This Is My Blood: Platinum

First, a programming note: today's "drink of the day" is a vodka, but I only had the tiniest bit of it as part of a large "cocktail." I really only added it because the beer that made up the bulk of the cocktail was a beer I've already had this year (Samuel Smith Oatmeal Stout). There are rules, and I refuse to bend them. This will probably be the final time I acknowledge the presence of vodka until we get to the notes section, since it was the least important part of my drinking experience today.

That being said, let's talk about beer cocktails. There is a section at the end of Tasting Beer that briefly describes the different types of beer mix drinks, and I've avoided the section up until this point, because it doesn't really square with what I've been trying to do this year. I wanted to get a good handle on beer before I start adding other shit to the beer, ya feel me? But maybe it's time.

As I see it, there are four broad categories of beer cocktails. The first and most prominent is beer and juice/soda, known colloquially as "brunch beer cocktails," and known officially as a shandy. This covers a wide range of combinations, and the possibilities are infinite. Since this is what I had today, I'll hold onto it till after I discuss the other three.

The second is "beer blends," i.e. beer mixed with other beer to create a new third flavor. These are not very popular in the U.S. anymore, because of the sheer range of beer options we have without having to go through the trouble of mixing them ourselves. The one you'd probably at least have heard of is a Black and Tan, which is a Guinness and a pale ale. I can't say I've ever had one myself, but I can definitely picture it, the dark stout resting on top of the clear ale.

The third are beer+shot combos, as in literally dropping the shot glass filled with liquor into a pint of beer. We all know the Irish Car Bomb (and also know that there are certain times when you cannot call it "Irish Car Bomb"). You may have also heard of a boilermaker (any whisky dropped into any beer), especially if you are a construction worker drinking at 2 PM.

The fourth are hot beer drinks, which I've never had, since it involves boiling beer and spices, and that seems weird to me, but this does exist! Maybe you've had a buttered ale (ale, sugar, cinnamon, butter, all boiled) at a Medieval Times festival or something.

But let's circle back to the shandies. Like I said, pretty limitless in terms of combinations. Pretty much any lighter beer is going to go well with any juice or soda you can imagine. I mean, there was a thing in college called "Brass Monkey," where you'd drink about 1/5th of your Hurricane 40, and then fill it back up to the top with orange juice, and even that shit worked. You can't go wrong. Add pear juice and black currant syrup to your witbier, who the fuck cares? It'll do.

Honestly, it's not a matter of what you add to your beer, but how much. I learned that today, fucking up what is probably my only sojourn in the world of beer cocktails this year. I attempted to make what sounded like the most off-the-wall combination I could find in the book, which was an oatmeal stout plus cherry juice (and yes, the tiniest bit of vodka, but that didn't factor into the flavor here). I've had cherry-flavored oatmeal before, so I thought that maybe such a cocktail could emulate the pleasantness of that breakfast.

It did and it didn't. The problem today was that I simply added too much cherry juice. Cherry to beer was like 40/60, which is still too skewed. It would've been vastly more enjoyable with a 20/80 or 10/90 split. Oatmeal stout is good, and the cherry juice today just overpowered it to the point where it felt like I was just drinking a dark cherry juice. No good.

Also, I couldn't find a name for this cocktail, either in the book or online, so let's officially christen oatmeal stout + cherry juice as a "Quaker Slut."

Zooming out a bit, I find that I might have a slight problem with the idea of brunch beer cocktails in general, and that problem mirrors what I wrote about Naturdays. There are some people who just don't like beer in general, and would prefer to cut it if given the opportunity. In a broad sense, I get it—I love beer, but maybe it's not for everyone (I could say the same thing about whisky, which many people seem to drink straight and I can't even look at it without gagging). If you only like beer when you mix it with orange juice, then fuck it, go grab a pint of each and get crazy with it.

But my problem is that that's not me. I like beer enough that the idea of watering it down seems to go against the very purpose of beer in the first place. I like Samuel Smith's Oatmeal Stout. It doesn't need cherry juice. The juice, I'd argue, detracts from the beer, even at the appropriate proportions.

That's just a personal opinion, though. I acknowledge that beer cocktails can be fun and creative and enjoyable. Same with any of these beer cocktails—give me an Irish Car bomb on Irish Weekend in Wildwood and I'll be a happy boy. But in general, I'd much more rather just drink a goddamn beer. Give me a High Life with breakfast, I'll be good to go.

NOTES

BEER: Platinum

GENRE: Vodka

ABV: 40.0%

BREWED BY: Sazerac Company

LOCATION: Louisville, Kentucky

PURCHASED AT: oh gosh, I dunno, some Wine and Spirits at some point years ago

PAIRED WITH: I guess oatmeal stout and cherry juice, technically 

GRADE: I'm not sure how to rate this, 2 pukes out of 5 maybe???

BEER COUNT: 358.5