Summer Grab Bag #6

Thanks for indulging in some quickies while this blogger gets back on his feet after the first few days of a wild, wet summer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Has anyone actually had any meaningful "water cooler talk" experiences with their coworkers? I feel like that was one of the listed deficiencies of COVID moving many workers' employment situations online—"wah I'm alone at home and don't get to hang out with my coworkers, shooting the shit around the proverbial water cooler" and so on. Speaking as someone who has had maybe one post-teenager work experience where I actually enjoyed hanging out with my coworkers at all (which was only a year long at that), I say FUCK THAT and fuck your water cooler. I don't enjoy my job, and I never have (again, post-teenage years). Coworkers aren't your friends, so you can stop with that Michael Scott bullshit right now. I keep jobs that don't make me want to commit suicide, that's it. My current coworkers, who I only really see on Mondays, range from oppressively boring to obnoxiously annoying to toxically despicable human beings. How do you think I felt going into work the day after W*** S**** s****ed C**** R***? You think I wanted to be around a goddamn water cooler with these motherfuckers? You think I give a fuck about what they have to say, especially about that? You think I want to participate in "work culture"? You think I know any of these fuckers' birthdays? You think I want to go to happy hour with these jabronis? Or do you think I'm putting my headphones in for eight straight hours and ignoring every piece of ignorant foolhardy bullshit that comes out of the dumb fucking mouths that surround me? Give me my paycheck, give me my free water, and get me the fuck out of this place.

(I keep saying "post-teenage years" because obviously the Laf will stand as the one monstrous exception to the "at least I don't want to kill myself" attitude about all my successful career stints. When I die, it will remain the best job I will have ever had. You know why? Because we didn't put up with water cooler chats. I'm imagining a hypothetical in which host Lisa P. strolled tipsily into the dining room after her stint as a cafeteria worker at the nearby middle school and attempted to engage us in talk about the "controversy at the Oscars." We would've verbally annihilated her for even bringing that bullshit up. The Laf pre-dinner chats were for serious conversation only. "Would you rather sniff Fat Joe's armpits or kiss his pinkie toe," that kind of thing. Get the FUCK out of here with your Oscars talk, Lisa!!!!!)