Held Accountable — Day 25

Made it to the end of the week. I had said at the beginning of the week that I was gonna be saving a couple hundreds calories each day leading up to Friday, and that's mostly happened. I know it doesn't really make to much of a difference, but I'll just feel better about going out to dinner and putting the diet out of my mind if I know I did a little bit of prep leading up to it. I'll eat my bar sandwich and french fries and be happy and not worry at all. I'll make sure to give an update tomorrow, as scheduled, albeit a short one I'm sure.

I was thinking today about what it would take to derail me from this current streak. Like, what kind of day would make me want to implode my progress and eat like shit and continue doing that the next day and the next. I can't really think of anything. What it was for a while was drinking. I'd be doing great with not overeating and then an event would pass by that I HAD to drink at, and I'd justify it like, well, if I'm gonna drink, I'm gonna have to eat too, and I'd eat whatever, and then hungover the next morning stop at Wawa, and then, well, if I ate Wawa this morning, we might as well get pizza for dinner, I'll just start my diet again tomorrow... and then get Wawa again the next morning.

You can see that that technically starts with the drinking, which I'm not longer doing. But also you might see how it could happen without the drinking. I feel like there was a time in the not so distant past, I forget when exactly, in which I had a good four-day streak going, and then something stressful happened, like the kids were crying, or the kids made Pam cry or something, I forget honestly, but something happened and I came downstairs at like 8 PM and ate like every cookie in the house. And, ya know, when something like that happens, then I justify it to myself, like if I had cookies last night then I might as well have a fucking cheesesteak for breakfast, etc. etc.

I don't know if there's anything big enough to derail me at this point, though. 25 days isn't insignificant. I'm on a roll. Tomorrow, I'm going to relax a little bit, but I'm not going to splurge. And I'm going to come home and type here for a couple minutes, and that typing will be motivation to not go off the deep end the next morning. That's what accountability is.

I also have no idea what will happen in the future, and if something happens tomorrow or the next day and I fuck it all up, I'll feel kinda stupid about it. But all I can do is take it one day at a time.