I was at an undisclosed location tonight with an unnamed friend who literally just got sober (very, very proud of her), and she was mulling over the idea of "Cali Sober." Acknowledging, of course, the danger of such an idea at such an early, precarious time. Like she was self-aware enough to note that going that route would just be replacing one thing with another. That's true. It also might be inevitable in a certain sense. The trick is to have the replacement be something really innocuous.
I'll cop to the idea of food replacing alcohol for me in some ways. I wouldn't say that I consume it in the same way. But there's the idea of "overindulging" that has certainly carried over from beer to food. That's pretty normal, and not a breakthrough thought tonight. The mild breakthrough happened on the drive home. I wasn't expected home, necessarily. I had what in a previous life I would have described as "bonus time" by myself. And I felt it, that deep-seeded need to seek adventure of some sort. For many years, such a drive would have ended up at the bar. And then, for the past couple years, I've usually found myself at a Wawa, getting a snack or dessert of some sort, maybe a milkshake. It's the same behavior, though. The "doing something" during the time when I was free to do it.
Tonight, I just came home. I didn't stop at Wawa to get a hoagie or a Tastykake. I just came home. Got home in time to help get the baby to bed, and then straighten up a little, and then... not eat anything else. I hit my calorie number already, I'm feeling satisfied physically. No need for anything else. No need to chase that impulse to fill the hole. Maybe I'll get some rest so I'm not tired as shit at the gym tomorrow.
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