Bud Light Seltzer
Anheuser-Busch InBev applies the two-pronged attack when advertising their new Bud Light Seltzer. First, they are hopping on a current trend and trying to get a piece of that pie. You can deny that hard seltzers even approach any semblance of good taste (raising my hand), but you cannot deny that they are big right now. Everyone is making their own hard seltzers. I personally don't see what's wrong with pouring vodka into a Lidl-brand sparkling water, but to each their own, Second, Bud Light is doing what they always do, and try to seem "cool" by producing advertising that is "funny." Maybe using quotation marks there is a little unfair—some of it is actually kind of funny. See the commercial from the Super Bowl:
There are two subtle parts of this commercial that are legitimately funny. One, the fact that the personifications of Post Malone's thought processes also have the same tattoos that Malone has is a nice touch. Two, Post Malone has a sincerely wonderful line reading at the end when he says "Got any pretzels?" Are either of these things convincing me to buy Bud Light products? Not really, but note that, when I decided on a whim to buy a hard seltzer to finally write about a non-beer in this column, my hand reached toward a Bud Light Seltzer. Is this a coincidence? Or did the advertising work?
Yeah, but how did it taste??? Fucking awful. I know all hard seltzers advertise "no sugar," but something about this shit just tastes syrupy to me, like there are definitely chemicals in there besides alcohol and water and carbon dioxide.
St. Archer Gold
Speaking of trends, the other big thing in drinking right now is the idea of "healthier" beer. Low-carb, etc. The idea being that you can be cool and drink and still live a healthy lifestyle. This is not a particularly new idea either—think of all the slim fit young people drinking beer in the Michelob 64 commercials—but as wellness becomes trendy, the beer industry rushes to adapt.
St. Archer is the latest contender in the ring. The advertisements are simple—the calories and carbs speak for themselves. There's nothing fancy about it. A billboard I saw was just the stark white and gold color scheme and the nutrition facts. The big Super Bowl ad was just some dude riding around looking for St. Archer Gold:
The only problem, one that I found when I drank a twelve-pack of Michelob about eight years ago, is that this shit doesn't do anything for you. They take everything out in the name of wellness, including the fucking alcohol. It doesn't get you drunk. It doesn't even get you tipsy.
Yeah, but how did it taste??? It tasted like nothing. It was practically water, which I know is a cheap insult lobbed at my beloved cheap beers, but in this case, it's legitimately true. I do not know why you'd pay extra for a beer that has less taste, less alcohol, and less personality.
Miller High Life
Out of these three, High Life is certainly the one I'm most familiar with. I'm actually kind of surprised it took me 66 days to drink one in 2020. Not that I get a case of High Life every time I went to the beer distributor, but it was an occasional splurge ("splurge" means $3 more than Hamm's), and I sincerely enjoyed kicking back and drinking a few over the years.
And that's probably because of the advertising, to be honest. It's a brilliant campaign, when you really think about it, because they get to have it both ways. It's a "fancy" drink and a "blue collar" drink. We all know about the tagline "The Champagne of Beers," which couldn't be farther from the actual truth, but it does lend the beer an air of elegance. Juxtaposed with that is the implication that "the Champagne of Beers" is actually sarcasm, acknowledged by the company themselves. Remember the old commercials featuring a regular dude delivery regular beer?
These commercials kept tongue firmly in cheek when pronouncing that this beer was akin to champagne. Sure enough, over a decade after the commercials aired, I can't help but sarcastically say "champagne of beers" when someone sees me drinking one. As someone who worries about being a beer snob, High Life has convinced me that this is the perfect beer for me.
Yeah, but how did it taste??? C'mon, you know how High Life tastes. It's a regular, mass-produced lager that goes down easy. Nothing complicated about it.
NOTES (Beer #1)
BEER: Bud Light Seltzer
GENRE: Hard Seltzer
ABV: 5.0%
BREWED BY: Anheuser-Busch InBev
LOCATION: Everywhere, who knows where this particular drink was concocted
PURCHASED AT: ABV on Richmond Street, over a month ago
PAIRED WITH: Tacconelli's pizza (yes, we had pizza two nights in a row)
GRADE: 1 puke out of 5
NOTES (Beer #2)
BEER: St. Archer Gold
GENRE: American Light Lager
ABV: 4.2%
BREWED BY: St, Archer Brewing Co.
LOCATION: San Diego, California
PURCHASED AT: IGA
PAIRED WITH: Tacconelli's pizza (thin pizza gets cold too quickly)
GRADE: 1.5 pukes out of 5
NOTES (Beer #3)
BEER: High Life
GENRE: American Adjunct Lager
ABV: 4.6%
BREWED BY: Miller Brewing Co.
LOCATION: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
PURCHASED AT: I sincerely have no idea how long this High Life has been in my refrigerator (it might be from a crab feast last Memorial Day weekend?!)
PAIRED WITH: Tacconelli's pizza (there was a lot of it)
GRADE: 4.5 pukes out of 5
BEER COUNT: 94 (split the seltzer with my mom)
Anheuser-Busch InBev applies the two-pronged attack when advertising their new Bud Light Seltzer. First, they are hopping on a current trend and trying to get a piece of that pie. You can deny that hard seltzers even approach any semblance of good taste (raising my hand), but you cannot deny that they are big right now. Everyone is making their own hard seltzers. I personally don't see what's wrong with pouring vodka into a Lidl-brand sparkling water, but to each their own, Second, Bud Light is doing what they always do, and try to seem "cool" by producing advertising that is "funny." Maybe using quotation marks there is a little unfair—some of it is actually kind of funny. See the commercial from the Super Bowl:
There are two subtle parts of this commercial that are legitimately funny. One, the fact that the personifications of Post Malone's thought processes also have the same tattoos that Malone has is a nice touch. Two, Post Malone has a sincerely wonderful line reading at the end when he says "Got any pretzels?" Are either of these things convincing me to buy Bud Light products? Not really, but note that, when I decided on a whim to buy a hard seltzer to finally write about a non-beer in this column, my hand reached toward a Bud Light Seltzer. Is this a coincidence? Or did the advertising work?
Yeah, but how did it taste??? Fucking awful. I know all hard seltzers advertise "no sugar," but something about this shit just tastes syrupy to me, like there are definitely chemicals in there besides alcohol and water and carbon dioxide.
St. Archer Gold
Speaking of trends, the other big thing in drinking right now is the idea of "healthier" beer. Low-carb, etc. The idea being that you can be cool and drink and still live a healthy lifestyle. This is not a particularly new idea either—think of all the slim fit young people drinking beer in the Michelob 64 commercials—but as wellness becomes trendy, the beer industry rushes to adapt.
St. Archer is the latest contender in the ring. The advertisements are simple—the calories and carbs speak for themselves. There's nothing fancy about it. A billboard I saw was just the stark white and gold color scheme and the nutrition facts. The big Super Bowl ad was just some dude riding around looking for St. Archer Gold:
The only problem, one that I found when I drank a twelve-pack of Michelob about eight years ago, is that this shit doesn't do anything for you. They take everything out in the name of wellness, including the fucking alcohol. It doesn't get you drunk. It doesn't even get you tipsy.
Yeah, but how did it taste??? It tasted like nothing. It was practically water, which I know is a cheap insult lobbed at my beloved cheap beers, but in this case, it's legitimately true. I do not know why you'd pay extra for a beer that has less taste, less alcohol, and less personality.
Miller High Life
Out of these three, High Life is certainly the one I'm most familiar with. I'm actually kind of surprised it took me 66 days to drink one in 2020. Not that I get a case of High Life every time I went to the beer distributor, but it was an occasional splurge ("splurge" means $3 more than Hamm's), and I sincerely enjoyed kicking back and drinking a few over the years.
And that's probably because of the advertising, to be honest. It's a brilliant campaign, when you really think about it, because they get to have it both ways. It's a "fancy" drink and a "blue collar" drink. We all know about the tagline "The Champagne of Beers," which couldn't be farther from the actual truth, but it does lend the beer an air of elegance. Juxtaposed with that is the implication that "the Champagne of Beers" is actually sarcasm, acknowledged by the company themselves. Remember the old commercials featuring a regular dude delivery regular beer?
These commercials kept tongue firmly in cheek when pronouncing that this beer was akin to champagne. Sure enough, over a decade after the commercials aired, I can't help but sarcastically say "champagne of beers" when someone sees me drinking one. As someone who worries about being a beer snob, High Life has convinced me that this is the perfect beer for me.
Yeah, but how did it taste??? C'mon, you know how High Life tastes. It's a regular, mass-produced lager that goes down easy. Nothing complicated about it.
NOTES (Beer #1)
BEER: Bud Light Seltzer
GENRE: Hard Seltzer
ABV: 5.0%
BREWED BY: Anheuser-Busch InBev
LOCATION: Everywhere, who knows where this particular drink was concocted
PURCHASED AT: ABV on Richmond Street, over a month ago
PAIRED WITH: Tacconelli's pizza (yes, we had pizza two nights in a row)
GRADE: 1 puke out of 5
NOTES (Beer #2)
BEER: St. Archer Gold
GENRE: American Light Lager
ABV: 4.2%
BREWED BY: St, Archer Brewing Co.
LOCATION: San Diego, California
PURCHASED AT: IGA
PAIRED WITH: Tacconelli's pizza (thin pizza gets cold too quickly)
GRADE: 1.5 pukes out of 5
NOTES (Beer #3)
BEER: High Life
GENRE: American Adjunct Lager
ABV: 4.6%
BREWED BY: Miller Brewing Co.
LOCATION: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
PURCHASED AT: I sincerely have no idea how long this High Life has been in my refrigerator (it might be from a crab feast last Memorial Day weekend?!)
PAIRED WITH: Tacconelli's pizza (there was a lot of it)
GRADE: 4.5 pukes out of 5
BEER COUNT: 94 (split the seltzer with my mom)
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