Instead of taking their suggestion to do all ten in one day, I'm going to do one per day, in order. Each scenario that I adhere to may or may not also be the subject of that day's blog post (probably a little of this, a little of that).
Here is the list. I apologize to Maeve and to you, dear reader, that La Salle made Maeve change every specific reference to an alcoholic beverage into a reference to a non-alcoholic beverage. That's lame. Fuck La Salle.
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With a total of 43 years of drinking between us, we have created the best drinking scenario list to end all best drinking scenario lists. Also, we propose a challenge to all La Salle students. Try to do all ten items on this list in one day. If you can complete this task, we can't award you a prize, but we assure you that you will have something real to brag about on graduation day; while your peers clutch their flimsy diplomas, you'll have a real accomplishment under your belt.
1. Outside: It sounds simple, but a can of ginger ale will make the great outdoors that much greater.
2. During the day: Typical college students drink hot chocolate in the evening to relax after a long school day. We suggest drinking that frothy mug right when you get up in the morning. Now you'll have all day to enjoy the effects of HoCho, but you'll be sure to be passed out by 7 PM, so getting in twelve hours of sleep will be no problemo.
3. In a costume: Think that Minnie Mouse and the Statue of Liberty can’t bond over a nice, cold non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiri? You’d be wrong because they can and they have.
4. With relatives: You know that crazy drunk uncle at every wedding? Allow him to become your muse. Follow his staggering footsteps right over to the drink table and start chugging that Sprite.
5. For free: Come on, we're college kids. We'd take a half-eaten slice of Sorrento's pizza if it were free. Tempt us with free beverages and expect us to clean you out in no time.
6. Secretly: The black plastic bag seems to be North Philly’s solution to this scenario, though I’m a big fan of coffee mugs. Either way, top-secret hydrating is always fun.
7. On a team: I can hardly think of a better way to bond with friends than to share a drink while a crowd cheers you on. Another plus to this drinking scenario is that the losers usually end up winners because their drink consumption is way up.
8. On public transportations: There is no better DD than SEPTA.
9. In the shower: What's better than doing two things at once? And two refreshing things at that. There's just something about that cold root beer mixed with the hot water that makes this the most deadly combo since peanut butter and jelly.
10. Responsibly. I haven't tried this one out yet, but my mom keeps saying to try it. Maybe next weekend?
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Day #1: Drinking Outside
I thought I'd be leaning on Monk's Café a lot more this year than I have. It's disappointing that I haven't been able to visit a bar with over 300 different bottles of beer due to, ya know, some fucking world crisis. But they set up some tables outside on 16th Street, and I work right down the street, so fuck it, I made my return. Trip #2 to Monk's. It's July 1st. No better place to start the second half of this project.
If we're committed to drinking outside today, then I'd be hard-pressed to find outside seating around here much better than Monk's. It's hot enough that I would've chosen to sit at the bar if that was an option, but it's not, and not just because I've decided to follow arbitrary rules from a decade-old drinking list. No, all bars have mandatory outdoor seating now. Either I'm drinking outside or I'm waiting till I get home.
There are two types of outdoor drinking. Sometimes, outdoor drinking means sitting on a quiet porch somewhere, or maybe in the shade of some tall trees, or possibly a deserted beach at sundown. In other words, those scenarios in which "outdoors" is synonymous with "secluded." That's some good drinking. The other outdoor drinking is out but in, in a sense. I was outdoors today, but in a bustling city. I was sitting at a makeshift table under an awning not usually depended on for shade, with my one leg crossed over the other, facing at a 45-degree angle toward 16th and Spruce. I was outdoors, but I was surrounded by everything that indoors stands for.
And shit, man, it was a nice lunch. I love my city, and it felt great to be part of that great beating organ once again, even if being part of it meant sitting quietly on a construction-debris-strewn sidewalk, faint whiff of fishy dumpsters blowing past, watching my fellow citizens walk by, many of whom were wearing their finest athleisure over COVID-sculpted bodies, leaning back on a chair, grasping a nice cold beer—
(I guess I should talk about the beer I had at lunch before it's too late. I chose a pilsner from the considerably shortened beer can list on the menu. I guess they aren't doing the 300-beer list during yellow phase? Which is a shame because I spent fifteen minutes back at the office crosschecking the beers on their website with my 2020 master list, and came up with a nice selection of beers I'd never had. None of the beers written on my list were featured on today's menu. If that's the worst part about my trip to Monk's, then it was a good trip. ANYWAY. I chose this pilsner because it was the only pounder out of the dozen choices on the menu that also cost a reasonable price, and because I had seen it advertised on their Facebook during my internet travails. The interesting part about Luppolo is that it is technically a German pilsner, as it has German-style hops over European malts, which give typically give this otherwise beer-tasting clean beer a slight dry bitterness. But Luppolo is specifically a self-described Italian-style pilsner, a description I can assume accounts for the nice lemony/floral flavor that made itself known while drinking. It wasn't overwhelming, but the notes were just the right strength to bring something different to the table.)
—and eating some salty frites, free from work for an hour, free to enjoy this beautiful summer day surrounding by beautiful people, in a beautiful city, under a clear blue sky.
We're looking at the glass half full. I was forced to drinking outside. I fucking love drinking outside.
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NOTES
BEER: Luppolo
STYLE: Italian Pilsner
ABV: 5.0%
BREWED BY: Oxbow Brewing Company
LOCATION: Newcastle, Maine
PURCHASED AT: Monk's Café
PAIRED WITH: just call 'em fries
GRADE: 3.5 pukes out of 5
BEER COUNT: 252
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