! When you're yelling 'I'm becoming someone else' on 'Tell Me What You Want,' that makes me sad, because we liked you just the way you were. And on 'The Doldrums,' you're talking about finding 'silence from the noise in my head.' Where's the noise coming from? Are you seeing your therapist still? What's her name? Jill?
"And we know you said you're 'doing fine' on 'Miami,' even calling out to your mother by name... look, we're all just worried, okay? Is it okay for a grandma to be worried about her granddaughter? I'm sorry that I keep calling you to check in, but can you blame me? You just released a whole album about how sad you are. Someone even told me that you spent the whole week in bed, and all you had to show for it was one song and a whole lot of depression. That worries me, Cornbread. I just want you to be happy.
"But so the other worry that I'm calling about is that the music itself isn't as happy as it used to be either. You know we support you with whatever you want to do, Cornbread, but do you really think people are going to be into this type of sad, depressing music? I'm no music critic, of course, but I have my doubts. It makes sense artistically to have a sad album sound sad, but I wonder if people might not want to feel happy sometimes too? Don't you want to feel happy? Remember when you used to have fun? You were so goofy and eccentric on LONER. I feel like people really connected to that. Maybe some folks are gonna have a hard time connecting to this new one.
"I know you're trying, Cornbread. I can hear it in the aforementioned 'Everywhere I Go I Bring the Rain,' that old spirit of yours. The way you say 'You'll never run away from your pain' is disheartening, but laying it against the sonic backdrop of upbeat synth music, the juxtaposition sits nicely. It's like you're saying you can't run away from your pain, so maybe you're gonna try dancing away from the pain. And there are definitely some moments that remind me of other artists that seem to have a handle on the elements of doing the sad-music thing. I hear some Bon Iver and some Phosphorescent here and there, which is definitely a new sound for you. The drums sound like that old band the Dodos, who stunk. Don't do drumming like that. Still, though, all of those things do add up to something more than the morose boring stuff that fills up a lot of this album. If and when it shows up.
"But those moments are few and far between for you on this album, and that's what worries me. It's like, you can be as sad as you want in the context of creating music, but unless you occasionally play it off ironically, then all the audience is going to do is worry about you. We listened to an album by this artist named Jetty Bones recently. She didn't have the same talent or charisma as you do, Cornbread, but she was able to at least take care of her listeners' emotions instead of dragging them down with her. Dark thoughts can be scary, but you need to create an environment in which the listener can meet you halfway at least.
"I saw that your therapist asked you if you think all this is a weakness. What do you think? Me, I think there's value in resiliency. I know that, Cornbread. I know you're resilient, and I know you're going to make it through. And who knows, maybe you're doing fine, and this is all an act, and you're just writing sad songs while you're happy and naked in the studio and free. Maybe you think that focusing on the negatives is going to be helpful in some way. Or maybe I should take seriously your final song, 'Where Do I Go from Here?', in which you describe all this as just a moment in time, a snapshot, one for the pyre of memories, one to be forgotten. I hope one day you can forget about all those negative feelings that are attaching themselves to you, Cornbread. I fear too that one day, I'll forget about this new album of yours, but that will hopefully be because you are free from the pain, and can move past it, and can create something joyous again. Remember that? Remember how much fun you used to have?
"This voicemail is getting a little lengthy, but I do hope that you're not going to record it and use it on your next album. You always take everything I say out of context. I'm here to say I'm worried. I'm not here to just say 'Caroline, I just wanna talk to ya, I've been thinkin' about you all day, and I thought about you yesterday, and I wanna to talk to ya, you give me a call if you get a chance, I love you, bye' anything like that. That's all true but that's not the point I'm trying to make here. Please don't dismiss everything else I'm trying to say in the voicemail. I'm worried. You need help. I can tell from your music. It's obvious. Please call me."
GRADE: 2 pukes out of 5
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