Prompt: "A song that was important to you last year"
Selected by Nate
"Delirio de Grandeza"
Rosalía
Motomami, 2022
The platform was empty, which was a minor miracle I thanked fate for. I took off my shirt, dug a clean one out of my bag, threw it on before people started to trickle onto the platform. A Q train came by; that was the most direct route, but directness felt like a mistake now. I waited, hoping for a 4 or a 5 train, turning my head on a swivel as bodies started to join me, waiting for the train. When you're on the run, everyone looks like they're looking for you, or looking at you, or trying not to look at you. I tried to look at my feet, keep to myself, but every movement out of the corner of my eye, every sound that echoed through the platform made me want to jump, to run, to fight, to scream. "This is what going insane feels like," I said to myself. I had been on the run for less than 20 minutes.
The ride to Port Authority took about 45 minutes. I tried to keep track of how many people were getting onto and off the subway as we moved under Manhattan, but it quickly became a lost cause before we got south of Central Park. By the time I got off the train and started walking the 10 blocks west to the Port Authority terminal, my nerves were completely shot. I thought about going back to Colleen's storage locker for the remaining $5k, but I scrapped that thought the minute I realized anyone looking for me would have likely traced my steps back there by now. Every place I had been since leaving Colleen's apartment yesterday was burnt to me now. Inside the bus terminal I bought a ticket for the soonest departing bus I could, which was a Peter Pan all-nighters to Silver Spring, Maryland. I talked myself into it, thinking that going somewhere with no profile might help me stay a step ahead, then I thought how I already lived with no profile, as long as I never stepped foot in Ohio or New York City again.
By the time I boarded the bus and took my seat, I had started to believe that I might make it out of New York City alive, that I might have a chance to live a little longer. I allowed myself a moment to think about what I might do when I got to Silver Spring, what my next move would be. I'd have to, at some point on this ride, count how much money I had on me and make some judgements about what to do next. I could probably run on what I had for a week or two, but maybe there was somewhere in Maryland I could get a used car for cash then head wherever. Maybe out of the country? It had been a while since I'd driven but I'm sure it's like riding a bike. As far as money goes, I'd have to see if I could find the kind of places that needed muscle, or the kind of people who wanted protection. I didn't think I could start jumping people, but I also wasn't certain I was above it. I'd have to see—
"Excuse me, anyone sitting here?"
I opened eyes I hadn't realized I'd closed. Standing in the aisle of the bus was a face I did not recognize, a man maybe 25 or 26, brown skin, black hair, broken nose, wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, smiling down at me with a wide grin that showed seemingly all his yellow teeth. I looked back at him and didn't say anything.
"No? Well, don't mind me then, let me just"
He slid into the chair next to me, turning to face me, still smiling. No one was sitting in front or behind us, we were shielded by empty seats in all directions for at least a row.
"A lot of seats here, more room for you over there," I said, nodding toward the empty seats next to us. His grin got wider, making his face look like a grim mask.
"Oh, I don't mind if you don't, Eddie. I'd like us to get to know each other a little bit. After all, it's a long ride."
The bus hissed to life and I made a move to punch the smiling asshole in the face, but before I could swing he'd pressed his forearm into my neck, catching the fist with one hand and pressing something hard and cold into my side with his other.
"Eddie, calm down," he whispered, his hot breath pouring onto my ear. My whole body was shaking, shuddering against his grip and the thing pressed into my side. "What I've got on you right now is a stun gun. I'm not pressing it now, for obvious reasons, but I will shock you like a fucking cow if you don't stop fighting me and sit down. We've got a long ride ahead and you don't want to be in any more pain than you have to be."
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