I wrote half of a review that trashed Kelly Clarkson and When Christmas Comes Around... I wrote about how I can't quite pinpoint what irks me about Kelly Clarkson and how every time I listened to this album I pictured her being a diva who would have the volume turned down slightly lower on Arianna Grande's mic and how the only song I found palatable on the album was "Glow" because Chris Stapleton watered down her voice and I asked myself why the fuck are there THREE BONUS TRACKS on a Christmas album? I reflected on how her singing style reminded me of when Martha used to shout-cry at me as an infant (and still kinda does to this day). We can chalk that one up to PTSD. But then I asked myself—is this really what Christmas is all about? I better give this album a fair shot.
And then I listened to the first song, "Merry Christmas Baby," seemingly sweet until—is this song about shitting on an ex? Okay... okay... I guess this is what Christmas is all about? Not so much a favorite for opening up a Christmas album. Maybe it's too honest, maybe loads of people are feeling this way at Christmas and I'd prefer my sugar plum ignorance to this painful truth. Either way, it did not make me feel good about Christmastime. I might have been more okay with it if it wasn't the first song on the album.
I actually really liked "Christmas Isn't Canceled (Just You)." It does make me feel a little weird throwing "cancel culture" into a Christmas song, but I like the message. Kel isn't going to let anyone rain on her Christmas parade. I'm here for it. You go girl.
"Merry Christmas (to the One I Used to Know)" demonstrates how this is an album about Kelly Clarkson's divorce peppered in with Christmas songs. I imagine that Kelly had some ideas for songs about her divorce and her ex and her people were like, 1) we can't compete with Adele, and 2) why not make it... Christmas? As always, the Love Actually joke of Billy Mack squeezing in that extra syllable ("So if you really love Christmas, come on and let it snow") applies nicely here. Side note: I just found out THIS YEAR that "Love Is All Around" was an actual song and not just a song created for Love Actually. I'm ashamed, but to be fair and to throw Joe under the bus, I think he was on the same page and equally astounded when we heard the song play in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Ok, back to Kelly Clarkson. "Glow" has gotta be my favorite song on the album. I'm a big Chris Stapleton fan, and this is danceable and for-sure Christmassy.
"Santa, Can't You Hear Me," or that time when Kelly Clarkson had Ariana Grande's mic turned down lower than hers. Those two are, like, buds now, right? They did a thing on Jimmy Fallon? Do we think that Kelly Clarkson auditioned for the part of Elphaba to Ariana Grande’s Glinda in the upcoming Wicked movie? And if so, what are the chances that casting went with Cynthia Erivo after watching the part of Kelly's audition reel that featured her role in Ugly Dolls? Anyway, Cynthia Erivo is going to crussssssh the role of Elphaba and Kelly Clarkson has her own TV show, so I think they're even.
"Blessed" has just a little too much cheese for me, I guess it's an appropriate amount of cheese for a Christmas album, but I can't help but feel like they were like: Well, we've got canceling in here... we need another gimmick... let's jump on the #blessed thing... that should do the trick.
All I can say about the classics she does is that she deviates in a direction that makes me pine for the original. And that can't be good, right? I get that the songs are the same ones everyone covers every year, there’s got to be a way to set your version apart from the others, but, I don’t know, they just seem too showy or something. What makes a good cover anyway? That’s a whole separate blog post that I wouldn't doubt Joe K*** has delved into here at Puke on Your Birthday.
I really do have a lot of love for Kelly Clarkson, although it may not seem that way based on this review. Honestly, I went to see her in concert back in 2004 with my college roommate, who was real into Clay Aiken at the time (that in and of itself is just really funny to me). I refer to her by "Kelly," and not "Clarkson," because she does feel like an old friend or something. One who got really popular, and now critiquing her is fair game, I guess. I feel that I need to add that disclaimer, after coming down relatively hard on a Christmas album. I will say that Joe and I listened to a smattering of some of the other nominations for this week and Kel had, by far, one of the more exciting albums of the bunch.
Anyway... When Christmas Comes Around... divorce, but not too much divorce... but make it Christmas + three bonus tracks. Welp, not every Christmas album can be the Goo Goo Dolls' 2020 classic It's Christmas All Over (I'm not even kidding, this album is mostly delightful).
No comments:
Post a Comment