Grannies Gone Wild #120

Zach has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" three times so far in his lifetime. Watch the episode HERE. You can also read every single Grannies Gone Wild entry HERE.

An Academic Analysis of Nate's Comment About A Definitive Analysis of Joe Saying the Phrase "Bailiff Ron!" 620 Times and in 620 Unique Ways over the Course of 20 Minutes and 44 Seconds, or, the Length of One Episode of "Grannies Gone Wild."

The Comment

"Feel like we should just shut the blog down now, not sure how we top this."

Abstract 

PoYB Contributor Nate's contention that we should "just shut the blog down now" as a response to Zach's Definitive Analysis of Joe Saying the Phrase 'Bailiff Ron!' 620 Times and in 620 Unique Ways over the Course of 20 Minutes and 44 Seconds, or, the Length of One Episode of "Grannies Gone Wild," is particularly illuminating in the context of similar contentions made by faux-real characters in different television programmes and alternative reality environments. My study focuses on the wide-ranging concept of "ceasing activity" as illustrated through common pop culture motifs that uncharacteristically appear throughout the first quarter of the 21st century. I argue that although this "ceasing activity" concept in the modern era is a tempting conceit often used by established creatives, and although PoYB Contributor Nate casts firm doubt on a well-known cultural artifact's continued relevance in a post-Bailiff Ron analysis era, I will show that well-founded attempts to cease activity in a cultural environment are often informed by that particular environment's ability to withstand an instantly-occurring vacuum of rich and vibrant activity, and that, were PoYB to meet an untimely end, such a vacuum would not be tolerated and would in fact lead to a dearth of proper social norm function and endanger those who most need PoYB's Bailiff Ron-related work.

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Introduction

PoYB Contributor Nate's comment on Zach's Definitive Analysis of Joe Saying the Phrase "Bailiff Ron!" 620 Times and in 620 Unique Ways over the Course of 20 Minutes and 44 Seconds, or, the Length of One Episode of "Grannies Gone Wild," strives, on its surface, to upend social order by suggesting that PoYB cease its online activity, much like a fascist government might shut down a popular community-run website in the name of restoring social order and benefiting public good. There may be more to this comment, however, than meets the eye. It is possible that PoYB Contributor Nate is not the social revolutionary he claims to be. He may be a plebian, in fact, one who is not aware of the well-known truism that "words have power." As such, it is important that any objective analysis of his comment will shed light on PoYB Contributor Nate's true intentions. In doing so, relevant stakeholders can begin to develop a toolbox for handling future comments like this on early-aughts blogs that struggle for a foothold in today's winner-take-all Internet environment. 

The preferred method for handling such comments (as developed by Hart, Brock et al.) is to perform a prospective ink-based analysis as each word appears on the page. This method is also known as "word-for-word play," or, colloquially, "foreplay." We will employ a regression analysis that has been known to appear in the television show Reba, most famously in Season 6, Episode 9. This episode, however, has been lost to the sands of time, and it is only hearsay and rumor that keeps word of this particular type of regression analysis afloat. Nevertheless, we will attempt to piece together the owl-shaped sticks that various active Internet websites have attempted to recreate and use our cognitive judgment to uncover important truths about PoYB Contributor Nate's claims, much like Cheyenne might do throughout other episodes of Reba, of which we know nothing about.

Analysis

Feel: This is the first word of PoYB Contributor Nate's comment and sets an important tone for the remainder of his harmful screed. 

What is it to feel? What is it to really feel? One might feel certain feelings in connection with viewing a sunset from the beach, or with enjoying an expensive bottle of wine at a Michelin star rated restaurant in the Tuscan hills. Or one might feel negative emotions, like sadness at the end of a romantic relationship or pain that certain episodes of the television show Reba will never be watched by certain people. 

PoYB Contributor Nate does not feel in any of these ways. In his own way, PoYB Contributor Nate transcends the classic definitions of what it means to "feel" anything. He dabbles here in the age-old trait of instant "wisdom," or chochma, as defined in Kabbalistic terminology, practiced by mystics in the holy and ancient city of Safed, as well as by popular figures such as Madonna. As Leiberman indicates:

It is the information we have been taught, or more so, the flash of inspiration—when an idea pops into our head. The Tanya—a Chassidic/Kabbalistic work—describes chochmah as consisting of two Hebrew words: koach mah, meaning "potential." For chochmah is pure potential. It is an idea waiting to be developed. (Leiberman, 2018).

It is unclear if PoYB Contributor Nate was aware that such a flash of inspiration characterized his writings in the PoYB space as he considered the future of an Internet cornerstone, his blogging colleagues, and Bailiff Ron. However, awareness or not, it is clear from the comment's context that PoYB Contributor Nate was visited by a figurative "Three Magi," or, to follow the metaphor to its logical conclusion, an even more figurative "Reba McEntire, Susie McEntire-Eaton, and Alice Foran." Three sisters, united in body and in worship! 

PoYB Contributor Nate has begun to test out his moment of clarity with his use of the word "feel," and can go many directions from here. 

Like: Oh, how the mighty have fallen! "Like" was once a word that occupied a secure space on the mountaintop. An important conjunctive term, one that played a bridgelike role in connecting two ideas together. 

The emergence of films such as Clueless chipped away at the might of the word "like." "Like” became a shell of itself, a word that lost all meaning. Now, PoYB Contributor Nate is an illustrious author himself, having helmed two different web logs on the Internet, one of which still exists. Even though he has termed this blog as "barely surviving," he is still a model for the way in which words written on the Internet can have significant effects on their readers. PoYB Contributor Nate's use of the colloquial term "like" in this context, therefore, indicates that he is willing to crawl around in the mud with common folk in making culturally relevant proclamations. 

We: PoYB Contributor Nate cements his status as a man of the people by including himself in the royal "we" here.

Should: "Should" is not a word that represents well within power dynamics. When a person says they "should" do something, it presumes they have not yet done that thing they say they would like to do. They may, in fact, never get around to doing that thing. PoYB Contributor Nate, for all his bloviating about the future of PoYB and his suggestion that it should cease to exist, has sown his many seeds of doubt about the validity of his proclamation. He has also given himself a safety net, should PoYB remain alive and well for the next ten, twenty, fifty, nay, one hundred and twenty years. This is cowardice at its worst and smart investing at its best.

Just: Just? Just? Just?! What is just about upending social orders and destroying dreams? PoYB Contributor Nate has stooped far lower than he ever has by including this term in his diatribe.

Shut the Blog Down: A euphemism that hearkens back to the salad days of 1995, when Al Gore was incepting the Internet and Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich was a thorn in President William J. Clinton's side. A government shutdown happened, the effects of which are still felt to this day. The 1990s also saw a significant shutdown of Major League Baseball and a team, the Montreal Expos, that was in first place but had its season cut short and would never taste such success again. The wording used here by PoYB Contributor Nate should strike fear in the hearts of any person who is old enough to remember the 1990s or young enough to read a history book or watch VH1 now and again. Shutdowns are a tool to be used only in the most dire of circumstances. By using this type of language, PoYB Contributor Nate floats a threat to social order that has not been known for close to three decades.

Not Sure: This statement appears to be an even stronger example of one's "hedging their bets" than the prior word "should" would indicate. The text shows that PoYB Contributor Nate does not know which direction is up or down, or, more technically, does not know his "own ass from a hole in the ground" (phrase popularized by Biden, Joseph at the 1977 Delaware State Fair Clam Eating Contest). We are academics, and we do not deal in emotions. The words "sad" or "head-shakingly pathetic," however, may be used to describe the sorry turn this comment has taken.

How: Who, What, Where, When, Why. "How" was always the misplaced stepsister, the word that didn't fit along with the Five Ws commonly used by journalists in formulating the lede of a news item. The use of this word indicates a stepping beyond the community of symmetrically used words into a vast jungle of words that start with a different letter. PoYB Contributor Nate may have made this choice subconsciously, but is anything, at the end of the day, really done by accident? The world was not created for us to flit and flat about! PoYB Contributor Nate puts himself beyond the pale with this comment in much the same way that the word "How" does not typically fit into typically used tropes.

We: Again with the royal we? The creativity in language use here is sorely lacking.

Top: A competitive fire burns inside all of us, yes, but has no place in comments that can change the future of the Internet. There is no need for the future of PoYB to depend on whether future posts will be better or worse than the one in question here. PoYB Contributor Nate's obsession here with rankings and... ah, well, it can be pointed out that PoYB Editor-in-Chief Joe has most recently ranked many things, including his Top Albums of 2024, his Top 100 Songs of All Time, while PoYB Contributor Nate has chosen to couch such rankings in the form of an NCAA-style basketball bracket. And yet! There is no need to mix meat and milk here! A ranking system of pop culture stalwarts is necessary for the blog's future health. Tying the quality of posts themselves to the blog's future is a terrifying and dangerous prospect.

This: A demonstrative pronoun that is as vague and weak as this comment itself. PoYB Contributor Nate chooses to end his comment with a whimper.

Conclusion

PoYB Contributor Nate has failed to pass the basic test for "ceasing activity" with his comment "Feel like we should just shut the blog down now, not sure how we top this." He has made a wishy-washy attempt at revolution that does not achieve the minimum standard for overthrow well-established by the Burkina Faso Patriotic Movement for Safeguard and Restoration (2022). Burkina Faso may have been governed by military junta, but PoYB's caretakers will not allow such a thing to happen, much like Nat Faxon did not allow Dickie to find love at the senior center with the women dolled up by Cheyenne. It is recommended that PoYB soldier forward with its crucial Bailiff Ron-related work, and it is further strongly recommended, if not urged, that PoYB Contributor Nate's comment be swept away with other artifacts lost to the sands of time, such as the thermometer Van threatened to use to abuse Jake. We anticipate PoYB will remain an Internet pillar and accrue many additional unique visitors in the wake of what we'd like to propose be called "The Failed Bandcamp Revolution of 2024."