You should see me at family parties, dude. I go off on that food table. Especially now that I'm not filling my body with alcohol, the food amount has doubled again. We had a family party today. Willow's birthday. Just family, cousins and grandparents and whatnot. Pizza and cake at Burholme mini-golf. It's not really a party for adults so I would typically find myself looking for something to fill the void (I think... this is armchair psychology and it's late and I'm just ranting) and so I would reach typically for maybe six or seven slices of pizza, two or three slices of cake.
So I guess today was a test. Happy to report to hopefully no one reading this blog post that I passed it. Two small slices of pizza, no baked goods. Tried one of every appetizer back at the house, but only because the calories for them were accounted for. Had a can of tuna for lunch prior to the party. Had chicken breast on salad for dinner instead of more pizza. If I went over 1760 calories, it was barely, and more than evened out with whatever bullshit I pushed and pulled and lifted at the gym this morning. We're good.
And I'm not hungry right now. Don't get me wrong: if I could, I would eat five slices of pizza right this fucking second, and I would crack open the package of Aldi soft-baked chocolate chip cookies that are stashed on the third shelf of the corner kitchen cabinet and eat sixteen of them. But I can't do that. I can't do it because every time I do it, I feel like shit, emotionally. I'm tired of feeling like shit emotionally. I'm tired of being sad. I am trying to be healthy so that I stop feeling like shit. I am not going to eat. I am going to bed. I am going to be happy. I am happy.
2 comments:
I've read all six of these as of this morning and all I can say is that accountability is a powerful thing. I'm here, reading you, celebrating your accomplishments, not judging anything if you do something you're less happy with. You got this and we're here.
I appreciate you being here, brotha. It's good to know that someone is reading because the accountability is even more sound. It's bad to know that someone is reading because this is dogshit writing. But appreciated all the same.
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