Unorthodox Behaviour, Catherine

As a Film Club interloper, I felt a little out of my element with this one. I've never reviewed/analyzed an album like this before, and I was unprepared for JAZZ FUSION with NO LYRICS on my first crack at it, so my mind resorted to making up stories to accompany every track. Forgive me. Here's what I came up with:

• "Nuclear Burn" — Quiet bank heist in a small California town. Everything pulled off seamlessly by a smooth operating bandit, clad in a tan suit and sunglasses. He executes his deed almost gracefully, barely brandishing a weapon. Hurried but calm, he coolly tucks his stash under an arm and rides off into the desert. It's not clear even to him why he does what he does, but it isn't greed. It's innate, the only way of life he's ever known.
• "Euthanasia Waltz" — Life between heists. Scrambling to make a train during rush hour only to have nothing to do at home. Call a woman. No answer. Take a walk. Too quiet. TV? Nothing on. He almost misses the excitement of the commute. Tomorrow he'll try again to feel alive.
• "Born Ugly" — Flashback to the mystery man's youth. Funky. Sleek cars, wide pants, nights out. Blowing all the money he saved at a shitty summer job. Excruciating crush on a coworker. Too much cologne. Wanting to be noticed. A kiss! A rival lover gets jealous. Uh oh, am I just picturing West Side Story? Anyway, it doesn't work out because his dad never lets him borrow his car. He never fully recovers.
• "Smacks of Euphoric Hysteria" — Back to the present. A new heist! And this time he's got a girl with him. She's wilder than he is, bloodthirsty and unpredictable. Shooting at cops. This won't end well, but, god damn she's beautiful. He spins out of control. Fireball in the desert.
• "Unorthodox Behaviour" — Years have passed. He's a corporate man now. At work. New identity, carrying an air of aloof apprehension. He rides the elevator and avoids eye contact. Monotony of office life. Police sirens make him jumpy. He has flashbacks of his old life. Highs and lows. Is that screaming? He misses it desperately.
• "Running on Three" — That's it. One last job. He's getting too old for this and he knows it'll probably kill him but he can't stay away. Dust off the old suit. A little tight, but not bad. Sunglasses cover the crow's feet. He's back. It's not about the money but, hey, that doesn't hurt. The breeze whips his face as he flies down the highway. Is life even worth living unless it feels like you're about to die?
• "Touch Wood" — Deathbed musings of a career criminal. He sees his life in watercolor. Slow and meaningful. Sure, he was bad, but he didn't hurt anyone, right? Except that one cop, but that was her fault. Ultimately his nature gave him so other choice. He'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

2/5 pukes (do we do that here?)

This rating is based purely on preference. It's clearly a polished album by highly skilled musicians and I do not begrudge its critical acclaim whatsoever. But I DO resent it for forcing my simple mind to come up with stupid little plays.