Welcome to Monday Morning Mixtape, a PoYB Contributor-curated playlist of songs, made just for you at the start of each week.
"0-0, Tie Game"
A mixtape for soccer season (not football, SOCCER)
chosen by Joe
"Man Overboard" by American Football
from American Football (LP4), 2026
It would probably have been a funny bit if I chose all football songs. But this is the only one that isn't at least indirectly tied to soccer, i.e. "football." America Football implies that it's not soccer, that it's football. Most sports kinda bore me these days, so it's not like I'm all gung ho about defending American football. But man, I fucking HATE soccer. This World Cup thing has been pretty brutal, let me tell ya. —Joe
"We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed" by Los Campesinos!
from We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed, 2008
I knew generally that this Welsh band has a bunch of soccer references embedded in the lyrics. You can go down the rabbit hole if you want to, click here. As I said, I hate soccer, so I don't need to comb through this. I chose the LC! song whose only soccer lyric is that the protagonist pukes on the soccer field. I know this song very well, but it's hard to remember this lyric specifically pertaining to soccer, since they call it a "football pitch," which is fucking stupid. —Joe
"USA vs. POR" by Bent Shapes
from Wolves of Want, 2016
Ten years ago, I was still trying to listen to every new album that literally anyone recommended, including internet strangers. Whoever recommended Bent Shapes is long gone from my life. I don't even think the album is all that great. But it's fine, and obviously something about it stuck with me enough that I remembered vaguely that there was a band who had a song whose title was a soccer matchup. Luckily, "Bent Shapes" starts with a B, because I literally just scrolled through iTunes until I found it. If it had been "Zent Shapes" then I'd be here all night! Though it still would've been better time spent than watching a fucking soccer game! —Joe
"I Kicked a Boy" by the Sundays
from Reading, Writing and Arithmetic, 1990
You ever see these fucking bozos take a dive? It's honestly pathetic. I used to make fun of soccer a lot, and this was always my #1 argument. This was back when I hung out with friends who were sincerely into soccer. It's been a while, everyone moved too far away, and now I don't really have too many opportunities to bust balls vis-à-vis soccer. But yo, seriously, nothing has changed. The TV had the game on the other day, and I saw a grown fucking man get lightly brushed on the cheek, and then writhe around in pain on the ground for minutes, on national television. How sad does your life have to be that you're faking injuries for a living? How sad are we as a society that we condone this fuckery? Shameful shit. —Joe
"Wavin' Flag (Coca-Cola Celebration Mix)" by K'naan
from Troubadour, 2009
The only thing worse than attending a soccer match would be drinking a Coca-Cola at a soccer match. Not that I was going to soccer games too often before this, but now that I don't drink beer, I cannot possibly fucking imagine how I'd survive such an ordeal. I do think it's funny when soda commercials imply that people all over the stadium are enjoying cold, refreshing sodas, clinking their bottles as they cheer for the home team. It's all beer all over, buddy. Unless you're from Northeast Philly, then it's probably those hard tea drinks. But Coke? C'mon now. That's for kids. And maybe sober people who want to risk dehydration. Glad K'naan got that paycheck though, that's cool. —Joe
"goal of the century" by Gang of Youths
from angel in realtime., 2022
The incredible angel in realtime. ends with two songs named after soccer moments from the same game by the same dude. The first is "Hand of God," which is fucking hilarious, because the dude used his hand to score a goal, and the ref either didn't see it or didn't care. And the second was "Goal of the Century," the same player basically just deked around a few players and scored a goal. It's impressive, sure, but if this is the most exciting goal of the century, then I gotta say, soccer probably fucking sucks. But I chose the song named after that goal, because it's better. I definitely condone using hands, though. Makes me laugh that Argentina won the 1986 World Cup on the back of blatant cheating. I hope the U.S. wins the 2026 World Cup because someone uses their hands and doesn't get caught. That would be fun. Might actually get me to watch. —Joe
"Kick" by INXS
from Kick, 1987
Alright, it's 10 PM, two hours past the deadline, and, 77 Mixtapes into this dumb stupid blogging thing, the inevitable has finally happened. I have received no submissions for the Monday Morning Mixtape. So I'm just gonna keep picking songs until I fall asleep, just so that it's not officially the shortest MMM too. I'm choosing songs for a soccer mixtape, okay. I'm searching for songs that have words that are coincidentally related to soccer based on choice words, okay. Kick makes sense, okay. Because that's what you do in soccer, okay. You get it. You're the only person on earth reading this right now. How does that make you feel? Lonely? Now try to imagine how lonely it would be to be a soccer fan. Very lonely. Because no one watches soccer. —Joe
"Ballin'" by Chief Keef
from Finally Rich, 2012
And a ball too, you see, like a soccer ball. I haven't watched any soccer on vacation so far, which is cool. Mostly baseball. It's fine. I don't need to watch sports anymore. I don't need to do anything anymore. I can just sit in a chair in an empty room and that can be how I live. I think I would be okay in prison. I would actually really enjoy the routine. But maybe whatever landed me in prison would cause guilt that would disrupt that routine. I don't know. I don't plan on going to prison. I know that if I had to choose between watching soccer and going to prison, I'd probably choose prison. —Joe
"Soccer Mommy" by Shalom
from Sublimation, 2023
I get it, that this is the mixtape that no one else wanted to participate in. There's soccer, which is boring as fuck, and who gives a shit about the music connected with that shit. There's also the misunderstanding about what the theme actually means. What does it mean to have a song that fits on a "soccer mixtape"? In my mind, being vague means that there are more options, the selection pool is wider. But I understand that my mind is rotten and diseased and that I'm occasionally not on the same wavelength as anyone. This is a symptom of a sinking into the depths of a blog whose purpose is nebulous and whose omnipresence is baffling. —Joe
"Electric Feel" by MGMT
from Oracular Spectacular, 2007
Out of desperation, I googled "soccer songs," and, after dutifully scrolling past the AI bullshit, I found this playlist, and scrolled until I found a song I recognized. Dozens of songs I have never heard of. I don't know how any of these are connected to soccer. Maybe there is a group of friends somewhere who are just adding songs to a playlist that make them think of soccer. I can't knock it. That's what I was trying to do here. But I understand why this happened. Maybe next week's Philly mixtape will be more well-attended. Or maybe I should just take a break from MMM at some point. —Joe
"The Penalty" by Beirut
from The Flying Club Cup, 2007
I think I'm going to wind down the blog a little bit by the end of the summer. I don't know what that looks like, but I think I need it. Record Club and Film Club remain untouched. MMM maybe goes monthly or something. The rest of it slows down significantly. We can get rid of the pressure to post every day. This August 4th will be the five-year anniversary of PoYB every single day. That feels like the right time to take a break on Tuesday or something, ya know? We'll see. —Joe
"Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)" by Shakira ft. Freshlyground
from Listen Up! The Official 2010 FIFA World Cup Album, 2010
I'm sitting here on the couch. Pam's here, along with sister-in-law and brother-in-law and father-in-law. It's getting late. Close to bedtime. I'm going to add these extra songs to the mixtape on Spotify and YouTube and then hit "scheduled publish" and then go to bed. But I asked Pam (and everyone else, but mostly Pam) to choose a song for a soccer mixtape. She named the Shakira song. It's a good pick. I don't know if I have ever actually listened to it, but I am familiar with its existence. I am happy to add it to the mixtape. I think it would've been a lock if anyone else was here. But listen, don't be upset that you missed your chance to add Shakira to this mixtape, because here's the thing. Here's the most important fucking takeaway of this experience: you can still listen to the mixtape! That's the point! It's music for you! There's no algorithm here! A human being chose this music! You can listen to it! Better to listen this than watch soccer, trust me!!! —Joe
NEXT WEEK: "Sounds like a Cracked Bell" — Songs for Philadelphia, America's First City, in honor of America's 250th (chosen by Joe)
5 comments:
But do you like soccer?
If you want to wind down the blog for your own needs then I’m all for it. You definitely need and and deserve a break. If you’re doing it for the rest of us (i.e no one listens to the mixtape, no one participates, etc.) then I will personally be sad if MMM goes monthly. Even if I don’t get to it every week I like having it as an outlet.
This blog is so old that I actually wrote a "World Cup Preview" in 2010, around the same time that Shakira was Waka Wakaing across the globe. This was back when blogging was new and exciting. (I had to update the video today, probably because there aren't many sixteen-year-old videos on YouTube, but the one I embedded in there now is of a similar taste.) There was an actual World Cup Preview written around the same time by our esteemed colleague and PoYB co-founder Mike S., but he deleted all his blog posts when he applied for law school, to our detriment. I'm gonna sue him eventually for that, and for liking soccer.
I think the problem is that there are too many obligations that I've set for myself on here. So now it's like "ah damn, haven't written a Springsteen blog post in a while, I guess I better do that." As opposed to being inspired by something and just writing. Maybe "winding down" would more look like winding down some of those obligations as opposed to winding down blog posts or writing altogether. This was one of the (many) reasons that Yearlong Song Challenge was so inspiring and fulfilling, was because it felt more like "free writing" than most of the shit that I force myself to do here.
Best song is the Los Camps! one.
Worst song is the K'naan one.
Post a Comment