Never Seen It, #191 of 200: White Christmas

I am not satisfied with the conduct of this division. Some of you men are under the impression having been at Anzio entitles you not to wear neckties. Well you're wrong. Neckties will be worn in this area! And look at the rest of your appearance. You're a disgrace to the outfit. You're soft! You're sloppy! You're watching 200 films you've never seen before! You're unruly! You're undisciplined! And I never saw anything look so wonderful in my whole life!

White Christmas

1954

Michael Curtiz

Sixers Sisters Maeve and Bridget have long professed to be the world's biggest White Christmas fans. I made this list of movies almost five years ago, and their names have been scrawled next to White Christmas on the list for practically as long. We emailed some questions back and forth between the three of us, and here's what we came up with.

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JOE'S QUESTION: It's easy to ask this question because I know that the people who have to answer it absolutely love it. What do you like about White Christmas? How did it originally become a perennial tradition? Why has it stuck around?

MAEVE: It's hard to put into words how I feel about this movie. It's so nostalgic and comforting, putting the movie on feels like a warm hug. Growing up, my grandma (Maam) loved these early musical movies from the '50s and '60s. Any visit to Saratoga wouldn't be complete without a viewing of either The Sound of Music, Singin' in the Rain, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, West Side Story, etc. White Christmas wasn't just a holiday movie viewing, it was part of the regular rotation. I have such a fondness for dance movies, I could watch them endlessly. This would absolutely shock everyone reading this, but Bridget and I would perform the "Sisters" number for our aunts and uncles whenever we had the chance.

I truly love everything about this movie. To me, it's the perfect blend of light humor, touching (but not overly complicated) plot, big bold dance numbers, and then ballads that aren't boring. The costumes are beautiful. But what I think really makes this movie work is the chemistry. Any combination of the four leads works. Danny Kaye and Vera-Ellen are the perfect complement to each other, whether it be dancing or acting out the silly plot. You can feel the deep friendship and business partnership between Bing and Danny. It always surprises me, but you can truly see the chemistry between Bing's Bob and Rosemary's Betty. Even on my recent rewatch, I had the thought that the romantic subplot of Bob and Betty was slightly one-sided in Bob's direction, but no! Betty is looking at him with doe-eyed awe the whole time they're around each other. But most importantly, I think they nail the sister dynamic—that's what has made this stick around. Well that, and hey—it's a Christmas movie in a world of Christmas movies, but this one has tap dances!

BRIDGET: This movie was one of my Maam's (grandma's) favorite movies. I can't exactly remember the first time I saw it, but I remember it always being part of our Christmas rewatch. I think of so many happy memories watching it with her at her house all decorated for Christmas, then again when she lived with my parents before she passed. It always brought her, and me as well, such joy. I think the movie itself has stuck around in the D*** house because it always brings us happy memories of Maam and how she would talk about the movie. She always loved a good choreographed dance number, and this movie had so many, so of course it was one of her favorites. I love the happiness the movie brings me every time I watch it. I love the joy I get when I see the sign Maeve got me for Christmas a few years ago from the Columbia Inn that hangs in my apartment. She knew how much I love this movie, so I have home decor that celebrates it! 

There's no other way to put it than this movie always feels like a warm hug. I can have it on and give it my full undivided attention or have it on in the background as I clean. I will always call out my favorite lines and get excited for all the dance numbers. I've got to start watching it during the summer months just to spice things up.

MAEVE'S QUESTION: Obviously, the two main threads of this movie are climate change and military appreciation. Just kidding! It's interesting to me how yes, this is a Christmas movie because it both begins and ends on Christmas, but outside of that, Christmas doesn't play a large part. The Haynes Sisters are heading to Vermont for a holiday gig, but when we see parts of their act, it's more of a variety show than anything. While a musical about a variety show is a very easy way to fill it with song and dance numbers that don't impact the plot, what did you think of them? What do you think you would think of the show if you were staying at the Columbia Inn in Pine Tree, VT for the holidays? While I consider the songs to be all hits, no skips, I can't imagine we're all on the same page.

 
BRIDGET: I am obsessed with all of the different numbers throughout the movie! It's what makes me love it so much. I guess I never gave it that much thought that none of them are "Christmas-centric" until now. I just relate to the movie being on around Christmas. The choreography of these numbers is top-notch! Judy with her tiny little taps in those gorgeous pink tap shoes! WOW! It amazes me every dang time I watch. 

If I was lucky enough to stay at the Columbia Inn during the holiday season, I believe seeing this variety show would be an absolute highlight. I can't fully comprehend how they all are supposed to take place on the same stage right after each other, but frankly, that's none of my business. 

I agree with this question maker... every song in this is a no-skip. There is not one dance number I wouldn't watch over and over again! I've already watched this movie twice in December. And I'm very excited to watch it at least one more time before Christmas.

JOE: No hits, all skips. Sorry! I would definitely stay at the Columbia Inn though. The thought of having the whole lodge to myself is kinda nice. I know you brought up the "two main threads" thing as a joke, but let's for real examine it. What do we make of the "nice weather" plot hook? It's fine. A little hokey that they got snow just when they didn't need it, but still, it ties the thing together, so I'll accept it. Do lodges still need to worry about this? I hope not. Because, as you eluded to, it's only gonna get worse from here. I wouldn't mind being at a lodge with no snow but still brisk weather. Sitting around a campfire (outside, not inside like this jabronis), chatting, warm drink in hand. That would be nice.

The military bullshit sucked, though, right? I know it was the '50s, so I get why it existed. But it aged poorly. Not in a CANCEL WHITE CHRISTMAS way, because Cancel Culture doesn't exist. More so because, at least where I come from, we don't support the war machine. How many of Bing Crosby's friends died? Glad he got to sing about it, I guess.

BRIDGET'S QUESTION: What is your favorite outfit worn by one of the Haynes sisters?

JOE: See, this is why I don't delete the mp4 file until after I write the blog post. You never know when you're gonna have to open it back up. I would never in a million years notice what they are wearing! I mean, unless it's particularly skimpy or something. But we're talking mid-'50s ski-weather chic, so nothing like that. 

I was pretty wild about Vera-Ellen through, and was particularly gaga whenever she had a big dance number and was showing ample amount of leg. That neon yellow dress during the tap number was a good one. I probably wouldn't have noticed that she wore turtlenecks throughout the film if I hadn't read about the urban legend that she was dealing with an eating disorder and her neck was, I dunno, distorted or something. It was a bullshit legend. She looks great in turtlenecks so I don't understand why the legend needed to exist anyway.

MAEVE: Well, this is the toughest question of them all, now isn't it?! Their performance outfits during "Sisters" are probably the most iconic, but maybe my favorite movie dress of all time is the black dress that Betty wears when she performs at the club in New York. The cut of it, the gloves, it's perfect. An underrated look that I love is when they get off the train in Vermont: Judy is sporting a tan jacket with a cheetah accent that matches the cheetah detail on her hat. And lastly, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the Christmas dresses they wear in the final number. God, what I would give to wear Judy's red velvet ball gown. My preference between the two dresses changes daily, but right now I'm really feeling the little capelet addition to the top.

MAEVE'S QUESTION: Did you know the song, "White Christmas," was actually written for the musical Holiday Inn, which came out twelve years prior to this movie? Shockingly, it also stars Bing Crosby, and the song was so successful that it charted and won the Oscar. This movie was basically written due to the success of the song. With that in mind, do you think the plot works?

JOE: For all its flaws, the plot works. It's pretty simple. It's a "let's put on a play!" story. They work for musicals because the play within the movie is what features the music that we, the audience of the movie, are watching. I will say that White Christmas loses the thread pretty terrible toward the end. The "miscommunication" of Bing Crosby "using the General for TV access" peters out, and the whole "save the lodge" thing practically disappears when the big show turns into "let's jerk the General off for being such a stand-up gentleman." A bunch of military losers show up at the lodge, and so what, now the lodge can continue to exist? I don't get how that works.

But yes, yes, we get to hear the songs that Bing Crosby and Danny fucking Kaye are putting together, yes. Bah humbug.
 
BRIDGET: I actually did know that fact because I saw the musical Holiday Inn starring Corbin Bleu, who is truly a natural-born Broadway baby! It was after seeing that musical that Maeve explained to me this fact. I think that there is a very small plot in this movie, and it's basically to fall in love and make the General happy. It just seems to be mostly about the musical numbers with a bit of dialogue mixed in. And for me, I don't mind! I feel that this is mostly a comfort movie for me, and I'm not going to watch it for exceptional film making, but instead to just be happy and entertained. 

BRIDGET'S QUESTION: What is your favorite choreographed number performed in the movie?

MAEVE: This is like asking what my favorite outfit worn by the Haynes sisters... impossible to answer! This movie is full of excellent dancers, so I think if I'm focused on choreography, my pick has to be "The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing." I love this style of dance where it looks completely effortless, but you know how technical each movement is to pull off. Similarly, it's wild how fast Vera-Ellen can tap her toes during, "Mandy." Also, this isn't listed as a song, since it's technically just a quick part of rehearsal, but I've watched this "rehearsal" so many times that I feel like I know it move-for-move (could never even attempt to do it, but here I am snapping my fingers along with them.)

JOE: I guess the one with Danny Kaye and a bunch of female dancers, all clad in purple, doing the slow synchronized movements, that one was the most technically sound. I dunno, man, I get so distracted when the dance numbers are pointless to the plot. I know that White Christmas was presenting a lot of these as part of "rehearsals," but still. Still. No matter how talented these artists are, it's ultimately pointless padding.

I understand that this is antithetical to the idea of musicals. That's why I wanted you two here! To defend it! I don't like being this guy. I don't like being grumpy. But I really do have this issue with a lot of musicals, especially the older ones. Honestly, Singin' in the Rain was the only one that felt like the dance number were integral. And even that went off the rails at the end with the dream sequence(?). Give me fewer dances at the empty lodge, give me more snide, sexy dialogue from Vera-Ellen.

MAEVE'S QUESTION: I think the biggest cause for this movie’s success is the undeniable chemistry between the four leads. Any combination of them works perfectly. Thoughts?

JOE: Hmmm. I did like the combo of Danny Kaye and Vera-Ellen. Was Kaye supposed to be a closeted gay man? I don't know how to write that without sounding judgment, but only because I would definitely be judgmental if Phil Davis was supposed to be straight but acted appalled at the idea of being engaged to Vera-Ellen's Judy Haynes. Bro, come on! The only reason you're acting like that is because it's a 1950s movie and you can't come right out and say that you are attracted to Bing Crosby.

I was less enthralled with Crosby's Bob Wallace and Rosemary Clooney's Betty Haynes. Both did fine, but something didn't sit right with me in terms of them being love interests. Probably the age difference? I'm clocking the actors as 25 years apart. Assuming that the characters were being played at a similar difference. Things were definitely different back then. I don't like it now.

The Haynes sisters played well off of each other, as did the singing war buddies. This movie is probably ripe for a gender-swapping remake.
 

BRIDGET: Bing Crosby can ABSOLUTELY get it in this movie. He's just a star! And these leading ladies are absolutely stunning. I love how they pair off right from the beginning of the film, and are basically set couples. When the boys are seeing the Haynes sisters perform for the first time and they both say different eye colors for each of the sisters and sigh... it's so cutie! I love how Phil and Judy are trying to set up Betty and Bob, and that it works out. I'm just a sucker for a Hallmark romance movie, and this feels like a prime example of one in the best way. 

I watched the movie again this weekend with my mom and Maeve, and I was paying attention more to the four leads throughout. Truly all of them riff off of each other so well, and no matter the combination, it's fun. The charisma of all of them shines through in every scene to me.

JOE'S QUESTION: Let's assume this is a Christmas movie. Forget if it actually is (it is not). Assume that it is. In this totally not-true hypothetical scenario, what makes White Christmas a Christmas movie? What does it say about the Christmas season, about the Christmas spirit, about the true meaning of the holiday?

BRIDGET: It is a Christmas movie!!! The same way Die Hard is a Christmas movie, simply because it takes place at Christmas! It starts on Christmas Day in WW2, and the last song is obviously "White Christmas" for a reason! I think that the kind gestures and ideas throughout the movie get you in the Christmas spirit. The whole plot of celebrating the general is such a gift. The Christmas spirit is alive and well, having everyone together for a greater cause, a greater spirit.

MAEVE: Well Joe, it's a Christmas movie because they sing about having a White Christmas in it... just kidding. I think the simplest explanation is that the whole movie builds to Christmas Day. I do think that the underlying message of the movie is to celebrate others / do good without expecting anything in return, and that feels very Christmas-y to me. The boys create a whole show to not only celebrate their former general to whom they owe a great deal, but to help save his business. They use their fame to prop up the Inn on a national stage, and also do the final performance with all their former unit there to honor him. While it follows the classic trope of "let's save the Inn (orphanage) by putting on a show!" it does so with a holiday twist. Plus, there's a little Christmas magic at the end when it begins to snow. 

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JOE'S GRADE: 3 pukes out of 5

NEXT TIME: We'll be back in early 2025, in alphabetical order, with the first of our twenty final films on this list. I'll be rushing through from TRON to 8 1/2 in order to wrap this project up by its five-year anniversary in April!