That's the way I like it, uh huh, uh huh, 200 movies, in alphabetical order, watching them one by one, here's the next one, uh huh, uh huh.
From Justin to Kelly
2003
Robert Iscove
I watched From Justin to Kelly so you don't have to. But maybe you should?
This isn't the first certified "bad movie" that we've covered here, but unlike The Fanatic or Bee Movie, I'm tempted to make the case that this is a movie you should make an attempt to watch for yourself. This bad movie is kind of fun, in a way that Fred Durst's and Jerry Seinfeld's respective hubrises were simply not. It will be clear to anyone, even the most ignorant film philistine, that this is a bad movie, but its failures were funny, and I've spent a lot of time thinking about it in the days since Pam and I watched.
It's not a good movie, but it's a good bad movie, is basically what I'm trying to say. So this short, in-between-grad-school-papers review is for those of you who have already dared to watch From Justin to Kelly. If you haven't yet spent the requisite 81 minutes with these Idols, then maybe skip this blog post. I want to talk about some of the silly/terrible aspects of this film, and reading about 'em before watching might ruin the experience. Or maybe it won't! Maybe bad movies are susceptible to spoilers! I don't know!
All I know is that when Justin and another guy fight for Kelly's affection by... competing in a game of hovercraft dodgeball? with literally no explanation as to why?... that I realized this was a fun fucking movie. So much is unexplained and inexplicable. Why is Kelly's best friend so evil, trying to keep her and Justin apart for seemingly no reason? Why does the movie insist on any attempts at humanizing its sub-Stifler frat bro character? Why does that character show his butthole to Kelly? Why is Justin even friends with this guy? Why are any of these people friends?
There is a reason why most of the google hits for "from justin to kelly" are dumb Buzzfeed articles like this one—there are an infinite amount of "wtf" moments in this movie, that it almost seems silly to try to describe them in any form other than a listicle. They are even sillier when stacked one on top of the other, and From Justin to Kelly just continues to stack and stack and stack for the entire hour and a half it exists.
Another big point of contention—if you want to call it that, though really it's all contention—is that the leads "lack chemistry." This is true, though I'll admit something here: I thought Justin Guarini did about as well as he could've under these particular circumstances. He had a screen presence, and looked something approximating comfortable in this role, which is wild, considering how staggeringly bad the material he's working with is. If there's talk of the main couple lacking chemistry, then that it certainly because Kelly Clarkson, for all her talents, has to be one of the worst actors of our generation.
I mean, she fits right in, though. Sitting through this film was like sitting through a grade school production of Grease. Clarkson is like the lead who was chosen because she's the only eighth grader who wanted the part. Guarini is the jock who actually might have some talent but could not give less of a fuck, and it shows. Everyone else is a random collection of kids whose parents just wanted them to do one extracurricular. Occasionally, something will be really, really funny, but not on purpose. It's funny because these kids are terrible at what they are doing. At least the hypothetical eighth grade production of Grease wouldn't feature so many background dancers humping beach towels.
Oh gosh, this is fun. It's so goddamn fun thinking about this movie. Please go watch it.
GRADE: 0.5 pukes out of 5
NEXT TIME: More Kubrick with Full Metal Jacket.
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