Yearlong Song Challenge, Day 179: Allison

Prompt: "A song that lacks closure"

Selected by Allison

"No the End Is Not Near"

Benny Hester

Benny..., 1972

I'm not an optimist, but I keep going regardless. Things will work out; they always have. More or less. We've made it this far. I'm not a fan of the expression, "This isn't the end; it's only the beginning." Sometimes, it's neither. It just is. We're just in it. 

I get caught up in the ends and beginnings of things. I get swept up in the inherent nostalgia that comes with the finality of something. Wistfully thinking, "Oh, this is the last time I'll [insert thing]..." And I get equally overwhelmed with optimism when beginning anew. I overdo it. I overload myself with goals. I try to leave too many things behind me. Ah, December 31st, this is where I dump all my trash. I won't be needing THIS anymore. But then you wake up, and it's still there. It's just another day.

For example, here are a few things mentioned at some point during this year that I will have to take with me:

1. The Basement — Usable for storage but remains unfinished after flooding in March. It is a constant reminder that homeownership is a Sisyphean task you pay for the privilege of partaking in.
2. Work — Closing out the "department-wide PIP" in November meant that my team was doing well enough to graduate, but it left me with some open-ended questions. Will I continue to lead this team now that things have leveled out? Signs point to yes. My boss is eager to move me elsewhere, but I want to be bored for a while. Will J and T still have jobs in 2025? Ask again later.
3. Fitness — My bike was stolen the week before Christmas, a major bummer. It's not a huge loss; I'll replace it in the spring. I wasn't planning on going to the gym in January anyway because I HATE when it's crowded.
4. Drinking — A sober New Year's Eve seems strange but doable. With enough seltzers (and 1mg edibles), anything is possible.
5. Mom — We've exchanged a few texts, but no verbal communication since mid-November. We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas apart, and I was better for it. I extended an offer to reconnect in the new year.
6. Vanderpump Rules — We're halfway through Season 8. Jax and Brittney just got married. Randall is finally making appearances, and he is a lot. Everyone continues to be the worst. As far as I can tell, it's all downhill from here, but we're in too deep now.

And then there are resolutions. The promises we make to ourselves with our fingers crossed behind our backs. I am more successful when my goals are less like corporate SMART goals ("Go to the gym 5x a week") and more a reflection of the overall vibe I'm trying to cultivate ("Find joy in movement") or particular to-do items ("Go back to therapy"). I've got a few things in the works for next year. We'll see how it goes.

So here we are. This isn't the end. This isn't the beginning. This is just where we are. Here. Now. Together.