An Hour of Power

Power Hour. Every minute, take a shot of beer. Sounds simple, but it gets quite sloppy.

Most people, when they do a power hour, they make a "Power Hour Mix" and drink when the song changes. Not in the great Northeast. We have a timekeeper, and every minute, before the shot, someone makes the toast.

Last night, a brilliant idea was proposed that we record each inebriated toast and put it up here on PoYB. Let the madness begin.

Toasts

1. Joe: "To my parents, for turning a blind eye."
2. Kev: "Here's to my sister getting the fuck out of my house. Now we can have parties at my house!"
3. Jim: "Here's to everyone being reunited." (Dave: "I was gonna say that you fuck!")
4. Dave: "Here's to the world champs starting up in 29 days!"
5. Kyle: "Here's to Alan Wendell having a heart." (Everyone else: "Hopefully!")
6. Kev: "Here's to a big fuck you to the Eagles GM." (Ed: "What's with all the sports? I don't care! I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know who you're talking about.")
7. Mike: "To Dave N***** graduating this year. I don't know what you're gonna do with a real job."
8. Mandy: "To Officer Kev C*****." (Mike: "Arrest me!" Kev: "I'll have a gun.")
9. Mike: "To whoever throws up first." (Everyone else: "Joe!")
10. Joe: "Here's to Basils 249. Hopefully I'll be allowed back."
11. Jim: "Here's to the man in red—Mr. Moses!"
12. Joe: "Here's to.... Jim C**** deserves a toast. Here's to Jim C****. For providing endless entertainment." (Mike: "For making money at Jim's expense.")
13. Dave: "Here's to the Buffalo Bills for being dumb and signing T.O. to a one year deal. (Ed: "I hate sports.")
14. Mandy: "To.... the... Laf!"
15. Mike: "To a book that I think Kev C***** will read." (Joe: "Kev's best call ever... and it was all downhill from there.")
16. Joe: "Here's to... yeah, here's to blogging." (Various people: "Fucking Puke on Your Birthday!")
17. Mike: "To Frank F******!"
18. Kyle: "Here's to illegal substances." (Jim: "My cock!")
19. Kev: "Here's to all of our friends keeping in touch through college."
20. Mike: "Toast to Joe's pool opening soon. Naked pool party."
21. [Someone]: "Here's to Max's house." (Everyone: "Brrrrrrrt.")
22. [Someone]: "To Pres!" (Andrew: "I will not drink to that.")
23. Joe: "Here's to bad haircuts... but I still love it."
24. Harry: "To St. Patty's Day!" (Joe: "This year I'm not getting written up.")
25. Kev: "To Brianna being timekeeper, and to Mike and Bri's kids." [Editor's note: I think that's what was said, the sound quality is real fucking bad.]
26. Kyle: "To most recent fallen officer, right by school."
27. Joe: "Here's to Degrassi." (Everyone else: "NO!" Kev: "Homo!")
28. Joe: "Here's to uh... yea, the dude from Joseph's that chased Harry in his car and almost ran him over." (Mike: "May his immortal memory live on.")
29. Maureen: "To Jim's manhood." (Someone: "Or lack thereof.")
30. Kev: "Some of you know my late dog, Murph. Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of her death. She was a great dog."
31. Dave: "My cat, diagnosed with intestinal cancer, we're putting her down next week." (Ed: "Let's have a fun toast next.")
32. Mandy: "To the women of our Northeast group. We hold all of you together." (Various boys: "Yo, fuck you!!")
33. Jim: "To all the places Joe's banned in Fox Chase. Hopefully he'll be allowed back in."
34. Joe: "Here's to the guys at Dunkin' Donuts. May they find solace in the fact that I don't go near their store."
35. [No one gave a toast this minute. I blame Mandy. —Editor]
36. Andrew: "To Jim C**** being Jim C****. He was a celebrity when he walked in the door."
37. Jim: "To drinking!" Mary: "To fucking..." Joe: "No! Here's to 'Hepatitis B**'."
38. Andrew: "Here's to us making a lot of mistakes."
39. Mike: "Here's to Joe sitting down and growing up." [Editor's note: I think?]
40. Joe: "Here's to me getting absolutely obliterated at Harry's wedding. Pregame at my house. Hurricanes. The bachelor party is gonna be nuts. No offense Kristin."
41. Mike: "10/21. To a day when I will hopefully not being in this country."
42. Someone: "Here's to Katie McC***, and her new boyfriend." (Mike: "Here's to Kyle P****.")
43. Harry: "Here's to the summer, and the days at the shore."
44. Joe: "Here's to Mike, Animal House, and parties. (Mary: "And to hair!")
45. Joe: "Here's to Mike's barber."
46. Joe: "Here's to... small bladders."
47. Kev: "Here's to Joe missing a minute." (Mike: "No one remind him. At the end we'll be like, Joe you didn't do a power hour.")
48. Kev: "Here's to Joe's puke face!"
49. [Editor's note: No toast this minute because I had a bad puke face on and everyone was making fun of me.]
50. Someone: "Here's to ten more."
51. Mandy: "To... uh... odd numbers." (Andrew: "Hello, tape recorder. Joe is gonna puke!")
52. Joe: "To untwisting the knot in my stomach."
53. Andrew: "To Jeremy K****." (Joe: "No, we already did grade school!" Dave: "To hardcore shows!" Joe: "To getting punched in the face when you are trying to enjoy yourself.")
54. Jim: "Here's to Back to the Future I, II, AND III."
55. Kyle: "To all the crazy shit we do in life, it doesn't matter... it's just life."
56. Dave: "Here's to Claire... you don't know her. She's in London. Six months pregnant with my child." (Everyone else: "[silence]" Then, Kev: "Dave's got a baby!")
57. Kyle: "Here's to Dave not having a child. Thank God!"
58. Kev: "Here's to Brendan C****. What a hardass."
59. Mike: "In the words of Mike, 'Those were the day, yeah life was good then, but the fact of the matter is, they're never coming back again, so live your life kid, live your life. And drink up.'"
60. Harry: "To the city of Philadelphia [Editor's note: and something else but Kyle said something into the mic and I couldn't hear]."
61. Joe: "So, I'm reading the Watchmen—I love big blue cock—I just finished a chapter. The big blue dick and his ex-girlfriend are on Mars discussing human life. Anyway, the whole point of this chapter is that, ya know, your father has millions and millions of sperm, and only one of them is gonna reach the egg. No listen! Only one sperm is gonna turn into you. The fact that a given person grew up who they were because one sperm out of millions and millions of sperm reached the egg is a miracle. How many people are in this room? Listen, I'm being dead fucking serious. Everyone is a miracle because of this. All I'm saying that all of us here, together, the fact that we're all together, we're all miracles. And it, like, compounds miracles. So here's to miracles."

What a night! What a good time!

I will transcribe quotes from the rest of the night eventually, because they are fucking hilarious.