Enter gym manager. "Enter" being figurative, as it's really "exit." As in exit the gym, out the front door, at the end of the night. After the last of the gym patrons have ended their workout. There are two people out front still, as he's locking up. A man and a woman. Smoking cigarettes. Which is not really supposed to be happening in front of the gym, but the manager lets it happen. It's the end of another long day. The gym manager goes home, and this is his story. I mean, it will be if everyone lets it be.
He's biking, even though it's tough for him these days, ever since THE DIAGNOSIS. But we don't have to talk about that. He's just biking, and enjoying the fresh air. That's probably why the cigarette-smoking patrons of the gym rankled him a little bit—these days, fresh air is precious, and it pains him to know that people are stinking it up and wasting their opportunity on this earth to enjoy these deep breaths of crisp spring air.
He's suddenly home. He chains the bike up against the railing, and enters without knocking. "Honey, you here?" he calls out to his wife, but no answer. He drops his bag by the door, and makes his way to the back porch, thinking that maybe Francesca is out there reading a book, as she sometimes is when he gets home from his shift. "Hello?" Subtle changes since THE DIAGNOSIS, one of which is that he struggles being alone now. He finds comfort in being in the presence of others. Francesca, for obvious reasons, is that source of comfort more often than not.
But she's not alone. It's Noah, their pal from way back when. Francesca and Noah are on the back porch, sipping on lemonade. The relief of not being alone washes over him, and he opens up the porch screen door.
"Hey buddy!" Noah stands up and shakes hands with Aaron. Then they do that sorta awkward thing that middle-aged men do, when they transition from handshake to hug, a manly hug, two quick taps on each back with both hands. Both men are smiling. "How's it going, Aaron?"
"Oh, you know, it's okay. How are you?"
Noah apparently takes this as his cue to go off:
"Not too bad! Pretty great actually. You remember Patty? She started to hit me up again. I think you remember Patty. She was the blonde at Irish Weekend. I guess maybe you didn't see her there. You guys were with Angie. I know she doesn't like seeing me. I text Angie everyone once in a while but she doesn't want to talk to me about anything besides the kids when we need to. And the grandkids, of course. Have you heard about Tess? Her and the boys are in Boston now. Wait, Boston? Yeah, I think Boston. This is the sixth or seventh move they've made since Matt got that job. He's opening office for a company, I forget the name of the company. Angie would remember. And then of course Andy with his new youngest. Andy got promoted with RGW. He's not climbing poles anymore. No ladders, thank god. But you know what I'm talking about. I heard your kids are good. Yup, all good things, right? But anyways, like I was saying, Patty texted me a few days ago, and we've been chatting. She sent me a picture of her holding her granddaughter, but didn't say her name. I feel like maybe we'll be able to reconnect since we both love our grandkids so much, ya know? And I don't think her ex-husband is in the picture at all, which is good. Good for me. Exes can get pretty crazy. It's been 20 years since Angie and I divorced and I've dealt with so many crazy exes in that time. It's all about doing things for your girl, and then you won't break up, right? Angie never understood that, and that's why we broke up. She never appreciated everything I did for her. I was thinking about this when I was watching that episode of, uh, um, what's that show we both watch? I always forget the name."
Aaron and Francesca were both awkwardly looking away at that point but both responded automatically: "'Til Death."
"Yup, that's it, 'Til Death. That show with the tall guy, what's his name, the guy who voice that pig in that cartoon movie, uh, oh, 3 Pigs and a Baby, right? Mason Pig? Yeah, that guy, him and his hot wife are fighting over something stupid in the episode I just saw the other night, did you see this one? Who hasn't. It's every episode they're fighting over something stupid. And hot wife buys them bedside lamps, but only Mason Pig's works, not hers, and she's upset that he's not doing anything about it, but, like, think about all the stuff he does for his hot wife all the time, it's a lot! It's not really fair of her to expect him to fix her lamp, right? And then when she switches lamps so that he's forced to fix 'his own' lamp, it felt really unfair to me. That felt like something Angie would have done to me. I did so much for my family, but all I used to get in return was NAGGING. Sometimes men are just tired at the end of the day and want a little Me time, right? Right Aaron? And don't get me started on the great character actress Kat Foster and how she treated the little pasty pie-sex dude with a freakin' bedtime? C'mon now. That man has to break free of those chains! Think about how much these husbands are laying it on the line. Every single day. And it just don't seem fair. I hope Patty understands this. I should talk to her about 'Til Death next time she texts me. I wonder if she's seen this episode."
Francesca, knowing very well that this is just how Noah gets sometimes, and that he was wildly misinterpreting both the episode of this American sitcome and the role of equal partners in marriage, mostly stayed silent. Aaron just sort of said "...uh huh..." in a soft voice, like he didn't know how to take any of this.
Noah took a brief pause, then said: "So, Aaron, I heard you got some bad news."
Aaron nodded, and was about to say something, but Noah started again. "I don't know if you heard this too, but Andy got some bad news, they have a professional, like a therapist or something, coming out to the house to check out little Billy, the said he's not making eye contact with anyone, they think it's.............."
A couple hours later, when Noah was long gone, Aaron and Franny were still out on the porch, and Fran broke the silence. "That was... so fucking weird."
Aaron nodded. "Right?! I mean, I'm not asking to have a full-on conversation about THE DIAGNOSIS, but it's so strange that he would come here and tell me all about his life and what woman he's texting and not deign to talk about what I'm going through right now? I don't get it."
"He's a strange guy," said Francesca. "I can't believe how long we've been friends with him."
"Some things never change."
"True."
"Are you feeling okay, honey?"
"I'm fine. Let's just turn on the TV and forget about it, okay?"
"Sounds great."
(GRADE: 5 pukes out of 5, and I'm not afraid to talk about it.)
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