Go Go Power Rangers!

above: Murderers? I think not!

An urban legend has been floating around campus that a Power Ranger is currently on death row. I was skeptical at first—how could my heroes be anything less than perfect angels even after their stint as hero was over? Alas, a quick google search of "power ranger death sentence" brings up a few thousand hits.

Supposedly, this dude named Skylar Deleon murdered a couple on a boat by tying them to the anchor and throwing them into the ocean. Unless the couple was Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd, then this was a pretty deplorable thing to do. How could you, noble Ranger?

However, like all urban legends (see: Kel from Keenan & Kel dying, Steve from Blue's Clues being addicted to crack, etc.), this is convoluted at best. Yes, Deleon was on Power Rangers at one point, but he was not a Power Ranger. Rather, he was a random Kid #2 who showed up on a few random episodes. He never sat in the cockpit of the Megazord, he never fucked around with Alpha 5, and he sure as hell never put one fist against those foolhardy Putties.

Thank goodness! For a second there, I thought my entire childhood would turn into some cruel joke. My Rangers are pure of heart and strong in spirit. They would never murder for no reason. My Rangers are the good guys.

Which got me thinking... where are they now? The five original Rangers—Jason, Zack, Trini, Kimberly, Billy. Are they still out there wielding their Power Daggers and Power Axes, fighting Putties truckloads at a time? I (wikipedia) tried to see what these gallant young folk were up to in the 21st century.

1) Austin St. John a.k.a. JASON

Jason, like most actors of his kind, lives in the past. He spends his time doing Power Ranger specials (such as the 10th Anniversary Show: Forever Red), giving presentations at Power Ranger conventions, and hanging out with Zach. He also wrote the book Karate Warrior: A Beginner's Guide to Martial Arts, in which the only advice he gives, over and over, is "Just use that Power Coin of the Tyrannosaurus. No, seriously, that's all you have to do!"

2) Walter Jones a.k.a. ZACH

Zach has had minor success as a guest star on a variety of TV shows. And by minor success I mean he was on Family Matters that one time. He also starred in the movie Backyard Dogs which was about the backyard wrestling phenomenon, and which also—no joke—spent time as the lowest rated movie ever on IMBD. He most recently was featured in an episode of Age of Love on NBC. Yeah... I've never heard of that show either.

3) David Yost a.k.a. BILLY

Rough times have befallen the Power Rangers' resident nerd. I think the most humiliating part of Billy's career was the fact that he was demoted ON THE SHOW; he became the Rangers' "technical advisor" and they wouldn't let him wear his blue suit even when they were one Ranger short. Those fucking younger, newer Rangers didn't know how to treat their elders with respect, apparently. Post-Rangers, Billy raised $5000 for AIDS (reportedly by selling his Power Lance on eBay). Wikipedia claims he hopes to act again. We all know this will never happen.

4) Amy Jo Johnson a.k.a. KIMBERLY

Just like all the other Rangers, Kimberly went from wearing the uniform to starring in z-list movies on Sci-Fi to fading into oblivion, and.... wait, what was that? You're saying that Kimberly actually found success post-Rangers? Holy shit, it's true! You can find Kimberly on the new CBS hit police drama called Flashpoint. She is the star. I thought I'd never see the day.

5) Thuy Trang a.k.a. TRINI

May god bless her—Trini passed away in 2001. Perhaps a silver lining is that this saved her from having to participate in an endless cycle of "comebacks" in Power Rangers: Jungle Force and Power Rangers: Neo Zeo X-Force 12 that would have soon followed. Though the funeral was a private affair, Zordon showed up and gave the eulogy.

There you have it. The five original Power Rangers. None of them murderers, serial killers, or child molesters. I can sleep soundly tonight.