Ron-Ron Juice is what the guys of Jersey Shore drink when they wait approximately four hours for the girls to get ready to go out to the clubs. They basically sit on the couch and drink into oblivion, yelling random and probably obscene nonsense while the gals cake their makeup on and bathe in perfume. This is me, waiting for Pam. Not nearly as long as the guidettes, not even close, but long enough to blog. And this is me, drinking a little bit. Not nearly as much as the guidos, not even close, but enough to be considered "pregaming." And this is me, blogging, during that time. Ron-Ron Juice Time. CABS ARE HEEYAH.
Once again, I find myself typing away at the keyboard as Pam gets ready for a night out on the town. Looking back at the first few Ron-Ron entries, I find myself chuckling at how easy it was to get ready to do anything. Kids complicate things. E.g. try putting makeup on when there is a two-year-old tugging at your dress. I get it. And hey, it gives me time to pregame and type on the blog, which are both things I enjoy and don't often get to do a whole lot of these days.
Something else I don't get to do a whole lot of these days? Hang out with friends. This is not a unique complaint—we're all in the same global pandemic. I only bring it up because I want you to know that it is the reason why I'm so excited for a bachelor party in the distant future. Theoretically, for this bachelor party, we'd be heading to Las Vegas, and maybe we'll get there by Spring 2022 at the earliest... even so, I can't fucking wait.
I'm just excited to do something, ya know? And so why not make it a bachelor party in Las Vegas, the ultimate bachelor party destination?
I guess that's something to shine a spotlight on, while Pam gets ready for our night out on the town and I sip on this Ron-Ron Juice (which, by the way, tastes like jungle juice): Is Las Vegas the ultimate bachelor party destination?
I'd argue the answer is "yes" but with a caveat. I wouldn't claim that you can have a significantly better time in Las Vegas for a bachelor party than you could literally anywhere else in the world. Some of the best bachelor parties I've ever been to didn't even leave the city limits, and otherwise, I've had wild times with the boys in Nashville, Chicago, Atlantic City, and yes, even North Wildwood. I don't think staging a bachelor party in Las Vegas would add anything that you couldn't find anywhere else.
But in that paragraph, I'm speaking about all tangible things. Emotionally is I think where you'd find the difference. There's something different, something special, about Las Vegas. Whether that's due to marketing toward young males that's been absorbed throughout our entire drunk lives or whether it's actually true, it's besides the point. The point is that "bachelor party in Las Vegas" is a completely different idea than a bachelor party in, say, Boston or Denver. It's like one of those things that's cliché because it's true.
Having lived in Las Vegas at one point, and subsequently visiting for a long weekend with friends a few years later, I can confirm that there really is a certain unique feeling that you get when you land at the Vegas airport and feel that dry heat hit you for the first time. It's that feeling that says: Anything can happen.
I've been to plenty of bachelor parties but I've never been to a VEGAS BACHELOR PARTY, so you can see why I'd be inclined to push this particular newly-engaged friend in this direction (that's another thing: I don't even know if I'll be a groomsman, so do I even have a say in all this?). Weddings used to be a monthly affair in my life, but now they are few and far between. I haven't been to a bachelor party in over two years at this point. I need this shit.
I know, I know, it's not about me, it's about the groom. I get it. I'm not going to do anything the groom doesn't want to do, or push him to go anywhere he doesn't want to go. And I could see an argument that maybe a bachelor party in Philadelphia would be much more convenient for everyone. If you rent a bus and drive to the stadiums for a Phillies game and then go to a bar or something, you could have like 50-60 close friends and family join in on the fun. If your bachelor party is in Vegas, then maybe a dozen people have the time/money to take the trip. If you're an as-many-people-as-possible-partying-type of person, then maybe a destination bachelor party isn't the right call.
So? I've been to bifurcated bachelor parties before, and I don't see why this can't happen again (and again, this is especially true after being deprived of bachelor party camaraderie for over two years now). What I mean is that you first plan a trip to Vegas, call it "Bachelor Party Part I," and get a small group to go across the country and have a wild time in celebration of the groom's impending nuptials. Then, later in the month, you have "Bachelor Party Part II," this time to gather quintuple the number of people, and, I dunno, do a local bar crawl or something. You get the best of both worlds—the legendary weekend with a tight-knit group and the wild night with everyone.
But I'm mostly concentrating on the Vegas Bachelor Party aspect of these specific plans. Let the Best Man worry about BPPII. I've been talking up this particular Vegas Bachelor Party for what seems like years now, and so I'm already starting to delicately lay the groundwork so that it'll actually happen. If we do end up in Denver or whatever, so be it—again, not really my decision either way—but when I daydream about my next vacation with the male friends in my life, I'm picturing it in Vegas.
I'm picturing free drinks at a sports book. I'm picturing 2 AM tacos at some off-strip joint. I'm picturing dollar beers at a hole-in-the-wall. I'm picturing slurred speeches and sweaty affirmations. I'm not picturing any strip clubs, because I know that's not everyone's cup of tea when it comes to bachelor parties.
And mostly, I'm picturing myself, keto-bodied, lounging by a pool, beer in hand, surrounded by friends, no shirt and no shoes and NO MASKS, tipsy and carefree, hopefully sometime very soon. And in Vegas, preferably.
Alright, Pam's ready! It's been fun! Talk to y'all soon!
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