Prompt: "A song about a vehicle"
Selected by Pat
"Space Oddity"
David Bowie
David Bowie, 1969
[EXT: Tiki bar patio, possibly in the South Pacific or the Caribbean or Wildwood, NJ. PAT, a tourist in cargo pants and a safari hat, is looking for a table. Suddenly, a lone patron wearing a Panama hat and reading a Susan Meachen novel catches PAT'S eye. PAT runs over to the table excitedly.]
PAT: Tom?! Major Tom?
[The man, played by Jon Hamm, looks up from his book. He pulls down his hat to conceal his eyes.]
NOT MAJOR TOM: I think you have me confused with someone else.
PAT: I swear, you look just like Major Tom. I used to see him all the time. I was a countdown specialist at Ground Control. You know! 3…. 2…. 1…. I was that guy!
NOT MAJOR TOM: That's great, buddy. But it's impossible. Major Tom was lost in that televised spaceship launch. You're confused.
PAT: Well it's freaking me out. You're even wearing the same kind of Ed Hardy shirt that he always wore.
NOT MAJOR TOM: Can't help you, kid. Why don't you get a drink or...
PAT: [looking at the table] Are those protein pills?
[NOT MAJOR TOM looks at the pill bottle and knocks it off the table conspicuously.]
NOT MAJOR TOM: No.
PAT: See, that's crazy because Major Tom always had to take protein pills. All those years in zero gravity weakened his muscle tone and he had really terrible erectile dysf—
NOT MAJOR TOM: Look, I don't know what you want, but I'm not Major Tom. Just, get out of here.
PAT: This is so nuts. [Taking out his phone] Can I at least send a picture to my old captain at Ground Control? This is gonna blow his mind.
NOT MAJOR TOM: Don't fucking text Evan!
PAT: Ha! Fuck yes, I knew it!
NOT MAJOR TOM: Goddammit!
PAT: I knew it! I knew there was no way you died up there! It never made sense! You were only 100,000 miles away. That's not even halfway to the Moon!
NOT MAJOR TOM: All that work... how can I fucking... goddammit...
PAT: Does your wife know? Should I text her, too?
NOT MAJOR TOM: No, please... wait, why do you have Meredith's number?
PAT: Why did you do it, Tom? You were front page news. You could've been President. Or at least a guest star on network TV.
NOT MAJOR TOM: It got... complicated. Being up in a tin can like that makes you realize the things that are most important in life.
PAT: Complicated like...?
[A tall, thin man with a bright red mullet walks up behind NOT MAJOR TOM and puts his hands on his shoulders.]
ZIGGY STARDUST: Who's your friend, love?
NOT MAJOR TOM: No one, Zig. He was just leaving.
PAT: Tom?! Major Tom?
[The man, played by Jon Hamm, looks up from his book. He pulls down his hat to conceal his eyes.]
NOT MAJOR TOM: I think you have me confused with someone else.
PAT: I swear, you look just like Major Tom. I used to see him all the time. I was a countdown specialist at Ground Control. You know! 3…. 2…. 1…. I was that guy!
NOT MAJOR TOM: That's great, buddy. But it's impossible. Major Tom was lost in that televised spaceship launch. You're confused.
PAT: Well it's freaking me out. You're even wearing the same kind of Ed Hardy shirt that he always wore.
NOT MAJOR TOM: Can't help you, kid. Why don't you get a drink or...
PAT: [looking at the table] Are those protein pills?
[NOT MAJOR TOM looks at the pill bottle and knocks it off the table conspicuously.]
NOT MAJOR TOM: No.
PAT: See, that's crazy because Major Tom always had to take protein pills. All those years in zero gravity weakened his muscle tone and he had really terrible erectile dysf—
NOT MAJOR TOM: Look, I don't know what you want, but I'm not Major Tom. Just, get out of here.
PAT: This is so nuts. [Taking out his phone] Can I at least send a picture to my old captain at Ground Control? This is gonna blow his mind.
NOT MAJOR TOM: Don't fucking text Evan!
PAT: Ha! Fuck yes, I knew it!
NOT MAJOR TOM: Goddammit!
PAT: I knew it! I knew there was no way you died up there! It never made sense! You were only 100,000 miles away. That's not even halfway to the Moon!
NOT MAJOR TOM: All that work... how can I fucking... goddammit...
PAT: Does your wife know? Should I text her, too?
NOT MAJOR TOM: No, please... wait, why do you have Meredith's number?
PAT: Why did you do it, Tom? You were front page news. You could've been President. Or at least a guest star on network TV.
NOT MAJOR TOM: It got... complicated. Being up in a tin can like that makes you realize the things that are most important in life.
PAT: Complicated like...?
[A tall, thin man with a bright red mullet walks up behind NOT MAJOR TOM and puts his hands on his shoulders.]
ZIGGY STARDUST: Who's your friend, love?
NOT MAJOR TOM: No one, Zig. He was just leaving.
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