Kelly Clarkson's genre is Christmas.
I should know because one time I met Kelly Clarkson in real life. After her concert in Atlantic City, a homeless man, for five bucks, walked us to where her tour bus was parked. We followed him down a long, dark hallway and then down a long, dark alley, and then, glowing in the distance, was Kelly Clarkson's bus. To make the night more magical, she came out to say hi to the group crowded around her bus. She was adorable and kind, and when I got a chance to get a photo with her I said "I think we could be girlfriends!" I meant, like, lady friends who drink wine and gab, but her expression very much read "this gal is hitting on me." She giggled awkwardly. She receded into her bus a few moments later, and that is where that interaction ended.
Until a few months later when an article came out and she discussed being hit on by fans—mostly women. So, edit to my opening statement: "One time I hit on Kelly Clarkson."
Fine. I love Kelly Clarkson. I think she has one of the coolest voices. I will not review her songs for quality or content. I am mother-flipping biased and I don't care what she sings as long as she's singing. I voted for her on American Idol (even though Justin Guarini was a local guy with curly hair... two things I can get behind). I was absolutely ok, and happy, when my son wanted to keep watching her Trolls performance, "Born to Die." Even if he doesn't get the nuance, or darkness, I was all about that song.
So to this album... yes. I see you Kelly. We could be girlfriends. Duets. Poppy, jazzy, delightful duets. Ariana Grande and her bows work when paired with my love, Kelly. "Santa, Can You Hear Me" is so freaking cute. Those harmonies!
I’m dancing to "Christmas Isn't Canceled (Just You)" because it's a bop and it's Kelly. Also, fuck her ex. I wish chlamydia upon him!
"Merry Christmas (to the One I Used to Know)" hit me in my cold Grinchy heart. At first I was eye-rolling (even though I love Kelly Clarkson and I'll never complain about her), and then something felt so sad, like a Bette Midler song from the '90s. I couldn’t help but feel teary, but also Christmassy. Christmas is Kelly Clarkson's genre.
"Glow" with Chris Stapleton is awesome. Yes. Please and thank you! What is this gruff, smooth, Christmas delight? I love it. I repeat, Christmas is Kelly Clarkson's genre.
I could talk about other songs on this album, and be critical, but I will not because I'm still hitting on Kelly Clarkson. Now, I'm just hitting on her at Christmas. I have a wine, I'm watching her Christmas special on NBC, and I am biased as fuck. She's singing “Oh Holy Night” with Leslie Odom Jr. and they're both wearing beautiful winter blues. This IS her genre. It's her voice. I don't care what else she's doing, or if this is corny, or if the lyrics suck, or if it's boring. I connect with her voice in a way that I can't even explain. She is my Queen. She's my Christmas Queen.
10 out of 10 me hitting on Kelly Clarkson the Christmas Queen.
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