Joe has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" 43 times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE. You can now also read every single "Grannies Gone Wild" entry in the archives HERE.
One interesting aspect of purposefully quarantining within one single 20-minute portion of the Reba series is that those 20 minutes also include extremely brief glimpses outside the isolation tent, so to speak. During the credits—which run for about 30 seconds, from 5:42 to 6:11—we get a total of 23 flashes of completely different universes. Or at least it feels that way, being stuck here, in "Grannies Gone Wild," without many hints about the goings-on of other episodes or plotlines or what have you.
So sometimes I like to think of these 30 seconds and these 23 sub-two-second clips as a sort of "Previously on..." segment. We came to "Grannies Gone Wild" cold, without having seen any of the preceding 97 episodes, and so this is the showrunners trying to catch us up. What do we, the uninformed audience, need to know before we watch "Grannies Gone Wild"?
Here is your guide to the "Previously on..." for this episode. This is all canon now, by the way, sorry Sunny.
Brock and and his wife Barbara Jean are always visiting Brock's ex-wife's house to see Brock's kids and his grandson who definitely exists, and Reba is getting sick of it. "Brock, do you know how humiliating it is for me to play host to my ex and his new, younger wife all the time?" But Brock and BJ don't get it. One day, Reba snaps. "I'm putting a magical curse over my doorway. Barbara Jean, you can no longer cross the threshold! A pox upon you! Stay out of my house! If Brock needs to come over here for any reason, from now on you will have to wait in the car!"
Reba sits down every morning for a breakfast of scrambled eggs with cheese and a side of bacon. This is what she used to cook for Brock every morning when they were still together, and she has carried on the tradition as a way of low-temperature grieving the loss of her marriage. One day, Van gets word of some concerns Reba's doctor has about her cholesterol. "You know, Mrs. H., if you're going to be providing shelter for me and my family for about five years and counting, then I'm going to start feeding you in the morning. We need to have a healthy breakfast. Wait till you see what I can whip up for you tomorrow. It's gonna be good."
"And as you can see, family, it is common knowledge that 108.14° is the highest temperature that a human body can exist at without resulting in death. Cheyenne, you should know this, since you're currently studying biology. Scarlett, you should probably know this too, since you seem like the intelligent one in this family, though who the heck knows. Jake... wait, where's Jake? Did he seriously just miss my parenting talk about body temperatures?"
Reba is dancing around, and Cheyenne walks in and says, "Why so happy, Mom?" Reba responds, "Oh yeah! I'm on vacation from my job! No work for the whole week! I'm gonna sleep in, have your dolt of a husband cook me breakfast, Jake's friend's mom is driving him to school for pajama day that he doesn't seem to be looking forward to for whatever reason, who cares, I'm on vacation baby!!!" The dorky dance that she does—two hands in the air as if she is lifting the roof—embarrasses Cheyenne at first, but the exhilaration is nevertheless contagious, and Cheyenne can't help but join in to raise the roof with her mom.
Van: "Here is our repayment plan." Reba: "[laughs]"
Brock walks into his ex-wife's kitchen and asks Van "How about a little game of pickup basketball?" Van's like, "Don't you have work?" and Brock looks at him incredulously and says, "Hey man, one of the perks of marrying the secretary. She can move my schedule around whenever I ask her to! If I want to play basketball, or, say, visit a senior care center during the middle of the day or whatever, I just push all my root canal procedures to the late afternoon!"
Brock's like, "I know you asked me to always enter through the backdoor of your home, but you know, I am still making mortgage payments on this thing. Maybe I could enter through the front door sometimes?" Reba reluctantly agrees, but warns her ex-husband that most of the crew is hanging out in the kitchen in the morning anyway, and plus, the back door is closest to the street, and what if Barbara Jeans needs to get your attention by yelling from the car?" "Makes sense," says Brock. "Gee, I'm glad we decided to stay friends after the divorce." Reba rolls her eyes and says, "I'm just doing it so that Cheyenne has somewhere to do her dental internship. Did you ask her yet?" Brock responds, "No, I have to wait about three weeks, I'm still going through some paperwork. But I will ask her eventually, I promise."
"Wow, you're looking fancy for brunch." "This is a high-class brunch, Reba. Only the best for my new wife." "You could always stick around here for breakfast if you want. Van has been claiming he's going to cook breakfast for me. Do you think Van is going to be competent in this endeavor?" "Meh."
Cheyenne's like, "We can just take the picture tomorrow," and Barbara Jean is like, "I can't tomorrow, I have to take the bus to jury duty. What if I get sequestered?" Brock is like, "What? Sequestered?" and BJ is like, "Yes, honey, it could be weeks!" and Brock is like, "...are there going to be OTHER MEN in this sequestering?! That's it, I'm driving you there."
Cheyenne is having a tough time with her son and is like: "I can bare it no longer... goblin king, goblin king, wherever you may be, take this child of mine far away from me!!" and we see Scarlett slowly peaking through a crack in the doorway and drumming her fingers together menacingly.
"I'm here for my audition! Sorry I'm late!" "That's alright. Is everything okay?" "Yes, I almost just hit an old lady with my car, but she's fine. I put some makeup on her and her friends. I might have had an existential crisis. But whatever, whatever, all good, here I am. You want me to sit on this leather couch you said...?"
Jake is making a documentary for school, and has the camera in the living room. Cheyenne is EXTREMELY uncomfortable in front of the camera. "Big sis, stop looking directly into the camera! You're messing up the shot! I need to have this finished by tomorrow or else I'm going to get an F!" but Cheyenne can't help but awkwardly mug into the camera anyway. Jake storms off, wondering how he can get out of having to do this assignment.
Van: "I quit my job!!!" Cheyenne: "But honey, what happened to our ten-year plan?" Van: "Oh no, don't worry about that. I think I'm going to become a chef. How does that sound?" Cheyenne: "Aren't you allergic to pepper?" Van: "As long as I remember to make my dishes without pepper, I should be okay." Cheyenne: "Are you sure about this honey?" Van: "If I wasn't so sure, wouldn't I have asked you your opinion before I quit my job?" Cheyenne: "Makes sense. Well, as long as you know, I'm supportive of you no matter what." Van: "Thanks. I would probably be the same for you, if you ever decided to change your life plan." Cheyenne: "I know, honey. I trust you." Van: "Okay, now who can I make my very first meal for?" Reba, walking in after returning from her doctor's appointment: "You'll never believe what the doctor said..."
"I learned on the internet that this is the symbol for white supremacists." "Okay, but the retirement home I volunteer at sometimes houses a really nice black man named Barry. Do me a favor and don't do anything racist if you ever come visit me." "Volunteering? How do you have time for that if you're in dental school?" "Just promise me, okay?" "Okay, sure. I can easily hide my deep-seeded racism for at the very most 20 minutes and 40 seconds."
Van's like, "Do you even know how often I'm sticking that thermometer up his ass? So much lube, so many tissues."
Scarlett mumbles under her breath, "I'm going to steal your grandbaby" and Reba's like, "What was that?" and Scarlett's like, "Nothing, nothing."
"We'll be in Utah if anyone is looking for us!" but of course no one in the house is listening to her because of COURSE, no one EVER listens to the middle child, and, well, this is going to serve them right.
"C'mon, baby, come with me, let's get out of this dump. I'll busk with my guitar for money. We'll be free from this shitty house, with this shitty family. You don't know this yet, since you're only four years old, but your dad is an asshole. I know what that's like, to grow up with a dad who hates his wife. The lying, the cheating, it really fucked me up. That's why we're getting out of here. Me and you. Fuck the rest of 'em. Let's go."
"Today's balloon day at River Oaks Elementary? Well then... I'M GOING TO SCHOOL!"
"Thanks for the cool new shirt mom. My buddies were making fun of me for wearing my pajamas all the time. Hopefully I don't slip back into any old habits. Okay, it's eight o'clock, I should really head out if I want to get there on time." Reba stops him, though, and asks, "Aren't you going to say your catch phrase?" Jake slaps his hand to his forehead and says, "Oh yeah! It's in my contract! Here ya go: I'M GOING TO SCHOOL!"
"Barbara Jean, where'd you get that majorette's outfit?" "I bought it from a guy." "Barbara Jean, where'd you get the money?" "I sold a garden gnome." "Barbara Jean, where'd you get the garden gnome?" "I stole it off someone's lawn." "Barbara Jean, why did you do that?! Don't you know that, in Houston, Texas, stealing a garden gnome is a crime punishable with death?!?!" "Oh, don't worry, I framed a guy." [mailman enters holding a large green envelope] "I got a jury summons for Barbara Jean Hart. Is this the residence of Barbara Jean Hart?" "Apparently!" [laugh track]
"Oh gosh... this is such a good episode of Law & Order. I love this show."
"Every night I have a dream that I'm a country singer, and I'm performing in some dark Las Vegas lounge in a bright white suit jacket-type thing, I dunno, and I'm singing "hey HEY!" and my name is emblazoned on the curtain, in all lower-case letters, and I'm happy, I'm so happy. But eventually, I wake up, and I'm just some schmo who works part-time at local meatpacking plant who gets into low-stakes hijinks. I sometimes wonder if my dreams are portals into another world, where I really am a successful country music performer. Wouldn't that be something?"
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