JK LOL Martha is being a little shit and has been crying for the past hour. Maybe she will let me drink this fucking beer eventually.
Okay, okay, she's still making noises, but they aren't wails. I think I can do this.
Today, we have Plain Chicken Nuggets, from Stickman Brews. I enjoyed the last Stickman beer I had, so I have high hopes for this one.
It's pouring really light yellow, like the color of pineapple juice. The foam was about one and a half fingers high, and settled, leaving little lacing except a ring around the circumference of the wine glass I'm drinking it out of. I drank it at 47.5 degrees, which is probably slightly higher than it should be, but Martha really fucked up how long I had it out of the fridge, so, WHOOPS.
Let's talk about the good first. I really appreciate the names of these Stickman Brews beers. They are funny in an effortless way, and in a way that occasionally pokes fun at the naming of beers in general. Some other Stickman beers: Drink Me!, Porn for Monks, Young People Fun Party, etc. These are the types of names I would give my own beer, if I were a brewer (and they would be the types of names that would make me crack up while Pam looks at me quizzically, not understanding my weird sense of humor). Compare this to Evil Genius, which tries way too hard to be funny, and no one is laughing.
Stickman Brews is right over there in Royersford, PA. It looks like it's kind of near Pottstown. Per Google Maps, it's only 41 minutes away (no traffic because everyone is at home, to be fair). Good things found on their website: the food there looks insanely good (for real, check out their Insta); they are located behind a Dollar General (as all breweries should be); they make a point to say that they strive to lack pretentiousness. Bad things found on their website: the brewers have a podcast.
Okay but yo HOW DOES IT TASTE?! First, smelling it, you can get strong aromas of pineapple and other tropical flavors. Next, the first sip, and it's more of the same. Pineapple, lemon, etc. But then... holy shit, the taste shifts violently, and not in a good way. The aftertaste is awful. Like, it shocked me how bad it was.
My first thought is that the aftertaste literally tastes like plain chicken nuggets... but that can't be right. That would be fucking insane, for a beer to taste like goddamn chicken. That's just not feasible. That has to be my mind playing tricks on me, reading the label with my eyes and then mixing up the brain signals to taste what I'm reading. (Also, confirmed on Instagram).
My second thought was more probably true—this beer went bad, or was brewed bad, or something happened between canning and my drinking to make it taste like this. I'm looking through my old list of bad flavors, and nothing really stands out as being the off-flavor here. I don't know what happened, but I know this isn't right. Something happened.
I dunno, man. This is a bummer. I waited all day, plus an extra 90 minutes because my daughter is being an asshole, and this isn't even a good beer.
Still, I appreciate what Stickman Brews is trying to do with their line of beers (creative in a completely non-obnoxious way), and I hope that I can make it to Royersford when all this coronavirus bullshit is over, and drink some Plain Chicken Nugget straight from the source. Maybe it'll be better then.
At the end of the day, though, I think I'm ready for a break from these goddamn pale ales that have all these tropical flavors. I'm just tired of them. I just want to drink a beer that tastes like beer. Consider that my April goal. More lagers. Fuck IPAs.
(Postscript: I still drank all sixteen ounces, obviously. It was that kind of day.)
NOTES
BEER: Plain Chicken Nuggets
GENRE: American Pale Ale
ABV: 5.5%
BREWED BY: Stickman Brews
LOCATION: Royersford, PA
PURCHASED AT: IGA I think? Don't quote me on that, it's been a long couple weeks
PAIRED WITH: Crying babies—yes, "babies" plural, as Martha's crying woke Willow up, and now they are both crying, FUCK GODDAMN IT
GRADE: 1 puke out of 5
BEER COUNT: 136
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