A Year of Blind of Spots: Toys in the Attic

THE IMMORTAL: Four kids, just having spent the best night of their lives—or maybe just a normal night to them, it seems—peel off down the dusty Texas suburban road, and all we hear is "Sweeeeeet / emooooooootion." Yes, this is the second time this year I've cracked open a dusty classic rock album only to discover that a Dazed and Confused soundtrack anthem is on it. No, I'm not usually this dumb. I think this would be a great song even if it didn't bookend the best film of all time. That it does lifts it to the stratosphere.

THE OTHER BIG ONE: I was indoctrinated at a young age about certain key moments in rock 'n' roll history by the self-proclaimed historian VH1 programming. I remember being sold the idea that Aerosmith and Run-D.M.C. recording "Walk This Way" together was a seminal moment in music. In retrospect? Maybe not so much. I mean, I'm not even sure I even knew that Aerosmith had the original version almost a decade before Run-D.M.C. even existed. That rap group will appear in this column eventually, so let's save that discussion for then (rough week for yours truly, no time to wax poetic about rock and rap intertwined, plus that wouldn't even be relevant in a Toys in the Attic blog post).

THE DEEP CUTS: Look, all I wanted was to not have to hear anything that sounded like "Dream On." Toys in the Attic fulfilled my request. There was some quasi-hard rock, there was some boogie, there was some stuff that sounded a little like the Who. I guess there was something akin to a ballad—the final song, "You See Me Crying"—but it got nowhere near as maudlin and embarrassing and lame as "Dream On."

THE INTANGIBLES: I think if you listened to Toys in the Attic first, then you would never even think that they had something as "Dream On" in them in the first place. That's a compliment! I'm thankful that Aerosmith played rock 'n' roll that sounded fun and gritty at one point. My entire life has consisted of an Aerosmith that has played lame shit to the rafters in search of chart success. I like "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" just fine, but if you're doing a Diane Warren song to get to #1, then you ain't rock 'n' roll, man.

THE CONCLUSION: Good, solid, simple rock music. Some weeks, that fits the bill perfectly.