Grannies Gone Wild #71

Joe has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" 64 times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE. You can also read every single "Grannies Gone Wild" entry in the archives HERE.

I mentioned the existence of *GASP* other episodes in Grannies Gone Wild #57, and how, for the purposes of this project here, we would consider any information about past and future episodes, up to and including the episode titles, as NON-CANONICAL.

Well here's an idea. What if every other episode of Reba really was canon, but only if we consider "Grannies Gone Wild" to be the central episode of the entire series? In other words, what if every episode, both before and after "Grannies Gone Wild," was connected to "Grannies Gone Wild" in some significant way? Like, okay, let's assume that Reba is a network television series that is presented non-chronologically, and everything that happens in every episode has to do with the ONE CENTRAL EPISODE, that episode being "Grannies Gone Wild."

So today, we go through the titles of every single other episode of Reba, and, based on their titles alone, we will explain how they are connected to the master canon that is "Grannies Gone Wild." (I think maybe we can consider some of these plot descriptions as actual canon, and some of them as really good guesses, and we can decide later which are which. Sound good?)

Episodes:

1. Pilot — Scarlett fails her pilot's license, and so is forced to consider kidnapping through means not involving air travel. B plot: Van and Cheyenne join the Mile High Club, causing Cheyenne to get pregnant and start the chain of events that leads to their child getting kidnapped in Season 5 and Cheyenne using the senior center makeup tutorials as a coping mechanism.
   
2. The Honeymoon's Over or Now What? — Brock and Barbara Jean return from their honeymoon and have breakfast with Reba... will Reba ever have breakfast alone ever again? B plot: Flash forward to Abigail and Bailiff Bron's honeymoon in Jamaica.
   
3. Someone's at the Gyno with Reba — Reba's high cholesterol levels are messing with... things down there (we can't say because this is family programming network television). B plot: Barbara Jean is not the "someone" at the gyno with Reba, because she is the reason that Reba is now divorced, so she grapples with that guilt by playing a lot of volleyball.
   
4. You Make Me Sick — Jake is sick. B plot: Cheyenne takes one look at her husband's new sweater vest and is SICK.
   
5. The Steaks Are High — Van starts a breakfast restaurant, specializing in steaks. He sneezes on his first customer's order. B plot: Scarlett says "you know what else is high? my temperature!!!!!" and Reba says "You're the first person in this family to try to pull this trick, don't be teachin' your little brother tricks now."
   
6. The Man and the Moon — Brock is on jury duty, and plans to condemn the same man who had mooned Barbara Jean from the window of his car just the other night. B plot: Cheyenne teaches old people astrology.
   
7. Tea and Antipathy — Reba learns that she is a witch and practices her witchcraft by conjuring mugs of tea out of thin air. B plot: Van realizes he hates his wife.
   
8. Don't Know Much About History — Barbara Jean briefly tries out law school, where the only thing she learns is how justice should be swift and wait for no man. B plot: A wild side plot that delves into the history of Texas state law as it pertains to the theft of lawn ornaments.
   
9. Every Picture Tells a Story — Van explains the discovery of a copy of Playboy under his bed mattress by claiming that "all the women in these pictures enjoy eating peanut butter on single slices of bread." B plot: Jake tells a story to his classmates about how he overheard his sister talking about stealing his nephew.
   
10. When Good Credit Goes Bad — Brock has good credit. B plot: Barbara Jean has bad credit. C plot: Reba finds credit reports for all her family members. D plot: Van cooks breakfast. E plot: the loan that Van took out to pay for breakfast defaults and he goes to jail.
    
11. Meet the Parents — We meet Van's parents, who confirm that he has always loved sweater vests and misogyny. B plot: Care Worker VIII's parents die suddenly.
    
12. A Mid-Semester's Night's Dream — Carl dreams of Barbara Jean. B plot: Cheyenne plans on studying biology for the next like five years and it's mid-term. Hilarity ensues.
    
13. Brock's Swan Song — Brock discusses how a psychic told him that he'd die on Van's 80th birthday and how he plans to spend the next 60ish years living life to the fullest. B plot: Carl has a run-in with a disgruntled dentist at the supermarket.
    
14. The Story of a Divorce — Brock and Reba make their divorce official, and have one more sex session before swearing that they'd only hang out henceforth if they have exciting internship news to discuss. B plot: Barbara Jean reads John Grisham.
    
15. You May Kick the Bride — Judge Stephen Tobolowsky delivers the money line during Abigail and Bailiff Bron's wedding. B plot: Van shits himself for the first time.
    
16. Vanny Dearest — Cheyenne plots the murder of her husband and her father, a plan that may or may not take around 60-ish years to carry out. B plot: Barbara Jean and Van hang out, who the fuck knows WHAT wacky hijinks those two usually get up to!!
    
17. He's Having a Baby — Van tries to put his baby up for adoption. B plot: Scarlett keeps diligent notes.
    
18. She Works Hard for Their Money — Reba has a new job. Everyone assumes she is a stripper. She is not, but you know how these TV network sitcoms are, so full of misunderstandings and whatnot. B plot: Vanessa actually is a stripper. She works every day except for those days when she is expected at jury duty.
    
19. Labor of Love — Annual Hart Family Labor Day BBQ. B plot: Barbara Jean messes up the egg salad, Van gives her tips, but sneezes all over Barbara Jean. C plot: Scarlett isn't in this one either.
    
20. The King and I — "Every king needs a crown" is what Brock tells all his dental patients who get root canals. His secretary, Barbara Jean, tells him that the joke is so bad that Brock is going to be convicted in a Texas courtroom. B plot: Phil the Thrill gets a root canal.
    
21. Up a Treehouse with a Paddle — Jake cuts himself while using power tools during the treehouse building project that Van is SUPPOSED to be supervising (he's too busy reading Playboy magazine and rubbing peanut butter on his nipples). Jake's wounds get infected. He has a really high fever. B plot: Barbara Jean reads some more John Grisham.
    
22. It Ain't Over 'Till the Redhead Sings — The opening credit sequence goes for the entire episode ("I'm a Survivor (Reba's Version)"). B plot: JoAnna Garcia gets weirdly into baseball.
    
23. House Rules — Scarlett insists that NO ONE make ANY references to MOTHER TERESA as long as she is stuck in this house. B plot: Barbara Jean gets really into the show House.
    
24. Skating Away — Van and Cheyenne buy rollerskates. Van gets upset when he finds out that Cheyenne is faster than him. She skates up ahead, as Van yells "You skate off like a girl!" B plot: Flashback to the day of Barry's birth.
    
25. Proud Reba — Cheyenne joins dental school. Reba is proud. Hence the title. "Proud Reba." You get it. B plot: Brock is also proud.
    
26. Reba Works for Brock — Barbara Jean is out on disability after getting gingivitis (despite how many times she's seen the videos!). Brock needs help. He literally had no other friends and no life outside of family or work whatsoever, so he calls his ex-wife. She works for him. She's better at the job than Barbara Jean. Brock wonders if he made a mistake. He didn't. Barbara Jean gives great road head when she's not sick with gingivitis. B plot: Jake is also working for Brock. He calls out sick. High fever.
    
27. It's Jake's Party, Cry If You Want To — Jake's 80th birthday. He dies of a heart attack. B plot: Van Jr.'s 80th birthday. He dies of a heart attack. C plot: Patrice's 80th birthday. She's fine. She lives till at least 90. You'll see more of her. D plot: Judge Stephen Tobolowsky's 80th birthday. Dead. You guessed it: heart attack.
    
28. Safe Dating — Reba goes on a date, first one since her divorce. He's a lawyer. Reba hears about 30 solid minutes of gnome law before she pretends to have to go to the bathroom and then leaves without saying goodbye. B plot: Brock and Barbara Jean do the public roleplay thing where they pretend to be strangers at the bar, and it escalates to the point where Brock is beating some poor guy with a chair.
    
29. Mommy Nearest — Jake is standing closest to Reba. B plot: Scarlett is standing farthest from Reba. C plot: Flashback to the day when Reba was giving birth to Cheyenne. D plot: Turns out that the dude in the back of the courtroom scene with the white shirt is the doctor who delivered Cheyenne. Let's talk about him at some point. Not now.
    
30. Switch — Reba and Barbara Jean switch places for a day. Reba gives Brock road head. Barbara Jean yells at Van for interrupting her. B plot: Cheyenne and Jake switch places for a day. Jake hangs out with old people. Cheyenne is sodomized by Van.
    
31. Ring-a-Ding, Part 1 — Van buys Cheyenne a ring, but sneezes on it.
    
32. Ring-a-Ding, Part 2 — Van keeps sneezing.
    
33. Cookies for Santa — Christmas episode! Barbara Jean "buys" Brock a garden gnome! Jake gets new airplane pajamas! Cheyenne buys Scarlett the worst gift ever, and Scarlett adds it to her list of grievances!
    
34. A Moment in Time — Murph looks back at his entire life. B plot: Reba drinks tea.
    
35. The Vasectomy — Brock fears that any children he has with Barbara Jean will be born with gingivitis, so he gets the snip. B plot: Cheyenne threatens Van with a pair of scissors.
    
36. The Rings — Olympics episode! Barbara Jean is on the U.S.A. women's volleyball team. She misses the final round. She has jury duty. B plot: Carl threatens to bomb Centennial Olympic Park again.
    
37. Seeing Red — Barbara Jean is the one helping old people this time. She rounds up all the old ladies she doesn't like and gives them Reba-esque red hair perms. B plot: Brock helps the old people too, but does a bad job, and so all the old men get together and make a blood pact that they will run over ever single toe of ever single dentist they ever see for the rest of their time at River Oaks Senior Center.
    
38. Terry Holliway — I dunno, Terry is some old lady, maybe. I really don't know. B plot: Van cooks breakfast for Terry.
    
39. Valentine's Day — Cheyenne thinks Van's Valentine's Day card was sophomoric and lame. Van storms off like a girl. B plot: Jake is afraid that he won't get any Valentine's Day cards from any of the females in his class, so he tries to act sick by artificially raising his own temperature and presenting the phony thermometer to his mother. That cad!
    
40. The Feud — Reba and Barbara Jean! In the same room together! Holy shit! What are they gonna do!?! B plot: Cheyenne gets fucking loaded on vodka.
    
41. And the Grammy Goes To... — The fourth wall breaks. Reba McEntire is sitting at the after party bar and a TV network executive approaches her about the possibility of starring in a WB sitcom named after her. B plot: That same network exec is watching a fifth-season episode of the show he helped create, it's called Reba, and he's guffawing the whole time, and he gets to the part where Van says "durh?!" in response to Cheyenne's confession, and this network exec laughs so hard that he goes into a coma, and doesn't wake up until his 80th birthday. C plot: Scarlett buys a map of Utah.
    
42. The Wall — Van smokes weed and does nothing but listen to The Wall while eating eggs whites, plain wheat toast, and an assortment of fruit. B plot: Jake tries to skip class because he is afraid that he will be ground up into meat by his evil British teachers. C plot: Scarlett doesn't have any pudding because she didn't eat her meat.
    
43. The Best Defense — The defendant in 2005's Texas Gnome Trial—you'll find out who it is eventually—attempts to explain that he did not, in fact, steal a garden gnome. He is a patsy, etc. etc. B plot: Barbara Jean whistles a jaunty tune and goes through life without any real consequences paid for any of her heinous actions.
    
44. For Sale, Cheap — Sweater Vest, Worn Once. B plot: Special guest appearance by Law & Order star Richard Belzer as Barbara Jean's old high school teacher / love interest, named John Munch. B plot: fourth wall break, showrunner Allison M. Gibson explains how John Munch's appearance places Reba firmly in the Tommy Westphall Universe. C plot: Scarlett takes her allergy medicine, then makes breakfast. She doesn't sneeze.
    
45. The Will — Brock writes his will. He hopes that he lives till he's at least 100 and goes out laughing. B plot: Van refuses to write his own will, and says that if he dies in a puddle of his own shit with a bad wig on to boot, then all his money should be donated to River Oaks Senior Center. C plot: Scarlett takes an immunity potion, lives forever.
    
46. Location, Location, Location — The city of Houston is a main character. B plot: Lubbock, TX.
    
47. Your Place or Mine — Cheyenne cheats on Van with a chef from the local bruncherie after she eats one the chef's omelettes that have NOT been sneezed on. B plot: Reba defaults on her mortgage after Van refuses to chip in his share (he's saying it's gonna be another ten years?!?!?!).
    
48. She's Leaving Home, Bye Bye, Part 1 — Scarlett moves out.
    
49. She's Leaving Home, Bye Bye, Part 2 — Scarlett moves back in, swears that she'll be gone again within two years, and there ain't nothing anyone can do to stop her.
    
50. War and Peace — Vince spends the entire episode recounting his time as part of the Third Naval Construction Brigade in the Philippines during WWII. B plot: Jake makes breakfast for Van, pukes on it.
    
51. The Best and the Blondest — Cheyenne is in the running for Miss U.S.A. Will she win, like, an award? B plot: Scarlett plays guitar, as she does in the credits. The showrunners allow her to play the entirety of "The Mariner's Revenge Song" by the Decemberists. [Note: this was the highest rated episode of Reba in the show's history.]
    
52. Spies Like Reba — Reba tries dating again. She has four matches through whatever online dating website existed in 2004. They are all spies, as in military personnel employed by the U.S. federal government. And she doesn't know what to make of this, the fact that spies like Reba. In any case, she'd rather just hang out at home and have her son-in-law make her breakfast. She doesn't like dating, especially if it's gonna be like THIS. B plot: Brock gets gingivitis.
    
53. Calling the Pot Brock — Brock accidentally eats an edible and gets so high that he offers Jake an internship at his office (again!). So Jake, all of nine-years-old, ends up becoming a dental hygienist, and makes some really unforgivable mistakes with Brock's patients. They sue. It's a whole thing. Don't worry, Judge Stephen Tobolowsky is there. He's the type of judge who hears all types of cases. He might hear a capital punishment gnome theft case one day, and an underage dentist case the next. Doesn't matter to him. The law is the law. B plot: Eric gets his first of several concussions (deep cut for the GGW heads).
    
54. Encounters — Crossover episode. Cheyenne has a tryst with the Todd from Scrubs. She contemplates jumping in front of a train instead of having to return to her husband Van. B plot: Van tries to do a crossword puzzle, can't even get a single answer. C plot: Alfred helps the Taliban build a bridge while held captive during the Iraq War.
    
55. The Ghost and Mrs. Hart — Errol Flynn returns in phantom form. B plot: Barbara Jean gives road head to Errol Flynn.
    
56. The Cat's Meow — Cheyenne and Van, completely forgetting that they have a child that they need to care for, buy a cat. B plot: Scarlett kills the cat.
    
57. Regarding Henry — Henry (played by Stephen Root) plays a sweater vest salesman. He's good at his job. He gets an unsuspecting former jock to empty his bank account. B plot: Mother Teresa secretly baptizes dozens of Buddhists.
    
58. The Great Race — The whole Hart family meets up for their annual Veterans Day Breakfast Bake Off. Whoever can make breakfast the quickest wins. The winners, from first to last: Scarlett, Barbara Jean, Reba, Cheyenne, Brock, Jake, Van. B plot: Carl eats breakfast alone.
    
59. All Growed Up — Flashforward: Brock buys a wig. B plot: flashforward: Barbara Jean dies. But they don't reveal yet how or when it happens. Cliffhanger!
    
60. The United Front — Fourth wall break: Pam picks up Joe's computer and throws it to the ground and stomps on it over and over and over and over and over and over and over. B plot: Van cooks breakfast for himself. Sneezes. Egg whites come out of his nose.
    
61. To Tell You the Truth — Scarlett writes an essay for her English class about how she plans to kidnap her nephew and take him to Utah. Her teacher is a quadruplet, and one of his identical siblings is a state trooper in Utah. He makes a call, just in case. B plot: Jake tells the truth: "This thermometer reads 120, which might seem high, but wait till I inform you that the temperature is actually in Celsius. Now can I stay home?"
    
62. Brock's Mulligan — The whole Hart family goes golfing during the day, since none of them actually work besides Cheyenne, and even she is just volunteering. Brock keeps asking for a mulligan. And so on. B plot: Cheyenne is upset that she has to miss the annual Hart family golf outing. She has a long chat with Celeste. Celeste gives her a blue blanket.
    
63. The Shirt Off My Back — Dickie gets naked. B plot: Dickie gets naked again.
    
64. Sister Act — Scarlett, on the run after being convicted of kidnapping, joins a nunnery to escape jail time. B plot: A grown up Van Jr. recounts what he remembers from his time in Utah. C plot: Barbara Jean cooks breakfast.
    
65. Fight or Flight — Brock gets in yet another fight with a man whom he thinks has looked at his wife wrong. There are no chairs handy, so he beats this guy with a table this time. Not good. Barbara Jean was turned on at first, but this has gotten out of hand. B plot: Remember how Cheyenne and Van had joined the Mile High Club in the first episode? Well... they have sex in a plane again. No pregnancy this time, thank god, since they can barely even remember that they have one child most of the time. Still, it's pretty graphic for network television.
    
66. The Big Fix Up — Brock needs to get his car fixed. He leaves it running all the time since he is always going places while he leaves his wife in the car. That's not good for engine. B plot: Reba doesn't see what's the big deal about John Grisham.
    
67. The Good Girl — Cheyenne insists that she would never kidnap a child. B plot: A long Bailiff Bron monologue about his wife.
    
68. Happy Pills — Cheyenne switches from alcohol to pills. Not good. Not good. B plot: Barbara Jean accidentally gets anesthesia.
    
69. Girl's Night Out — Reba, Barbara Jean, Cheyenne, and Scarlett all attend a book reading and signing by John Grisham. Barbara Jean gets kicked out for being annoying. B plot: the guys back home, including Brock, Van, Jake, and a previously unseen neighbor nicknamed Twisty McGoo, play some poker while the ladies are out. Twisty finds a thermometer in the bathroom. He doesn't say a goddamn word about it.
    
70. Core Focus — Reba finds out that her cholesterol is high. She starts going to the gym and working on her core. Van shakes his head and says no no no that's necessary all you need to do to address yr cholesterol concerns is eat a healthy breakfast. B plot: Hurricane Katrina devastates New Orleans.
    
71. The Accidental Role Model — Jake decides to write his "My Hero" essay on Barbara Jean. Barbara Jean instead convinces Jake to skip school. B plot: A nice woman named Eloise Harris takes a stenographer's course.
    
72. Mother's Intuition — Reba hides all the thermometers in the house. She knows something fishy is going on. B plot: Cheyenne remembers she has a child.
    
73. The Two Girl Theory — Brock has a threesome. You'll never guess who it was with. B plot: Van... well, he doesn't have a threesome, but you gotta imagine that he always wanted to have one. C plot: Abigail cooks breakfast.
    
74. Van's Agent — Van sees in the classifieds that they are asking for volunteers to be an extra in the local TV production of Dolly, a mid-'00s sitcom about a country music legend who is playing a fictionalized version of herself, raising children and surviving and so on and so forth. The episode takes place a retirement home. River Oaks Senior Center is chosen as the location for taping. Van performs so well as a silent extra that he is promoted to a speaking role. He is given a bald wig cap and is told to walk past Dolly's ex-husband (played by character actor William Fichtner) and proclaim "ail I live and breathe, it's character actor Walter Brennan!" Van, despite botching the first word of his only line in the episode, feels like he did well enough to hire an agent. The agent is played by character actor Brad Dourif. Hilarity ensues. B plot: Barbara Jean gives road head to character actor David Paymer, playing himself.
    
75. Surprise — Van's surprise 79th birthday party. Cheyenne implies that he only has one year left on earth. Van doesn't hear her, though. Then he shits himself. B plot: Van's doctor tells him the bad news.
    
76. Couple's Therapy — I don't know. Van and Cheyenne are in couples therapy probably. Fuck. Van is an asshole. I hope the therapist makes that clear to Cheyenne. B plot: Will Mackenzie cashes a large check at the bank.
    
77. All Fore One — another annual Hart family golf outing. Barbara Jean gets a birdie. Van wonders whether a golf club would have the same effect as a thermometer. B plot: Bailiff Ron, on a rare day off, waits patiently at each tee as the family in front of him takes their sweet old time.
78. Hello, I Must Be Going — Jake's story through the years as he weighs his familial responsibilities against the responsibilities as a member of the new liberated neo-confederate rebel forces. B plot: President DiSantis orders all egg whites and plain wheat toast be confiscated. 
79. Thanksgiving — Family Dinner. You might guess that with Van doing the cooking, he'd make his usual. But nope. Turkey. Mashed potatoes. Stuffing. He does a really good job, not only making a tasty meal, but also not really worrying too much about cholesterol. Yup, overall it was a successful meal. Too bad he sneezed all over everything.
80. No Boys Upstairs — Cheyenne doesn't want her son Van Jr. to go into Scarlett's room anymore. B plot: Barbara Jean buys a new bra, hoping it'll be lucky.  
81. Diamond Jim Brady — Van finds one of Diamond Jim Brady's precious stones buried in the backyard. He sells it for a fortune but blows the whole thing on a wardrobe full of sweater vests. B plot: flashback to Diamond Jim Brady bring his jewels all around Texas in the late 1800s. Also scenes of him watching his baby momma giving birth to a daughter named Sylvia in the mid 1910s, right before his death. 
82. Reba and the Nanny — Cheyenne briefly becomes a nanny. Then her mom Reba reminds her that she has a child of her own at home. Cheyenne has forgotten. B plot: Van is out drinking at a bar. He forgot about the kid too.  
83. Date of Mirth — it's Scarlett's birthday! Check out the mischievous look in her eye when she makes a wish after blowing out the candles! B plot: Van bakes the birthday cake. He sneezes on it. Somebody get this man some allergy medication! Jesus fucking christ!!!
84. Reba the Realtor — Oh shit so Reba does have a job? B plot: Van gets a job too. He's a driving instructor. For reasons unknown to his coworkers, he refuses to instruct anyone who was referred to him by the school counselor. Van is eventually fired. What happened to their ten-year plan???
85. Flowers for Van — Reba's like alright bro, I'm tired of you sneezing on my food. Let's figure out if you are allergic to anything. Here are some flowers. Smell them to see if you are allergic. B plot: an alcoholic McCormick shipping director accidentally ships an entire crate of cracked pepper containers to the Hart household in Houston, TX.  
86. Who Killed Brock? — Probably Cheyenne. B plot: a flashback montage of all the times Brock was seen throughout the series eating cooked-rare meat and fatty desserts and whatnot. Presented as a red herring. 
87. The Pageant of Grandmas — Florence, Ida, Lady, and Lady all make a pre-makeover appearance, like without the wigs and makeup and gen-x clothes. Can you even picture them like that? B plot: Elder Care Worker sees a bunch of old ladies whispering in the corner. C plot: Van's grandma gives road head to his elementary school counselor circa 1995 in the back seat of the counselor's rusted-out '65 Chevy Corvair Greenbriar. Van accidentally catches them. 
88. Reba's Rules of Real-Estate — Rule #1: I'm going to sell a cheap Houston home to my daughter within the next ten years—no, even better, in the next FIVE years. B plot: Barbara Jean is a landlord. 
89. Driving Miss Kyra — Van becomes a butler and is assigned to an old widow named Kyra and he feeds her breakfast every morning too but doesn't realize she is allergic to eggs and hilarity ensures. Van's like "at least I didn't sneeze this time!" as Miss Kyra is all red-faced and rolling around the floor, gripping her neck. B plot: Brock fights gingivitis, and wins. 
90. Go Far — Van Jr. gets his first taste of the thermometer, and you can imagine how horrifying that is, especially for a toddler, and so when his Auntie Scarlett straps him in the car seat the next day and asks how far they should go, VJ's only response is: "Go far." B plot: Barbara Jean gets audited.  
91. Help Wanted — Van gets a job as a pastry chef, but gets fired when the sous chef realizes that Van had filled out the "Experience" section of his job application with three words: "plain wheat toast." B plot: Reba hires a new real estate assistant. It's Jake. He abuses his sick leave and is eventually fired. 
92. Hello, My Name is Cheyenne — Cheyenne's first AA meeting. She talks about her problems, much to her husband's chagrin. B plot: one of the dudes at her meeting is also called to jury duty for a trial featuring garden gnome theft... but no spoilers. 
93. Where There's Smoke — Barbara Jean burns her and Brock's house down. They're going to have to live out of their car for a little bit. Barbara Jean gets really good at beeping the horn. B plot: Jake is sick. Probably because Van sneezed on him last night. 
94. Reba and the One — A very special episode. No B plot. All A plot baby. Reba is in a car crash. The other driver was on his phone. Car is totalled. She's on death's door in the hospital. She sees a bright light. She meets the One. She thinks it's god. It might be. Could also be Loretta Lynn. She's not sure. But doctors finally pull her out of a coma. The whole family is there by her side. Everyone is smiling and silent, waiting for Reba to speak. Then Van sneezes on her. 
95. As Is — Barbara Jean learns to ski. B plot: Reba learns to walk again. 
96. And God Created Van — This asshole does something that pisses me the fuck off. B plot: Barbara Jean meets up with all her old volleyball teammates. 
97. No Good Deed — Barbara Jean decides to start a MySpace on which she documents her experience watch the same episode of The Bob Newhart Show over and over for an entire winter. B plot is Van watching the episode with her and getting pissed off at guest star Will Mackenzie for playing the part of Larry Bondurant, saying, and I quote, "Will Mackenzie is an asshole of epic proportions and I hope he's dead right now or else I'm going to find him and I'm going to kill him myself." As he's saying this, the camera starts shaking. 
98. The Best Lil' Haunted House in Texas — Halloween episode! A plot: Barbara Jean wins a costume contest by dressing as a judge. B plot: Van gives out to trick-or-treaters an assortment of fruit (plus plain wheat toast) instead of candy. 
99. Have Your Cake — Jake eats cake. His cholesterol is high just like his mother's. He goes to see a doctor. Y'all know at this point what the doctor recommends. What you probably don't know is that the doctor also shoves a gigantic thermometer up poor Jake's butt. B plot: Van runs out on Cheyenne again like a little manchild, and he finds himself at a bar. He starts chatting with the guy next to him. Finds out the guy is a doctor. A pediatric doctor. Jake's pediatric doctor, in fact. And this doctor takes bribes...
    
100. Grannies Gone Wild — Cheyenne decides that she'd rather help people than become a dentist. B plot: Barbara Jean has jury duty.
     
101. Invasion — Van still hasn't come home. Cheyenne is getting worried. Saying "Not again!" over and over, understandably. B plot: Van wakes up in a school counselor's car. C plot: Van Jr. wants to go home.
     
102. Issues — Barbara Jean flashback episode. BJ recounts her time in the circus. B plot: Ernesto takes a trip to the circus and feels like he will never forget the lion tamer that he witnessed. Though time dims all memories, eventually.
     
103. Brock's Got Stones — Van has fed Brock so many egg whites, plain wheat toast, and assorted fruit that now Brock has kidney stones. B plot: the people that the Hart family helped during the hurricane come back to protest the scheduled execution of a man they feel was framed for stealing a garden gnome.
     
104. Parenting with Puppets — Jake's new Errol Flynn puppet is probably haunted. B plot: Everyone makes fun of Cheyenne for having never seen Captain Blood or The Adventures of Robin Hood. Cheyenne makes a really good point, indicating that Errol Flynn was a rapist.
     
105. Don't Mess with Taxes — Reba says that if Van and Cheyenne are going to continue to live at her house, especially with Van Jr. on the way back home after his aunt's capture and arrest, then they are going to have to at least help with paying the immense property tax on the house that she owns and allows them to stay at, previously free of charge, I mean come on. B plot: Van is given a grant to improve the power grid in Texas, but instead uses that money to buy beer and egg whites.
     
106. The Goodbye Guy —The defendant in the gnome trial—who's identity, again, this blog project will reveal in time, don't you worry—is scheduled to say goodbye to this life before entering the afterlife. Barbara Jean attends the protests, despite the fact that it's mostly her fault that he is being executed by the state. B plot: Scarlett is in the cell next to his, and they join hands and pray together.
     
107. Money Blues —An episode modeled after Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. We revisit the events of "Grannies Gone Wild" but from Mrs. Fierstein and Dickie's perspective. B plot: Goldie holds up the skull of Elder Care Worker and monologues.
     
108. The Trouble with Dr. Hunky — Oh god. Yeesh. Barbara Jean sees Brock beating a poor helpless chap with a wooden chair and gets so turned on that she calls him "Dr. Hunky." Hilarity ensues. B plot: Jake attends truancy court. C plot, but really more of a ten-second cameo scene: Scarlett is briefly seen getting walked down the hallway in handcuffs.
     
109. Reba the Landlord — Okay, now she's charging Van and Cheyenne money to live there. She's charging rent. She's a landlord, basically. Finally. Fuck, man. I'm tired of these moochers. B plot: flashforward: Van spreads COVID to the River Oaks Senior Center and kills at least four little old ladies, including Goldie, who was amazingly still alive in 2020, almost fifteen years after she staged her famous coup.
     
110. The Blonde Leading the Blind — A plot: Reba goes blonde. B plot: Scarlett goes blind. C plot: Brock decides to make breakfast for Jake. Jake is like "Dad, why do you have so much pepper in your kitchen? There are literally crates of this stuff?"
     
111. Here We Go Again — The audience finally finds out how Barbara Jean dies. If you'll recall, her death was alluded to in Episode #59, "All Growed Up." So: BJ is dead. It happened... oh lord, you're gonna hate me for this, but I have to tell you... she died on her 80th birthday. Of... jeez, really?... of... sigh... she died of a heart attack, okay? Are you happy now?
     
112. Red Alert — Flashback to teen Cheyenne getting her first cell phone. B plot: She also gets her drivers license.
     
113. Two Weddings and a Funeral —Alfred attends two weddings—who the fuck know who's getting married, we don't really know Alfred and it's the year 2062 and most of the show's main characters are already dead at this point. B plot: Alfred also attends Van's funeral, if only to retrieve the very expensive thermometer from the corpse's asshole before they bury him.
     
114. Reba's Heart —The egg whites and plain wheat toast weren't enough. Reba has a heart attack. B plot: Scarlett forms the Gnome Society in prison in honor of her innocent friend who was executed by the state. They plan the uprising.
     
115. Let's Get Physical — Reba is recovering from her heart attack. She makes a ten-year plan. B plot: Cheyenne says she doesn't have time for an internship because she's too busy setting up workout routines and diet plans for her mother. She's helping people, goddamn it, what about this don't you people understand?!
     
116. Just Business —A very special episode. One of Brock's patients gets cancelled on for like the fifth time in a row, and it turns out the dentist is cancelling for dumb reasons, like he just random will take the day off to visit his daughter at a senior center, bullshit like that, so this patient decides to take matters into his own hands. That's right. He's bringing a gun to his next appointment. This is gonna hurt worse than gingivitis. B plot: turns out Van was making money on the side as an underground weapons dealer. So much for his ten-year plan. C plot: Reba foils a murder plot.
     
117. Trading Spaces — Backdoor pilot.
     
118. Roll With It — The Hart family attends group therapy. Van and Cheyenne are still fighting about Cheyenne's decision to drop out of dental school. B plot: Jake is committed to an insane asylum for saying that he prefers his wheat toast plain.
     
119. The Break-Up — I mean, we all knew this was coming. "Grannies Gone Wild" confirmed it. But here's the gut-punch anyway. Cheyenne and Van break up. I say: good for Cheyenne. That dude sucks. B plot: Something silly to lighten the mood. Maybe Scarlett takes up knitting or something.
     
120. Sweet Child O' Mine —Cheyenne and Van fight over custody of little Van Jr. The Judge (Stephen Tobolowsky) asks why it was that neither parent seemed to care all that much when Van Jr. was kidnapped. Cheyenne explains that she was really just using the bickering with her husband as a way to deal with her very real grief. Van said he just plain ol' forgot about the kid, to be honest. Cheyenne is awarded full custody. Cheyenne and Van Jr. move back in with Cheyenne's mom. B plot: Van plans on waiting until Cheyenne gets dementia and is then going to "win her back."
     
121. Locked and Loaded —Flashforward to 2042. Texas refuses to comply with the federal gun ban. This starts off a chain reaction that leads to the Second Civil War. B plot: in present day, Barbara Jean attempts to make breakfast.
     
122. As We Forgive Those... —A previously unseen priest prays over all the members of the Hart family, who all mysteriously died on their 80th birthdays of heart attacks (besides Brock, I guess, technically). B plot: Turns out that Brock faked his own death and is gonna live till he's like 113 years old. Who's laughing now etc. etc.
     
123. Bullets Over Brock —Brock is murdered on his 113th birthday. He is no longer laughing. B plot: present day. Reba sets up a budget. There is not enough money to buy all this wheat toast, especially if you're just going to keep dumping it down the goddamn drain every time you sneeze on 'em!!!!!!
     
124. Cheyenne's Rival — Ida's granddaughter gives her a makeover. Turns out that the granddaughter went to school with Cheyenne. She was even in cheerleading with Cheyenne. Cheyenne was head cheerleader and always a little better than her rival. Well, at least the rival knew how to use a fucking condom. Ida brags about how her granddaughter is in med school. B plot: Rival in med school. I don't know, I guess her name is Brianne or something. That would make sense, right? Rhymes with "Cheyenne"? Anyway, Brianne is in med school. Has a fling with a professor. Gets pregnant. Has to move in with her grandma at River Oaks Senior Center. Hilarity ensues. C plot: Jake messes up breakfast.
     
125. She's with the Band — Courtroom reunion. All the jurors, even the ones kicked out of the proceedings halfway through, are invited. Barbara Jean gets kicked out of the reunion. B plot: Cheyenne writes a song called "I'm a Survivor" and sings it at the local bar—River Oaks Tavern—with a full backing band. B plot: A music exec is looking for that "bright new sound."
     
126. The Housewarming — This is pretty much it. Cheyenne makes plans to visit senior homes all over the country and give out makeup tips and free wigs. Brock is going on tour to give lectures about gingivitis. Barbara Jean will join him of course, mostly because she's trying to stay out of the spotlight ever since her courtroom behavior was made known to the general public when Ryan Murphy adapted the Gnome Trial into an FX limited series (Jessica Lange played Barbara Jean). Reba formally adopts Van Junior. Jake gets straight Cs in school. Van is drinking himself into a stupor, and he's getting blackout to the point that he's shitting his pants. Everyone promises to spend one last night at the Hart household. B plot: Patrice finds a key to a bank vault and wonders if her late husband left it for her.
     
127. The Kids Are Alright —Van finally makes breakfast successfully for everyone without sneezing once. B plot: nuclear winter.